When Oprah announced Hello Beautiful would be her ONE HUNDREDTH Book Club recommendation, there was no way I was going to be left behind. And when I pWhen Oprah announced Hello Beautiful would be her ONE HUNDREDTH Book Club recommendation, there was no way I was going to be left behind. And when I pulled the list of her past selections for a photo (follow me on the ‘Gram for crappy book content and a real cute dwarf cat) I realized not only do I own a whole lot of her choices, but I’ve read at least 75 out of the 100. You know why? Because they are farking TERRIFIC. I said what I said.
Now, please take it under advisement when I say that about this novel, I say it as someone who has never read (nor watched a film version) of Little Women. While I avoid reading reviews in their entirety before forming my own opinion on books I already plan on reading, I have noticed some reappearing complaints from superfans of that classic claiming this is nothing like it. And without any knowledge, I would have to agree. I can’t imagine this being much of anything like the original as far as plot goes, so I would label this as “inspired by� as it is the story of the lives of four sisters. Like a lot of Oprah’s choices, this is a sweeping narrative that imbeds you right into the family home and invests you in the lives of its people. It made me feel all the feels so it gets an abundance of stars. Just take my rating here with a grain of salt if you are a Louisa May Alcott purist.
If you could please stop being so cute and coming off as such a nice, friendly person to make it easier for me to avoid your teDear Reese Witherspoon:
If you could please stop being so cute and coming off as such a nice, friendly person to make it easier for me to avoid your terrible book club selections I would really appreciate it. If you can’t do that, then when it comes to the options you select for us to read, I’m telling you . . . . .
So thanks to my mad girl crush on Reese that I’ve had since I was a child and she starred in The Man in the Moon, I can’t resist her siren’s song and her (nearly always) awful book choices. In all honesty, I live in perpetual fear that I will miss out on another Paper Palace which earned a rare 5 Star from me and was one of the best things I read that year. Buuuuuuuuut, most of the time they are pretty crappy and this was no exception.
Obviously The House in the Pines was a had me at hello since it featured not only a house on the cover, but also a house in the name. How could I not immediately want it, right? Then I started reading it and not only do we have a triple whammy of an unreliable narrator (she’s an insomniac . . . because she’s going through Klonopin withdrawal . . . . and she’s boozing to take the edge off/help her go night-night). Again . . . .
Can we just be DONE with the unreliable drunk woman in the window of the train across the street crap at this point? It is suuuuuuuuuuch a dead horse that has been beaten to a pulp.
So anyway, said Girl on the Klonopin is returning to her home town to do some Scooby Doo-ing in regards to a death that was ruled accidental, but which looks very similar to her BFF’s accidental death back in the day � and the kicker is the same feller was present at both of them. For some reason our little boozehound believes this dude will now be coming for her . . . . even though he has made no contact ever . . . .
I knew was the twist was going to be at around the 40% mark � which would maybe be good for me in a thriller since I’m a pretty good Velma myself � but unfortunately it was due to all of the filler rather than any red herrings. The entire storyline regarding the father’s book and everything in Guatemala added absolutely nothing to this book and could have/should have been left on the cutting room floor. Less is almost always more, authors.
Did you acquire a new strange addiction during your time in quarantine???? Thanks to Shelby and her devil ways I fell into the rabbit hole which is thDid you acquire a new strange addiction during your time in quarantine???? Thanks to Shelby and her devil ways I fell into the rabbit hole which is the 90 Day Universe and still haven’t managed to crawl out. What’s that saying? Once you go Big Angie you never go back?????
Anyway, the point I am not making is that since I was late to the 90 Day party, I didn’t have time for much else. Now that I have gone on a gif hunt for this book?????? Uhhhhhh yeah Imma need to catch up with the Love After Lockup folks . . . .
But I read the book about the subject matter at hand first � because . . . .
If you are familiar with me at all you know that I will read any P&P retelling. This time around my old fave is taken to a cozy direction where Mr. BiIf you are familiar with me at all you know that I will read any P&P retelling. This time around my old fave is taken to a cozy direction where Mr. Bingley has been accused of murder!!!!
Lizzie Bennet wants to prove to her father that women are just as capable of men and that she is deserving of more than just a behind-the-scenes clerk type of job at his law firm. Unfortunately, Mr. Bingley already has a solicitor working on his case � Fitzwilliam Darcy. What follows is the two combining forces in order to not only prove Bingley’s innocence, but also to avoid becoming victims themselves.
As I said above, I read about eleventy-three of these revampings per year. This one?????
This book was so hot it made my underwears melt right off . . . .
Okay, I lie. That’s not all. I should mention if all buddy cop action filThis book was so hot it made my underwears melt right off . . . .
Okay, I lie. That’s not all. I should mention if all buddy cop action films ended up with the two alpha males banging each other there’s a solid chance I’d spend more time watching movies with my husband. And rather than my normal response to an offer of “Netflix and Chill� . . . .
There’s a slim chance things might actually work out for the ol� hubbo . . . .
I’m not even going to get into the “gay for you� trope being one that is most likely offensive to a bulk of the population. It’s a porno. I can let a lot of things slide for the sake of the almighty sploosh. This was my first Mary Calmes (many thankings to Jilly for the rec) but it sure as shit won't be my last. All the starzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I picked up this book knowing it was going to be super porny, read it on G.D. Valentine’s Day and my husband still didn’t get any . . . .
II picked up this book knowing it was going to be super porny, read it on G.D. Valentine’s Day and my husband still didn’t get any . . . .
It’s too cold where I live to take your pants off.
Basically, it’s going to take an intervention to make me stop reading Kristen Ashley books. They are sooooooooooooooooooooooooo formulaic with the bad boy alpha male (this isn’t even her first rodeo with a motorcycle series) and the plot consists of nothing but . . . .
But Imma still read ‘em anyway. I saw somewhere this was compared to Motorcycle Man and that is unfortunate for this book that I saw that before reading it, because uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh NUH-UH. West don’t hold a candle to my boy Tack. Also, DO NOT ever write about shoving a woman unless that woman is about to get shot or catch on fire and you are attempting to save her dumb ass. That’s just a dealbreaker � unrealistic pornography or not.
Welcome to the latest installment of Cletus and the Queen! Wait, that’s not what these are called? Well, it’s what I call ‘em because “Solvin2.5 Stars
Welcome to the latest installment of Cletus and the Queen! Wait, that’s not what these are called? Well, it’s what I call ‘em because “Solving for Pie� is stupid. Anyway, in case you aren’t familiar � this series features the aforementioned Cletus . . . .
When the two aren’t humping like rabbits, they dabble in solving the latest murder that’s gone down in their neck of the woods.
Are these books any good????
Will I read as many of them as Penny Reid decides to spit out????
What can I say, I dig the terrible Hallmark Murders & Mysteries movies and these read exactly like watching one of those. Lower marks this time are earned because there is a formula to these cozies. K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid) � so one red herring and then let’s get on with the damsel in distress getting kidnapped, the hero saving the day and just get ‘er done. It also helps to have a fairly small cast of characters, but since the Winstons have 17,000 family members now between all of the brothers, the sister and their respective counterparts that’s kind of impossible to do. But the main thing that needs to be worked on??? Brevity. There’s not enough story here to extend much beyond 250 pages. Also, while I know other perverts are there for the smex, I could definitely go for a lot less detail when it comes to this series . . . .
The one positive? Reid has placed this timeline firmly prior to Roscoe meeting his lady love. And thank god because if you want an example of “how to be woke� written in the most whitesplaining way possible, his story is one that can’t be missed. Yikes. ...more
I freaking created LIFE (on accident) in our compost heap. But look how perfect it is!!!! I’m pretty sure the ‘Rona has given me superpowers and this is just the first I’ve discovered so you better stay on my good side.
For me, Autumn also signifies the start of Cozy Mystery season. Sure, you can read cozies all year long, but the entire term “cozy� conjures images of fireplaces and snuggly blankets and those thoughts in July or August here in flyover country? Well, when the temps are like this . . . .
The last thing you want to think about is a blanket.
But come September 1st I just crank up the AC and let ‘er rip. Hahahaha! I keed I keed. Come September 1st we usually get a teaser 60-something degree day around my neck of the woods that gets you breaking out the sweaters and picking a light and cozy to read . . . only to discover the next day is going to be back to Satan’s ballsack degrees outside with one trillion percent humidity and a bonus negative one trillion air quality due to the combo of ragweed and forest fire. Yay Fall!
Anyway, I was all over this release as soon as the idea of it was mentioned and made sure to get my grubby little mitts on it as soon as it was seasonably acceptable. If you aren’t familiar with the Winstons . . . well, you’re really missing out because they are absolutely splooshtastic . . . . but this could probably work as a standalone. It certainly would benefit you to read Cletus/Jennifer’s book prior simply for their backstory, but hell it’s a porny not rocket surgery so you could probably decipher what’s going on with little to no brain power.
As far as I’m concerned this book can be summed up in this one gif . . . . .
Find all of my reviews at:
4.5 Stars
As far as I’m concerned this book can be summed up in this one gif . . . . .
Holy sploosh.
This starts off with Ty and Zane having the sexiest sparring match in the history of pornography only to find out it is going to be the tropiest yum yum of all tropey yum yums and the only thing better than a fake relationship trope which is the:
WE ARE IN A SECRET RELATIONSHIP, BUT NOW HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP FOR OUR JOBS!!!
And in case you aren’t familiar with these books, that means these two alpha male special agent Feds are going undercover as a married gay couple to catch some sort of potential art thievery ring and the whole thing takes place on a cruise ship. I don’t think my heart can take it. Or my underwear drawer. I was flying through panties faster than a toupee in a hurricane!
I will absolutely be reading the other books in this series....more
Have you all met my friend Jilly???? If not, allow me to make a quick introduction here. Find all of my reviews at:
Have you all met my friend Jilly???? If not, allow me to make a quick introduction here. You see, Jilly reads ALL SORTS of trash fine works. She’s also hilarious so she makes you want to read them too despite the fact that they often have simply terrible covers . . . . or titles . . . . or shapeshifting/alien main characters . . . . or plotlines. Basically, she’s this . . . . .
When I saw her reviewing this series last week I was super interested since I had actually heard of these before and discovered the pornbrary was all ready to hook me up with a checkout. (Confession: I really only wanted book 3 because it was tropey yumminess which I’ll talk about over on that review in about two seconds, but after reading about 7 pages of Fish and Chips I knew I didn’t want to skip the meet-not-so-cute between Ty and Zane). Previous sentence being written, these do work pretty well as standalones, but speaking from my own experience Cut and Run is not one to miss because about the thirty percent marker you’ll find yourself . . . .
Now I will come clean and say that I haven’t read much M/M, but I do read my fair share of pornos with a side of mystery and lemme tell you these two fellas??????
The sleuthing is about on par with any other “light� mystery � you get introduced to like 6 characters total so you know kind of right away who the bad guy probably is. Also these guys spent a lot more time banging in the shower than actually attempting to find a serial killer so you definitely need to have some serious leeway when it comes to whether a 40-hour work week is a requirement in your smut. But if you want to see if you can make your underpants combust simply via the written word, I highly recommend this series : )...more
“It’s us from now on. The Dream Team. The Rock Chicks are cool and all, but we’re nexFind all of my reviews at:
“It’s us from now on. The Dream Team. The Rock Chicks are cool and all, but we’re next gen.�
Okay, not really, but I have been able to avoid the last of the motorbike pornos due to their epic lengths and little plot and also all but one of the Rock Chick books. I even dodged this one for a minute because that cover?????
But Kristen Ashley’s siren song is one that is hard for me to resist and eventually I added my name to the library wait list along with all the other horny housewives and when my turn came up yesterday I read the whole dang thing cover-to-cover. And now????
Yeah, I recommend this series to any KA fans out there who happen to stumble upon this “review.� Not only was it splooshy with a typical alpha male sex god, but this one had an actual story too. (Here our leading lady Evan is a stripper with a heart of god who is scheduled to have a blind date with a dude who is maybe some sort of commando and finds herself (in)conveniently requested to “hold something� for her jailbird brother that becomes a whole thing of dope, kidnapping, shoot ‘em ups, etc., etc.) Sadly, KA is still addicted to the “honey� speak, but with cameos by the Chaos motorcycle boys and Nightingale Investigations even that got a pass from me.
And the teaser for the next book????
“I had it in me, you know, before shit went down when I was in the service. It went into overdrive after that.�
â€Àá³Ù?â€�
He glanced at me. He looked back at the road. Another glance at me. Then back to the road and, “I’m a Dom.�
“A Dom?� I asked.
“A Dominant. A Dom. In sex.�
I would like an advanced copy of that yesterday, please....more
Last week I discovered Tik Tok and now most of my afternoons are spent looking like thisFind all of my reviews at:
Last week I discovered Tik Tok and now most of my afternoons are spent looking like this . . . .
I figured it was high time to stop reading actual books and get something porny. Kristen Ashley is an obvious go-to girl as I tend to at least tolerate her characters/storylines and the pornbrarian has a bevy of options available for download. What I did not know was this was the introduction to the Chaos motorcycle club books that I have been splooshing over for years.
Mystery Man is just that � a dude who picked our leading lady Gwen up in a bar a year and a half ago and who has been making occasional nighttime pleasure visits ever since. When Gwen finds herself caught up in a heap of trouble actually belonging to her sister, mystery man “Hawk� shows himself during daylight hours and stakes a claim on Gwen as his official woman. There’s only one problem � or make that two � Tack and Lawson, who both not only happen to have an involvement with the trouble brewing, but also an interest in our leading lady.
So there’s the basic plot, now let’s get to the important stuff that makes people read this shit in the first place . . . . .
Okay, so first of all Cabe “Hawk� Delgado is some sort of former commando turned question-marky “good� guy who owns a security company, lives in a ginormous warehouse and drives hot cars. Basically, he’s . . . .
(Ranger from the Stephanie Plums if you don’t read all the literary classics like I do.)
And where there’s a Ranger, there has to be a Morelli, right? Enter Lawson the law man. (Think that’s lame? The other law guy’s name is Leo. Like Law Enforcement Officer? The creativity of KA is severely lacking.) When we meet him he’s described wearing a turtleneck so immediately all I could ever picture was . . . .
And in attempt to maybe do an anything you can do I can do . . . more of (????) there’s not two guys vying for Gwen’s attention, there’s . . . . .
Here comes Tack. He gets his own book with Motorcycle Man later that really started me on this downward spiral of KA Kool-Aid drinking, but here he’s just one of the gang. He’s described with short hair and a long goatee of the salt-and-pepper variety, but I can’t help imagining this guy whenever he’s mentioned . . . .
And don’t you judge me because back in the day Kevin Nash was fucking fly for a white guy and he’s also about 7 feet tall and probably has a huge ding-a-ling so just STFU.
So there you have it regarding the dudes. My complaints about the substance are the same per usual when it comes to these books: (1) They are WAAAAAY too long (and a true LOL moment came when the author not only plugged her own series (Rock Chick), but also had Gwen (a book editor) say she would love a chance to work with the author. JFC � so do all of us readers. My kingdom for an editor to trim some of the fat!). (2) They are 100% formulaic with grunty caveman leading males who cannot speak in complete sentences and (again because they are never-fucking-ending) that gets tiring. (3) The sex is kind of terrible the more of them I read. I mean really these dudes are all supposed to be champs in the sack, but none of them know how to seal the deal without some external diddling???? (4) Break-up/make-up once is cool � three or four or seven times in one book is exhausting. But Imma still give it 4 Stars because I needed a timesuck and this delivered, I hopefully am not going to be on the predator watch list for continuing to watch questionably-aged young men airhump for me on the internets, I now know I will read the rest of this series, and Elvira was introduced in this one....more
Oh 2020 � So far you’ve delivered a pandemic, swarms of locusts and murder hornets, cycloFind all of my reviews at:
Oh 2020 � So far you’ve delivered a pandemic, swarms of locusts and murder hornets, cyclones, hurricanes (even a surprise July tornado a few miles North of me last week here in flyover country that had the sirens blaring), raging wildfires, social uprising, deaths of more than a handful of beloved famous people, etc., etc., etc. You’ve been a trial for sure . . . .
Sad as it may sound, Stephenie Meyer having a rethink about releasing the olâ€� Midnight Sun may be just what a lot of us needed right now. I’m not going to bother discussing literary merit or writing ability generically, nor will I be opining on the “toxicityâ€� of a fictional relationship between a Sparkle Vampire and a Mary Sue (I just know as an old lady my supernatural books tend to have a lot more penetration than these children’s novels). Hell, I’m not even going to rate it because *spoiler alert: Edward was sooooooo boring in this and Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ does not have negative stars* All I know is I was absolutely compelled to be a completionist of this series, saved a gift card from Mother’s Day until August just so I could get my hands on it the day it released without any guilty conscience whatsoever and that it sucked two entire days of my life up in a time where the minutes drag on like years. It did exactly what it was supposed to do.
I would loooooooooooooooooooove to read New Moon from Jacob’s perspective next . . . .
ORIGINAL "REVIEW:
And zero fucks are given. I am #twihard #twitard #twimom #teamjacob4eva #loser whatever other lame hashtags someone wants to throw at me and I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie for this release.
When I first heard about this book I was soooooooo stoked. I mean . . . .
Every year, Find all of my reviews at:
When I first heard about this book I was soooooooo stoked. I mean . . . .
Every year, on your birthday, right at midnight, you travel through time to inhabit your body at a different point of your life. For exactly one year. Then you “leap� to another random age you haven’t lived before (could be older, could be younger). You’re physically and mentally healthy, but you’re experiencing your adult life out of order.
Now THAT is some tropey yum yum that I can get on board with. I immediately started getting the warm and fuzzies remembering some old blasts from the past like . . . .
Or . . . .
I figured if I love the idea of one age hop, then a whole bunch of ‘em would be even better.
But then I read this and . . . . .
Unfortunately Oona Out of Order was a case of an excellent premise that I was suuuuuuuuure was going to end up scoring 4 Stars, but the execution was a complete flop *insert sadface*. Oona was not someone I ever ended up liking even a little bit so that was never going to help matters - but then the majority of the story was all she’s going to be a famous rockstar and do drugs and have random sex despite being left notes from her damn self not to and just . . . . barf. There are enough vapid people on television 24/7 � I absolutely don’t need to seek them out in my fiction. And I realize this entire thing is steeped in the oh-so-very-not-realistic-at-all, but if you “wake up� once at a different age with no recollection of WTF happened and require an assistant or your mother or someone to ‘splain things to you, you can’t then at another time “wake up� and being fully cognizant of the goings on. Or be totally woke when you’re a boomer who hasn’t even lived your life in chronological order. Also, your average 19-year old isn’t aware of the workings of stop losses and limit orders in order to build a stock portfolio large enough to live on for eternity. Just sayin�. As my friend Ron 2.0 would say, this was just a big too ridiculous� and one day I will get over this ceaseless case of FOMO and not check out every single book that is overshared on the ‘Gram. ...more
See that cover with all those cookie cutter houses on the front? Yeah, when it cFind all of my reviews at:
3.5 Stars
See that cover with all those cookie cutter houses on the front? Yeah, when it comes to Mitchell and me . . . .
Most of the time. Except for this one . . . .
My hatred for face covers has so far overpowered my addiction to house covers. Dilemma!
Anyway, house cover = I usually channel my inner Veruca Salt and go in blind without bothering to even sneak a peek at the blurb. Thus was the case here and when I discovered this was going to be about a woman who accidentally killed her brother while driving drunk who is married to the dude who pulled her from the wreckage but whose old boyfriend from the time ends up being the new next door neighbor. Well that made me do the . . . .
Once again, when it came to the big reveals that would have some readers saying . . . .
I wasn’t really surprised. Buuuuuuut, I’m someone who actively seeks out the most wretched Lifetimey goodness for my viewing pleasure and obviously gets my jollies off of reading books that can only be categorized as . . . . .
I thought I wouldn’t enjoy this one so much after just coming down off my John Marrs high, but I was mistaken. I liked it quite a bit as well. The only thing I was a titch disappointed in (and trust that I'm disgusting for even mentioning it) was the very last little reveal at the end. Since I am oh-so-accustomed to that final GOTCHA, I was totally expecting ACTUAL SPOILER AHEAD(view spoiler)[Sarah’s demanding of a DNA test be due to the fact that she was potentially pregnant with her brother’s child (hide spoiler)]. Because I am a garbage human . . . . .
Einstein once said “insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but exFind all of my reviews at:
3.5 Stars
Einstein once said “insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.� To that I say . . . . .
Good to know I’m 100% not nuts then because the entire reason behind me reading TWENTY-THREE books in this series is that the formula of Stephanie and Lula, Stephanie and Morelli, Stephanie and Ranger, Stephanie and Rex (the oldest hamster in the history of the universe), Stephanie and her blown up cars, Stephanie and her gun in the cookie jar, Stephanie and her inability to successfully take down a skip, Stephanie and Grandma Mazur, Stephanie and etc., etc., etc. all work for me and I absolutely want the same results every single time. It appears I read #22 about this time last year and I guarantee I’ll get around to 24 (and 25, 26, 27) eventually. These make for a great buffer if I’m suffering from a book hangover and only take a couple of hours to plough through. The “quality� (don’t judge � I’m well aware these aren’t Pulitzer nominees) went down for a while somewhere in the late teens and it really felt like Evanovich was just phoning it in, but these past couple have been reminiscent of why Stephanie Plum has remained a go-to-gal for me for the past decade. ...more
I have been able to avoid this evFind all of my reviews at:
(^^^^You had to know I was going to go there)
I have been able to avoid this ever since it was released because I just knew in my heart of hearts it wasn’t going to be for me. But then I saw the flippin� Netflix commercial and I’m totally that bitch who has to read the book before she watches the movie so I went ahead and put it on hold in hopes that I could view the film during my Christmas vacay. I don’t really know anything about the movie, except that it features an ensemble cast and takes place during the holiday season. My hopes are that it is something like this . . . .
Or . . .
Or more realistically typical teenage fare such as . . . . .
And yes I’m totally the target demographic for that last movie and that is why it is one of my favorite pick-me-ups.
Before beginning this collection I perused my friends� ratings to officially lower my expectations and lemme just say that Erin's first line is spot on. I haven’t seen this much product placement since . . . . .
Kind of sad that I could relate to the parents in this one because I just this year discovered . . . . .
And it’s not too much of a stretch to see me landed in the slammer attempting to acquire a limited edition “Shitter is Full� figurine if only 10 were to ever be released.
Unfortunately, this story featured a real judgey d-bag for the leading lady and all I could think throughout the entire thing was . . . . .
2 Stars
#2 � John Green’s A Cheertastic Christmas Miracle (a/k/a the only reason people would ever by this book)
When Tobin’s parents get stranded at a convention in Boston and the promise of a bevy of cheerleaders and potentially a keg of beer await them at the local Waffle House, he and his friends JP and The Duke load themselves (and a Twister mat) up in old Carla for an epic quest through the snow.
Featuring typical John Green too cool for school types with a tiny little boybearpig of a bestie that you can’t help but love, generation butthurt will find plenty of things to be offended by, but I was raised by John Hughes and this had some of his vibes and was 100% the Christmas Can’t Hardly Wait I was hoping for. I’m most definitely an imbiber of the Green Kool-Aid so I’d give this one 4 Stars.
#3 The Patron Saint of Pigs by Lauren Myracle
About Addie � a self-centered buttmunch who wants her boyfriend to change for her because she is so deserving of grand gestures and for her friends to all accept her never being there any time they need her because she's a speshul snowflake and they should automatically treat her like the princess she believes herself to be. Basically . . . .
1 Star
Netflix has not failed me with teenage romcom books turned films as of yet, so I assume I’ll love the movie....more
In case you aren’t familiar with this series, here is a gifified Cliffs� Notes to catch yFind all of my reviews at:
In case you aren’t familiar with this series, here is a gifified Cliffs� Notes to catch you up. Each of them starts with a male and female lead who are not meant to be together. It may be for a hate-to-love trope, or an ill-fated romance or (in this case) because a relationship between the two is strictly verboten, but whatever the case they can’t be together. Which then pretty much immediately morphs into the first 40-50% of the books going a little something like this . . . .
And will have your kids overhearing words they shouldn’t know and you coming up with fast-on-your-feet alternate definitions . . . .
Eventually they stop being only a bangfest and you get a little emotion and depth and then they end in a happily-ever-after and you go to the library either the next day or the next month to get the next one because . . . . .
I’m not even kidding either. I mean, I pretty much creamed my jeans over Motorcycle Man which was the jumping off point that spurred this Chaos series, but none of the other books particularly knocked my socks off. I keep reading ‘em though! It’s been a couple of years since my last foray into Ashley’s motorbiker world, but the time change totally fucks me up and my job changed again a couple of weeks ago and Billy’s book hadn’t been released yet (you know what I’m talking ‘bout if you are a pornohead) and I should have just bought Crux Untamed, but this was available at the library and I needed some trash so I figured what the hell.
I had told myself I wasn’t going to read this because I wasn’t a super fan of the leading male throughout the series. Not only is it hard to picture anyone other than my husband . . . .
When they have the same name, but this dude was like literally a fucking nutcase who slit dude’s throats for a living, but since I know how these KA stories go, I knew he’d go from crazy to . . . .
In about 3.2 seconds.
What I didn’t know was that Ashley is a bit out of touch with all forms of humanity and she would present the leading lady with long black hair down to her butt and an excessive amount of bone necklaces and feathers and bullshit to let us know just how Native American she was . . . .
(If you didn’t think I was going to take that easy layup of a joke, you obviously don’t know me very well.)
I also didn’t know that the reason these two were forbidden from being together was because her husband was murdered and a “brother� can’t ever bang another brother’s old lady. WTF?!?!?!?!?
So FUCKING 18 YEARS goes by and then they finally admit they have feelings. But they have to keep it secret and will just be fuck buddies and then will still keep it secret even though he is pretty much moved into her house and then he has to get the shit beat out of him by anyone who thinks they shouldn’t be together due to this absolutely assbackward mindset where apparently you are still cheating on your spouse even though he’s already rotted in the grave for fucking eternity before moving on. And THEN to top everything off it has to end with them having a baby � despite her being in her mid-40s and having not one but TWO grown ass men children already because EVERY old broad like me just dreams of starting all over again for another 18 years . . . .
JFC � not everything has to end with a baby. Or even getting married. They could have just shacked up for the rest of their lives and that would have been good enough for me.
Oh, and one final thing: The cartel B.S. is still hinted about sporadically in this one. I assume this whole sub-story will come to a head in the final book, but what a freaking waste of time and pages it has been so far. Either shit or get off the pot already.
And all was good � or at least real readable � until about the halfway mark. Then . . . . .
Seriously. WTF happened? Did some bills need to get paid so this thing had to be released pronto? Did someone else write it? (For real, that’s what it seems and if that is the case, Dear Tarryn Fisher: Your co-writer is turrrrrrrrrrrrible at his (or her, but my Spidey Senses tell me it might have been a him) job.) I’ll still be first in line when The Wives comes out later this year, but this one?????
ORIGINAL "REVIEW:"
File this under awkward emails with husband . . .
ME: FYI I just bought a $4 Kindle book in case you see that random amount come through
Another Pride & Prejudice retelling. When will I get enough of these?????
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3.5 Stars
Another Pride & Prejudice retelling. When will I get enough of these?????
Yep. That’s about right.
This time around it’s a YA version � set in Bushwick Brooklyn, featuring the Haitian-Dominican Benitez sisters and the Darcy brothers who just moved into a mini-mansion across the street . . . .
“Who are they?
“Rappers and ballers!�
This was a great little upcycle of my old fave. Age appropriate for the teenage audience it is geared toward with plenty of life lessons thrown in about being careful to judge others for being too “bougie� or “ghetto.�
The only complaint I have? Girls who “flirt� physically � by punching, slapping, pushing, any other sort of manhandling of boys . . . . .
I say this as not only a female (old female yes, but still female), but more so as a mother of boys. This sure as shit wouldn’t be allowed to happen if the script was flipped, so keep ya shovey hands off my sons. Now where did I park my helicopter . . . . ...more
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
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