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#OnWriting

Do not tell. How Homer describes Helen of Troy? Hers, he said, was “the face that launched a thousand ships.�� See, no details! and yet, even today, Helen of Troy is fabled as one of the most beautiful women in the world, all ages confounded.

Show, do not tell, also means that you have to leave out most and highlight only some. This makes the reader become part of the story, filling the gaps in his mind.
Descriptions are not 'pictures' of a scene, an object, a place, or a character.

Tolstoy said, "Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass"

Or the moonlight rainbow itself - a rare and wondrous spectacle.

Tui wrote: "Or the moonlight rainbow itself - a rare and wondrous spectacle."

Oh wow, what a spectacular vision, Tui. Thank you.

Massimo - you deserve every accolade for starting this .

But you used kindly restraint in not criticising my final phrase which could be classed as unnecessary "telling"

Tui wrote: "But you used kindly restraint in not criticising my final phrase which could be classed as unnecessary "telling""

A writer needs to know the rules, so that she knows when she's breaking them. :)

Massimo - you're very kind to me. And you're quick-witted.

Tui wrote: "Massimo - you're very kind to me. And you're quick-witted."

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." <3

Massimo,
First of all, thank you for starting this group.

My comment here is in reference to the use of adverbs (in particular the ones ending in -ly) and this post of 'show, don't tell'.

In my novel A Deal with a Stranger, the point of view is that of a 25 year old girl. The whole story, even if narrated in third person, is told through her eyes.

If I am consistent with the way people speak or think, especially young ones, I cannot avoid the use of adverbs, and in fact we, even the more grown-ups, use them a lot in spoken language.

I've been criticized by a reviewer (only one, by the way - out of over 50 reviews), about the fact that I use the tell, rather than show. Not so much about the use of adverbs.

Anyway, if my heroine is looking at a friend who's had a bad night, she will think: "she looks exhausted", she's not going to think anything more elaborate", or if she has a dialogue with someone and she doesn't understand she may say: "speak plainly", etc.

How do you avoid the use of adverbs/show not tell when you've got to be realistic and describe how people talk and think in real life?

I think this is a luxury that a more distant third person narrator can afford, or maybe if your character is more eloquent, possibly mature, but if you speak in the way youngsters speak, you've got to be realistic and use their jargon/way of thinking.

I'd love other writers' feedback on this.

Martina wrote: "Massimo,
First of all, thank you for starting this group.
..."

My pleasure, Martina. I started the group to foster conversations and support each other, thus thank you for being with us. :)

If the criticism you received is because your characters use adverbs in dialogues and the reader believed he had to apply 'show, do not tell' rule there...well, you are right and the reviewers wrong!

Everything is said about good story telling, use of proper evocative language, strong active verbs and avoid passive, and other rules, they all fall in dialogues. Characters are not the writer, and they need to 'speak' the way everyday people do, and in the spoken language, oh my, we often, more than seldom, happily use and share joyfully all the -ly words in the mighty world :)

In dialogues the rule is to be true to the character's voice, not the writer's voice. Thank the Lord, in dialogues we can break the "rules" freely ;) and speak "plainly".

It depends on the POV. If you are writing in the character's POV,

"She looks exhausted", Julia thought.

is "perfectly" expressed and "rightly so" :)

But if you narrate,

"Julia visited her friend, and she looked exhausted"

then you are telling and not showing, and you hurt the story-telling.

So, in characters voice, what they say and their thoughts, stay true, adverbs and all.

When you narrate though, and this is valid ALSO in 1st person narration, when the character is not 'talking' or 'thinking', then the writer has to...narrate. And narration is killed by the overuse of adverbs, and by the 'telling' without 'showing.'

And to add a witty comment, why are we striving to achieve a good story-telling when, while writing the story, we strive to show and not tell?

We shall call it good story-showing :D

Ah, Massimo, there lies the subtlety.

Your example of "She looks exhausted," Julia thought, was hardly used in my narrative.
Because Julia was the narrating third person voice,her tone is very much conversational with the reader, so there is no need to specify that's what Julia thought. I express what Julia is thinking, without saying she's thinking. Example below:

Emma was late for work; unusual, for her. Her hair was all over the place, one of the buttons in her blouse was undone and she looked exhausted. Probably the result of another sleepless night.

Now, do you think I was right and the reviewer wrong in this case?

Depends, whether you are in third person or in close third person.

More precisely, as I posted in another thread here, depends on the POV.

"Julia wondered why Henry was running away with his arms flailing", is a narrator’s voice, in third person.

whereas, "Julia wondered why the hell Henry was running away like an idiot", is in the character’s voice and therefore third person close.

Third person voice is different than third person close, of course. The important thing is not to fall into head-hopping, going from third person, to third person close, without realizing it, from paragraph to the next.

In any case, 'she looked exhausted', could have been replaced by more details in the description of Emma look, as you did when the third person narrator said "her hair was all over the place, one of the buttons in her blouse was undone, and..." what else could you have showed so that the reader would think, 'boy, she looked exhausted' :D

Just a quick try:

"Her hair was all over the place, one of the buttons in her blouse was undone and she had a dark shadow under her eyes no makeup could hide; the result of another sleepless night."

Third person close, throughout the whole novel. No exceptions :-)

I like your quick try, that works well.
I was trying to be more concise as, again, youngsters don't necessarily go through that level of detail when thinking that someone is exhausted. But your suggestion works better for the reader :-)

In the books I'm writing now I'm using the show-don't-tell more, whilst trying to be realistic. I want to be faithful to my characters, after all, and to the way they would express themselves. It's a tricky balance.

Martina wrote: "Third person close, throughout the whole novel. No exceptions :-)"

Then third person close should give the hint to an attentive reader :) although what do you think of the quick try I provided?

our comments crossed each other. Even in third person close, you might want to look for parts in the description where the character narrator is judging without need. The example of the 'she looked exhausted' would easily be taken by the reader as tell, and it is true, when you narrate, there is no need for the character to suggest a judgment to the reader.

To avoid the tell, but remaining still in the third character close POV, faithful to the character's voice, ask yourself whether you are trying to suggest impressions and feelings to the reader, rather than having the reader come to those conclusions without 'being told'.

Your suggestion works Massimo, and that is what I'm trying to implement in my future writings. Tricky balance, especially when using the POV of a young person, who would simply think "she looks knackered" and nothing else ;-)

Martina wrote: "Your suggestion works Massimo, and that is what I'm trying to implement in my future writings. Tricky balance, especially when using the POV of a young person, who would simply think "she looks kna..."

It is tricky. But then, if you want to stress the character inner voice, then do it explicitly, write "she looks knackered" but add "Julia thought." Get the reader a glimpse of Julia's mind, without disguising it into the narration.

If you make it explicit, you can't be accused of telling, you are showing the character thoughts :)

When you are describing,
A shape, or sound, or tint;
Don't state the matter plainly,
But put it in a hint;
And learn to look at all things,
With a sort of mental squint.
~Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (Lewis Carroll)

Great Carroll!
And do note the use of 'plainly' - ;-)

Martina wrote: "Great Carroll!
And do note the use of 'plainly' - ;-)"

:D

When writers fill all the details and leave nothing to readers' imagination, they're patronizing them.

That's true, we need to leave something to the readers' imagination. Although, some of my readers have asked me who the mysterious Lucilla, who appears in my book, was. I told them: she's whoever you want her to be :-)

Martina wrote: "Although, some of my readers have asked me who the mysterious Lucilla, who appears in my book, was. I told them: she's whoever you want her to be"

Great reply, Martina.

Writing is a lot with being able not to describe everything. Don't even show everything. It is an art to find things to keep hidden for readers to discover within themselves.

Less is more, applies here, methinks.

Indeed. 'Show, do not tell', is related to the Resist the Urge to Explain. When writers don't have a clear vision of what they are communicating to the readers, the tendency is to explain, to tell the readers what they should see and feel. A tell sign is long descriptions of things that should be obvious—and they are in the writer's mind—but fear obscures the judgment and the writer believes readers need more information in order to 'get it'.

Not so; besides, readers' imagination needs to be titillated, so to arouse their lust for the story.

On the subject of showing and telling there's an excellent book by William Styron "Shod, Don't Tell." It gives examples of telling and shows you how to show. It's been extremely useful to me.

Rayne wrote: "On the subject of showing and telling there's an excellent book by William Styron "Shod, Don't Tell." It gives examples of telling and shows you how to show. It's been extremely useful to me."

Rayne, if you can, upload the information on the group bookshelf.

I keep in mind what Tolstoj said: “Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.��

It's now on the group bookshelf.

Rayne wrote: "It's now on the group bookshelf."

kewl :)