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Okay, Moms (and everyone else, who's the child of a Mom), here's a thread to discuss parenting.

I'll start be relating a story that I shared on another thread:

When my kids were younger - perhaps five, three, and one - and we were at the bar mitzvah of my husband's cousin's son. One of my kids was running around all over the place, and I was running after him, trying to keep him out of harm's way, but also having to turn back to the baby now and then. (I guess the other was with my husband.) I was pretty stressed out, and then a grandmother from the other side of the family came over to me and said, "Here's my advice to you: enjoy them."

Then she elaborated. She said that when she was the mother of little kids, if they drew on her walls, she'd get upset and scream, "What the heck are you doing?" Now that she was a grandmother, if her grandkids drew on her walls, she'd say, "Oh, please don't wash that off. It's precious to me. My grandchild drew that!"

Motherhood is hard work, but it's incredibly rewarding. So while you're in the middle of it, try and remember to enjoy the good parts of parenting. It makes the hard stuff easier.

If i decide to be mom in the future i will try. Until then i will paint all the house's walls so my mom can enjoy me better hahahaha okno

Your story reminds me of a friend's house where a childish drawing on the wall welcomes every visitor. When I first went to her house, I couldn't help but look at the drawing and ask my friend about it - it was hers. In this case, I think it was encouraged by her parents, but who knows, perhaps there is a similar background to it.

Motherhood gotta be a ton of endless, selfless work. I am not sure whether I want to have kids, but if I do, I don't know whether I'll ever be able to equal my mother. My father too, of course, but because you were specifically referring to mothers, I believe. I just don't think I can be as good in my mothering as she is.

For the record, I believe my mother did a better job of it, too.

I am going to be 34 this year, and I am married with 2 girls. Amelia is 2 1/2 and Sydney is 5 months.

Parenting is hard, and I personally feel like parenting is harder now than it was for our parents. Mostly, because I think parent shaming and mom shaming is so prevalent in public and on the internet. I breastfeed, but I better not do it in public! I also supplement with formula, and that's evil because formula is poison! I get scolded bc my daughter is eating a disgusting, unhealthy cookie, to which she has earned because shes eaten all of her dinner that includes vegetables, which she loves. I get reprimanded because she watches TV and knows how to work an IPad- yet she cries at night when we are done reading books because she loves them so. And of course- the coup de grace- I'm a working mom. I work 40 hours a week so my daughters go to a in-home sitter from 8-4:30 M-F. Therefore, I should have never had children if I am having someone else raise them. Even though my husband and I have taught her everything, and all my sitter has done is reinforce manners and rules and she learns how to share. She has friends there and is well socialized, and then we appreciate our nights and weekends that much more.

You just can't win. You're wrong all the time. My mom is shocked at how much complete strangers care, because in her day unless the child was in immediate danger, people minded their own business.

Alissa wrote: "nd of course- the coup de grace- I'm a working mom. I work 40 hours a week so my daughters go to a in-home sitter from 8-4:30 M-F. Therefore, I should have never had children if I am having someone else raise them. Even though my husband and I have taught her everything..."

The "Mommy Wars" make me tired. That whole thing where mothers get turned against one another and start judging who is mothering best is just... ugh. Can we have some motherly solidarity? Also I would quite love it if that pressure to do absolutely everything yourself for fear of being judged an inadequate parent would go far far far away. Parenting is hard, people need support with it, and not letting people support each other because its "having someone else raise them," is just mean.

Its mean to the parents because it isolates them, and its mean to those of us who aren't parents but still like kids because maybe we would like to help our friends and family with the hard job that they are trying to do, maybe give them more support. If we could all try to work together toward the common good instead of judging each other so harshly I think it would be great.

I don't know if it's because my kids have gotten older or because I have, but I used to let other people's opinions influence me much more when they were little. Then, the oldest became a teenager with an "f--- you" attitude and that freed me to stop caring what other people think, too.

I think it is a great thing to have kids learn social skills in kindergarten.

It's interesting how I recall my mother usually favouring getting the house clean rather than spend time with the kids. When we were little, we could easily have done our share, but she chose for unknown reason to have us play outside whilst she did the cleaning. Later, presumably when she grew sick of this voluntary arrangement of being a working mother slash self-proclaimed martyr maid, we had to pitch in during the weekly cleaning. I still do my best to honour that routine, because the less I spend thinking about cleaning and instead doing, the better...

Now that her children are adults we've pondered hiring outside help from time to time, but she says it is over her dead body that a stranger would be allowed in her queendom. Dad does whatever keeps the peace, he's clever like that and has learned to create no resistance (which is how he gets the most fuss-free, smooth experience at home, heh), and so he tags along for whatever she chooses. The problem I see with this scenario is Alzheimer's, if it ever arrives. My mom is so set in her ways that I imagine it be a horrific experience to try to convince her that she needs help.

She did it all, ran the house, took the dominant role (my own marital fight happened because I refused to be a maid when I had stuff to do outside of the home too) and fumed from time to time. Such is life for a martyr, ya know. God knows I lover her, but wow can she be inflexible.

I'm not the only one of her offspring to consider a cleaning lady the day there might be kids around, because who wants to work full time as well as be the perfect cleaner, cook, and more at home as well? Not me if it means time away from actually being with my kids. It is what it is now, but I don't want my own kids to remember that mommy had to clean during the weekends.

Another thing my mom is (I think) secretly envious of is my lack of ironing. I can't recall when I ironed a piece of clothing the last time. I make sure to dry things as smooth/straight as possible, if not on hangers, and that is it. There is an art to picking textiles that don't have to be ironed. (We don't do dryers here that much.) But she spends -voluntarily or due to this weird forced ideal she grew up with - hours on end doing some stupid nonsensical work that has to be done all over in a week or two. It is bad enough that dust bunnies are being generated constantly.

As an example, I don't enjoy washing windows, but I like having crystal clear windows, so is it horrible to consider hiring someone else to do it? It helps local economy even. But this is a ghastly idea if you ask my mother. Why? Because nobody can do it as well as she does... *rolls eyes toward skies*

One of my biggest aha moments in regards to personal productivity was to stop adding stuff to my to do list that don't absolutely have to be on it, which translates to learning to let go a bit of these self-imposed ideas of perfection. Something has got to give, but it is tough to see the older generation so caught up in those appearance-type of thought patterns still. It is okay, hell won't break loose if you skip vacuuming one week...

Aglaea wrote: "One of my biggest aha moments in regards to personal productivity was to stop adding stuff to my to do list that don't absolutely have to be on it, which translates to learning to let go a bit of these self-imposed ideas of perfection. Something has got to give, but it is tough to see the older generation so caught up in those appearance-type of thought patterns still. It is okay, hell won't break loose if you skip vacuuming one week..."

Yes!! This!! =)

I have definitely learned to let things go, especially at night when the kids go to sleep. I used to try and get everything done that night so that was no spillover to the next day. But then I realized I was crazily cleaning the house until 11pm , going to bed and then doing the same thing the next day. Then the next day. I was getting burned out. I realized that I would not be a good mom if I didnt take care of myself, We tend to always put the children and the household first. But, the reality is if I'm stressed out or burned out a lot, that affects me and affects how I parent. So, yes, I let things go. The vacuuming gets put on hold. The laundry may get folded but its staying in the basket instead of being put away. Now I take a half hour each night before bed for Me time- read, come on GR, catch up on DVR, have a glass of wine. Some nights are harder than others, but I try to stay true to myself and remind myself that I am still Alissa, not just Mommy.

So, the title of thread is "Parenting", then the tread is about motherhood specifically. The author of the post mentioning advice by a family member telling her "to enjoy her children"

So I am not a working mother, I can not relate at all to that. But, I was a stay-at home parent. The gender roles in our house were reversed. I was a father who was the stay-at-home parent. Our family was fortunate enough to not have to be a dual income family. My ex-wife worked and I, to mention again, was the stay-at-home parent.

So, my responsibilities were 3 children and up to 2 Foster Kids when we were needed, maintaining the house, shopping, doctors/dentist appointments, volunteering, taking the children to/from extracircular activities, laundry, and everything else that entails. I did that, my exwife did her fair share too, even the children had responsibilities that were age appropriate as well.

But years ago, I made a comment to my mother in law, "Damn, I never knew how hard this would be. I have no idea how my grandmother did it. I basically do everything she did, but... she always had time to do crafts, be activity involved in her church on a daily basis among other things. But her home was always spotless, meals were always made... all of them breakfast, lunches to go, and dinners. Plus atleast twice a month she hosted elabrate dinner parties and did all the work to prepare them by herself. I can't compare, my house is never as clean as I want it, I am exhausted during by the end of the day, sometimes I say "can we just grab a pizza or go out to eat, I didn't have time to get dinner ready". Seriously, I feel like going back to work and hiring a nanny, I don't know how my grandmother did it at all!"

My mother in law, who was a stay-at-home mother said, "I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same way. My house was never clean enough, things constantly got pushed to the side in place of something that was more important. I would get stressed and tell my mother, I can't do it, how did you? So it has nothing to do with you being a guy at all. Things were different back then. So don't stress about the house not being clean, it will never be as clean as you want it. You have little ones, it will always be a mess in the end. Don't worry about getting everything done, just remember to prioritize and get the most important things done. If dinner doesn't get made, have pre made meals lined up to throw in the microwave or oven, or continue to grab pizzas or go out. Don be afraid to ask for help and admit that you need it, just because your a guy doesn't mean that you have failed to be as perfect like your grandmother. Yes, your grandmother maintained what you thought was a perfect home, but... did she do all those things that you do with you, that you do for your kids? Seriously, you coach sports, are a Cubscout Master, take your daughter to equestrian lessons and gymnastic lesson, have your sons friends over to play Dungeon & Dragons on Fridays, and probably a lot of other stuff with them that I don't know about. So recognize that you spend a lot more time parenting than have a "perfect home". That's where my grandkids are lucky, their parents spend so much time with them, my grandkids don't get set infront of the tv or iPad. They are played with and get the chance to be children. That is what is most important, not how clean your house is or if laundry got done or if dinner got made. You wanted to be a stay-at-home dad to be with the kids, and you are. So shift your perspective and remember why you do it and what is most important. Don't give up, your doing great."

But I tip my hat off to dual income families, like I said, only one parent had to work in our home and I found it challenging. Families where both parents work, and the responsibility of child rearing still falls primarily on the mother... seriously, WOW!!! You are all amazing!!!

So, I agree... when it comes to parenting, that just it, it's parenting. In saying that, it means we should enjoy our kids, and make sure they enjoy their childhood and learn what is important in life.

Peterson, in regards to your grandmother, I think it might be due to differences in habits and how organised or not one is. There's great power in finding out how to work in batches, of which an example could be batch cooking. Since you're already dirtying up the kitchen and having a pot on the stove or something in the oven, why not do a tad more and create a whole other meal whilst working. Nobody said we absolutely have to cook from scratch every single day, but the freezer and leftovers are perfectly acceptable ways to feed the family.

Some people swear by stopping by the grocery store every day on their way home from work, whereas others prefer to shop only once weekly. In this case it's about knowing what you prefer in terms of your own routine aka what creates the least friction as opposed to what is the "nicest" even though nice might cause more friction in the routine of running a home.

The reason why I used the word "maid" earlier obviously wasn't meant in a derogatory way at all, but because a person, who has a full-time commitment outside of the home would be somehow miraculously also capable of/responsible for a full-time commitment at home. It's insulting, hurtful and unhealthy to ask for something like it from (traditionally) the woman. This is why "nagging" is such a frequently used word among men, who fail to see just how inflexible they might be in regards to "doing their share" rather than "helping". Frankly, men need to look very closely at exactly what they are asking for from their partner these days, so that they don't end up expecting a "maid's" services at home, even though the partner brings in about 50% of the income of the household.