Addicted to YA discussion
Open Discussions
>
I need your opinion!!
loveeee it!!!!!!
tysm!!! Are you sure there’s not something that i could tweak? Or is it good for now? but tyyyyy
I found this very interesting however I think removing the similar about a thunderstorm to her headache and changing the “see ya later� to something more warming and heartfelt, if they have a close relationship, could help mature and improve your writing. Hope this helps and use what you will!
ohk tyy!!! is interesting a good kind of interesting or a bad kind? and i'll definitely try to change your suggestions!
good kind IMO
yw!!! happy to help a fellow author!
⋆｡˚ � Elliana⋆｡˚ � wrote: "yw!!! happy to help a fellow author!"lol i'm not an author but i might be! also do you mean fellow as is your writing a book too?
Honestly I’m so interested that I’m going to need you to finish this book 🤭 But it sounds great so far, if it kept me interested the whole read it’s great.
Jenni wrote: "Honestly I’m so interested that I’m going to need you to finish this book 🤭 But it sounds great so far, if it kept me interested the whole read it’s great."
awww tysm!!! i'll definitely be finishing this book then! i'll keep you updated on the chapters if u want
Sounds really interesting! Is magic a normal thing on this version of earth or is it a fictional country?
I love this!!! Please let me know when you finish😁😁😁
Lisa wrote: "Sounds really interesting! Is magic a normal thing on this version of earth or is it a fictional country?"tyy!! uh yeah it's normal since its fantasy
Ayana wrote: "I love this!!! Please let me know when you finish😁😁😁"tysmm!! I'll keep y'all updated on the chapters!
ya'll I might take out the fight part just because it doesn't fit well with chapter 2. when i'm done with the base of chapters 1 and 2, i'll send them to ya'll
Daniel wrote: "⋆｡˚ � Elliana⋆｡˚ � wrote: "yw!!! happy to help a fellow author!"lol i'm not an author but i might be! also do you mean fellow as is your writing a book too?"
yes!
Si wrote: "This is amazing! I really liked it!"tyysmmmm!!
Vivian wrote: "I will read this now and provide a feedback today, you can share your mail so i can attach the feedback once I'm done"I don't know what you just typed, but sureeee?
⋆｡˚ � Elliana⋆｡˚ � wrote: "Daniel wrote: "⋆｡˚ � Elliana⋆｡˚ � wrote: "yw!!! happy to help a fellow author!"lol i'm not an author but i might be! also do you mean fellow as is your writing a book too?"
yes!"
oh rlly? that's so cool! what genre is it?
ya'll ik it's kinda late but I don't have a last name for the mc D: what first letter for a last name do you think is good for the name Griffith?
does Griffith Parolles or Griffith Proteus sound better?
Daniel wrote: "⋆｡˚ � Elliana⋆｡˚ � wrote: "Daniel wrote: "⋆｡˚ � Elliana⋆｡˚ � wrote: "yw!!! happy to help a fellow author!"lol i'm not an author but i might be! also do you mean fellow as is your writing a book t..."
Romantasy!!
Daniel wrote: "does Griffith Parolles or Griffith Proteus sound better?"hmmm what abt Griffith Hemsway?
⋆｡˚ � E l l i a n a⋆｡˚ � wrote: "Daniel wrote: "does Griffith Parolles or Griffith Proteus sound better?"hmmm what abt Griffith Hemsway?"
⋆｡˚ � E l l i a n a⋆｡˚ � wrote: "Daniel wrote: "⋆｡˚ � Elliana⋆｡˚ � wrote: "Daniel wrote: "⋆｡˚ � Elliana⋆｡˚ � wrote: "yw!!! happy to help a fellow author!"
lol i'm not an author but i might be! also do you mean fellow as is your w..."
oo i'll consider it!! btw mines romantasy too so yayyy what chapter are you on it?
im on chapter 5 of my book but all the chapeters are.draft chapeters they have not been edited ill post em soon!!
ok!! I would love to give ya feedback on it! to return the favor of you giving feedback to me and bc we're friends!!
yess def!! :)
Daniel wrote: "Soooo, I want to write a book and I've already started, but I'm not sure if it sounds too childish. Ya'll idk what I should add.... Here:
One
Griffith
“Mama! Papa! Please don’t leave me!� I burst..."
ACTUALLY LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU PUBLISH THIS!!!!! smmmm better than my own book I'm working on...
Harper’sReadsss(active) wrote: "Daniel wrote: "Soooo, I want to write a book and I've already started, but I'm not sure if it sounds too childish. Ya'll idk what I should add.... Here:
One
Griffith
“Mama! Papa! Please don’t lea..."
awwww tysmmm!!!! l bet ur books also rlly good!! what genre is it? and lol i'll def let you know when I publish it (if I even publish it D:) but tysm again!!
@Daniel It’s supposed to be a romance…but umm it’s kinda not idk what to classify it as XD
@Danielquestion will this book have spice?� cuz i cant read spice
I thought it was good you definitely have better grammar than me.
I wish I could write a book but my choice of words and grammar are terrible + I have ADHD it would just seem like an impossible task to me 😐
Harper’sReadsss(active) wrote: "@Daniel It’s supposed to be a romance…but umm it’s kinda not idk what to classify it as XD"
oh- well u could definitely improve? do you wanna send it to me on a private chat if you want feedback?
⋆｡˚ � E l l i a n a⋆｡˚ � wrote: "@Danielquestion will this book have spice?� cuz i cant read spice"
Oh no non ono non onononononononononon i'm a minor that lives with my parents and a brother ok? if they are reading this, there will be not a single droplet of spice in there. hehe I'm only putting fluff in it. Can you read fluff?
ella wrote: "I wish I could write a book but my choice of words and grammar are terrible + I have ADHD it would just seem like an impossible task to me 😐"ella wrote: "I thought it was good you definitely have better grammar than me."
awww that's sad but we respect those who have ADHD don't worry
Daniel wrote: "⋆｡˚ � E l l i a n a⋆｡˚ � wrote: "@Danielquestion will this book have spice?� cuz i cant read spice"
Oh no non ono non onononononononononon i'm a minor that lives with my parents and a brother ok..."
yes i can
@EllaIf you want try writing short stories instead!!!!
alss daniel ur pfp said ur 18
⋆｡˚ � E l l i a n a⋆｡˚ � wrote: "Daniel wrote: "⋆｡˚ � E l l i a n a⋆｡˚ � wrote: "@Danielquestion will this book have spice?� cuz i cant read spice"
Oh no non ono non onononononononononon i'm a minor that lives with my parents a..."
ok good! I'm so relieved rn idk why it was one small thing...
⋆｡˚ � E l l i a n a⋆｡˚ � wrote: "alss daniel ur pfp said ur 18"shhhh! I'm not that old..... we listen and we don't judge ok? I just had to do that cause it wouldn't let me make an account that was under a certain age or smth so I just put 18 cause 18 is the age for everything. don't judgmeh
ok ok geezz im not judgeing!!!!! i did the same thing XD
⋆｡˚ � E l l i a n a⋆｡˚ � wrote: "ok ok geezz im not judgeing!!!!! i did the same thing XD"oh lol XD haha
@harper 11th grade was in creative writing it was butt hole I couldn't even write a short story big oof. also how does one even become published
You can go to a publishing house or just self publish
i selfe published i made myown publisher "axia publishing"
Here:
One
Griffith
“Mama! Papa! Please don’t leave me!� I burst into tears. I shake my head, not believing anything. My parents lie on the ground, blood splattered all over their clothing with a piercing hole through where their hearts were. I grasp their hands while my tears drop onto them. Their eyes are cold and white, their heads lolled to the side. “Please…� I collapsed onto them, still crying.
I suddenly jolted out of my sleep, sweat drenching my plain, dirt smeared shirt and my rough, cardboard bed. Great. My thin blanket is now soaked and stinky—not like it was ever clean. My eyelids droop, but I force them open. A headache crashes into my temples like a thunderstorm as I crawl out of bed. Sweat runs down my bare back as I strip my wet shirt off. I use a ragged towel to wipe the warm droplets off my skin. I then grab my only other pair of wrinkly clothes that are bunched up in a trash bag, and change into them. I grab a cracked mirror I found in the dump and check myself. My deep, aqua blue eyes pierce into the mirror as my curly, walnut brown hair falls down onto my forehead, just above my eyebrows. I left my wet clothes hanging, so they could dry. I then put on my muddy, worn out shoes and get out of my crappy tent.
I take my usual seat outside my tent and put a red plastic cup in front of me, along with a sign that says, “Please donate. I lost my parents and I need money to support myself. Thank you!� I don’t really know why there’s a ‘thank you� part because I can’t say thank you to crap. The only donation I’ve got this week was a rusty copper ruhe. How am I supposed to live off a copper ruhe?
I lost my parents when I was only six years old. I’m now seventeen, surviving by myself on the streets. I don’t clearly remember what happened, except for when vivid dreams reveal more and more. All I know is that their hearts were pierced and I cried so much that I collapsed on top of them. Whoever murdered my parents must die for making me suffer. Losing parents is one of the worst things that could happen to you when you’re a child.
The street stinks and rats roam around. There isn’t a single tree in sight, not even a bit of green life in this part of Ahki, the city I live in. It’s all buildings, all made by Creos, individuals who have the ability to create anything they want. There’s obviously limits by law and by strength. If I could create anything I wanted, I would be living a good life, not sitting on the streets, begging for just one ruhe.
Since nobody wants to donate, I decided to visit some friends. I walk over to another abandoned place, where other homeless people live. As I pass different tents, people greet me. I’m pretty well known around here since I come by almost every day.
“Good mornin� Griff, how are ya?� asks Amos, an elderly friend of mine, as he sits on the cold pavement. I settle next to him. People can’t even treat old men the right way. His gray beard is withering day by day and I don’t think he’ll ever have a good day again. All of these people in this abandoned neighborhood are homeless and poor for different reasons.
“Good morning Amos. I’m doing alright.� I force a tight smile and then release a sigh when he looks at me, unconvinced. “Fine, I’m doing the same as everyday.� Which also means the same thing as ‘I’m doing terrible�.
“Why don’t you cheer up?� Someone asks behind me. I turn around to see Archie, a nine year old and the grandson of Amos. He looks happy today which must have meant he got a good donation. Children tend to get better donations, since they ‘need it more� than adults do. Which is technically true, but that doesn’t mean they can just give us adults nothing. It’s also probably because they look cuter and more innocent.
“How much?� I ignore Archie’s question. He immediately knows what I’m talking about and grabs three silver coins from his ragged pocket.
“Three silver ruhes.� he smirks as my mouth gapes. Three whole silver ruhes. Darn, that’s a lot. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but as a homeless boy, that’s like a lottery. I know better than to snatch those gleaming coins, so I keep my butt planted in the ground.
It’s like he knows I want to grab them so bad, so he pockets them once again. “What are you going to do with that kind of money?� I ask, still gaping, and obviously knowing the answer. The priority is always food and then clothes.
“Food and clothes. Duh.� he says, rolling his eyes. I ignore him and get up from the ground, wiping the dust and dirt off my pants—even though my pants are always dirty.
“See ya guys later.� I walk away, still processing the thought that a nine year old got three whole, shining silver ruhes.
“See you!� Amos calls.
I reach into my pocket, grabbing the one copper ruhe I got this week. I take it out and look at it. It’s not even gleaming like Archie’s. It’s rusty and dirty all over. I want to chuck it down the street, but I’m not trying to lose my life here. So I put it back in my pocket and deal with what I have.
There’s nothing else to do so I head back to my tent. I put my sign and cup back outside and sat. An ordinary man walks over to me and I get excited. He’s holding one gold ruhe. No way. Then, he stops in front of me and holds out the ruhe.
“Do you want this?� he says. Well, of course I do. So I nod my head and look at him expectantly. “Well too bad.� And just like that, as if a gold ruhe was worth nothing, he threw it down a nearby drain. I scramble over to the drain, trying to grasp the coin. I look at him with a face that says ‘Why did you do that?� and all he does is laugh at me, watching me trying to grab a single coin. He just threw a perfect gold ruhe. Gold� I scream into my arms and lay there for the rest of the day.
� � �
A cold needle pierces my cheek and I wake up from a terrible slumber. No, not a cold needle, but a rain droplet. It starts with a few, heavy drops and a clap of thunder. With that electrifying sound, I scramble back inside my tent, cowering. I bundle up in my paper-thin blanket and try to wait out the storm. Faster droplets crash into the thin, orange fabric roof. I just hope it doesn’t leak. Water starts seeping in through the tiny cracks anyways. I don’t want to be soaked with freezing water. The bright orange dulls into a darker color as it absorbs water. I’m suddenly afraid that my only shelter will collapse on me and leave me to soak in the relentless rain. I look up and I see a big puddle that has started to form on the top of the tent. The pointed top is now drooping inward and it looks like it would explode if I lay a single finger on it. Even though my bed is only cardboard, I don’t want it to become wet cardboard so I try poking the already forming puddle on top. I push upward, and the water splashes down the sides of the tent. I sigh in relief and I stay still through the next hour.
It’s still raining heavily, but I think I’m safe now. It’s either this always devastating natural weather, or Tempests are practicing their raining abilities. Another clap of thunder splits through the air and I shudder. Saevios too, probably. Tempests and Saevios work together really well, especially when they’re practicing thunderstorms.
The drip drop sound of the rain tingles in my ears as they drop into nearby forming puddles. I unzip the tent just the slightest amount to let some fresh air in. The smell of rain is so refreshing to my lungs. I peek through the sliver and find the streets empty and soaked. In the distance, I see faint, glowing lamp posts, making the nearby raindrops shimmer a golden yellow. I then check the nearby, rusty clock that’s perched up by a magic shop. 4:00 I layed there for five hours. Well, there’s my daily nap then.
Just before I lay down to relax again, I catch a glimpse of a girl passing by. She looks mysterious, like she’s trying to hide herself. Her navy blue cloak flutters in the gentle wind as she continues down the sidewalk. She turns, and catches me gazing. We make eye contact and she blushes. Her beautiful chestnut hair glimmers in the rain and I can’t help myself but gawk at her. Deep, emerald eyes penetrate into mine before her swift movements hide her features. She walks into the magic store with the clock I used earlier and I snap back into reality once again.
Who? Is all I could ask myself before falling onto the cardboard bed and gazing at the roof of the tent before blushing furiously. I shake my head. I’m probably never going to see her again anyway—no point in getting obsessed. I slap my face gently before fantasizing about her once again.
Snap. Out. Of. It. I might as well get myself out of this dreamy world by stepping outside into the rain. She steps out of the store with a boy this time and my mouth presses into a grim line. So I just fantasized about her for nothing. She’s probably obsessively in love with him. My mind immediately gets off her as my tent explodes into smithereens. I’m suddenly drenched in the rain and it drains the warmth out of me. It pokes into my skin, making me tremble.
I can’t tell if I’m confused or angry. Probably both. I turn around aggressively and find a muscular boy that looks around the age of seventeen. Basically my age. His features are soft but defined; high cheekbones and a jawline that seems too perfect. I touch my face just thinking about him. My features are anything but perfect. I probably look like an ugly homeless boy. Maybe because I am.
“You better keep those poor eyes off her. Your eyes don’t deserve to see something as beautiful as her.� The perfect boy says. The attractive girl tries to stop him but he gently shoves her out of this. I rolled my eyes and he must have seen me, because he stormed over to me. I wince, regretting my decisions. “You better keep those eyes in check you poor little boy.� he mocks. “Before I explode them too.�
I stand up and instantly regret everything. But I can’t afford to see him watch me be afraid. “Do you want to fight? I wasn’t even looking at your girlfriend.� I almost spit out the last part, but I manage myself to speak properly before I explode literally and mentally. He blushes but wipes it off. “Now, thank you for exploding my only shelter.� I glare at him and shove him out of my way. Oops.
He can’t hold his anger in anymore and he shoves me harder onto the ground. I hear something crack and my vision goes blurry before I see blood. My vision clears and he’s on top of me, punching the crap out of me.
“Avner! Stop! What are you doing—� she tries to stop Avner, but she gets shoved away again but more harshly. My vision blurs once again and I black out.
That's chapter 1 so far so let me know what you think of it! (btw I'm not done with it, that's why it might seem so short) It might be cringe...