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“I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy, your golfing days are over.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I was allowed exclusive access to Project Looking Glass' future-viewing telescope, and there's good news and bad news. The good is the game of golf manages to live on after you starve to death, and the bad is you'll never get to realize just how meaningless you are to the sport.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I watch people play golf in silence. Even after they hit I remain quiet, because my commentary won't help the ball roll into the hole, but it will saturate the air with unwanted pressure. Spoken words are like direct energy weapons, and I don't deploy them at an unarmed target.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golf is the only sport where you can't tell how good a player might be by glancing at their physical form. I've seen some real slobs shoot scores so low the number is almost their age.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear