ŷ������

Just finished the Free Book Giveaway for A Script To Aspiring Women Leaders: 5 Keys To Success. Thanks to all that participated and congratulations to the six winners as your autographed copies are being shipped tomorrow.

We have reduced the prices for the Kindle version to $2.99 and will hold that price for a week longer for any reader that desires the Kindle Version.

We will be conducting another giveaway on another title very soon, so stay posted.

Remember, great leaders, pay it forward.

“The true test of character is if you do the right thing when nobody is looking.��

- Thomas Henderson

I have always enjoyed this quote because it is easy to do the right thing while others are looking. But the true test is if doing the right thing is automatic whether someone is looking or not. Growing up, my mother would preach about having good character. She would make the statement about values and principles, which took me a while to understand. Mom would state, “Values are what you live by, and principles are what you stand on.��

As I gained an understanding of what my mother was describing is, we all say we have values, which we do. In fact, our values should be demonstrated in the way we live each day. However, for a value to become a principle it must be automatic, without thought. If I state that I have a value of trust and honesty, and I encounter a $5 bill on the floor that was underneath a chair that you were sitting in, my immediate reaction would be to inform you of the $5 bill, whether you were aware or not. If I gave thought to keep the $5 bill, then my value of honesty and trust has not become a principle yet.

As a youth, we may struggle with this, as my mother knew. Therefore, she was constantly teaching the lesson as great coaches do. Planting the seeds is always important. I remember preaching this message to my youngest and sometimes wondering if the message was getting through. Now that he is in his late twenties and at times, he will send me a message stating, "thanks for always teaching me about good character. You may have thought I was not listening at times, but I was, and I understand the message so much as I grow older. Thank you for the love behind the message."

Receiving this text message meant so much and brought a big smile. I am so proud of the man he has and is becoming. Most of all I am so appreciative of the seeds my mother planted in me and I am sure at times she wondered if I was listening. Honestly, I long to hear her voice out loud, as I do in my mind, to appreciate that what is preached and taught to us is truly a sign of deep love.

Have women in leadership truly advanced in today’s society? According to the statistics, there is much room for growth. According to a recent study by Ensnead Education the current climate is as follows:
- Women occupy 60% of junior positions.
- Women occupy 50% of middle management.
- Women occupy 20% of senior management.
- Women occupy 10% of C-Suite executive roles.
- Women occupy 5.1% of S&P 1500 CEO Roles.
- Women account for only 10% of the short-term CEO candidate pool.
However, most gender-diverse companies are 16% more likely to generate returns that are above the averages for their respective industries.

These statistics clarify that the CEO pool for today’s S & P 1500 is made up of only 10% women, which are those at a C-Level. Yet the statistics also show that diverse organizations, those with women as part of their leadership teams, are statistically more likely to have greater success. This is because diverse leadership teams bring a balance of traits and skills that define well thought out decisions, strategies, action plans, and strategic initiatives.
So, what do women who aspire to be a leader do to advance? One, they set their mind straight as determination, perseverance and tenacity are all traits of a strong leader, and women possess these abundantly. Next, they put a plan in place for them to develop in knowledge, skills, and awareness and execute to gain in each. They plan, like every great leader does, with goals, objectives, and create an outlook that they can believe in. They determine milestones so they can see a light at the end of the tunnel and see that progress is being made. Great leaders find mentors, and they mentor others as they learn from both sides of the equation. They execute the 5 keys to success to establish a foundation to build upon, rely upon, and overcome obstacles that will arise. When adversity comes, they need an established a support network that has been through the trenches and pushes them forward.

The five keys:
1. Define what you will live by. The foundation of your values and principles, along with your mission will be the building block for every decision.
2. Define what you will live for. Establishing a vision, that sits next to your mission, supported by the foundation of your values and principles. Included are your goals and objectives, with a development outlook on your skills and traits needed for success.
3. Prepare for battle. Adversity and roadblocks will occur, and usually from those closes to you. One must prepare for battle and define a support network that will support and hold them accountable for success.
4. Overcoming Obstacles: Support Network Implementation �� Put your support network plan into action. Define mentors and an accountability partner. Now it is time to finalize your Action Plan and execute it.
5. Ride The Momentum �� Now you are having success, it is time to ride the momentum and do not let complacency slow you. Re-evaluate your progress and development and pay it forward. Great leaders pay it forward.

“Behind every successful woman is a group of other successful women that have her back.��
- Anonymous

Authors Mark Villareal and Crystal Ann Suniga have released A Script For Aspiring Women Leaders: 5 Keys To Success. Villareal has mentored aspiring women leaders for over 25-years as he spent 35-years in Corporate America, with 21-years at the C-Level. He is also on the board of Our Empowering Women. Suniga is one who was mentored by Villareal and has mentored and developed support networks for women to grow and develop for the advancement of leadership. “My success, as a business turn-around specialist in Corporate America, and building leadership teams has been greatly impacted by advancing women in leadership and adding them to those teams. Women have traits, that include logic, emotion, tenacity, perseverance, people skills, and more. They add these traits that bring valued insight and opinions that drive the leadership teams to success,�� said Villareal. “Mark was one of my mentors, but he encouraged me to find a support network that would help me when obstacles would arise, and they did. A support network of other successful women is of tremendous value and a necessity.�� Suniga added.

The book has been well received, and Villareal and Suniga created a 52-page free downloadable workbook that is a fillable pdf that allows the reader to work the lessons at their own pace and is also utilized by businesses for their aspiring women leaders. They also created a 5-part e-learning for groups and individuals to work through the process with the assistance of the authors. Villareal and Suniga have been a guest on radio shows, podcast, and even on the Hollywood Live TV Show host by Jack Canfield which will be aired on ABC. Jack Canfield recommended the book to his audience and appreciated how the lessons were laid out. The book has been endorsed by Shama Hyder, CEO & Founder, Zen Media, Nancy Matthews, Author, Founder, Women’s Prosperity Network, Marsh Engle, Author, Founder, Amazing Woman Nation, Ellen Voie, Founder, Women In Trucking Association, Inc., and many others. To learn more on Villareal and Suniga please visit

Last night I went to a High School football game. As I watched and enjoyed the game, I couldn’t help but draw the common parallel between the sport and what we as leaders do. More specifically, I watched the head coach and the assistant coaches, and I compared how they parallel our General Managers and Sales Managers.

I watched on every play how each coach was attentive to what their players were doing. I watched that while on offense they watched for each detail. After each play, they would critique some players, some aspect, or the play itself. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched as the offense came off the field and a coach critiqued and role-played with his linemen, preparing them for the next time they had the ball. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched how a coach kept his team excited. How he complimented the good and kept his players focused. I realized this is what coaches do.

I saw a coach continually work with his kicker, even though he was exceptionally good, practicing, practicing, and practicing some more. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched that while on defense, the coaches would inspire their players to be aggressive, yet smart. I realized this what coaches do.

I watched as the other team started driving down the field. The coach because he was prepared and knowledgeable called a different defense. They stopped their opponent. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched, on two separate plays, the coach tried trick plays. One failed, one succeeded. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched when they scored how the team shared the excitement. He was creating a sense of team and congratulations. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched as a player fumbled the ball. He came off the field with his head down. The coach stopped him, raised his head, and told him to get ready to have the ball again showing he still had faith. I realized this is what coaches do.

I saw the team get flustered, confused, and disorganized. The coach called a time out, settled his team down, and got their heads back into the game. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched the other team. They were behind by two touchdowns with two minutes left, yet still playing with intensity. How could they believe they could still win? I realized this is what coaches do.

I saw the same players, with ten seconds left and no chance of winning, continue playing hard, they knew they were preparing for tomorrow and the next game. I realized this is what coaches do.

I saw discipline in the players, and discipline in the coaches. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched and it was clear that each player had accountability. They knew they would be measured to this. I realized this is what coaches do.

I thought about great coaches and inspirations. I remembered stories about coaches like Dick Vermeil, working hard, long hours, thinking more dedication could make a difference. The next year he won the Super Bowl. I realized this is what coaches do.

I watched how the coaches provided leadership and guidance. They showed they cared and took a personal interest. I saw the respect they earned from their players. I realized this is what coaches do.

Look at me each morning
Tell me what you see

Are you starting the day?
Who you want to be?

And as the day goes by
Come take another glance

Are you staying true to yourself?
Or have you changed by chance?

At the end of the day
Look, am I what I expect?

Can I leave today with assurance?
Did I live my values with respect?

Let’s always look in the mirror
Because each day is our test

Do we like what we see?
And are we doing our best?

Challenge your answer
Get past the perception

Do you trust what you see?
Without any exception?

From: Shortcuts Get You Lost! A Leadership Fable On The Dangers Of The Blind Leading The Blind

Recently I was doing a radio interview and the radio host had asked if there was one thing that I learned later in life that I wish I could go back and be better at. The host waited for my answer, which I responded to automatically, but I seemed to catch the interviewer off guard with my response. I answered, “I wish I had learned to be still sooner in life and understood what that really meant and how it was truly a benefit.��

The interviewer seemed somewhat surprised as they may have been expecting a physical skill or something instead of a mental one. I then explained that this was something my mother would say to me growing up. She would say, “Mijo, you need to learn to be still. You are racing through life and racing through issues and you are missing out on opportunities and lessons. In addition, you are not aware of the blessings and surroundings that are right in front of you. Being still at times will allow you to gain a better perspective and make better decisions.��

I will state that I was probably in my teens the first time she told that to me. Unfortunately, I did not absorb it at that time and allow it to change me, or understand the lesson. I raced in everything I did, believing that this was the proper way. This was my way of attacking life. Soon I found myself a father at the young age of eighteen. I took responsibility and raced forward. Having my first child so young brought challenges as I was still not fully mature myself. But I had not learned to be still. Having a child so young and my other choices did make me who I am today, and I do not ever regret having any of my kids. Each are a treasure and a blessing. But even as a young adult with children I needed to learn to be still. Remember, being still would allow me to enjoy and be aware of my blessings and surroundings, and after you race through life you cannot get that time back. I wish I learned to be still earlier in life.

Funny, but years later there was a song that spoke about learning to be still. However, Mom spoke those words early in life to me, and often, as a coach will repeat important messages. Sometimes a leader understands the need to plant many seeds and someone else might bring the water that sprouts an individual to learn the lesson. In addition, I know Mom often referred to the biblical verse that said, ‘Be still and know that I am God.�� She wanted me to trust in that message. Mom wanted me to understand that sometimes being still would teach me more than racing ahead and losing focus. When you understand your surroundings you then can understand your direction.

As years went by I learned so much more from Mom’s message of learning to be still. I would have the benefit of strong mentors being still, which allowed me to absorb the message and learn the lesson. By being still I was able to observe as other leaders would lead by example and each example had great value. Then as I would lead and mentor others being still allowed me to watch their growth, discern where they struggled, and be there when they stumbled. Being still even helped me prevent their stumbles and mine as well. I recently have had the pleasure of mentoring a young female employee these past few years and her hunger to learn was matched with her ability to execute. She started as an admin, but as she was observed it became evident that she had the intelligence and skills to grow. She took to coaching and she showed me that she had learned to be still. She would follow the message and learn the lesson. She steadily showed advancement and growth.

This person took over a new role where she led a new team and executed well. She would consistently seek more guidance and more coaching. I now enjoyed that I learned to be still because watching her and mentoring her has made me a better coach and leader. She soon won employee of the year within a company of over 300 employees. Not to settle for less, she sought a new role that was more challenging and involved selling with high accountability. We built a strategic plan, built the accountability around that plan, and set it in motion. The plan took a little while to develop, but we believed in the contents of the plan. Because the plan was built on the proper foundation, any adjustments were easily identified when evaluating the built-in stages. Sales grew and this person has just earned the Million Dollar Award. For this, and being a part of her success, I am grateful that I learned to be still.

Leaders learn to be still and then taught others its importance. Those that grasp it sooner can grow rapidly and advance. Some leaders that may need to learn to be still may be obsessed with the next big idea, but because they cannot be still no big idea gets fully executed. However, because they have not learned to be still, they may not even know why they constantly change things. Making proper business plans and implementing them is a lesson in learning to be still. If the business plans are built on the proper foundations as well as the execution plan being followed, then successful results will ensue. If constantly changed, you will never know if the plan ever had validity. Organizations need to evolve, or they will eventually die. But the misconception of constant change is not evolution, but destruction. Evolution comes from being still and understanding the surroundings, needs, and goals. Then evolution can truly bring revolution.

In business we are looking for success, but as we teach others when, and how, and why they need to learn to be still. Then they will also find satisfaction in achieving that success. Observing my friend Crystal and watching her growth has been extremely satisfying and it validates that as I focus on others' success mine comes naturally. That is the epitome of leadership. Mom wanted me to understand that. I believe Mom knew she had a luxury back then by being able to be a housewife, but also saw it as an added responsibility to maximize her lessons to each of us. In today’s society, and with mothers that work, I am in awe of how they still are awesome mothers and leaders that teach and mentor their children. Most of all I believe Moms understand the lesson best of learning to be still. They certainly find the joy and the rewards in their children.

What mother does not want their children to be successful? No doubt that Mom would lay down her life for her children and, in addition, would also want to protect them from all harm. I am certain that my mother wished she could take every pain and ache from me, from physical pain to emotional pain. It must hurt, as a mother, to see your son or daughter go through pain. When I encountered pain I could see the anguish in my mother’s eyes and then the sorrow. Sometimes that anguish would be panicked if and when I got physically hurt as that was my mother’s first reaction. I remember when I was very young and having my arm broken severely. When my friend's mother brought me home, my mother said a few swear words, which was her way of showing panic. Because I saw that panic I wanted to calm her down. There I was with a severely broken left arm.

“I’ll be okay, Mom. I’ll go to my room,�� I stated.

Mom called Dad, who seemed to get home in no time at all, and they took me to the doctor’s office. The doctor saw the severity of my arm and directed them to take me to the hospital. If I remember correctly I even stayed a day in the hospital as that is how severe the broken arm was. But my memory of the moment is more about seeing my mother’s anguish in my being harmed.

I speak of a mother’s anguish of witnessing or knowing their sons or daughters will get hurt and having to face heartbreak, but Mom knew it would happen so that leadership coach in her believed it was wise for her to teach me the lessons from each one so I would be better prepared to survive, but also better prepared to avoid them if possible. In addition, she knew hardship, pain, and sorrow each had lessons that would further shape who I would become. She saw this as an opportunity to think of it as how she would present me to the world and how the world would perceive who I was. She wanted me to be a leader and she believed it was also important for a leader to help others and be an example and utilize the lessons learned from hardships and pain to help others through them.

Mom always seemed proud of me and I certainly hope I gave her many moments of that pride. I did okay in Jr. High School, won some awards, and started my first two years of High School with solid grades. I seemed to have a knack for math as I enjoyed math and excelled at it. It was around my sophomore year and into my junior year that I started working. My parents did not require me to get a job, but it seemed like the right thing to do. I was good in restaurants and the spending money was nice to have. It seemed about this time, with work, friends, a girlfriend, and school that my grades dipped from what they used to be. Mom was concerned. She knew that I had intelligence and wanted me to have success. She expressed her concern.

“Marcos, your grades have dropped and you are hardly at home anymore. Are you sure that you are not making yourself too busy?�� she asked.

“No, Mom, it is just the subjects are a little more difficult. Plus, I am not sure I have the right teacher anyway,�� I replied. The answer I gave was my own way of rationalizing, as I seemed to enjoy the busyness of my life and would not know which item I would sacrifice if I had to.

“Marcos, we do not require you to work. If you want to concentrate on school we will support you,�� she said.

“I know that, Mom. But I like working. I think it adds value to what I am learning as well.��

“Okay, but I am concerned because you were doing so well and that can take you far,�� she explained.

“I’ll be okay, Mom, I know what I am doing,�� I answered. Certainly, as a teenager, I believe we all know what we are doing.

Mom knew better. She saw a dangerous trend and wanted to, and tried, to correct it. She made many more attempts and even had my father speak to me about the subject. I was stubborn and hard headed. I did not recognize the repercussions. It is hard to look that far ahead as a teenager, but Mom always did.

As the next few years went by, and as I made other choices that would have repercussions, Mom at least wanted me to learn valuable lessons that she believed at some point would bring me through any consequence. No matter if I was going to be a Rocket Scientist or a Restaurant Cook, Mom wanted me prepared to succeed, be the best at what I chose, and have lessons to teach others. That is the true mentorship of a leader. Mom knew that we were at a point where she could not change my direction, so she made me better prepared for the direction I was headed. What a wise woman. I can still remember our conversation and her words, and like Mom, she repeated them many more times throughout my life.

“Marcos, your choices will bring happiness and sadness in your life. Enjoy the good times and treasure them. Keep your head up and have faith in the Lord during the hard times and ask the Lord, “What is it that I am to learn from this��, and then listen. Most of all, never give up. Remember that life is lived in the valleys and you need to attack life to make it through. But those few times that you reach the mountain tops remember, to enjoy the view. It is the view from the mountain tops that will keep you fighting forward in the valley for that next moment on the mountain. Because you have been to the mountain top and you remember the view, you will fight to get back there again.�� She hugged me and left my room.

Excerpt From: Leadership Lessons From Mom

We all get busy in life, and it passes so quickly. I look back and I am amazed at the passing of time, the memories that I have, and the friends that I miss. It is when thinking about memories that I reminisce and I am grateful for a lesson my Mom taught me, that helps each day to create the future memories that you will someday look back upon. It was at a time that I was racing through life as I did so much in the early days of my adult life. I already mentioned my mother would always tell me that I needed to learn to be still, but she also taught me an additional lesson that builds upon that. She taught me to do something that matters each day.

It was at the time that I was in the family business with my parents. Even thinking of that time I realize what a joy that situation was being with them each day. However, I would work and then race off to what I was going to do after work. I had children of my own which my Mom adored. She cherished all of her grandchildren. But she also recognized that although she would always welcome them in her home, I would ask her to watch them frequently because I always had something to do. One day, when I was dropping them off, she asked to speak with me. I tried to tell her I did not have time and she gave me the message and indication it was important.

“Marcos Antonio, you need to slow down.�� My first and last name is spoken by my mother grabbed my attention. “You know I will always take care of the boys, but where are you racing off to that you are not spending enough time with them?��

I really had no answer. Where I was going and what I was doing was insignificant. Even rationalizing, or attempting to rationalize that there would be opportunities to spend time with them in the future, would be futile. Mom knew her point was valid and that it pierced my heart and mind. I was a fool. Even today I still feel shame. I can never get back time I did not spend with my children and, yet miss and love them so much. The song by Cat Stevens ‘Cats and the Cradle�� seems like it was written for me, and I am confessing it here in my book. Humility I teach is a strength, not a weakness, and this reality and confession is my most vulnerable moment. I sat in silence in my Mom’s presence.
“Marcos, when you race through life, it leaves you with no purpose and no memories. You have beautiful things right in front of you to cherish, but you are looking for the next thing. Mijo, you need to do something that matters each day. Do something that matters with your loved ones and something that matters with others you can impact. When you do that, you will seldom look back with regret,�� she spoke, so passionately.

I sat with my head down. I was in shame, but in reality, there is no shame in being corrected. What you do from there is what matters. I remember gathering myself and repacking up my boys and letting them know that we were going to go do something. Just the look in their eyes and faces are a memory I cherish. We packed up and went and did something for them. It was fun and rewarding and better than anything that I had planned. That day I did something that mattered.

In business, and years later, Mom would sometimes ask me when talking about my work, “Did you do something that mattered today?�� Sometimes I would have to think for an answer, and sometimes she would bring it out in questioning. She would probe, “Did you take time to mentor someone today? Did you encourage someone, and did you work to help others grow?�� she would ask.

Mom, I believe, always saw the leadership potential in me, or she knew she taught me from an early age. A mother’s impact can be so significant. From her questioning, I would have answers, as from each of those examples I would have an example and would answer back so excited.

“Yes, I did, Mom,�� I replied back and must have sounded like a surprised or excited child. With my Mom, I probably always was a child. “I am mentoring this person in this department. She started as an admin and is growing now so rapidly in another department.��

The conversation would go on to other examples. Mom knew that doing something that makes a difference each day would impact me and more importantly impact others. Her way of asking about it was an additional part of the lesson. First, it reminded and demonstrated to me that doing something that makes a difference each day is rewarding. Second, it demonstrates that it helps others and builds them for better things. Ultimately that is also what built the success that I had over time by making a difference for others.

To me, the definition of leadership is doing something that makes a difference each day. This is at least a tool as well as a responsibility of leadership. Leaders understand, believe, and accept that they have a responsibility to do something that makes a difference each day. When you do that for future leaders they pay it forward. When you do that for your family you are rewarded with smiles, joy, and love. Most of all you are rewarded with memories.

I remember at another time Mom used this example when she was concerned about my health. Once again I would hit a cycle where I was always on the run and she would recognize the scenario and intercede. Mom did not worry or care if she repeated herself or brought things up too many times. Mom worried or cared that her children learned, that we were safe and that we were healthy. This was a mother’s love with a leadership heart.

“Mijo, slow down, you look awful. Are you okay?�� she asked in concern.

“Yes, Mom, just been busy on the job. I have a lot to do and work is going through a lot of changes,�� I answered, sounding out of breath.

“Marcos Antonio, no matter how busy work is you need to take care of your health. Do you need something to eat mijo?�� she asked.

“Sure.�� I would never turn down Mom’s cooking. I could have just come from eating pizza but Mom’s cooking was the best.

Mom then reminded me of the lesson. “Mijo, you need to do something that matters for yourself each day. I know that you are always busy and doing things for others, which I love you for. But doing something that matters each day is something that you need to do for yourself as well. Your health is important. Your body and mind will get tired and all the good that you have done would be wasted on your health. You need to do something that matters each day for yourself mijo. Only then can you sustain doing something that matters each day for others. You need to have balance in both.��

Mom was so right, as usual. I needed to do something that mattered each day for me as my health was suffering. So last weekend, I did nothing but relaxed. I did something that mattered because my body and mind needed it.

We as leaders must do something that matters for us, or how else do we refuel. Spending time in the Bible refuels me. Reading leadership books by other authors and swimming in my pool are additional examples of things that matter that assist me in unwinding. When I take care of myself, it replenishes my spirit and increases my desire to keep coaching. Doing something that matters hopefully will keep me available to continue to mentor others. Keeping my health in line will allow me to enjoy watching others grow and become successful.

Excerpt from "Leadership Lessons From Mom"

It's Not About You! As a teenager, most of your focus is on the moment at hand. I believe it is natural around the teen years to be a little self-centered. Waking up each day I am certain that my thoughts were about what I had planned, who I was going to see, or what I was going to do. I know I did not wake up worrying about others. After all, I was not even aware of others to worry about. So I would wake up and make my way through the day and made decisions based upon how it would affect me. This seemed pretty reasonable, and probably still not uncommon among teens. Morning would come, I would wake up and get ready for school. I would give a ride to many friends that lived on our street. I had a normal routine and a specific time that I wanted to leave. Most of the time that worked well, but naturally sometimes a friend would run late. My rule was simple, be there on time or find another way. I would simply leave and not worry about if or how they made it to school. Later that day I may see them at school, and if they expressed frustration I simply replied that they needed to be on time. The conversation was pretty one-sided.

It was during this time that I met a kid in P.E., which was my daily physical education class. We were playing basketball and we were on the same team. We played well together and our team won. I introduced myself, and he said his name was John. He was a nice young man, as that would be how my mother would describe him. The next day, John and I made sure we were on the same team again. We once again played off each other well and won the game. We became common teammates and we won many games.

John would approach me during breaks between classes, or lunch, and we would have brief conversations, but mostly while passing. I think I always seemed busy. But we would sync up in P.E. again, and we would excel as the Mark and John team. It became pretty routine and I enjoyed playing on the same team as John. Each day, I would expect the same routine. At times, John would encourage me to go out for the school basketball team, as John had made the team and he believed my skills were equal to his. My ego probably thought my skills were better, but anyway I just did not have time for the school team. I believed John just wanted to be my friend, and I am not saying that I was unfriendly, I just never took the extra time to build a friendship.

It was just a week or so that John did not come to school. Because I was not too close to John, I was unaware of any circumstance. Then I heard the news. John passed away suddenly. He had a brain hemorrhage and died. As stated, I was unaware of what may have happened that caused this, and I never heard the details. I was just surprised, and yes shaken that someone I knew, someone my age, passed away. It was probably one of my first reality checks of life, that life isn’t always fair. I only knew that life was not fair to John and his family.

I went to John’s services with friends and acquaintances. I was touched to hear the stories of John that others had to share. There were stories of John’s accomplishments. Stories of how John helped others. Stories of his family, and what John meant to them. I would see other friends and acquaintances from school tell funny stories about the fun times they had with John. I remember the feeling of sadness that I had not allowed myself to know John better. In a small way, I was angry at myself for always being too busy for John, and I knew we would have been better friends. John is someone my mother would have welcomed into my life. Later that night I went home in a solemn mood. I sat in the kitchen away from the living room where the others were watching television. I guess I just wanted to be alone. My mother noticed my countenance, which she knew was not my norm. She knew I went somewhere that evening but did not know the story or that an acquaintance had passed. She came to the kitchen because her son was more important than a television show.

She sat down and asked, “What’s wrong mijo, you seem so quiet?��

I had no response. In some ways, I did not know what was wrong. I just knew something was not right. Something just was not right with the world at that moment, and it caught my attention.

“Marcos, is something bothering you? I can tell when you are acting this way that something is wrong. What is it? Where did you go tonight?�� she asked.

“I went to a service, Mom. A service for someone that died that I went to school with,�� I explained.

“Who mijo? That is terrible! Was he a close friend? What happened?�� she questioned.

“He was someone I knew, Mom, but not too well. We played basketball together,�� I replied.

“His poor parents. Are they okay? Do they need anything?�� she asked.

My mother was always thoughtful of others. She was the epitome of unselfishness. I loved this trait of my mother. I sat quietly for a moment, and then I explained to my mother what was bothering me. I told her the story of how John seemed to want to build a friendship and how I was just too busy for him. I talked about the service and how others spoke about him. I then spoke of my shame that I did not get to know him better. I truly wished I could have the opportunity, to become better friends with John. I am sure I would have treasured that friendship today. To have had the moments to have known him in friendship. Mom was great. Mothers have such a loving touch of grace when they see their children saddened. Mom also recognized a teaching moment. She recognized that I was already teaching myself as I realized I missed an opportunity and took life for granted. She also realized I humbled myself some, which is what she would also try to teach me.

“Marcos, I know you are sad, and that sadness is for several reasons. One, you are sad that John passed, I know that. But two, you are sad that you did not get the opportunity to know John better. Mijo, it is easy to take life for granted, especially when you are young.�� She held my head against her body. Such a loving moment. She then gave the lesson. “Mijo, perhaps you need to learn an important lesson. It is not about you,�� she stated.

I was confused. Was she saying the lesson was not about me? So I asked her, “What do you mean about that, it is not about me?��

“What I mean is this, you need to quit being so self-centered about yourself and look at life from a new perspective. Look at life with the perspective that life is not about you, it is about the others in your life. It is about your family, your friends, and who else God puts in your way.

If you learn life from this perspective and focus on others your life will become more enriched by the others doing the same for you. When you help others, befriend others, teach others, you will learn more in life and grow faster in whatever you’re doing than when you focus on just yourself,�� she stated so eloquently.

I still sat quietly, but I heard every word of her message. The next day when leaving for school, one of the individuals that would normally ride with us was not there. When I drove away, I went a different direction and the others in the car noticed and questioned what I was doing.

“I thought we would go drive by Skipper’s house to see if he is just running late,�� I said.

They said nothing. They were just surprised. Then as we pulled up to Skipper’s house I honked and he came out surprised as well as he knew he was late and was already looking at another way to get to school. Skipper jumped in the car and we drove to school. Nothing else needed to be said, because it was not about me.

This lesson was not only a lesson for life but also business and leading others. This is where, as a leader, when I focused on others�� success mine came naturally, mine blossomed. From focusing on others my life has become more fulfilling as others grew into leaders and then mentored others. As we define future leaders we owe it to them to teach them this lesson early in their development. As we mentor them they will see by our example of how we spend our energy on them and others. We then celebrate their success and give them the credit. Why, because it is not about you.

Excerpt from “Leadership Lessons From Mom��

There I was, in trouble for causing mischief at school. Yes, I was kind of a class clown, and class clowns live for the attention they receive. But as my bad conduct report made it home for my parents to be informed I knew I would have consequences.

Rewards or consequences.

This was a phrase my mom would simply state. Unfortunately, she would sometimes repeat the statement as well. It was important for my mother to teach me that life is all about rewards or consequences. My parents showed me many rewards for good behavior and good deeds. Good grades in school, good deeds, and conduct at home, or just doing my chores without having to be reminded brought rewards. It was great to be on the rewards side.

Rewards or consequences, yes that statement usually meant I had to be reminded about consequences, which usually meant I did something wrong. My mom, who was the best leadership coach who chose to be a housewife, wanted me to experience both sides as it was important to her for me to understand this form of behavior modification.

My mom explained to me. “Marcos Antonio, rewards are there for you in life and you will have to learn that it is best to place yourself on the rewards side. When you have a family and are working hard, your employers will use the same technique. You want to be known as someone who deserves, earns, and responds to rewards. There are consequences for everything we do. But in this context, the consequences I am speaking about are what occurs and what you will receive because you did something wrong. Not only will you suffer the consequences of your actions as they usually bring unwanted results, but also the consequences on how others perceive you.��

Rewards or consequences.

Mom, I certainly have had both in my life. And as you taught me, when its consequences I must face them head-on and need to take responsibility allowing the consequences to teach me to be a better man for it. Hopefully, I have done this. The rewards and consequences I have encountered have made me who I am today. It makes each of us who we are. Mom, you taught me to allow both to develop my character. As a mother, you may have not wanted to see me face consequences, but you knew I needed to. That is a sign of a mother's love.

As a leader in business, I teach all those in which I am responsible for that we have rewards or consequences. We reward good behavior in work execution. We reward those that are coachable and those that achieve good results the right way. We want rewards to be visible and desired. We like to point to success. The One Minute Manager teaches us to catch someone doing something right. This is an exact form of working from the rewards side. But as leaders, we must also teach and show that there are consequences for not executing, not adhering to policies or processes, or not being coachable. We confront it, explain it factually, and reset expectations. As a leader, I may not want my employees to have to face consequences, but much like my mother, I know they need to.