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Prosperity After Divorce: Take Charge of Your Finances and Create the Life You REALLY Want Using LifeStyle Re-Design PlanningDuring my divorce in 2009, my new mantra became Prosperity After Divorce. I wanted a new version of prosperity. I craved it. When I found it, it would mean that the divorce was behind me� that I’d healed, that I’d arrived in a new place, and that all the heartache, loss, and grief was finally over for good.

But reciting the words now written on my bathroom mirror was not enough. I needed to access my own definition of prosperity and create a life around it. I knew, deep down, that prosperity wasn’t just about having lots of cash� but once my divorce process started, it seemed like money was front and center all the time. Dollar signs loomed in every conversation. I could barely think about anything else.

Looking for a first step, I started asking myself "why prosperity and security are so tangled up with money," especially when it comes to divorce.

The answer I came up with is that money, to most people, is security. And in divorce, not only does the relationship implode, the financial structures you built as a couple also crumble. Everything gets torn apart and rearranged.

During the divorce, money very often functions as a cushion between all of the sadness, grief, and loss that comes with divorce and the paralyzing terror of being unable to fulfill basic needs for yourself and your family. Let’s face it: you can only process so much crap at once. It’s a lot easier to navigate your emotions and grieve the end of your relationship when you’re not worried about how to pay your mortgage and put food on the table.

When money is front and center, and the future is uncertain, that nasty, grasping fear about the loss of basic security and identity comes rushing to the surface, and it puts its grimy hands on everything.

In any divorce—even an amicable one—money is the chief topic of discussion. A big chunk of the divorce process is figuring out how to divide the assets, remortgage the house, pay for the kids� expenses, distribute the debt, etc. Unless you’re a millionaire (and maybe even then), splitting up the finances is going to cause one or both parties real strain, and rattle the foundation of security—shaky as it might already have been� that the marriage and joint assets once provided.

And so, when we talk about money in the context of divorce, we’re not just talking about cash, properties, and investments. We’re talking about people’s deepest fears and feelings about security, identity, and self-worth. Talking about money becomes like prodding an open wound, and fear becomes like an infection.

Most people, in the chaos of divorce, aren’t aware enough to see that they’re actually dealing with emotions, not assets. Regardless of how carefully you plan, or how affluent you are, your security is going to be challenged in your divorce.

Security comes in many forms: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial. What’s more, your personal experience of prosperity is directly tied to your definition of security.

Developing a deep understanding of your personal definition of prosperity should be at the top of your divorce work. When you feel prosperous, you also feel secure—but security looks different for everyone.

So, it's important to ask yourself: Is my security tied to money and possessions? Is it tied to love and relationships? Is it tied to time, stability, or freedom?

Understanding this will give you a platform from which you can make sound decisions about your new life and YOUR Prosperity After Divorce path.

Getting yourself debt-free, you will be able to free up your most powerful wealth building tool, YOUR INCOME.Ìý Building wealth takes dollars. Building wealth takes less expenses and more income. When you stop shoveling your paychecks out the door to credit card companies, car payments, personal loans, student loans, past due medical bills, you will have money to do things like saving for emergencies, remodeling the house, taking vacations that won’t follow you home and investing for retirement --or better yet: actually retiring!

Think about it. If you are currently carrying a $10,000 credit card balance at an annual interest rate of 24% you are literally flushing $2400 a year away for NOTHING. That’s $200 a month! It’s just money that the credit card is taking from you. If you are able to pay that card off, those dollars can be reallocated and spent where and when you want.Ìý Most Americans today think that $10,000 of credit card debt and two car payments in the household are ‘normalâ€�.Ìý This ‘normalâ€� is making the credit card companies rich. Last year it added up to them earning $18.5 BILLION dollars in interest charges. American’s habits of charging things like gas, groceries, clothing, mani’s/pedi’s, tools, car repairs, etc added up to a whopping Trillion Dollars last year. It’s time for a shift in mindset, behavior AND habits.
I teach my clients to use the debt snowball technique once we establish their monthly budget.Ìý

How does the debt snowball work?Ìý Its simple. You list your debts (other than your mortgage) smallest to largest by amount owed.Ìý Don’t worry about the interest rates, just list them! ANY and all extra money goes to the smallest debt on the list each month until it’s paid off. Why do I not suggest you pay off the highest interest card first? ÌýI agree that mathematically it’s correct that you would pay off the highest interest card/loan first BUT this is not about math. ÌýIt's about behavior. ÌýIf it were simply a mathematical issue you would have already done the simple math and realized that there wasn't enough coming in to pay off what was charged or bought. ÌýUsing the snowball and paying off the smallest debt first gives you instant success and you can see and feel the results of ridding yourself of a debt. Once you do that with one, you will want to continue until it’s ALL gone!Ìý There are plenty of tools that can to show the efforts of this technique. For more information on how a financial wellness coach can help you gain back control of your finances visit my website at

There are many 'teachable' moments in terms of 'finances' that we can use in guiding our children. The 'first car' is one of them. Ìý Putting your kids on a 'commission' at an early age and paying them once a week for their chore list, Ìýinstills that they earn when they work. ÌýThey gain a sense of 'ownership' and 'pride" in their efforts. They get to watch their efforts accumulate and they can set goals for how they will use THEIR money.

I wrote a and TODAY there is a new car sitting in my driveway! My son Alex had diligently saved HIS money for his first car. I had established early on (age 12) that I was not buying him his car (same with his sister 5 years ago so he knew I was serious) I will 'match' what he saves up to $3000. I had to set a threshold, because Alex would have worked and saved diligently to get the car he wants which could have turned out to be a $14,000 'first car'. Ìý Let's face it,Ìýwhen it's their funds they are using, they make more calculated decisions, versus when we are picking up the tab. So he sifted and sorted over the past three months to find what his money could get him. He found a 2009 Dodge Avenger with just over 130,000 miles and got it for $1000 under book value at $4000! (trust me when I tell you he seemed more concerned about not using up his entire 10 years of savings in one spending spree!) When we let our kids know that we aren't paying for all they want because we already provide what they 'need' they may at first seem slighted, but they come around eventually.

Through this process HEÌýlearned patience. HE learned goal setting. HEÌýlearned contentment. HEÌýlearned to negotiate. HEÌýlearned to shop and research. ÌýAnd most importantly HEÌýlearned he was capable.

I believe these qualities are so important and if I can use the 'first car' as a way of invoking them, it's a win win for both of us! Have you thought about milestones that you can use to raise financially responsible young adults?

RESISTANCE: The law of physics says that for every 'action' there is an opposite 'reaction'. ÌýIf you learn to understand that this is so, your added awareness to the law of resistance, can help you hold stronger, as you walk towards your dream of Financial Peace.

Think of a rubber band. ÌýResistance comes when you first take a hold of each side and start to pull them apart. ÌýIsn't that also true of how we feel when we first begin to work on our financial wellness plan? ÌýThe 'feelings' that come up as we step onto this new road are overwhelming at times. ÌýOne partner may be excited to get started and the other resistant. ÌýIn a single's situation, you may be ready in your heart but your head starts to tell you differently. ÌýThe funny thing about resistance is that you will find as much resistance as you did in the beginning as you near the end of your goal. Why? Because that's the law of physics! ÌýThe more we pull outward to see how strong that elastic really is, we have a new 'fear' of it breaking, so we are resistant to continue to pull. ÌýI've seen many people start their journey off strong and as they are so so close to having their debts all paid off, retract due to resistance.

So, how will you know if you are in 'resistance" at the beginning or towards the end of your journey? Quite simply. ÌýYou will MAKE EXCUSES. ÌýYou will PROCRASTINATE. ÌýYou will START SLIPPING back into your old spending habits. You will STOP BUDGETING. You will STOP COMMUNICATING. ÌýYou will STOP WORKING THE PLAN.

At the 'beginning' of working on your new plan, Ìýyou might find yourself saying things like, "I have no time", "I'll just watch you do it and see how it works", "that's just not MY thing", But what is 'x' happens?".

At the end of working on your new plan, you might find yourself saying things like, "But we've worked so hard for the past few years, let's just reward ourselves", "I'm sick of measuring everything I do!", "I meant to fund the envelopes but forgot", I don't know where that extra week's paycheck went this month, was there really an extra week?", Ìý"we've skimped this long, I need to splurge just once."

All of these statements are clear signs that you are 'resistant' and resistance will inhibit you reaching your goal is you don't see it appearing. Ìý If you find yourself using any of this language, do something about it today. ÌýRegroup. Recommit. Reconnect. ÌýHOW? ÌýSign up for a Facebook support group and share, such as my Sick of the Hustle Budgeting discussion group-- it's a great forum to connect with others on the same journey. ÌýSign up for another Financial Peace University Class in your area. ÌýGet one on one coaching to help you along. (that's my specialty!). Get an accountability partner. ÌýRead Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover or Smart Money Smart Kids (again). Listen to some Podcasts on financial wellness. Share your success with someone else who is struggling and help them.
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Stay Positive and Keep all of these 'tools' handy in your toolbox when resistance rears its ugly head!

Michelle

It's been a long & tedious process, but it's finally live! My daughter Amanda's children's book is finally published!! It's a great message about self confidence & inner beauty that should be heard & taught to little girls of all ages.

Her story is about a monkey named Mandy. She looks at herself differently when she is comparing herself to others. She realizes that after trying to be like everyone else she loses her own identity. Meet Mandy's friend Georgia giraffe, Ella elephant, and Farrah flamingo who open Mandy's eyes to her unique nature and beauty!

If you'd like to purchase it you can use the link below that will direct you to CreatespaceÌýÌýORÌýÌýAmazon if you have an Amazon Prime accountÌý
It's $9.49 but in my opinion you can't put a price on a positive life long lesson. Please help her promote her book in ANY way you can!

Best Regards
Ìý ÌýMichelle

CHANGE IN ALL FORMS MATTERS!Ìý


What people don't always 'feel' is possible when they take on something they want to change or improve, Ìýactually IS possible!Ìý
With a little guidance and direction in any area of our lives that can use improvement, we can reap HUGE benefits. ÌýMAJOR shifts and changes can occur in a short time if you are willing to be 'coachable' and put in new efforts!Ìý

It is human nature to have areas in which we need to grow and learn. I always joke that "since I'm still on THIS SIDE of heaven, I must have MORE work to do." ÌýIt is so so true!ÌýThe things that I needed to learn in my 20's are certainly not things that I'm learning in my 40's. ÌýYet I had no idea in my 20's of the things I would still be needing (and wanting) to learn in my 40's. ÌýI've always been pretty open to self education and always wanting MORE in terms of knowledge, but truth be told, many times I focused my attention to learning in areas that I was already pretty sufficient in. I have NOT always put the effort into areas where I lacked skill or motivation. ÌýCase in point --after my recent return from Mexico, I truly think it's time to purchase the Rosetta Stone Spanish version and get started on what I've been saying I'm going to do for more than 10 years-- LEARN SPANISH!ÌýYou see ANY CHANGE and GROWTH starts with a simple decision that we can know and learn more. ÌýThen it takes action . We can't just WANT to learn something, we have to DO something to learn.ÌýI have many clients who seek me out because they are looking for support and a change in the area of handling their personal finances. It's not always bad.ÌýSometimes it's a recent college graduate who is just starting out on their own but have no idea how to budget or handle their own money and new living expenses.ÌýSometimes it's a new couple who have no idea how to manage their money jointly or how to handle what each just brought for debt into a new marriage.ÌýSometimes it's a couple who have fallen on hard times such as a job loss, or a medical issue that eliminates one of them working, kids are now embarking on college, or over spending has finally caught up with them. ÌýSometimes it's a recently divorced man or woman who is trying to adjust to a new life as a single person/single parent and unsure of how to make their finances work with less than what they had before. ÌýAll of these client scenarios improved once we started our work together but it started with a desire to learn and growâ€�I just received this testimonial from a new clientâ€�."As a person that has never been good at saving, I really didn't think that Michelle could teach me anything new about managing my money. But I was so wrong! In 2 months, she has helped me create an emergency fund that seemed completely unobtainable. She has been extremely easy to work with, and she has given me excellent guidance throughout this financial process. From making very difficult phone calls to creditors to realizing that the most important things don't need to cost a lot, her coaching has been a blessing! I highly recommend her to anyone needing guidance." Dawn C.
If you feel you can use some guidance or direction to help you manage your money better MAKE THE DECISION to get more information on how it works! ÌýCheck out my website atÌý
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One of the most common themes I've struggled with in my own life is the "I'm not really that out of shape!" ÌýYet I've taken the same 25 pounds off and on again for the past two decades…over and over and over again. ÌýFirst, the clothes start to get a little tight, but I tell myself "I'm not really that out of shape". ÌýFeeling sluggish by 3pm becomes a daily occurrence and I add more caffeine and tell myself again "I'm not really that out of shape". The stairs seem to make me more 'winded' each time I have to track laundry up and down but you know what? You get it! ÌýSo the imprints of these things start to affect me in a way that I start thinking I better do SOMETHING. So I get motivated. I decide on what Ìýplan of attack I'll take. I get to the gym, take a walk, eat better…do well, shed some pounds and start to feel BETTER!
Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý But then something happens. ÌýI get busy, stressed, start feeling selfish for taking 'ME time' away from my family and business and slowly slip into those old habits and the pounds come back again.

One of the ways we can combat this is to ask for support/mentorship.ÌýThis past year my weight loss goals have been met and with relative consistency because of the help of a trainer and wellness coach. I've found that when I have more Ìý'skin in the game' I am more committed and I'm seeing longer term results and developing a healthy pattern of new behaviors.

Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý Ìý The same is true of developing a healthy plan for your finances.

Many of us, me included, hit periods where we start 'the plan' Ìýto spend less and save more. ÌýCommit ourselves to stop charging and start paying back on things we splurged on month's ago. ÌýHow many of you are still trying to pay for Christmas '2014 or summer vacation from LAST year? ÌýHow many of you are still paying for your college education and yet haven't seen the inside of a dorm room in nearly a decade? We get 'on track' but then something happens. ÌýNot the normal 'Oh no, Alex's cleats don't fit anymore and tryouts are next week!!!" OR "he's turning 16 in two weeks and the driver training enrollment needs to be in NOW?!" type stuff. It's more like this: Ìý"I've cooked three nights in a row and no one wants the leftovers the heck with it, let's go out!" OR "I can't believe it, I FINALLY got a 30% off code at Kohl's!" Ìýandâ€�.. WE GIVE IN. ÌýWE GET "OFF TRACK". ÌýWe think, just like other struggle areas that "we are really not THAT bad'. Ìý But our perception is tainted. We look around and try to justify that 'everyone' does it. We tell ourselves that our kids need to have a better education than we did no matter what the cost. Our student loan feels like a family pet. We end up working harder & Ìýlonger, and many times in jobs that are unfulfilling and even stop believing that the life we dream about is even possible any longer.

Ìý ÌýHow would using a financial coach benefit you in the way a wellness coach benefited me?

Do you need help navigating through a financial crisis? ÌýBuilding a workable budget? And having an accountability partner as you learn your way?Need help eliminating your debt once and for all?ÌýLearn how to deal with collectors?ÌýEstablish a plan for retirement and college?These are all areas of support where real guidance could make huge difference in the long term quality of your life!

Living in a bigger houseDriving more expensive carsWearing designer clothingÌýBirthday party for Billy and his 15 friendsÌýAll of these are great to have but I'm an advocate for having what you need before having what you want. I teach my clients the tools of building and protecting the '4 walls' (food - shelter- transportation- clothing) and building a solid foundation BEFORE you put the roof on.

Many families today "feel" (yes emotion drives 80% of our money handling) as though their children will suffer if they don't have the newest bat, the UGG boots, and the party for 15 at Chucky Cheese. I truly believe this started with our 80's generation because I don't remember my parents being focused on making sure I had $100 pairs of NIKE's, and a birthday party that cost as much as a monthly car payment. They knew better. ÌýSure, they had there set of 'keeping up with the Jones's too' but the credit frenzy was just beginning when I was a teenager. We had the Sears and JCPenney cards (didn't everyone?) but I didn't watch my parents charge the washer/dryer on 90 days same as cash. They didn't finance our childhood pet. They did what most American's did before credit became a 'normal way of life" they paid CASH and only when they could afford it.Ìý
So how is this new credit action affecting our children? Really think about the long term effects our buying decisions and behaviors have on our kids. If you are using credit cards to get your nails done, take the family vacation, and stopping at Panera, Papa Gino's, and Outback for dinner this week, these are the behavior patterns our kids see AND become accustomed to. ÌýThey don't SEE cash leave your hands. They don't SEE half of the weekly paycheck going out the door for the family cell phone plan with unlimited minutes, texts, and data. They don't SEE the cable bill came in $70 higher because it snowed for three days and school was canceled, and the added cost of 'hitting the rent movie button' actually takes away from the normal budget. ÌýUnless you are talking to them about what it takes to run a household and modeling the things you know will create healthy adults down the road, you are missing out on an opportunity to teach your children what Mastercard & Discover will teach them if you don't. Start using an 'envelope system". I'm a huge fan of what this one tool provided in terms of my kids SEEING a change in my behavior. When we stopped for a bite to eat at a drive thru for example I had my son pull out the envelope and the unfamilar cash to pay for the order. Same at the grocery store, if they are with me, they open up the envelope and can see the $$ leaving .. they also are quick to count what's left and tell me 'that's it? we better be careful!" ÌýI'm proud of this because I know there is a huge difference in their awareness (not just mine) that has benefited them with my changing my pattern from ignorance to understanding.Ìý
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Now that the weather is decent, it's that time of year when many people enjoy looking for treasures! Why not take advantage and SELL SOME OF YOUR STUFF!!! My last two yard sales netted me over $500 (and my kids over $100 each) so it was worth the time we put in�
Before you just throw everything onto a table in your driveway, there is some prep work that you should consider! 1. Pick a good day(s) and time. ÌýThis all depends upon where you live. I think Saturday mornings are the best times for sales. ÌýAs far as the time of day and length to run your sale â€� that is really personal preference.2. Advertise your yard sale time/place: ÌýUse social media to your advantage! Post an announcement on your personal Facebook page, Twitter, or Instagram!! Ask your friends and family to share as well. Also, Facebook now has yard sale 'group sites'- many for each town where you can post your events. Craigslist allows a free posting as well. Many local newspapers also allow free listings for local tag sales so get the word out along many outlets!

3. Clearly Direct Traffic to your Sale.Ìý Two daysÌýbefore, make sure you place signs helping shoppers find your sale. ÌýIt is best to start close to major intersections close to your home, followed by additional signs (with arrows) directing them to your home. Ìý 4. Organize your items for display. ÌýIf everything is thrown onto a table or things are dirty, most people will perceive your items as "junk" and may not even take the time to look through your goods.Ìý Just taking the extra time to have several tables and items split out by category (household goods, tools, toys, books) can yield you more money!Be sure you price your items. Start this process early in the planning stages. Don't wait until the night before or the day of to get started. ÌýÌý 5. Make sure your items are clean. ÌýAs you set your items out for your sale, take a minute to make sure that everything is clean.Ìý If your clothes or toys are dirty or your picture frame is coated in dust, it can really turn off potential buyers. 6. Launder and fold/hang clothing items. ÌýIfÌý you are going to sell clothes, you will want to spend time getting these items ready.Ìý I actually launder everything before I sell it.Ìý This helps me find those hidden stains that seem to appear after time. ÌýThink about it—Ì� Would you really want to purchase a dress that has a stain on it? Probably not! ÌýSort clothes by season and according to size. This makes it very easy for your buyers find what they are looking for. I also HIGHLY recommend hanging outfits. Either buy a rack or use a study clothes line and string across your front porch if you have one!

7. Clearly price all of your goods. ÌýIt's a turn off to me when I go to a tag sale or an antique store and nothing is tagged. People like to know what you are asking. If there are some items you are open to negotiating, keep those on a "make me an offer" or put a sticker with MMAO!Ìý If you are not sure what to price things, you can go and check out Ebay or Craigslist so that you can be sure you are asking a fair price for your items. Just be sure you don’t under price your stuff! People at tag sales will usually try to get you down, especially near the end. Know what you want and go from there.Ìý 8.Ìý Make sure you have plenty of change available (and only take cash). Ìý ÌýI get $100 in change before I start.Ìý I start out with $20 in change in my box at a time. Make sure you have $1's, $5's, $10's and regularly coin change! If you are selling items at .75/.50 you will need quarters!! Wearing a carpenters apron helps if you are walking around a lot. ÌýAccept only cash! ÌýI’d also recommend you accept nothing larger than $20 bills.Ìý If you are selling a large ticket item, you can ask the purchaser to please go and get $20 bills. You would hate to get counterfeit bills given to you and then you’ll be out your cash â€� and your item! 9. ÌýOffer 50% off of “Goodie Boxesâ€� Toward the End of the Sale. ÌýÌýIf time is drawing close to ending your sale and you have items to move, you can offer 50% off of all marked prices. People that show up at the end are those that are probably expecting that and will haggle anyway. Ìý 10. ÌýPrice Items to Sell and Be Willing to Negotiate Those Prices. ÌýÌýIf you really want to sell your items, make sure that you remove emotion. If you are attached to a baby blanket, you will think it is worth more than it really is.When the sale is over decide if you want to have another run at this. You can take the remaining items and put them up on the Facebook community yard sale sites, Ebay, Craigslist OR Ìýyou can gift your treasures to Goodwill or another local charity so that others are blessed by your giving them.ÌýLASTLY, tally up what you made and make those dollars count! Deposit them into your growing Emergency Fund (if you have NOT yet saved $1000) and if you have apply those dollars towards your debt snowball. Ìý Ìý