Jay Wiseman's Blog
October 9, 2024
On Being Untied
Excerpted from "Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook" (p. 44) Kindle Edition
[Note: this relatively brief excerpt addresses only the physical and emotional aspects of the typically fairly short untying process. More comprehensive aftercare is addressed shortly thereafter in the book.]
On Being Untied
There are several useful things to know about being untied.
Probably the most important guideline is that bottoms who are being untied should resist the urge to struggle and pull free of bondage as it is being removed. For one thing, such movement may actually slow down the untying process by hindering what the top is doing. For another thing, body parts that have been bound for a while may have lost a bit of muscle tone, and sudden, strong movements may strain muscles or even sprain tendons and ligaments. Finally, given that muscle tone may have decreased and given that the bottom may not be able to predict how their body will move, strong movements can put the bottom at increased risk of falling. As a general rule, I recommend that the bottom remain still until the top specifically tells them, “You may move.� (It’s wise to cover this point in pre-play negotiations.)
Upon being given permission to move, it is often wise for the bottom to begin moving their body very slowly, thus allowing muscle tone and balance to return at an easy-to-tolerate rate. Because muscles which have been relatively motionless for some time can develop very painful cramps if suddenly stretched, I recommend that the bottom try modest movements before attempting an all-out stretch.
Because muscle tone may be especially low in the upper arms, it is not uncommon to see freshly untied bottoms do things such as use their fingers to “spider walk� (like in the old “Let Your Fingers Do the Walking� TV commercials) their arms out from behind their backs. Similar movements can sometimes be seen when the bottom uses small movements of their feet and ankles to move their upper legs.
Well-meaning tops often make the following two mistakes:
� Moving a part of the bottom’s body for them.
While this can seem like a kind thing to do, moving a body part before it has had time to re-establish adequate muscle tone can actually increase the chances of a strain or sprain. As a rule, it’s usually better to wait and allow the bottom to move their own body unless they request your assistance.
� Rubbing freshly unbound tissue.
“Rope tracks� in freshly unbound tissue may look a bit scary, but unless the bondage was applied with unusually high pressure, such tracks will usually go away by themselves within a few hours � as in, “they’ll be gone in the morning.� Well-meaning tops sometimes attempt to help the bottom by rubbing the tracked area. In general, this does no actual good and may even be mildly harmful. Remember that this is compressed tissue: Further compression is unlikely to do it any good and may actually be harmful. It’s usually better to simply let the tissue re-expand at its own rate.
If a numb body area such as an arm or leg gets a “pins and needles� feeling to it as the bondage is removed, it may indicate that the bondage was applied so tightly that it compressed a nerve or interfered with blood flow into the limb. In such a case, the bottom may find it helpful to have some light, general massage in that area. As always, get feedback as appropriate.
Blindfold Removal
Eyes that have been blindfolded may have lost a bit of muscle tone and thus be unable to comfortably accommodate sudden exposure to light. While I have never heard of a bottom suffering an actual injury from a sudden blindfold removal, it can certainly be an unpleasant experience. I don’t think a top should do something like that unless they are intentionally trying to be sadistic. One fairly considerate approach can be to unbind the bottom’s arms and let them remove the blindfold at their own pace. Keeping the light in the playroom at a low level during this process is also a kindness.
[Note: this relatively brief excerpt addresses only the physical and emotional aspects of the typically fairly short untying process. More comprehensive aftercare is addressed shortly thereafter in the book.]
On Being Untied
There are several useful things to know about being untied.
Probably the most important guideline is that bottoms who are being untied should resist the urge to struggle and pull free of bondage as it is being removed. For one thing, such movement may actually slow down the untying process by hindering what the top is doing. For another thing, body parts that have been bound for a while may have lost a bit of muscle tone, and sudden, strong movements may strain muscles or even sprain tendons and ligaments. Finally, given that muscle tone may have decreased and given that the bottom may not be able to predict how their body will move, strong movements can put the bottom at increased risk of falling. As a general rule, I recommend that the bottom remain still until the top specifically tells them, “You may move.� (It’s wise to cover this point in pre-play negotiations.)
Upon being given permission to move, it is often wise for the bottom to begin moving their body very slowly, thus allowing muscle tone and balance to return at an easy-to-tolerate rate. Because muscles which have been relatively motionless for some time can develop very painful cramps if suddenly stretched, I recommend that the bottom try modest movements before attempting an all-out stretch.
Because muscle tone may be especially low in the upper arms, it is not uncommon to see freshly untied bottoms do things such as use their fingers to “spider walk� (like in the old “Let Your Fingers Do the Walking� TV commercials) their arms out from behind their backs. Similar movements can sometimes be seen when the bottom uses small movements of their feet and ankles to move their upper legs.
Well-meaning tops often make the following two mistakes:
� Moving a part of the bottom’s body for them.
While this can seem like a kind thing to do, moving a body part before it has had time to re-establish adequate muscle tone can actually increase the chances of a strain or sprain. As a rule, it’s usually better to wait and allow the bottom to move their own body unless they request your assistance.
� Rubbing freshly unbound tissue.
“Rope tracks� in freshly unbound tissue may look a bit scary, but unless the bondage was applied with unusually high pressure, such tracks will usually go away by themselves within a few hours � as in, “they’ll be gone in the morning.� Well-meaning tops sometimes attempt to help the bottom by rubbing the tracked area. In general, this does no actual good and may even be mildly harmful. Remember that this is compressed tissue: Further compression is unlikely to do it any good and may actually be harmful. It’s usually better to simply let the tissue re-expand at its own rate.
If a numb body area such as an arm or leg gets a “pins and needles� feeling to it as the bondage is removed, it may indicate that the bondage was applied so tightly that it compressed a nerve or interfered with blood flow into the limb. In such a case, the bottom may find it helpful to have some light, general massage in that area. As always, get feedback as appropriate.
Blindfold Removal
Eyes that have been blindfolded may have lost a bit of muscle tone and thus be unable to comfortably accommodate sudden exposure to light. While I have never heard of a bottom suffering an actual injury from a sudden blindfold removal, it can certainly be an unpleasant experience. I don’t think a top should do something like that unless they are intentionally trying to be sadistic. One fairly considerate approach can be to unbind the bottom’s arms and let them remove the blindfold at their own pace. Keeping the light in the playroom at a low level during this process is also a kindness.
September 8, 2024
Sex-positive Writers Group
Hi Everybody,
My Sex-positive Writers� Group meets this week (09/09 -- 09/13) as usual. We'll be meeting on our usual days and at our usual times -- Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday from 11:00 to 1:15 Pacific time.
We are modeled after the excellent "Shut Up & Write" groups found on MeetUp.
Arrival and check-in is from 11:00 to about 11:15 or so, then we quietly write for an hour, followed by a 15-minute break, then we quietly write for another 45 minutes and finally chat a bit after the meeting ends.. While it's not required, we usually turn off our cameras and mics during the writing periods.
Attendees need not write about sex but must be okay if sex is being discussed (usually rather dryly 😁).
If you'd like to attend and you're not already on the list then please email me at [email protected] and let me know what name you'll be using. (Names not on the "please let me in" list will not be admitted.)
You must be signed in to your Zoom account to attend.
Best regards to all,
Jay
My Sex-positive Writers� Group meets this week (09/09 -- 09/13) as usual. We'll be meeting on our usual days and at our usual times -- Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday from 11:00 to 1:15 Pacific time.
We are modeled after the excellent "Shut Up & Write" groups found on MeetUp.
Arrival and check-in is from 11:00 to about 11:15 or so, then we quietly write for an hour, followed by a 15-minute break, then we quietly write for another 45 minutes and finally chat a bit after the meeting ends.. While it's not required, we usually turn off our cameras and mics during the writing periods.
Attendees need not write about sex but must be okay if sex is being discussed (usually rather dryly 😁).
If you'd like to attend and you're not already on the list then please email me at [email protected] and let me know what name you'll be using. (Names not on the "please let me in" list will not be admitted.)
You must be signed in to your Zoom account to attend.
Best regards to all,
Jay
