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Epitaphs and Etiquette

Each year, the young women and young men (ages 12 to 18) in our church congregation have an "etiquette dinner". They learn about proper ways to behave on a date.



This year's dinner was close to Halloween, so my wife asked me to come up with some epitaphs for those that didn't follow the rules.



These will mean more if you are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but even if you aren't, keep in mind that some of these guidelines may seem old fashioned today. For example, waiting until 16 to date, when slow dancing, making sure there is space between the couples and such.



Without further ado, here are some of the epitaphs:





The life of Riley

Is now at an end

Asking the question,

"Can't we just be friends?"



Rest now peace now

Our noble Aaron

Asked out Haley

In front of Darrin



Struck down by lightening

Were Maddie and Norman

The space between dancing

Just one Book of Mormon



Dear McKay was quite wise

He was never home late

But foolish in taking

Two girls on the same date



Please rest in peace

Our sweetest Kelley

She choked on butterflies

From inside her belly



No longer on this Earth

Is the unwise young Tom

When he told Carla

You remind me of Mom



Deep in this grave

Is our dear Nate

He tried to kiss

His very first date



At the zoo died Dallin

Dating a girl that he dug

Took too literally

Request for a bear hug



Dear Julia is gone

Not high, low or in-between

'Cos she went on a date

Before she was sixteen



Madsen is quite dead

It's hard to believe

From trying to wipe

His mouth on his sleeve



Here lies the very young Alex

He felt like such a dork

Died from embarrassment

From using the wrong fork



The far too young Morgan

Buried there in the sands

On a date with Derrick

Tried to drive and hold hands



Passed away is Daniel

On a date was this dude

Ate with his mouth open

Misunderstood "sea food"



Gone away is Brycen

Accidently mistook

While picking up his date

Beautiful Blair for Brook



David didn't have much

Between his two ears

Asking twenty-six girls

To wait for two years



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Published on October 30, 2011 10:28
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