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Featherhood: A Memoir of Two Fathers and a Magpie
In this moving, critically acclaimed memoir, a young man saves a baby magpie as his estranged father is dying, only to find that caring for the mischievous bird saves him.
One spring day, a baby magpie falls out of its nest and into Charlie Gilmour’s hands. Magpies, he soon discovers, are as clever and mischievous as monkeys. They are also notorious thieves, and this one quickly steals his heart. By the time the creature develops shiny black feathers that inspire the name Benzene, Charlie and the bird have forged an unbreakable bond.
While caring for Benzene, Charlie learns his biological father, an eccentric British poet named Heathcote Williams who vanished when Charlie was six months old, is ill. As he grapples with Heathcote’s abandonment, Charlie comes across one of his poems, in which Heathcote describes how an impish young jackdaw fell from its nest and captured his affection. Over time, Benzene helps Charlie unravel his fears about repeating the past—and embrace the role of father himself.
A bird falls, a father dies, a child is born. Featherhood is the unforgettable story of a love affair between a man and a bird. It is also a beautiful and affecting memoir about childhood and parenthood, captivity and freedom, grief and love.
One spring day, a baby magpie falls out of its nest and into Charlie Gilmour’s hands. Magpies, he soon discovers, are as clever and mischievous as monkeys. They are also notorious thieves, and this one quickly steals his heart. By the time the creature develops shiny black feathers that inspire the name Benzene, Charlie and the bird have forged an unbreakable bond.
While caring for Benzene, Charlie learns his biological father, an eccentric British poet named Heathcote Williams who vanished when Charlie was six months old, is ill. As he grapples with Heathcote’s abandonment, Charlie comes across one of his poems, in which Heathcote describes how an impish young jackdaw fell from its nest and captured his affection. Over time, Benzene helps Charlie unravel his fears about repeating the past—and embrace the role of father himself.
A bird falls, a father dies, a child is born. Featherhood is the unforgettable story of a love affair between a man and a bird. It is also a beautiful and affecting memoir about childhood and parenthood, captivity and freedom, grief and love.
295 pages, Hardcover
First published August 27, 2020
117 people are currently reading
6,866 people want to read
About the author
Charlie Gilmour
5books84followersCharlie Gilmour is the author of Featherhood, a memoir about fathers and birds. Out now in the UK, North America, the Netherlands, Germany, Italy, China, France, & South Korea. Featherhood was shortlisted for the Wainwright Prize and was The Times & Sunday Times Memoir of the Year and a Guardian Book of the Year.
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June 18, 2022
Like a bird flying repeatedly into a pane of glass, I kept seeking Heathcote. Each time I reached out for him, the crack yawned open just a little wider, until eventually. I hurtled straight through.--------------------------------------
How do you let go of someone you never had?Charlie Gilmour was living in southeast London when his partner’s sister came across an abandoned chick.
Magpies leave home far too soon—long before they can really fly or properly fend for themselves. For weeks after they fledge their nests, they’re dependent on their parents for sustenance, protection, and an education too. But this bird’s parents are nowhere to be seen. They’re nor feeding it, or watching it, or guarding it; no alarm calls sound as a large apex predator approaches with footfalls made heavy by steel-toed boots. It could be no accident that the bird is on the ground. If food was running short, a savage calculation may have been performed, showing that the only way to keep the family airborne was to jettison the runt.
From infancy to adulthood � From Charlie’s eulogy for Heathcote –photos by Polly Sampson and Charlie
This small bird with a huge personality caught his attention. Charlie’s struggles to care for, to raise, this raucous magpie parallels his growth as a person, and his lifelong struggle to get to know the man who had abandoned him as a
an old boyhood dream
Of having a jackdaw on your shoulder, like a pirate.
Whispering secrets in your ear
Charlie seizes on this connection when he discovered the poem his father had written about the experience.
“Initially it was just meant to be a light-hearted story about this magpie that came to live with me, roosted in my hair, shat all over my clothes and stole my house keys. When my biological father died, though, it became a much, much more complicated story. Honestly, I really didn’t know what the book was about until I was quite far into the writing process.� - From the Vanity Fair interviewWilliams was quite a character, a merry prankster, a Peter Pan sort, grandly creative but not the best at responsibility, able to charm all those around him, doing magic tricks, persuading people that he really was there for them, while never really being able to handle the demands or needs of the people who needed him most, leaving domestic carnage in his wake. Charlie had never really understood why, one day, he suddenly just got up and flew the coop on him and his mother, Polly Samson. This memoir tracks Charlie’s quest to make sense of the father he never really knew.
Charlie Gilmour and his beloved magpie Benzene � image from Vanity Fair - photo by Sarah Lee
Charlie lucked out in the parent department in another way. When Mom remarried, it was to David Gilmour of Pink Floyd fame. None of David’s music career is addressed here. But he is shown as a stand-up guy, a supportive, understanding, and loving father who takes Charlie under his wing by adopting him.
Absent fathers are hardly uncommon. In 97 percent of single parent families, it’s the mother who ends up taking responsibility for the kids. The child’s impulse to seek them out is just as widespread: psychiatrists call it “father hunger�. I was lucky: I was adopted, and the man who became my dad is both a brilliant man and a brilliant parent. But the longing to know your maker is something that lives on. - from the Public reading Room pieceWe follow the growth of Charlie along with Benzene. It is made clear early on that a magpie presents both challenges and delights that are uncommon in human-critter relations. Tales of bird behavior that might have one pulling out hair in clumps (which might actually be useful, as the bird stores food in Charlie’s hair) are told with warmth, and, frequently, hilarity. My favorite of these occurs when Benzene is under the sway of a nesting instinct, having settled on the top of the fridge as a place on which to construct her DIY nest. At a birthday party for her:
My dad strums her a song; my younger sister reads a poem; and a family friend, a venerable literary academic named John, unwillingly provides the sex appeal. This rather reserved man of letters is too polite to do anything but quote Shakespeare as Benzene places her birthday bluebottles and beetles lovingly up his sleeve and tugs the hem of his trousers insistently nestward.
=Heathcote Williams planning one of the Windsor free festivals in his Westbourne Park squat, London, in 1974 - Image from his obit in the Guardian - Photo by Richard Adams
Charlie’s nesting life is also under development. After he marries his partner and they talk about growing their family, he must confront his fears of being a parent himself. Nature vs nurture. Will he be the absentee his biological father was, or the rock-solid mensch of a parent he lucked into in David Gilmour? Clearly a concern that requires some resolution before going ahead and fertilizing an egg. The issue extends to a question of mental illness. Heathcote had been ill-behaved enough to get institutionalized. It was certainly the case that his behavior often crossed the line from eccentric to certifiable. Did Charlie inherit his father’s proclivities? Is genetics destiny? Charlie had committed some behavioral excesses of his own, consuming vast quantities of illegal substances, which fueled some extremely bad behavior. This landed him on the front pages of the local tabloids, swinging from a beloved and respected war memorial during a protest, and then in prison.
Charlie with David Gilmour � image from The Guardian - photo by Sarah Lee
Charlie takes us through the attempts he made for many years to connect with Heathcote, but his father offered only teases of interest, always managing to disappear before Charlie could latch on, a hurtful bit of legerdemain.
In addition to the title, the names, which largely focus on feather development, given to the five parts of the book, set the tone. All the expected imagery is used throughout, including fledging to nest-building, to mating behavior, to molting, egg-laying and so on. It could easily have been overdone, but I found it charming. In rooting about in Heathcote’s history Charlie offers us, in addition to his personal tale, some of Heathcote’s outrageous adventures from back in the day. Charlie’s personal growth as a person adds heft.
I was reminded of a few other memoirs. In Hollywood Park, musician and writer Mikel Jollett tries, a lot more successfully than Charlie, to connect with his missing father, confronting issues of nature vs nurture. Helen MacDonald’s looks at her training a goshawk as a coping mechanism to help in grieving for and remaining connected to her late father, similar in feathery subject matter, although it is quite a different book. Alan Cumming, in , looks at the damage his father had done to him, trying to figure out how this mercurial man had become so cruel, as Charlie tries to figure out how his mercurial, if not overtly cruel, father had become so nurturing-phobic. John Grogan’s looks at the difficulties of caring for a difficult pet, and the corresponding rewards.
It is not necessary to love the memoirist to enjoy their book, but that is not an issue here. Charlie behaved rather poorly, both as a child and an early twenty-something, but learned his lesson, grew up, straightened out, and became a likable, decent sort, a very good writer who is very well able to communicate the struggles through which he has grown. It is easy to root for him to get to the bottom of what made Heathcote tick, and to find a way to make peace with what their minimal relationship had been. His writing is accessible, warm, moving, and at times LOL funny. You will need a few tissues at the ready by the end. Just for padding your roost, of course.
In the Archive, the sour smell of mold is somehow even more overpowering than it was at Port Eliot, as if the material is rebelling against the light. At the end of each day I come away filthy, sneezing, and feeling lousy—but I keep going back for more. I need this. My approach is far from methodical. I attack the body of words and images like a carrion bird, looking for the wound that will yield to my prying beak, the original injury that unravels the man. I peel back layers of skin, pick over the bones, snip my way to the heart of the matter. A patchwork biography begins to emerge; a rough story told in scavenged scraps. It feels almost like stealing, like robbing the grave, except it’s not the treasure that interests me. Heathcote’s glories get hardly a glance. It’s the traumas I’m searching for. Answers to those same old questions. Why does a person disappear? What makes a man run from his child? Why was Heathcote so afraid of family? What forces guided that nocturnal flight in Spring so many years ago?
Review first posted � February 19, 2021
Publication dates
----------January 5, 2021 - hardcover
----------January 11, 2022 - trade paperback
I received an ARE of this book from Scribner in return for an honest review. No feathering of nests was involved. Thanks, folks.
And thanks to MC for bringing this to my attention. You know who you are.
=============================EXTRA STUFF
Links to the author’s , , , , and pages
Interviews
-----The One Show -
----- - Charlie and David Gilmour on their relationship and history
-----Bookpage - by Alice Cary
-----Vanity Fair - by Chiara Nardelli Nonino
Songs/Music
-----Donovan -
-----The Beatles -
Items of Interest from the author
-----Vogue -
-----Waterstones - - 1:52
-----5x15 Stories -
-----The Guardian -
-----Public Reading Rooms -
----- Charlie’s articles for
Items of Interest
-----BBC - - a short doc on Charlie
-----Wiki on
-----The Guardian -
-----Straight Up Herman � an arts journal blog - - Heathcote Williams� poem
Other memoirs of interest
-----Hollywood Park by Mikel Jollett
----- by Helen Macdonald
----- by Alan Cumming
----- by John Grogan
October 31, 2021
THIS. IS. INCREDIBLE. Possibly the best nature book I've read since H is for Hawk. Check out my review on !
March 3, 2021
So, did I fall for the book or the bird? Maybe a little of both because Benzene and Heathcote were both very unusual and had big personalities. Benzene, was a half dead magpie when Charlie's
girlfriend brought the bird home. Charlie doubted the bird sound survive, he was pretty sure he didn't know how to take care of Benzene. He knew little about birds and little about magpies. Yet, Benzene does survive and becomes an integral part of the family.
In an alternate storyline Charlie is trying to find out why his birth father left he and his mother shortly after his birth. He has sporadic, unsatisfying contact with Heathcote who quickly proves himself undependable and elusive. We learn of Charlie's past and the present, where he and his girlfriend are planning their wedding, get married and talk about having a child. Heathcote is a strange man, a well known post who has published books, but unable to be a father. His life story, when eventually known, shows us why.
As Benzene grows the stories become very amusing. Charlie and Heathcote story is poignant and sad. The two though, balance each other out. Benzene will give Charlie what he needs most, self confidence and self esteem. I also learned much about the very intellectual magpies.
ARC from Netgalley
girlfriend brought the bird home. Charlie doubted the bird sound survive, he was pretty sure he didn't know how to take care of Benzene. He knew little about birds and little about magpies. Yet, Benzene does survive and becomes an integral part of the family.
In an alternate storyline Charlie is trying to find out why his birth father left he and his mother shortly after his birth. He has sporadic, unsatisfying contact with Heathcote who quickly proves himself undependable and elusive. We learn of Charlie's past and the present, where he and his girlfriend are planning their wedding, get married and talk about having a child. Heathcote is a strange man, a well known post who has published books, but unable to be a father. His life story, when eventually known, shows us why.
As Benzene grows the stories become very amusing. Charlie and Heathcote story is poignant and sad. The two though, balance each other out. Benzene will give Charlie what he needs most, self confidence and self esteem. I also learned much about the very intellectual magpies.
ARC from Netgalley
November 24, 2023
I plan on reading this a second time.
HAVING NOW LISTENED TO THIS TWICE I STILL THINK IT IS WONDERFUL! I WA TEMPTED TO CHANGE MY RATING TO FIVE STARS, BUT LOVING A BOOK IS NOT QUITE THE SAME AS FINDING IT TO BE AMAZING. I DO VERY HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT TO READERS INTERESTED IN HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS AS WELL AS FLORA AND FAUNA. IT'S VERY MUXH ABOUT COMING TP TERMS WITH YOUR OWN SELF. THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL, WELL WROTTEN BOOK. DON'T MISS IT.
**
The central focus of is about the author’s own psychological turmoil when he was in his late twenties. Soon to be marrid, he had to work through his relationships with his adoptive and his biological father. His biological father had deserted his mother and him as an infant. He had to straighten out in his head the relative importance of nature versus nurture. He feared he would inherit from his birth father traits he despised. Could he be a good husband and father?
So where does the magpie come into the picture? On the eve of their marriage, Charlie and his fiancée had been given a magpie hatchling to care for. They had become terribly attached to him�..or was it a her? Benzene was the name chosen for the chick. Charlie’s biological father had raised and come to love a jackdaw. What a coincidence?! Or was this love of the aviary in his genes?
Although Charlie knew very little of his birth father, the little that he knew pointed toward striking similarities! He was worried. He had to know more.
The author plays with words—the title is a perfect example. Motherhood, fatherhood, featherhood—the raising of a chick! The prose turns toward the poetic at times. Too often this obscures the meaning of the message conveyed. The author’s biological father was a poet-- (1941 - 2017). Is this another inherited trait?
Charlie’s worries never became my own. I felt no personal connection with him.
I am uncomfortable reading about hospitals scenes. There are many in this book. There is both a birth and a death.
I prefer the other books listed below because there I was emotionally pulled in by the bond between animal and man. This bond is not the central focus of ’s book. It is instead his relationships with his two fathers and coming to terms with himself. You do learn facts about birds of the corvid family.
The author narrates the audiobook. He speaks clearly. He doesn’t overdramatize. It is not hard to follow. I like his narration, so I am giving it three stars, the same as the book.
*
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5 stars
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5 stars
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4 stars
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3 stars
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TBR
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TBR
HAVING NOW LISTENED TO THIS TWICE I STILL THINK IT IS WONDERFUL! I WA TEMPTED TO CHANGE MY RATING TO FIVE STARS, BUT LOVING A BOOK IS NOT QUITE THE SAME AS FINDING IT TO BE AMAZING. I DO VERY HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT TO READERS INTERESTED IN HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS AS WELL AS FLORA AND FAUNA. IT'S VERY MUXH ABOUT COMING TP TERMS WITH YOUR OWN SELF. THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL, WELL WROTTEN BOOK. DON'T MISS IT.
**
The central focus of is about the author’s own psychological turmoil when he was in his late twenties. Soon to be marrid, he had to work through his relationships with his adoptive and his biological father. His biological father had deserted his mother and him as an infant. He had to straighten out in his head the relative importance of nature versus nurture. He feared he would inherit from his birth father traits he despised. Could he be a good husband and father?
So where does the magpie come into the picture? On the eve of their marriage, Charlie and his fiancée had been given a magpie hatchling to care for. They had become terribly attached to him�..or was it a her? Benzene was the name chosen for the chick. Charlie’s biological father had raised and come to love a jackdaw. What a coincidence?! Or was this love of the aviary in his genes?
Although Charlie knew very little of his birth father, the little that he knew pointed toward striking similarities! He was worried. He had to know more.
The author plays with words—the title is a perfect example. Motherhood, fatherhood, featherhood—the raising of a chick! The prose turns toward the poetic at times. Too often this obscures the meaning of the message conveyed. The author’s biological father was a poet-- (1941 - 2017). Is this another inherited trait?
Charlie’s worries never became my own. I felt no personal connection with him.
I am uncomfortable reading about hospitals scenes. There are many in this book. There is both a birth and a death.
I prefer the other books listed below because there I was emotionally pulled in by the bond between animal and man. This bond is not the central focus of ’s book. It is instead his relationships with his two fathers and coming to terms with himself. You do learn facts about birds of the corvid family.
The author narrates the audiobook. He speaks clearly. He doesn’t overdramatize. It is not hard to follow. I like his narration, so I am giving it three stars, the same as the book.
*
*
by
5 stars
*
by
5 stars
*
by
4 stars
*
by
3 stars
*
by
TBR
*
by
TBR
December 26, 2020
slightly expanded version of this review now on
I've been following Benzene and Charlie's story on Instagram from nearly the beginning, so of course I lost my ENTIRE shit when I found out he's publishing a book.
Eyebrows are often raised amongst the cynical and the merely pragmatic whenever someone with famous connections � in this case the son of Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour � lands a book deal, but in this case within the first few pages it becomes clear that Gilmour is a superb writer, and that this book was published on its own merit rather than because of friends in high places. It is ostensibly a memoir about the bond between Gilmour and the magpie he rescued from near-death as a fledgling, but also dives deep into the very heart of Gilmour’s past, his relationships, and ultimately his soul.
As a celebration of the magpie, it is a must read for those indifferent to magpies or those who hate them � because it will certainly change your mind. It is impossible to read this book and not come out as a magpie-lover, as Gilmour extols the virtues, vices and sheer sparkling intelligence of these wonderful birds. By turns humorous and heartfelt, tragic and triumphant, if you are looking for a book that will bring a new, multi-faceted perspective to your life, Featherhood is it. It is a reminder in these troubled times that there is always room for tenderness and kindness, both to our human and our animal neighbours.
NB: If you're wondering why this review is more flouncy than my usual fare, it's because most of it was cannibalised from a cover letter I wrote to Penguin Random House (I did not get the job.)
I've been following Benzene and Charlie's story on Instagram from nearly the beginning, so of course I lost my ENTIRE shit when I found out he's publishing a book.
Eyebrows are often raised amongst the cynical and the merely pragmatic whenever someone with famous connections � in this case the son of Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour � lands a book deal, but in this case within the first few pages it becomes clear that Gilmour is a superb writer, and that this book was published on its own merit rather than because of friends in high places. It is ostensibly a memoir about the bond between Gilmour and the magpie he rescued from near-death as a fledgling, but also dives deep into the very heart of Gilmour’s past, his relationships, and ultimately his soul.
As a celebration of the magpie, it is a must read for those indifferent to magpies or those who hate them � because it will certainly change your mind. It is impossible to read this book and not come out as a magpie-lover, as Gilmour extols the virtues, vices and sheer sparkling intelligence of these wonderful birds. By turns humorous and heartfelt, tragic and triumphant, if you are looking for a book that will bring a new, multi-faceted perspective to your life, Featherhood is it. It is a reminder in these troubled times that there is always room for tenderness and kindness, both to our human and our animal neighbours.
NB: If you're wondering why this review is more flouncy than my usual fare, it's because most of it was cannibalised from a cover letter I wrote to Penguin Random House (I did not get the job.)
May 7, 2024
Mixed feelings about this one. Some beautiful writing, but also some details of bird and human excrement that put me off. It was a bit of a roller coaster ride. Fairly early on, I almost gave up. I am glad I didn't.
Favorite quotes that are meaningful to me:
"Corvids are some of natures greatest hoarders, always preparing for leaner times by stashing food, leaving behind little crisis larders wherever they go."
"The boys squeal with shock and delight as the exotic birds stitch their way across the fish belly of their arms."
"We all have our own deep roots grounded in the past, darkly guiding our present. You can't sever yourself from your past but perhaps if you dig around a little you can excavate some of its power. Expose those roots to the heat of the sun. Let them wither."
"Four months old the baby contains ghost prints of all these people but, above all, she is exactly herself."
Favorite quotes that are meaningful to me:
"Corvids are some of natures greatest hoarders, always preparing for leaner times by stashing food, leaving behind little crisis larders wherever they go."
"The boys squeal with shock and delight as the exotic birds stitch their way across the fish belly of their arms."
"We all have our own deep roots grounded in the past, darkly guiding our present. You can't sever yourself from your past but perhaps if you dig around a little you can excavate some of its power. Expose those roots to the heat of the sun. Let them wither."
"Four months old the baby contains ghost prints of all these people but, above all, she is exactly herself."
March 6, 2021
I loved this book so much. It made me feel sad and happy at times. Like Charlie I had a similar experience trying to save a juvenile squirrel named peanut. I thought it was really cool that he found a poem that his estranged father had written about saving a bird and what affection the bird bought his father similar to Charlie's experience. A beautiful well written story about the love this bird brings this young man Charlie and the help it gives him with dealing with his relationships with two fathers and becoming a great father himself. A must read. Great author.
May 28, 2021
I’m not sure why I avoided this last year; I seem to have talked myself into thinking it would pale in comparison to H Is for Hawk, but in fact it more than earns a place next to Macdonald’s on the shelf. While both books are, broadly, bereavement memoirs that happen to incorporate bird-keeping, the family dynamics involved are very different. Whereas Macdonald’s father was beloved and much missed, Gilmour had decidedly mixed feelings. He was an afterthought: the disdained evidence of a brief dalliance his father, poet Heathcote Williams, had with a young woman (Polly Samson, a novelist) he met through his publisher after he had already had the requisite two children.
As an aimless twentysomething with a history of drug use and jail time (after a tuition fees protest gone wrong), Gilmour tried to rekindle a relationship with his unreliable father at the same time that he and his wife were pondering starting a family of their own. While all of this was happening, he was also raising Benzene, a magpie that fell out of the nest and ended up in his care. This was not a usual or even desirable situation, as Gilmour is at pains to emphasize in a note at the end of the book (helpless baby birds should generally be left alone, or at most returned to the nearest tree or hedge for the parent bird to find).
Nonetheless, the experience taught him lessons of responsibility and compassionate care for another creature. Benzene is a delightful character in her own right, especially after Gilmour’s grandmother taught her to talk. Alas, she didn’t manage the whole of “F*** Trump,� just repeated “Trump!� but her other key phrase was “Come on,� which served as a sort of invitation to Gilmour to move forward with courage. Heathcote, too, had a pet corvid � in his case, a jackdaw � who appeared in his poetry. Gilmour makes such elegant use of all these connections and metaphors, heading the memoir’s sections with names of feather types. He’s so good at scenes, dialogue and emotion � a natural writer, one I hope we’ll see on the Sunday Times Young Writer of the Year Award shortlist and hear much more from in the future. I think he’d write a fine novel, if he chooses to follow in his mother’s footsteps.
Another readalike: Blood Ties by Ben Crane
As an aimless twentysomething with a history of drug use and jail time (after a tuition fees protest gone wrong), Gilmour tried to rekindle a relationship with his unreliable father at the same time that he and his wife were pondering starting a family of their own. While all of this was happening, he was also raising Benzene, a magpie that fell out of the nest and ended up in his care. This was not a usual or even desirable situation, as Gilmour is at pains to emphasize in a note at the end of the book (helpless baby birds should generally be left alone, or at most returned to the nearest tree or hedge for the parent bird to find).
Nonetheless, the experience taught him lessons of responsibility and compassionate care for another creature. Benzene is a delightful character in her own right, especially after Gilmour’s grandmother taught her to talk. Alas, she didn’t manage the whole of “F*** Trump,� just repeated “Trump!� but her other key phrase was “Come on,� which served as a sort of invitation to Gilmour to move forward with courage. Heathcote, too, had a pet corvid � in his case, a jackdaw � who appeared in his poetry. Gilmour makes such elegant use of all these connections and metaphors, heading the memoir’s sections with names of feather types. He’s so good at scenes, dialogue and emotion � a natural writer, one I hope we’ll see on the Sunday Times Young Writer of the Year Award shortlist and hear much more from in the future. I think he’d write a fine novel, if he chooses to follow in his mother’s footsteps.
Another readalike: Blood Ties by Ben Crane
October 5, 2020
I remember seeing the photo of Charlie Gilmour (Cambridge undergraduate and adopted son of Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour) swinging from the Cenotaph war memorial in the anti-austerity protests of 2010. It made for great headlines, and resulted in a 4-month prison sentence for the angry and disturbed young man.
This unusual and compelling memoir is a great reminder that there’s always a story behind a story. And that it’s so easy to make assumptions about people you don’t know. And that sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to move forward. And that the love of others can matter more than anything.
Charlie Gilmour’s book is multi-faceted - it includes a moving account of personal struggle, some truly beautiful nature writing and considerable insight into the strange worlds of corvids (the crow family) and the poet Heathcote Williams (Charlie’s estranged biological father).
These strange mix of themes are quite brilliantly threaded together. Even if you don’t find yourself “liking� young Charlie, it’s hard not to be impressed by his way with words, his honesty, and his detailed research.
And you will never look at a magpie in the same way again.
Highly recommended.
This unusual and compelling memoir is a great reminder that there’s always a story behind a story. And that it’s so easy to make assumptions about people you don’t know. And that sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to move forward. And that the love of others can matter more than anything.
Charlie Gilmour’s book is multi-faceted - it includes a moving account of personal struggle, some truly beautiful nature writing and considerable insight into the strange worlds of corvids (the crow family) and the poet Heathcote Williams (Charlie’s estranged biological father).
These strange mix of themes are quite brilliantly threaded together. Even if you don’t find yourself “liking� young Charlie, it’s hard not to be impressed by his way with words, his honesty, and his detailed research.
And you will never look at a magpie in the same way again.
Highly recommended.
April 26, 2021
I really wanted to love this, but I just didn’t. It was great to read a literary memoir of a father and son, but for me the bird metaphors were excessive and they didn’t engage me. The apologism for Gilmour’s behaviour at the student riots also felt clunky. I’m of a similar age to Gilmour but the most interesting parts of the book for me were about the enigma of Heathcote Williams and his life - I felt that a memoir of Williams would have been a better read to be honest, although he really doesn’t come off very well in this book. I’m glad Gilmour has apparently found some peace and stability through fatherhood, but do we really need another upper middle class white male voice agonising over their privilege right now?
October 1, 2021
It was okay. The magpie narrative, the personal/interpersonal side, and the interactions between these elements were underdeveloped. I found that this memoir lacked maturity both in representing the topics and in writing style. There are some nice moments. Charlie seems more likely than most to see these reviews - don't misread this as hate or discouragement. Maybe you weren't ready.
(Goodness. I can give Gilmour the benefit of the doubt and not assume he's quite going for the angle of H is for Hawk. However, if you're going to reference that work in your book and have reviewers compare the two (which you'd readily expect even if it weren't a direct inspiration).. you could at least do Helen Macdonald the courtesy of not calling her goshawk a peregrine falcon. If I were to be less obliging, I might ask how much he absorbed of that book before sorely mishandling its themes.)
Edit (Oct 1, 2021): I decided to change my goodreads rating from 2 stars to 1. I think my actual rating would be just above a 1, perhaps.
(Goodness. I can give Gilmour the benefit of the doubt and not assume he's quite going for the angle of H is for Hawk. However, if you're going to reference that work in your book and have reviewers compare the two (which you'd readily expect even if it weren't a direct inspiration).. you could at least do Helen Macdonald the courtesy of not calling her goshawk a peregrine falcon. If I were to be less obliging, I might ask how much he absorbed of that book before sorely mishandling its themes.)
Edit (Oct 1, 2021): I decided to change my goodreads rating from 2 stars to 1. I think my actual rating would be just above a 1, perhaps.
September 3, 2021
interesting memoir mirroring birds and fathers together and a journey of life and reflecting back on things and events.
February 1, 2021
The cover features blurbs from Neil Gaiman and Elton John; I immediately knew I was in good hands. I'm still sitting with my thoughts, but wow - this was fantastic and I know it's going to be one of my top reads of 2021. So good.
November 17, 2020
A tiny scrap of a bird had fallen from a tree in a road in London and if someone hadn’t of picked it up it would have been dead by the following morning. Thirty years earlier another bird had fallen from a steeple and that was found and picked up. The bird in London was a magpie and was taken to a man called Charlie Gilmour by his girlfriend. The other was a jackdaw and it was given to his father all those years ago when he was living in some squalor in a Cornish stately home.
Charlie’s father was a man called Heathcote Williams a poet, writer and anarchist who abandoned him and his mother when he was two years old. Williams work was prolific as his life was turbulent. He has almost nothing to do with Charlie as he grew up, and he became the adopted song of the Pink Floyd guitarist, Dave Gilmour.
Charlie was fortunate that his adopted father was a stable presence, but the genes that tormented his father had a similar effect on him. He had issues with drugs and whilst at university was arrested and imprisoned for violent disorder after an incident at the Cenotaph in London. He was slowly returning to stability with
Both of these corvids would profoundly change the men in their own way.
This book is about that tormented relationship and so much more. He had been estranged from his stepsisters, but after a fleeting contact with one of them, he builds it into a healthy relationship with them both. It does feel that he is trying to replicate the chaos and anarchy that his father brought to many people’s lives. Somehow the presence of the Benzene, the name he gives to the magpie and his partner Yana is a big help with his mental stability.
It is richly layered with the complex relationship that he has with his real father. At one point in the book he is reading through Heathcote’s papers (he never calls him dad) he suddenly realises that they are very alike in the way that they react to situations, some of the things that drive him affected his father in a similar way. He makes the decision to get appointments and get the proper professional help he needs to get better.
Having read Corvus by Esther Woolfson recently, you could see some parallels to her book. In particular the stories about the magpie around the home and its daily habits and rituals and how these intelligent birds are hugely opportunistic. It was interesting to see the way that a wild bird changes and becomes partly tamed whilst living in their home and the way a tiny scrap of the natural world can calm and change a person. Overall it isn’t a bad book, there are some moments of brilliant writing in here, but for me, there was that extra something missing to make this really special.
Charlie’s father was a man called Heathcote Williams a poet, writer and anarchist who abandoned him and his mother when he was two years old. Williams work was prolific as his life was turbulent. He has almost nothing to do with Charlie as he grew up, and he became the adopted song of the Pink Floyd guitarist, Dave Gilmour.
Charlie was fortunate that his adopted father was a stable presence, but the genes that tormented his father had a similar effect on him. He had issues with drugs and whilst at university was arrested and imprisoned for violent disorder after an incident at the Cenotaph in London. He was slowly returning to stability with
Both of these corvids would profoundly change the men in their own way.
This book is about that tormented relationship and so much more. He had been estranged from his stepsisters, but after a fleeting contact with one of them, he builds it into a healthy relationship with them both. It does feel that he is trying to replicate the chaos and anarchy that his father brought to many people’s lives. Somehow the presence of the Benzene, the name he gives to the magpie and his partner Yana is a big help with his mental stability.
It is richly layered with the complex relationship that he has with his real father. At one point in the book he is reading through Heathcote’s papers (he never calls him dad) he suddenly realises that they are very alike in the way that they react to situations, some of the things that drive him affected his father in a similar way. He makes the decision to get appointments and get the proper professional help he needs to get better.
Having read Corvus by Esther Woolfson recently, you could see some parallels to her book. In particular the stories about the magpie around the home and its daily habits and rituals and how these intelligent birds are hugely opportunistic. It was interesting to see the way that a wild bird changes and becomes partly tamed whilst living in their home and the way a tiny scrap of the natural world can calm and change a person. Overall it isn’t a bad book, there are some moments of brilliant writing in here, but for me, there was that extra something missing to make this really special.
Read
August 17, 2021When you read a lot, it is sometimes harder to find a book that really 'breaks the ice within', as Kafka put it. This is one of those books. It was tipped by Canon Oakley as part of his pandemic reading. The shortest way to describe it's subject is: 'it is about a man with two fathers and a magpie'.
He is wry, funny and honest. It is a privilege to follow his searching for the threads of his life and how they determine him, or not. It is about the sins of the fathers: 'unconsciously passing their damage from one generation to the next, like a family curse'. 'It wasn't my fault, or my mother's fault. It wasn't even really his fault.'
These consequences are great, involving a deranged episode on the Cenotaph. 'I stared into the abyss and the abyss blinked first.' 'Madness can be a sort of refuge too, I suppose, although it's a refuge that won't ever truly let you go.' Leading him to 'remind myself that thoughts have no external power'. And it is through the power of the written word that he finds a way out: 'the act of writing somehow seems to make things real, or at least to set them in a stark new perspective.'
'You can't sever yourself from your past, but perhaps, if you dig around a little, you can excavate some of its power. Expose those roots to the heat of the sun. Let them wither.'
And through this all his relation with the magpie, named Benzene, plays a role, reflecting, attracting, being unalterably strange. From 'his early solo flights conducted with all the grace of a chicken thrown from a barn roof', to the moment the magpie finally flies away: 'Benzene is just another bird now, an no bird will be just a bird ever again.'
A beautiful and powerful book.
He is wry, funny and honest. It is a privilege to follow his searching for the threads of his life and how they determine him, or not. It is about the sins of the fathers: 'unconsciously passing their damage from one generation to the next, like a family curse'. 'It wasn't my fault, or my mother's fault. It wasn't even really his fault.'
These consequences are great, involving a deranged episode on the Cenotaph. 'I stared into the abyss and the abyss blinked first.' 'Madness can be a sort of refuge too, I suppose, although it's a refuge that won't ever truly let you go.' Leading him to 'remind myself that thoughts have no external power'. And it is through the power of the written word that he finds a way out: 'the act of writing somehow seems to make things real, or at least to set them in a stark new perspective.'
'You can't sever yourself from your past, but perhaps, if you dig around a little, you can excavate some of its power. Expose those roots to the heat of the sun. Let them wither.'
And through this all his relation with the magpie, named Benzene, plays a role, reflecting, attracting, being unalterably strange. From 'his early solo flights conducted with all the grace of a chicken thrown from a barn roof', to the moment the magpie finally flies away: 'Benzene is just another bird now, an no bird will be just a bird ever again.'
A beautiful and powerful book.
November 1, 2020
This is an extraordinary book, on so many levels. It's so insightful, so poignant, touching, honest, funny and has some lines so wonderful I read them over and over again. The descriptions of being in the natural world are so vivid and inspiring. It was an experience and privilege to read it.
December 28, 2020
Well written and beautiful book about unpicking the mystery of a wayward and absent father, nature, the terror of impending fatherhood and the raising of an abandoned magpie. Great book.
October 9, 2021
3.5 Sterne
"Zum ersten Mal überfällt mich die unglaubliche Traurigkeit all dessen mit voller Wucht: die Tragödie eines gestutzen Lebens, einer verkrüppelten Gefühlswelt."
Elsterjahre ist kein Roman sondern eher ein Bericht von Charlie Gilmour über seine Vergangenheit, seine Väter, seine Frau und den Plan, Eltern zu werden. Und einen Teil des Weges begleitet die Elster Benzene Charlies Weg. Die Elster schließt man als Leser wirklich schnell ins Herz und ich habe beim Lesen einiges über Elstern gelernt und werde diese tollen Vögel mit anderen Augen betrachten. Charlie Gilmoures Leben ist sehr geprägt von seinem leiblichen Vater Heathcote Williams, der getrieben war von diversen inneren Dämonen. Es ist spannend, auch Teilen seines Lebens folgen zu dürfen. Das Buch ist gut geschrieben, ich habe es aber recht klein gestückelt über viele Tage gelesen weil es eben kein klassischer Roman ist. Und Biographien liegen mir an sich einfach nicht so. Hier hat mich wirklich die Elster bei der Stange gehalten. Leseempfehlung für Leser von Biographien und für Leser von Naturlektüre.
"Zum ersten Mal überfällt mich die unglaubliche Traurigkeit all dessen mit voller Wucht: die Tragödie eines gestutzen Lebens, einer verkrüppelten Gefühlswelt."
Elsterjahre ist kein Roman sondern eher ein Bericht von Charlie Gilmour über seine Vergangenheit, seine Väter, seine Frau und den Plan, Eltern zu werden. Und einen Teil des Weges begleitet die Elster Benzene Charlies Weg. Die Elster schließt man als Leser wirklich schnell ins Herz und ich habe beim Lesen einiges über Elstern gelernt und werde diese tollen Vögel mit anderen Augen betrachten. Charlie Gilmoures Leben ist sehr geprägt von seinem leiblichen Vater Heathcote Williams, der getrieben war von diversen inneren Dämonen. Es ist spannend, auch Teilen seines Lebens folgen zu dürfen. Das Buch ist gut geschrieben, ich habe es aber recht klein gestückelt über viele Tage gelesen weil es eben kein klassischer Roman ist. Und Biographien liegen mir an sich einfach nicht so. Hier hat mich wirklich die Elster bei der Stange gehalten. Leseempfehlung für Leser von Biographien und für Leser von Naturlektüre.
April 6, 2021
I took a chance on this story thinking, yeah right, a magpie, a bird that will eat just about anything living or dead. Sometimes they will steal and hide whatever they can find. Apparently, this murderous bird got kicked out of his nest at a very young age and was found by an adventurous couple that decided to nurse this bird back to health and free it someday.
Charlie, one-half of the couple had his own serious problems.
I better stop here. A handful of personal stories make this a great read especially for those that want something different.
Charlie, one-half of the couple had his own serious problems.
I better stop here. A handful of personal stories make this a great read especially for those that want something different.
February 14, 2021
I’m a lover of birds. I can’t tell you how many I’ve tried to save—some successful, more less so. This memoir about a man trying raising a baby magpie while trying to figure out who his own father was—and how that should or could impact his own life—was deeply absorbing. So good.
September 14, 2021
Read about Jean's Pick of the Week on the Cook Memorial Public Library blog, Shelf Life:
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May 17, 2022
First I want to say that beyond the vivid and wonderful story of Gilmour's bond with Benzene, a remarkably lovable magpie, the writing of this memoir is delicious. Many memoirs tell great stories but this one goes a step further by delivering the story in poetic and delightful language. Gilmour is the biological son of Heathcote Williams, a famous poet, film writer and eccentric, who abandoned him when he was only a baby. His mother went on to marry David Gilmour, a member of Pink Floyd, who raised Charlie as his own son. But despite the fathering he received from Gilmour, Charlie spent most of his younger life trying to gain Heathcote's attention. At the beginning of this book, Charlie is given a baby magpie that he and his soon-to-be-wife raised like their own baby. Benzene, the name they chose for the magpie, grows up to be attached to her human parents and it is through this relationship that Charlie learns what fatherhood can be and should be.
May 3, 2021
Story of Charlie Gilmour and his complicated relationship with his disinterested and mentally unstable father. He develops an unhealthy relationship with a rescued magpie he names Benzene, while working through his own issues. Although he is the stepson of a man who adopts him and fathers him (famous guitarist David Gilmour of Pink Floyd) he can't stop wondering about his biological father. He fears that he will be a bad father because of his biological father, and not a good father as exampled by his stepfather, who actually raised him. The whole story is written in an eloquent style.
Charlie Gilmour does a wonderful job of narrating his own story.
Charlie Gilmour does a wonderful job of narrating his own story.
March 15, 2021
This book was equal parts heartbreaking, scary, delightful, disgusting and hopeful. Living with a magpie, I now know beyond a doubt is something I never want to do. When Charlie was a baby his father deserted him and his mother. Charlie never got over it. He spent his life trying to figure out what he did to drive his famous (author, actor, poet etc.) parent away. Some questions are unanswerable and some answers are just too hard to accept. Living with Benzene, his rescue magpie might not have given Charlie the answers he sought but it did teach him a lot of lessons - about life, mental health, joy and fatherhood. The writing is wonderful, and makes even the unpalatable descriptions of some of the bird's actions worth reading.
January 29, 2021
One day Charlie's fiancee brings home a baby magpie that her sister found on the ground. They nurse it back to health and it becomes a prominent (and at times problematic) part of their life. Gilmour uses the relationship with the bird to explore the idea of fatherhood - with his own absent and uninvolved (and mentally ill) father, his stepfather, and the potential act of becoming a father in the near future. Gilmour is a strong writer and I equally enjoyed the elements about the magpie as well as the memoir aspects of the read. If you like nature writing wrapped up in stories of complex families and mental health, this is a great book to pick up.
August 13, 2020
**Copy provided by Netgalley in exchange for an honest review** Also shared on my Medium page,
Forgive me as I write this review, for I am still catching my breath from the last few pages and drying my eyes.
I chose this book by mistake. I thought it was the story of Penguin the Magpie, a heartbreaking story about a family dealing with loss, change, and starting over detailed in little boxes on Instagram. But, from its first pages, I knew it wasn’t Penguin’s story, but Benzene’s story � and I was enamored. This book is unlike anything I’ve ever read.
Charlie Gilmour lets us into his life and it feels like a gift. His remarkable story about love, loss, grief, and the choice to be who you want to be(save nature) left me feeling hopeful. Absolutely stunning. I read it in less than a week, with one day comprised of 300 pages. The story whizzed by, and I fell in love with a creature I once knew very little about, a magpie.
Despite it being Charlie’s personal story, he leaves room for imagination and I at once had a new pet, too. With vivid, active language Gilmour gives the reader a chance to also feel Benzene’s warm claws clench and release as she becomes more secure with her developing sense of freedom. It’s as though she came into his life to heal him, and in return, he set her free. Visceral, honest and achingly self-aware, Featherhood demonstrates how we are more than our nature and how nurture actually forms who we become, if we let it.
A little more background, In Featherhood, Gilmour is grappling with understanding his father (not his dad), who left him and his mother before he could even speak. As Gilmour writes, “It’s the traumas I’m searching for. Answers to those same old questions. Why does a person disappear? What makes a man run from his child? Why was Heathcote so afraid of family? What forces guided that nocturnal flight in spring so many years ago?�
As the story comes full circle and the question, “How can you be a writer if you don’t know anything� that so cruelly claimed even his father’s last days, flashes across Gilmour’s mind, he pens his biography and we witness healing take shape. As a future therapist and I found myself cheering for Gilmour, and even Benzene as she finds that she too will be okay without the anchors of her past.
One critique, and perhaps it’s only because I read this so fast and I couldn’t keep all the stories in my mind, I wish there was a little bit of revisiting as the story moves through the decades. I couldn’t recall some of the finer details about his sisters and why they knew their way around the estate � did they live there, too? I just can’t remember.
I loved how each chapter, even when we’d wander through memories and formative experiences, traumas, and heartbreak, Gilmour always brought us back to his magpie. Benzene would hide food, curl up in his arm, laugh, or just say “come on� and a laugh or smile would come and brighten even the darkest chapters. Truly remarkable writing and I only want more because I want to know if Benzene got her family, too. I know it’s silly, but I’m a romantic and she’d be an amazing carrion mother.
Some lines that stand out to me follow:
On Grief:
“How do you let go of someone you never had? What I’ve lost isn’t a person � I’ve hardly spent twenty hours with him in the last twenty years � but the hope of knowing a person.�
“I didn’t think grief would be like this: a never-ending trail, with myself acting as the prosecutor, judge, and hapless defendant all at once. But that’s how it plays out. I go hunting for Heathcote’s absences, and it’s not hard to find. All the terrible things I’ve done in my life, real and imagined, come crowding into my head, from birth to the present day. It’s like having a mob of scolding crows flapping noisily around in there. They strike whenever they feel like it, with no respect for time or place. At night when I'm trying to sleep, I suddenly curl up in agony like I’ve been poisoned; on the top deck of the bus I beat myself around the head; hunched at a table in the cafe at the end of our street I start clawing at my face and rocking back and forth in my chair; while doing the dishes I hurl abuse at myself, forgetting there are other people in the house…�
“Sometimes the awareness that Heathcote was at least partly to blame breaks through. At the supermarket, in the fruit aisle, I spot a packet of red grades and feel a flash of anger at the memory of his tragic belief that red grapes could cure his incurable condition. “You stupid old man,� I shout at the grapes, kicking at the fruit stand. A frail-looking gentleman shuffling down the aisle toward me stops in his tracks and edges nervously away. I add scaring vulnerable retirees to my list of crimes.�
For anyone enduring grief, Featherhood is also a beautiful collection of synchronicity � how the unexplainable makes sense. A curious little carrion enters his life at the perfect time and for two years we watch Charlie and Beneze grow and develop into independent, resilient beings with lessons and love to share, it’s truly incredible.
I was reminded of The Goldfinch and H is for Hawk, so fans of both will love Featherhood.
More quotes:
“Looking around us at the strangers with their sacks of seed, I wonder what is missing from their lives. I sometimes feel that you can guess the weight of a person’s troubles by the size of the bread bag that they bring for the birds.
“The Truth Against The World�
Thank you, Net Galley, for allowing me to read this book.
I can’t wait to share it with everyone when it releases in 2021. Thank you Charlie Gilmour for sharing your life with me.
---
Here is the “About This Book� from Simon and Schuster:
H is for Hawk meets The Duke of Deception in this wry, moving story of a young man who, as his estranged father is dying, saves a baby magpie only to find that caring for the mischievous bird has, in fact, saved him.
One spring day, a baby magpie falls out of its nest and into Charlie Gilmour’s hands. Magpies, he soon discovers, are as clever and mischievous as monkeys. They are also notorious thieves, and this one quickly steals his heart. By the time the creature develops shiny black feathers that inspire the name Benzene, Charlie and the bird have forged an unbreakable bond.
While caring for Benzene, Charlie comes across a poem written by his biological father, an eccentric British poet named Heathcote Williams who vanished when Charlie was six months old. As he grapples with Heathcote’s abandonment, Charlie is drawn to the poem, in which Heathcote describes how an impish young jackdaw � like magpies, also a member of the crow family � fell from its nest and captured his affection. Over time, Benzene helps Charlie unravel his fears about repeating the past � and embrace the role of the father himself.
A bird falls, a father dies, a child is born. Featherhood is the unforgettable story of a love affair between a man and a bird. It is also a beautiful and affecting memoir about childhood and parenthood, captivity and freedom, grief, and love.
Forgive me as I write this review, for I am still catching my breath from the last few pages and drying my eyes.
I chose this book by mistake. I thought it was the story of Penguin the Magpie, a heartbreaking story about a family dealing with loss, change, and starting over detailed in little boxes on Instagram. But, from its first pages, I knew it wasn’t Penguin’s story, but Benzene’s story � and I was enamored. This book is unlike anything I’ve ever read.
Charlie Gilmour lets us into his life and it feels like a gift. His remarkable story about love, loss, grief, and the choice to be who you want to be(save nature) left me feeling hopeful. Absolutely stunning. I read it in less than a week, with one day comprised of 300 pages. The story whizzed by, and I fell in love with a creature I once knew very little about, a magpie.
Despite it being Charlie’s personal story, he leaves room for imagination and I at once had a new pet, too. With vivid, active language Gilmour gives the reader a chance to also feel Benzene’s warm claws clench and release as she becomes more secure with her developing sense of freedom. It’s as though she came into his life to heal him, and in return, he set her free. Visceral, honest and achingly self-aware, Featherhood demonstrates how we are more than our nature and how nurture actually forms who we become, if we let it.
A little more background, In Featherhood, Gilmour is grappling with understanding his father (not his dad), who left him and his mother before he could even speak. As Gilmour writes, “It’s the traumas I’m searching for. Answers to those same old questions. Why does a person disappear? What makes a man run from his child? Why was Heathcote so afraid of family? What forces guided that nocturnal flight in spring so many years ago?�
As the story comes full circle and the question, “How can you be a writer if you don’t know anything� that so cruelly claimed even his father’s last days, flashes across Gilmour’s mind, he pens his biography and we witness healing take shape. As a future therapist and I found myself cheering for Gilmour, and even Benzene as she finds that she too will be okay without the anchors of her past.
One critique, and perhaps it’s only because I read this so fast and I couldn’t keep all the stories in my mind, I wish there was a little bit of revisiting as the story moves through the decades. I couldn’t recall some of the finer details about his sisters and why they knew their way around the estate � did they live there, too? I just can’t remember.
I loved how each chapter, even when we’d wander through memories and formative experiences, traumas, and heartbreak, Gilmour always brought us back to his magpie. Benzene would hide food, curl up in his arm, laugh, or just say “come on� and a laugh or smile would come and brighten even the darkest chapters. Truly remarkable writing and I only want more because I want to know if Benzene got her family, too. I know it’s silly, but I’m a romantic and she’d be an amazing carrion mother.
Some lines that stand out to me follow:
On Grief:
“How do you let go of someone you never had? What I’ve lost isn’t a person � I’ve hardly spent twenty hours with him in the last twenty years � but the hope of knowing a person.�
“I didn’t think grief would be like this: a never-ending trail, with myself acting as the prosecutor, judge, and hapless defendant all at once. But that’s how it plays out. I go hunting for Heathcote’s absences, and it’s not hard to find. All the terrible things I’ve done in my life, real and imagined, come crowding into my head, from birth to the present day. It’s like having a mob of scolding crows flapping noisily around in there. They strike whenever they feel like it, with no respect for time or place. At night when I'm trying to sleep, I suddenly curl up in agony like I’ve been poisoned; on the top deck of the bus I beat myself around the head; hunched at a table in the cafe at the end of our street I start clawing at my face and rocking back and forth in my chair; while doing the dishes I hurl abuse at myself, forgetting there are other people in the house…�
“Sometimes the awareness that Heathcote was at least partly to blame breaks through. At the supermarket, in the fruit aisle, I spot a packet of red grades and feel a flash of anger at the memory of his tragic belief that red grapes could cure his incurable condition. “You stupid old man,� I shout at the grapes, kicking at the fruit stand. A frail-looking gentleman shuffling down the aisle toward me stops in his tracks and edges nervously away. I add scaring vulnerable retirees to my list of crimes.�
For anyone enduring grief, Featherhood is also a beautiful collection of synchronicity � how the unexplainable makes sense. A curious little carrion enters his life at the perfect time and for two years we watch Charlie and Beneze grow and develop into independent, resilient beings with lessons and love to share, it’s truly incredible.
I was reminded of The Goldfinch and H is for Hawk, so fans of both will love Featherhood.
More quotes:
“Looking around us at the strangers with their sacks of seed, I wonder what is missing from their lives. I sometimes feel that you can guess the weight of a person’s troubles by the size of the bread bag that they bring for the birds.
“The Truth Against The World�
Thank you, Net Galley, for allowing me to read this book.
I can’t wait to share it with everyone when it releases in 2021. Thank you Charlie Gilmour for sharing your life with me.
---
Here is the “About This Book� from Simon and Schuster:
H is for Hawk meets The Duke of Deception in this wry, moving story of a young man who, as his estranged father is dying, saves a baby magpie only to find that caring for the mischievous bird has, in fact, saved him.
One spring day, a baby magpie falls out of its nest and into Charlie Gilmour’s hands. Magpies, he soon discovers, are as clever and mischievous as monkeys. They are also notorious thieves, and this one quickly steals his heart. By the time the creature develops shiny black feathers that inspire the name Benzene, Charlie and the bird have forged an unbreakable bond.
While caring for Benzene, Charlie comes across a poem written by his biological father, an eccentric British poet named Heathcote Williams who vanished when Charlie was six months old. As he grapples with Heathcote’s abandonment, Charlie is drawn to the poem, in which Heathcote describes how an impish young jackdaw � like magpies, also a member of the crow family � fell from its nest and captured his affection. Over time, Benzene helps Charlie unravel his fears about repeating the past � and embrace the role of the father himself.
A bird falls, a father dies, a child is born. Featherhood is the unforgettable story of a love affair between a man and a bird. It is also a beautiful and affecting memoir about childhood and parenthood, captivity and freedom, grief, and love.
July 26, 2021
Extraordinary. I don't know how to explain the gentle voice that narrates some of the not so gentle details in here. Gilmour's descriptions of his past, the world around him, his dreams; it's absolutely ethereal. And yet rock solid. Give it a go.
May 15, 2021
maybe 3.3 I liked the magpie parts but didn't like the father parts.
March 8, 2022
*I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.*
I don't read a lot of nature memoirs. In fact, this might be the first, which is a little surprising given that I am a giant animal lover that attempted to bring home many injured animals as a child. Including several birds. But I mention that because I have no basis for comparison. I don't know how this books stacks up against H is for Hawk or any of the other intriguing books (which have since made their way onto my to-read list) mentioned by other reviewers.
This book felt like several individuals tales weaved into one, albeit a little disjointedly: Charlie's relationship with the magpie, Benzene, Charlie's estranged relationship with his father, and, perhaps, how those two relationships shape his idea of being a father. Charlie's father, the poet Heathcote Williams, cared for a jackdaw a generation earlier and wrote a poem about it. The book draws parallels between father and son's experiences with corvids, but the parallels felt a little forced, to me. We don't know much about Heathcote's jackdaw or whether caring for the bird had any effect on his views on fatherhood. There's a great storyline in the book about pursuing answers from the people who are supposed to love us, trying to mend estranged relationships, and coming to terms with abandonment, and there's a wonderful storyline about caring for complicated creatures, how "featherhood" translates to fatherhood, and how our history and experiences with our own parents influences how we view parenthood. But they felt like two separate stories that never fully intertwined.
Gilmour is a talented writer. Portions of the book are beautiful, almost lyrical. I adored the descriptions of magpie behavior and how they may not make the best roommates, and even how a relationship with a complicated bird can transform a complicated relationship with a human. But, while interesting in itself, the storyline of the author's continued pursuant of a relationship with his estranged father felt disjointed and forced.
3.5 stars. I would recommend this book to people interested in birds.
I don't read a lot of nature memoirs. In fact, this might be the first, which is a little surprising given that I am a giant animal lover that attempted to bring home many injured animals as a child. Including several birds. But I mention that because I have no basis for comparison. I don't know how this books stacks up against H is for Hawk or any of the other intriguing books (which have since made their way onto my to-read list) mentioned by other reviewers.
This book felt like several individuals tales weaved into one, albeit a little disjointedly: Charlie's relationship with the magpie, Benzene, Charlie's estranged relationship with his father, and, perhaps, how those two relationships shape his idea of being a father. Charlie's father, the poet Heathcote Williams, cared for a jackdaw a generation earlier and wrote a poem about it. The book draws parallels between father and son's experiences with corvids, but the parallels felt a little forced, to me. We don't know much about Heathcote's jackdaw or whether caring for the bird had any effect on his views on fatherhood. There's a great storyline in the book about pursuing answers from the people who are supposed to love us, trying to mend estranged relationships, and coming to terms with abandonment, and there's a wonderful storyline about caring for complicated creatures, how "featherhood" translates to fatherhood, and how our history and experiences with our own parents influences how we view parenthood. But they felt like two separate stories that never fully intertwined.
Gilmour is a talented writer. Portions of the book are beautiful, almost lyrical. I adored the descriptions of magpie behavior and how they may not make the best roommates, and even how a relationship with a complicated bird can transform a complicated relationship with a human. But, while interesting in itself, the storyline of the author's continued pursuant of a relationship with his estranged father felt disjointed and forced.
3.5 stars. I would recommend this book to people interested in birds.
January 15, 2023
I picked up this book because I'm way into birds. I have pet parakeets, and raising a magpie sounded pretty exciting. The bird parts of this book ended up being my least favorite parts, mainly because I didn't enjoy the author's writing style when he was trying to be descriptive - it felt overwrought, like he was trying too hard. I ended up switching to the audiobook to finish it. I enjoyed the listening experience more, and I was more willing to indulge the irksome writing habits when it felt like the author was just telling me a story about his life over drinks. The parts about the author's relationship with his biological father were really compelling, and the language he used in those sections didn't bother me at all. As a bonus, the audiobook wasn't translated for American audiences, so I got to learn some fun British terminology. (Why do publishers bother translating from one English dialect to another?) On the whole I guess my verdict is that it's a pretty interesting book about fatherhood, but only a so-so book about birds.
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