Ok y’all have been waiting for this one for like 3 weeks, buckle in cuz this is going to be a long one and not so nice. But if you want to know my shoOk y’all have been waiting for this one for like 3 weeks, buckle in cuz this is going to be a long one and not so nice. But if you want to know my short thoughts? NO. AVOID THIS BOOK LIKE THE FUCKING PLAGUE.
If you would like to continue reading my thoughts, be my guest.
So, I was a very big fan of Tessa for quite a bit. I no longer consider myself a fan, for many reasons but one of the most notable was the entirety of Happenstance. Now, you may be asking yourself, “Is one book enough to make you stop being a fan?� Usually I would say no, but Happenstance was quite something, and it wasn’t good, bad is too nice of a word to describe that book. But I digress, this is a review for Secretly Yours, not Happenstance, although if you wanna have a hoot go read my review on that one.
Somehow this book managed to surpass my already “the bar is on the floor expectations�. Now, you may wonder if I was no longer a fan, why would I pick this book up? And I would answer with, hate reading is a hobby, but I couldn’t even hate read this properly it was so atrocious.
Now let’s get into the why, it was everything about this book to be quite honest. Well actually the best friend who owns a bakery wasn’t half bad.
So let me set the scene, we have our FMC Hallie. She is 28, owns a gardening/landscaping business, she took over this company from her grandmother who has passed away several months before the events of this book. The grandmother taught Hallie everything about gardening and finished raising her after Hallie’s mother left her. Then we have Julian, he is about 4 years older than Hallie. He is a professor who is home for the summer writing a book.
Hallie has been fully in love with Julian since she was 14, a freshman in high school, and he was about 18, a senior in the same high school. She has been nurturing this crush for 15 years, meanwhile JULIAN DOESN’T KNOW SHE EXISTS.
“For the last fifteen years, she’d been spinning alternate endings in her mind, occasionally even going so far as watching his history lectures on YouTube—and responding to his rhetorical questions out loud, like some kind of psychotic, one-sided conversationalist. Though she would take that humiliating practice to the grave.�
They had been at the same party one time when she was 14 and they were almost going to kiss but Julian realized she was a freshman and did not kiss her. She has been hung up on this almost kiss for 15 years. Not getting kissed by Julian is apparently comparable to losing a grandparent. “She could also feel the way he’d snagged her wrist and dragged her back to the party, muttering about her being a freshman. The greatest tragedy of her life, right up until she’d lost her grandmother, was not landing that kiss from Julian Vos.�
Her level of obsession over this guy who didn’t know she existed, or even remembered her all these years later, was so bad that she made herself and Julian A WEDDING SCRAPBOOK IN THE NINTH GRADE.
There are so many things wrong with this book it would be exhausting to list them all. So I’ll stick to the really bad ones.
First interaction of both of them on page and he’s staring at her “big boobs, very big boobs�. Like there’s a part of dialogue and she says something and in his pov it’s like “[whatever words] said the boobs�. ...more
Whatever you think this is, lower your expectations� I mean it, keep lowering them.
How does one go from being one of my most anticipated releas*sigh*
Whatever you think this is, lower your expectations� I mean it, keep lowering them.
How does one go from being one of my most anticipated releases to being one of the biggest disappointments of the year? Honestly I don’t know but this takes the cake. Y’all don’t understand how heartbreaking it is to say that, I (usually) love Tessa’s work and I love Why Choose Romances, immediately I suspected that this would be right up my alley and I would LOVE this. This was quite possibly one of the worst why choose romances I’ve ever read (and I’ve read A LOT of why choose romances).
Before I get into it, while I still have your attention, I want to tell you the ONLY parts I enjoyed about this book. They’re called Banks, Tobias, and Gabe. If it wasn’t for these three characters I would have DNF-ed this book, period. But, no matter how much I enjoyed these characters, I do not think the love interests alone can save this book or make it worth recommending.
The smut was okay, and the dirty talk was hot at parts, but no where near her other books. The other words were a choice, that I was willing to look past: “sex� in reference to her own bits or the guys, or ‘buns� ‘bottom� ‘buttock� as her ass. But here is where I draw the line, Elise referring to her pussy, several times, as an “it�, (ex. “Fill it up for me. Now.� Y’all can probably deduce she’s not talking about a car needing gas, but herself.)
The pacing, oh boy, this whole book takes place in maybe no more than 2 weeks? How can a woman who is a self proclaimed “commitment-phobe� fall in love with three men in that short amount of time? Don’t get me started on the men, they ‘were completely changed� since meeting her. “She was put in our paths to make all of us better. And we were put in hers, so we can worship her for it.� The conflict also happened WAYYYYY too close to the end, besides the fact that I could have told you what the conflict was less than 10% into the book, it made for a rushed resolution.
All of this being said, no, I don’t recommend this book and if you do not want to be extremely disappointed with a highly anticipated release like I was, I would skip this one.
I can and do go into heavier detail below. There might be some minor spoilers if you continue on. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most of my issues with this book revolve around the FMC and the plot. Let’s get into the FMC. We have a twenty something woman named Elise. A bit of background is that her father is in the Marines, so that means they moved around a lot as a child. This is the basis of a lot of Elise’s own admitted issues. She blames this as to why she avoids commitment in all forms, friendships, romantic relationships, her professional career, etc. She changes jobs every few months like clockwork and has been since she can remember, so when she tries to interview for the Marines “to finally make her parents proud of her� they reject her on the basis of her having no commitment. This exasperates her already flighty personality and moves across the country from San Diego to New York City. Here she finds her latest interest, she is aspiring to be a journalist/reporter, so she gets a job in the Gotham Times, New York City’s most respected newspaper.
Elise is working in the kitchen delivering sandwiches to the reporters in the office and pitches some ideas to Karina, the managing editor, to have Karina give Elise a chance to write something. Elise has never gone to journalism school, and all the writers at Gotham Times have gone though journalism school and have a master’s degree and years of experience. She’s said and I quote “I’m not cut out for long hauls. I’d make it though one year of journalism school, tops. Forget about a master’s. I don’t have that kind of dedication inside me.� She got he job delivering sandwiches to the writers in hopes of skipping all the steps and just getting to where she wants to go.
She goes as far as to somehow discover a corruption ploy between the deputy mayor and the construction union boss to out the current mayor during an election year where the deputy mayor is a candidate. We don’t get much of the WHY? on the corruption is happening we just know it is. Elise is playing a shitty Nancy Drew and following the deputy mayor and finds herself stuck on a tram back to NYC with three men. Tobias, the British former adult film star, Banks, the former star rugby player turned coach for a New York Rugby team, and last of all Gabe, the himbo of the group and building construction foreman.
The three men are INSTANTLY lusting over her (insert eye roll here) and there’s an immediate connection to each of them. But like Elise is wont to do, she runs from anything that could even smell like a bit of effort/commitment. I relate to her on literally one line only “I can barely tolerate one man, let alone three.� Gabe makes it possible for the group to see her again after her very hasty exit of said tram. The guys show up at her office and Karina gives her an opportunity to write an article in the lifestyle column on what it would be like for a woman to be in a polyamorous relationship. She declines because shes not in a polyamorous relationship and she goes to tell the guys off. They are able to convince her to go on a date. The date is fun and ends with some sexy times and she realizes she has big feelings for all three of them and then they all fall asleep in the hotel room. In the morning she leaves before any of the guys are up, dick move in my opinion because she would definitely not like it if they did that to her but we move. They show up at her apartment as soon as they wake up and want her to talk about how it went and come to terms with none of them feel like this was a one and done thing. So they get her in a room to talk about her feelings, harmless right? Nope, she chooses to agree to date them for a limited time trial basis, and then right after, punches one of them in the stomach, pulls one’s beard til they’re on the ground, and then kicks the last one in the leg, all because “they made her talk about her feelings�.
BUT WAIT THERES MORE.
Once she decides to date them and starts coming to terms with her feelings for them she chooses to start writing the article that Karina gave her the opportunity to write. Tell me how a woman who is willingly choosing to date all three of these men starts this article like this: “What do an egomaniacal porn star, an emotionally bullied construction foreman, and a rugby coach with crippling mommy issues have in common? They all slept in the same bed as me last night. By a simple twist of fate � and a Roosevelt Island tram malfunction � there I was, trapped with a trio of walking red flags.� She writes this and sends it off to Karina. It was exactly in this moment that I fought to DNF this book, and in hindsight I really should have because it only got worse from there.
Oh but wait there’s more, Elise single handedly solves Banks� “crippling mommy issues�, and Gabe is able to stop being “emotionally bullied� and find a backbone somewhere in her magical pussy, and Tobias is able to take the ‘I hide my pain and insecurity behind my charm and humor� mask and ‘become a real man�.
The biggest issue I had makes this book get exponentially worse in my opinion, when, SHOCKER the article she wrote about her and the guy is getting published, and the reaction of the guys finding this article is taken. Tobias finds the article and is understandably and reasonably upset, but he’s the only one. Banks is ready to defend her like the best criminal lawyer in the world and tells Tobias he’s “overreacting�! Absolutely not, his feelings are completely fucking valid. I hated that the guys handled the conflict resolution amongst themselves. Banks inherently gaslit the shit out of Tobias� feelings.
Honestly, I could keep going and I would, but writing this review is exhausting and I would like to hit ‘delete content� in my brain for having read this book, but alas I cannot. So I am going to pretend I did not read this and move the fuck on. ...more
PLEASE THE SECOND I SAW JAMIE AND MARCUS INTERACTING IN ‘MOUTH TO MOUTH� I WAS ROOTING FOR THIS SHIP AND OH MY GOD TESSA BAILEY FUCKING DELIVERED ON TPLEASE THE SECOND I SAW JAMIE AND MARCUS INTERACTING IN ‘MOUTH TO MOUTH� I WAS ROOTING FOR THIS SHIP AND OH MY GOD TESSA BAILEY FUCKING DELIVERED ON THIS ONE.
I did not think I was going to be so attached to this book, but here we are, the chest pains have only just subsided. Yes, I sat down and read this in basically one go. It’s been a rollercoaster of feelings, alright?
I laughed. I almost cried. My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard at them.
Marcus is my favorite himbo, there’s no competition. I love that man so much. Jamie, my baby, I love him too.
This book is more than your cutesy contemporary romance, Marcus is on a road of self (with Jamie’s help) discovery and has stuff he to work through. Jamie on the other hand, has to work through some possible PTSD, and other things.
I knew this was probably going to be a 5 star read 6-8 pages in, its nice to see I was right. ...more
I might be the only one who had such a strong Twilight Obsession during my formative years that I look for/notice shit like this but Mouth to Mouth feI might be the only one who had such a strong Twilight Obsession during my formative years that I look for/notice shit like this but Mouth to Mouth felt like a Twilight AU Fanfiction in like the best of ways.
We got this woman who is so clumsy, she has at least 2 near death experiences within a few weeks of each other.
And then we got this dude, who seems to scare people away, because he’s ‘dangerous� and has a temper.
He saves her, multiple times, and warns her away from him “because she deserves better than a bad guy like him�. Then he doesn’t have the strength to stay away from her and so he doesn’t.
Doesn’t that sound familiar?
Anyway,
I was enjoying this book before my brain forced this connection, but I can confirm that upon my mind blowing realization I did enjoy it that much more.
Things that were odd to me but easily block out-able: - for having a 6 year age gap Rory really made their age difference a big thing. - I would have liked to see not a 18 year old FMC, but due to a shit load of trauma, she definitely doesn’t act 18 most of the time. - The whole the FMC’s family YouTube Channel. That was so fucking weird but whatever.
Overall this was a great time. Loved the characters, ‘Sunbeam� will go down as one of the cutest nicknames I have ever read....more
Overall I had a good time. This was the least mafia, mafia book I’ve ever read becausFirst book of 2022.
3.5 rounded up because of Will and Southpaw.
Overall I had a good time. This was the least mafia, mafia book I’ve ever read because it’s like mafia adjacent.
Anyway will is your CLASSIC possessive dominant MMC which I love especially in a dual POV. He serves the “boy obsessed with the girl� trope well.
I was not expecting the call girl role playing but I’m not mad about it. The car scene? The Hotel Bar Scene? Wow.
The moments that were cringe were basically all the FMCs. Her “thing� is being an aspiring film maker so her inner monologue has moments where she was like “and let the cameras roll� and I hated every single one of those moments. Also her brother is a damn idiot at 20 and she basically mothers him (only being like 3 years older), but I get it. This book needed a plot.
The conflict and imminent resolution happened in the last 20% of the book and to be honest the ending felt rushed.
(Minor spoilers: the dog in this book does not die. I wanted to include this because I don’t watch sad dog movies and I didn’t realize this might have been a sad dog book and I was STRESSED.)...more
The amount of joy this book brought me automatically gives it 5 stars.
Yes, I did read a Christmas rom com 5 days before Halloween, I have nothing to The amount of joy this book brought me automatically gives it 5 stars.
Yes, I did read a Christmas rom com 5 days before Halloween, I have nothing to say about that except this was probably the best book I read all month.
No one serves boy obsessed with his girl quite like Tessa. The grumpy/sunshine trope with a twist, GRUMPY GIRL/SUNSHINE BOY. I am obsessed. This book had me in my feels. I was grinning like a fool the whole time.
Now, I have said this before with It Happened One Summer, this book can be described with 3 of my favorite words that start with “f�. Fluffy, because of course, Fun, again a given, oh and FUCKING FILTHY. The sexy scenes were just *chef’s kiss*. Aiden’s dirty talk? Please, he is the best of both worlds. Super wholesome man who wears bow ties and suspenders, but also likes it dirty and rough.
If you don’t enjoy happiness, avoid this book ...more
This was my first Tessa Bailey book and if it any indication on how much I will enjoy her other books I will most definitely be pic4.5 stars overall.
This was my first Tessa Bailey book and if it any indication on how much I will enjoy her other books I will most definitely be picking more of her stuff up.
I want to say that one of my favorite things about this book is that it was dual POV. I love seeing when both people involved fall for the other.
Brendan serves the grumpy part of a grumpy/sunshine trope like he was born to play it.
I think the character growth (especially for Piper) being shown in a �5 steps forward, 3 steps back� was very realistic. Even if it felt a bit abrupt for her and it seemed much more natural for Brendan. That even though they were improving and moving forward they still had their insecurities in the back of their minds.
The pace was odd in the way where it feels like so much has happened that you forget it’s only been a short amount of time.
All in all had a great time with it and I can’t wait for the sequel. ...more
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