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“Remember how mad everyone was at us?�� Victor asks. “At all the gays? As if they didn’t already hate us enough, now we were infectious. They thought we were the problem. Not the disease, not the virus. The people. I don’t know why I’m using the past tense. They still feel that way.��

This wasn’t as emotional as I was hoping, but the journey was still one full of emotions and captivating segments that had my entire attention gripped from beginning to end.

**This review contains spoilers!

The blurb of this says everything one should know before starting this. We follow the dual-perspectives of two boys, two coming of age stories, in two different lives that come together in the end.

Both Adam and Ben are eighteen year olds wanting different things but end up intertwining their lives in the least expected ways. While they both have their own set of goals and currently have different priorities in their lives, they can relate to each other in ways others can’t. The story’s setting of NYC and the 90s is prominent in each scene. The city is vibrant and full of life, just like New York City is, but the murk reality of AIDS and HIV is centering around. The disease is a prominent backdrop of the story. While there is some hope through some of the friends and family members of both boys, the rampant realities and homophobia of others is not hidden, and should not be. While its New York, it’s still the 90s. Even in 2021, when the author wrote this, as he stated in his author’s note, and even now in 2024 as I write this review, the disease is still stigmatized, along with gay people. The shining light of allies and supporters gives way to faith, but the surrounding hate doesn’t cure it.

The author does an amazing job of balancing both perspectives. At first, it took me out of the story, and I wasn’t a fan of the dual change because I was so focused on one character, only to change to the other unexpectedly. However, after some time and adjusting to it, I felt like I was following along both young men in their lives, their day to day time period, and seeing everything they were seeing. The author points NYC vibrant;y, always moving and never stopping, showing a glimpse but also a real take of the city. Maybe it’s because I was able to go to NYC myself last year and finally see what all the hype was about, but I was able to envision the city so well. The author’s descriptions are never dull and weak, always offering something new about it. Everything matched the colorfulness of it, the liveliness of it, the energetic feel of the population and the people going from one place to another.

[…]”because if we all just dance together, feel together, rage together, release together, then maybe this place, this dark, beautiful place can become the only place in the world. Maybe, maybe we can survive together, no matter what they want to do to us out there. They don’t know that their world is fake and ours is real. There is nothing but here, nothing but now, nothing but us, nothing but the music…��

Adam and Ben are wonderful characters. The characterization of both young men had some faults on their own, but were still memorable in their own ways. Adam, with his need to show Callum he was in it for the long run; to show him he was leaving; to be there for Callum until the end. Ben, with his need for validation; for his love of fashion; for his need to adapt and make his family proud. I loved both characters, found their personalities distinct, and think the author depicted them well.

The relationship briefly progressed between Adam and Callum is heartbreaking but also wholesome. Wholesome, because it’s a young adult story showing young love, but heartbreaking because you know where it’s going. The author paints small hints in between it, and knowing Callum is HIV positive tells us everything we need to know and to prepare on time. Still, their relationship is brimming with light at first.

“Look at you,�� he says, tracing the back of his hand down Adam’s chest. “Look at you, beautiful boy.��

As for Ben, while there is no one entirely special for him, his life changes for the best when he ends up becoming the assistant for Rebecca, his brother’s girlfriend. We see as he manages to have his own character development through this, as he goes to show his passions and aspirations, allowing us to root for him and hope for the best. I always love this feeling of rooting for characters, because even though they’re fictional, when the author manages to bring this out of me it shows me how strong their writing can be. It shows how real it all feels despite it not being real, and it shows a strength in their abilities.

I think one of this book’s faults is related to the writing. While I enjoyed it, I couldn't help but think how robotic it felt sometimes. I’m not sure if that was the purpose of it, to show the quickness of the city and how people are moving second by second, every day, non stop, but I was not a fan. I think the author needed to take a breather in his writing, to show more emotion in it, instead of jumping from one section to another. It felt as if one moment we are in one piece, and another we are suddenly somewhere else without enough backstory or an idea of what happened before.

Another quibble I found is in regards to Callum’s death. If the author had waited a little more towards the end, I think I would’ve gotten more emotional for this. I think it took away some of its strength. Adding on to that, I also think there needed to be more description or feeling for Adam’s grief. The potential was there, as we are aware of how Adam feels and how, but I don’t think the author did a good job of keeping it going. Instead, it felt like we jumped from one time period to another, between months, and the feelings of mourning and grief were only miniature. Plus, it no longer felt like Callum’s passing was relevant. Maybe the author decided to make his passing earlier in the story to give some time to Adam, but I couldn’t see it that way. I thought it was irrelevant, if I’m being honest, as if Callum was never really part of the picture for more than half the story.

Overall, I enjoyed this, but I definitely, sadly, didn’t love it. I was expecting more emotion, especially for me to really feel it, but I didn’t feel as if it had a lot. There was a lot of potential for it, as there were many scenes were I was expressing concern and emotion for the characters, but nothing to the point where I felt my heart ache. That being said, this story was still enjoyable as it is, and it was still full of feeling. The characters felt real and came to life. The author’s vivid depictions of AIDS and HIV, the reality of living with it or living with someone who has either or, is painted realistically and is raw. There is stigma and prejudice but there is also love. I am thankful we live in a time and place where stories like this exist.