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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
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Hallie
(last edited Aug 08, 2021 10:03PM)
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Nov 27, 2016 01:53AM
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Detailed introduction
So, um... hello? I'm Hallie. Okay, so I'm not much of a person: just a quiet bookworm hidden in the books at the corner. How do I start?
Firstly, I've got great friends! Look at what one of them made me!
I'm really introverted in real life, and recently that shyness has been invading my life online as well. I'mbadhorrible at communicating and expressing myself. I'm a meticulous, Erudite, Ravenclaw, know-it-all who annihilates everything which does not meet my "draconian expectations", and have a perfect scenario, and expect everything to go accordingly. In reality, I'm rather introverted. I often stand aloof, but I don't enjoy being isolated. Due to a lot of recent events, I have been experiencing frequent dysphoria, so kindly forgive my churlish and stringent demeanour. I often put myself down; it can be mistook as a gesture of modesty, but that isn't quite what really happens. I'm terribly scared of doing many things, but pertaining this website, I'm frightened to talk. I try my best to not show it, but in spite of hiding in a place where I can talk freely without showing any emotions, I still am nervous on the inside - often using 'um'. I'd like to list some facts about me here.� I'm an atheist.I am a person who lacks confidence but tries to feign what I don't have. Speaking of trouble, I am strict on both others as well as myself. Hence, if there is something I do not like, malevolence and eventually total annihilation can be expected. I'm not very good at keeping friends, but am good at making foes. I presently hold a record of antagonising 3 people thrice within less than one year on ŷ. Don't be surprised if the number increases.
� I'm a feminist.
� I'm a writer, and hence, I'd be lying if I said that the statement-"I wrote a poem/story today" will seldom appear.
� INTJ personality apparently
� I'm a sarcastic girl; if irony did not exist, I would not exist. But my compliments - well, I can't say I won't be sarcastic, but generally I mean it.
� I suffer from a lot of phobias: acrophobia, arachnophobia, claustrophobia, lalophobia as well as glossophobia.
I love the following things so much that I'm addicted to them:
Books - Reading
Creative Writing
Photography
Astronomy
Time Travel
Music
I sound a bit like Aria Montgomery.
Whilst I'm bored, I'll be doing one of the things:
Reading
Galling everyone saying that I'm bored
Reading
Writing (I'm not good at it, but I love doing it)
Reading
Listening to music
Reading
Making music (Terrible at this)
Reading
ŷ
Reading
My favourite singers/bands:
Ariana Grande
Shawn Mendes
Ellie Goulding
Selena Gomez
Linkin Park
Against The Current
Maroon 5
Nightwish
Within Temptation
One Direction
Poets of the Fall
And what else? Hm...
My favourite actors:
Emma Watson
Ariana Grande
Selena Gomez
No one else
I like role-playing as well.
That's all I can think about me right now. If you'd like to know something else, feel free to ask.
Shameless Advertising
Bookclub
Important Links
� Show List
� Ideas thread
Why live if you're going to die anyway?
Quick Guide
Before you venture into this mundane journal, as mentioned before, the content that will be posted might be triggering to some due to self-harm, self-deprecation, suicidal thoughts and depressive feelings in general with all refusal to chance. So enter at your own risk.
Here is a quick guide to the people who will most likely appear:
Family
Mum
Dad
Brother (8 years older than me, but behaves like a 2 year old)
Full family tree here (yeah, it's long; use the find in page option)
Friends
H - Transferred to my school in year 5 and eventually because my best friend - currently majoring in Math, Physics, and Chemistry at uni
S - Has always been there with me since preschool, and joined our BFF gang officially in year 8 - currently in law school
Past Circle
K - *Friend* in new school because she approached me first - no idea what she's doing
Iz - *Friend* in new school who sometimes creates so the drama (and has a twin in another class) - no idea if they're even alive
B - *Friend* in new school whom I don't give a damn about - no idea what she's up to
H2 - *Friend* in new school whom I don't give a damn about - no idea what she's up to
M - *Friend* in new school whom I don't give a damn about - no idea what she's up to
V - Friend in new school who is an amazing writer and the only bookworm I've met there - currently in H's uni majoring in Economics, but I personally lost touch
Coffee Boy - The one weirdo who wanted to go out on a date with me - currently at H and V's uni
Current Circle
N - Literally the most awesome, badass bitch on the planet who, for some strange reason, talks to me even though I'm waaay out of her league
P - This girl who got fed up of my loner behaviour at uni and sticks to me, but great at everything she does - I no longer talk to her because she accused me of being a two-faced bitch
SF - Girl I never knew was in my previous school, but is super nice after meeting her in Psychology class
HR - This super cool girl who, for some strange reason, talks to me even though I'm waaay out of her league
N2 - Girl who goes to my uni and in the same part of the city
L - Girl from Singapore at this uni with quite a backstory
D - The most loquacious girl I've met at uni
C - Cool classmate who knows Coffee Boy
Word of the day
Eleutheromania: (Noun)
An intense and irresistible desire for freedom
Sentence: It's not that I hate my family, I'm just a slight eleutheromaniac.
Mod
Cαiтℓуn ~chase the sky into the ocean~ wrote: "I'm INTJ too."Yay! You're actually the only one I know as INTJ.
Rant time!
Candidly speaking, I love my brother the most! Even if he can be arrogant, selfish and egoistic at times (sorry, but honestly, he isn't immaculate), he's still my most favourite person in the world. I love my friends, too - and I must say I place my online friends above my real friends. So my online friends are second in line in my list of favourite people, then my real friends. Then there are my favourite singers, actresses, and people whom I admire. Then where are my parents in this list?
Well, let me be frank: recently, I've completely thrown them out of my list. I don't really respect them as people say I should, nor do they serve anywhere near inspirational. I can be thankful for giving me food (a little late, but at last I can eat four meals a day), shelter, books (but my brother was the one who paid my library this time, so they come into picture only if they buy me books), Wi-Fi (?) {my brother would take care of that as well}. The problem with them is that they just don't understand their children properly. For instance, I prefer to play on my own, but dad insists on not being alone. It's not like I'm staying away from them at dinner or something. I just want to be in my own dreamland after dinner before I go to bed. And then there is always mum who wants me to study, study, and study - but in her boring methods. I want to use flashcards, reference books, journals, and other absolutely amazing ideas to study, but she insists on quizzing me.
Also, I guess most parents would be happy if their children wanted to go to school half an hour early even if they live 5 minutes away from school. Most people living nearby take advantage of that end up coming even after the bell goes, but in spite of living only a stone's throw away from school, I like going to school roughly 55 minutes before the first bell in my school. And yet these two people seem to have a problem with that. Excuse me, but is there something wrong in arriving early?
Today morning, mum told me to fill up my water bottle, but I kept waiting for her to do something else for me before filling it up. I prioritize my things according to its significance and the time it consumes. Hence, I pushed this work to the end because it barely takes 2 minute to fill it up. The other takes 10 minutes. Guess what that woman did? She filled up the bottle instead of doing the other thing for me, and began to scold me. So I snapped back at her. I want to do things in my own way.
My brother, who took a long leave from work, was eating breakfast, and he began to tease mum by making an annoying noise which he compared to her pointless reprimands. I was just about to go when she asked me whether I had taken everything. Gosh, she was being so slow! So I gave her the 'yeah-now-would-you-please-hurry-up-because-I'm-getting-late-and-nothing-is-going-to-go-according-to-schedule' treatment, and she went: "God, why on earth do you have to go when the sun rises? Don't even go to school! Stop it!" I was furious and scolded her back that my book was with a classmate, and had something to write in it. And then she went like: "Why did you give it to her? You know she never returns it! I told you not to give it to her!" My brother decided to continue his teasing, and mum got angry and scolded him. She even used a bad word (? I don't know. It's not English, so I have no clue how bad it is) Then he snapped back, but she said, "You don't know what happened! Don't talk like you know what happened!" Oh really, woman? The person who does not know what happened is her, and not my brother! She doesn't know when I gave the book, nor which book, nor what I have write - she knows none of the details. And how dare she calls my brother that?! Mother or not, she has no right to call him that after exhibiting such poor parenting skills! I'm really mad at her now! My morning was completely ruined thanks to her and that stupid principal who had to come right when I arrive at school! Out of all the people I can see at school first, that irrational barbarian? Seriously?
My day hasn't really gone totally bad, though I'm not really dealing with my anxiety very well, but I might have some good news (but saddening at the same time) in a while, which I'll write down here after school.
Why wait to say, at least I did it my way
Lie awake, two faced
But in my heart I understand
I made my move and it was all about you
Now I feel so far removed
You were the one thing in my way
You were the one thing in my way
You were the one thing in my way
You were the one thing in my way
You were the one thing in my way
You were the one thing in my way
~ My Way, Calvin Harris
The Pain
I got my Math marks today. The teacher decided to take out the papers of the ones who scored low, which included one of the topper's paper. And then she began to scold all of them before she began to distribute the rest of them. She handed out a few before calling out my name. I'm really terrible at math, so seeing how badly others have done, I was frightened that I'd fail. The test had been pretty tough, too, and I had got really weird answers. I was trembling, and then she announced that I had got just half marks less, and that was tantamount to getting a perfect score! For the first time in my life, I've got a perfect score in Math!!!
I really attribute this to my tutor. He was such a good teacher. And he's no more :( I can't run to his house, open the gate, pant and get in with my usual "Excuse me, Sir!" and say, "Sir, I got my results, and I've got a perfect score!" I can't do that, but I want to do that so badly! I really miss him! Two weeks. It's been nearly two weeks since he passed away, and I'm still grieving. I.... He really helped my marks A LOT! He was in fact the first one to ever have told me that I'm good at Math! And he was such a good teacher! I wanted to reveal that I had got a perfect score some day, and now that I did, I can't :/ I've done it, but I'm sad. I can't be happy; I feel so terrible! I nearly teared up in school today because of that.
Word of the day
Atelophobia: (Noun)
The fear of imperfection. The fear of never being good enough.
Word of the day
Dysphoria: (Noun)
A state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.
Crying time
That's it. I'm dysphoric. Terribly disphoric. I feel so..... So terrible.... And no one isn real life cares.
I just wish I disappear from the face of the earth.
I care for you Hallie!! *hugs you tightly*
Mod
Yay! You're actually the only one I know as INTJ."
Yea it's not as common.
Word of the day
Midas:
Midas is the name of at least three members of the royal house of Phrygia. The most famous King Midas is popularly remembered in Greek mythology for his ability to turn everything he touched into gold.
The Anti-Midas Effect
I'm turning into anti-Midas: every single thing I touch turns into crap. Or maybe I'm just unlucky. Having me around is unlucky; I'm unlucky. Every single thing I try to do goes terrible! Everything! Just everything!
Think positive, Hallie? Well, I got my report card today of my previous tests, and I lost 7 marks in the total of 6 subjects, and I got perfect scores in three subjects. Want to hear the bad part? I was supposed to lose just one mark in English, but that woman reduced another because I stammered while reading a stupid lesson we had never seen before, nor did she inform about it prior to that :/ Talk about ill luck!
your journel is so neatly laid out i'm super jealous ugh
Thank you! :) It still isn't very organized, though.
you have like titles and everything is well written out and it all looks good, I really like it. it seems to represent you really well :)
I actually got the idea from someone else xP Thank you again!
Aw thanks, Kavy! Although yours is more popular than mine ;P
Thanks Sara! Like Kavy's, yours is more popular than mine xD
Surveys at Dawn
I can't sleep. It's around 5:20 here, and I can't sleep! I need to wash my hair and trim it today, so I had to get up early. I have a dance today evening, and I'm nervous. I hope I don't have to wear a French plait for it! I really hate French plaits.
So since I'm in a very bad mood to do anything, I'll just answer the survey I found on Dark Angel's journal. Thanks for it, Dark Angel!
� How are you, really?
No good. I'm in a really bad mood; scared, annoyed, nervous and depressed.
� How do you feel right now? What are you thinking about?
I feel terrible. I'm thinking about the dance I have to take part in later.
� What’s your favorite dessert?
I don't think I have any favourite dessert.
� How old are you?
I'd rather not say here.
� What have you learned today?
I'll answer this later.
� What was your favorite subject in school?
English.
� What do you do?
School :(
� What are some of your favorite books?
To Kill a Mockingbird, Harry Potter, Divergent and so on
� What are some of your favorite movies?
The Shawshank Redemption, It's a Beautiful Life
� If you were going to write a book, what would you call it and what would it be about?
I am writing a book, and I've got a lot of ideas. The one I'm writing now is about possessed dolls.
� What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done?
Gone trekking (?) I don't remember
� What accomplishment are you most proud of?
Topping my class, I guess. I'm not a girl of achievements.
� Are you married?
No, and that thought sounds really funny to me.
� How did you meet your spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend?
I don't have any.....
� Do you think it’s better to get married when you’re young or better to wait a while?
The latter.
� Do you have any kids?
No.
� Have you ever thought of adopting?
No, but I've thought of giving myself up for adoption.
� What do you do for fun?
Write, lipsync, write songs, pretend I have imaginary friends
� Do you like traveling?
No. I get sick easily.
� If you could visit any country in the world, where would you go?
Well, I have a lot of places I'd like to go to, but if I need to choose one, I'd say Japan!
� Who are some people you’d like to meet someday?
Ariana Grande. I love her!
� If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say?
I'd say: "I'm not much of an advice giver."
� What’s one of your favorite habits you have?
I don't know. Let me think.
� What are some things that make you really happy?
Well, I've been struck by dysphoria, and became immune to most of them.
� What are some things that make you really sad?
Almost everything that exists in this world.
� What are some things that scare you?
Heights, enclosed spaces, public speaking, spiders, thunder
� Do you like to plan things out in detail or be spontaneous?
Depends on what, but generally I like to plan although it all tumbles down later.
� Are you a religious person?
Hello for an atheist!
� If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet?
Agatha Christie, I guess.
� Would you rather live in the country or in the city?
A city
� What was your life like growing up?
Well, I'm still growing up....
� What were you like in high school?
You mean what are you like in high school. I guess I do qualify as a high schooler in the American education system. I'm the bookworm, the dust in the corner of the classroom.
� Do you have any brothers or sisters? How many?
I have onelittleolder brother I adore!
� What’s your favorite part about today so far?
So far? Nothing.
� Who in your life has influenced you the most? How did they do it?
No one managed to influence me in the good way.
� What’s your favorite joke?
Hmmm.... I don't know.
� Have you ever tried sushi? (Did you like it?)
Nope, I don't recall trying it.
� Do you like spicy food?
Yes.
� How do you like your steak cooked?
Er....
� Do you have a favorite number? Any particular reason why you like that number?
9 I suppose. Perhaps it's because I was born on that date. I used to believe that it was lucky, but in year 3, I realised that it wasn't lucky for me at all.
� If you were a type of animal, what would you be and why?
I can't think of any answer for this.
� What’s one of the strangest things you’ve ever done?
Let's see.... I don't really remember, but I might have half marched half danced on the street.
� What kind of vacations do you like?
Unless you consider sitting at home and doing things I enjoy a vacation, I don't like vacations.
� What are some of your major goals in life?
To become a writer! I do have a list of other professions I could be if I didn't manage that, but becoming a writer or a journalist is my top priority.
� What are some of your smaller goals in life?
To become a singer or song-writer, to become an astronomer, and to show some people that I'm not what they think I am.
� What do you like least about yourself?
I absolutely hate myself!
� What embarrasses you?
When people stare at me or if I open my mouth to talk.
� If you could try out any job for a day, what would you like to try?
I'd try a singer or a detective. Please don't make me choose!
� What’s your earliest memory?
Um.... I haven't the faintest idea.
� What’s the best decision you ever made?
To re-read Harry Potter after three attempts of not liking it.
� Who’s your best / closest friend?
I've got two best friends I'd rather not name. I'll call them H and S.
� What do you think people think of you?
Ask the people; don't ask me. You'll get a very cynical answer from me.
� What were your grades like in school?
Good, I think (?) I'm always in the top ten, my classmates say they're good, but my parents aren't happy -_-
Survey time again!
A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom?
"Could you recharge my phone?" I sent it to my brother.
B) What does the last text you recieved say? And from whom?
I deleted texts, and I haven't received anything since.
C) What time do you wake up most mornings?
6:50 am
D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night?
Hell yes!
E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day?
Sleep
F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom?
Such a thing never happened.
G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school?
Sometimes, because who doesn't get into trouble when they go to my school?
H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so?
I'm still a student :/
I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos?
Nope.
J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined?
I haven't been offered, so....
K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking?
Online? Yes. Real life? No.
L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted?
Nope.
M) Tell us something weird that turns you on.
Um... I.... Can I skip this?
N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual?
Never did anything like that.
O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?
Myself....
P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation?
Yesterday.
Q) Do you usually initiate hugs?
Rarely.
R) Are you a very affectionate person?
I don't think so.
S) Can you roll your own cigarettes?
I never tried, so I don't know.
T) What are you looking forward to?
I'm looking forward to leave this house and go to uni.
U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more?
Nope, but I'd love to have some!
V) Are you mentally strong?
Well, I think I'm not, but others say I am.
W) Are you physically strong?
Nope. Not that strong, but I like manual work to a certain extent.
X) Do you think you’re a good person?
I think the contrary.
Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now.
My family and friends.
Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?
It varies everyday.
Personal Survey: Bold Which Applies
You’re kind of a loner
You are a Leo
You are a Taurus
You actually like the way you look usually
You’re afraid to put your head underwater
You almost drowned once
You have an older brother
Your brother is somewhat famous
You have a cat
You have a dog
You have a hamster
You’re extremely shy
You have social anxiety
You hate all sports
You don’t have a best friend these days
You drink soda at least once a day
You’ve been in a relationship for 4+ years
You’ve kissed eight people in your lifetime
You’ve had six boyfriends/girlfriends in your lifetime
You watch a lot of shows on Netflix
You only read fiction/fantasy books
You’re addicted to the Sims
You have at least two Sims expansions
You also love music games like Rocksmith, Rock Band, and Singstar
You actually enjoy playing games like WoW, LoL, and Final Fantasy Online
You don’t live with your parents
You love Rami Malek
You’ve never asked anyone out
Everyone you’ve dated has been older than you
You can touch your nose with your tongue
You can kick the back of your head
Your favorite foods are Italian and Greek food
You also love Indian food lately
You’ve been to other countries
You’ve been on another continent
You have a very busy schedule all the time
You rarely get to hangout with people
You’re in a band
You’ve hungout with bands before
You love concerts
You love alternative rock
You also love electronic/dubstep
You’ve been driving for at least a year
You have your own car
Your house is always messy
You watch anime every now and then
Your favorite TV show is Vampire Diaries
You also love American Horror Story and The Walking Dead
You’re in college
You’re not a teenager anymore
You are good at drawing
You procrastinate a lot
You’re afraid of throwing up
You’ve never did anything self-destructive
Your biggest fear is death
You’re not a picky eater at all
You love food
You love sleep
You’re not really into partying
You hate alcohol
You rarely drink alcohol
You drink alcohol all the time
You dye your hair an unnatural color
You have green eyes
You wear makeup daily
You absolutely love having new clothes
You wear glasses occasionally
You never wear contacts
You had braces when you were younger
You have been/are in a relationship with a Capricorn
You have been/are in a relationship with a Pisces
Your grades aren’t as good as you’d like them to be
You are a music major
You used to love myspace
You now love facebook, and go on it everyday
You also love Instagram and use that everyday
You have a Tumblr
You hate Twitter and find it pointless
You’ve had all your wisdom teeth pulled
Your parent has cancer
You know someone who has cancer
Your other parent is bipolar
Your parents are still together, but fight a lot
You’ve moved across the country
You live in the USA
You live near the west coast
You live near the east coast
You live in the midwest
You have a job
You love your job
You hate your job
You’re a cashier/barista
You work in retail
You’re a waiter/waitress
You’d like to find a new/better job
You’re afraid to kiss your significant other in front of your parents
You’re afraid to tell others that you have a significant other for reasons
You love Halloween and dressing up
You take quite a few selfies
You have no piercings or tattoos
You really want tattoos
You want to get married in the next five years
Your want to have kids in the next ten years
You have no intention of wanting kids but wouldn’t mind company
Your consider your significant other’s family to be your family
Your significant other can sometimes get on your nerves but you still like/love them anyway
Your significant other is someone who understands you
Your significant other is a smoker
You have a very slight accent
You’re very pale
You’re of Russian descent
You are Jewish
You’re a really good singer
You play piano
You play flute
You can’t dance
You’ve never slow danced
Your high school prom sucked
You’re really good at spelling
You’re pretty bad at math
You hate chemistry
You’re pretty good with languages
You can speak 3+ languages, but just one fluently
You are pro-choice
You want gay marriage legalized
You’re straight
You want marijuana legalized in all states
You wish alcohol was illegal
You wish you had bigger boobs
You’re very petite
You’re average
You’re overweight
You rather not disclose what you are
You are 5�5�
You like vintage
You live with your significant other
You live in an apartment
Your significant other makes much more money than you
You believe in God
You pray daily
Your first kiss was terrible
You smoke weed sometimes
You’ve smoked hookah before
You’ve never smoked a cigarette and don’t plan to
You’ve never done any real drugs and don’t plan to
You love romantic comedies
You love musicals
You’ve been in musicals
You only have two living grandparents
You also have a step-grandparent
You have six first cousins
You can never seem to find matching socks
You love chocolate
You try to be optomistic
You get depressed sometimes
You’re really self-conscious
You’ve dated people before that you haven’t even liked
You’ve had 2+ serious relationships
You’ve had sex with two people in your lifetime
Your hair won’t seem to grow anymore
You straighten your hair too much
Your nails are always shorter than you’d like
You’ve been to both Disneyland and Disneyworld
You’ve been to Universal Studios
You’ve been to the Harry Potter World
You never get super drunk
You love wearing studs
You love wearing lace
You love wearing animal prints
Your favorite colors are aqua, purple, and black
You’re not a virgin
Survey Time Again!
I'm in a bad mood :/ I need to distract myself with something.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Not a person exactly. Unless you'd like to consider the wall a person.
Do you want to see someone right now?
Nope.
Ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing?
Noooo....
What about a lip piercing?
Nooo
Nose piercing?
No! What's with these questions?!
Did you sleep alone last night?
Nope. I share my room with my brother.
How are you sitting?
Well, I'm standing right now.
Where is your family?
Mum's at home, brother and dad at work.
Anyone pissing you off?
Yes, the girl I'm playing throw ball with.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Yes!
What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
I actually have no idea, but I was supposed to be sleeping.
Waiting for something?
Yep.
How many people did you kiss last summer?
None.
Was yesterday terrible?
Yes.
Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
Reject.
Do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong?
Yes, candidly.
Do you like pretzels?
-_-
Do you wait until you’ve completely finished a certain makeup product before you buy a new one?
Well, I don't wear makeup.
Would you say that people consider you a major flirt?
Nope. That would be the biggest joke of the century.
Do any of your friends have children?
No! *raises eyebrow*
If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, how long have you been together?
I don't have one.
Did you wake up before 8 AM this morning?
Yes.
Do you wear eyeliner?
No.
Whose Facebook wall have you wrote on today?
I don't have Facebook.
Would you rather cry in public or make someone else cry in public?
I'd rather make someone else cry in public. Yes, Hallie is a sadistic, mean and cold-hearted person.
Would you rather sleep for 3 days or stay awake for 3 days?
I'd rather stay awake for 3 days.
Would you rather re-live today forever or not live?
I'd rather not live.
Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
My brother.
Last person to make you laugh?
My friends.
Do you look at older pictures and laugh?
I should be doing that???
What can make you feel better in difficult situations?
ŷ.
Which do you prefer: eyes or lips?
Eyes.
When will your next kiss be?
I don't know. A 1000000 years from now?
Have you ever truly thought you knew who you were going to marry?
Haha this is very funny! xD No, I'm not sarcastic.
Do you have anything that belongs to a partner or an ex partner?
Neither have a partner, nor had an ex.
What would you say if someone told you they were in love with your sister?
Well, I don't have a sister and even if I did, they'd never tell me, but I'd probably stare at them with wide eyes and say, "Do you now?" in the most intimidating tone.
Has anyone called you babe or baby in the last two days?
Yep one of my friends did.
Who was the last person of the opposite sex to be in your bedroom?
My brother. It's his room too.
You watch me bleed until I can't breathe
I'm shaking falling onto my knees
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
I'm tripping over myself
I'm aching begging you to come help
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
~ Stitches, Shawn Mendes
(I'm listening to this song, and I can't help but remember myself whenever these lyrics come. Especially the lines 'You watch me bleed until I can't breathe; I'm shaking falling onto my knees; I'm tripping over myself; I'm aching begging you to come help' I would literally watch someone bleed till they can't breathe)
If I was dead, would he care????
Last week, I was watching an anime called Charlotte. I had watched until episode 7 earlier, but I decided to watch episode 7 again. In that episode, the protagonist's sister dies since she has an extremely dangerous power. The protagonist tried to protect her, but he couldn't. After he heard the news that she was dead, he turned into a sadist, taking no interest in anything. He was deeply saddened from that incident. He missed her a lot - he couldn't accept that she was dead.
While watching it, a question popped into my head and I began tearing up a little but like I am now.
If I died, would my brother miss me? Or would he be glad to get rid of me?
Of course, I wouldn't want my brother to turn into that character - sadistic and depressed - but would he miss me? Would he miss that little girl who bosses over him like he is the younger one in the house? Would he miss telling an idiot about all that happened at work: someone leaving the job, eating something much more tastier than mum's food? Would he miss confiding secrets meant to be kept away from our parents? Would he miss being criticised by a little girl seemed to be born only for the sole purpose of critiquing anything and everything? Would be miss teasing and have sibling fights? Would he miss me for what I am?
Or would he be glad that I'm dead? As they say, would he shake off his hands and say, "Good riddance to bad rubbish!" Would he further l forget me in a few years? 'Are you the only child?' 'Yeah! My parents live in *insert wherever my parents are then*'. Would he be glad that he doesn't have to deal with some naive clown's nonsense after a long tiring day at work? Would he be happy to have the whole room for himself?
Why do I have the feeling that it would be the latter? Wait - scratch that. I think I can answer that myself. I've never really done anything for him. I've not cooked an incredible meal and fed him up; I didn't get him some sort of unique gift for Christmas or his birthday; all I did was be such a big pain - and a prejudiced racist as he said yesterday. He might just be happy if I'm gone. The thoughts saddens and frightens me: I love my brother the most. Yes, even more than my parents. I'm indeed Daddy's girl, but I still love him more. Apparently he knows that, since on my birthday, Dad was telling him that he had bought me something (yeah, chocolates I had to distribute to my friends were my birthday present :/), and brother confidently said, "Who cares? She likes me more than you." He was more than correct about that, but maybe he feels that my love for him isn't anything. Maybe it's in fact annoying. Or maybe I don't love him as much as I think I do.
Crap, I'm going to be down with a cold tomorrow from all this crying. Maybe I should die after all. I'm absolutely worthless.
To-do List
�Go kill myself. (view spoiler)
� Finish my projects - or at least the drafts
� Try to complete Season 4 of Victorious
� Write a song
� Rewrite the song 'Little More' previously written with one if my best friends
� Read Heartless
The Scissor Event
*sighs* Today, I asked a boy in my class why he wanted the pair of scissors that he asked for, and he joked that he wanted to kill himself. And then I asked him if he would kill me before killing himself, and he said, "No, I'll become a murderer then. I want to die without any sins!" But later he said that he'd kill me if I faced him, and he actually threw the scissors at my neck - without a cover on the blades, though. However, he told me that I should block it at least five times, but when he finally threw it, I didn't block it. I didn't even attempt. It hit my collar bone and bounced off. He and my friend who was watching this stared at me for a minute in shock.
Hallie I'm gonna steal those surveys from you XD
Hallie wrote: " To-do List� Go kill myself. [spoilers removed]
� Finish my projects - or at least the drafts
� Try to complete Season 4 of Victorious
� Write a song
� Rewrite the song 'Little More' previously ..."
don't kill yourself Hallie :( I love you *hugs*
Hallie wrote: "The Scissor Event*sighs* Today, I asked a boy in my class why he wanted the pair of scissors that he asked for, and he joked that he wanted to kill himself. And then I asked him if he would kill ..."
Can I hurt that guy? >:(
Kavy Jackson Fullbuster ~A company always on the run~ wrote: "Hallie I'm gonna steal those surveys from you XD"Haha sure! xD I'll check in to see your answers, too.
Kavy Jackson Fullbuster ~A company always on the run~ wrote: "Hallie wrote: "The Scissor Event
*sighs* Today, I asked a boy in my class why he wanted the pair of scissors that he asked for, and he joked that he wanted to kill himself. And then I asked him if..."
No! I mean he does get annoying since he knows enough stuff about me to tease me, but he isn't a bad person: I mean, he is better than the other boys in my class. And he listened when I told him to kill me - well, sort of.
Hallie wrote: "Kavy Jackson Fullbuster ~A company always on the run~ wrote: "Hallie I'm gonna steal those surveys from you XD"Haha sure! xD I'll check in to see your answers, too.
Kavy Jackson Fullbuster ~A co..."
XD
Okay but tell him if he hurts you I'll hurt him....I'm a little protective of all of my friends XP *hugs*
He didn't hurt me, Kavy. Don't worry :)
Transitioning into something else.....
Today was a bad day! A terrible day! I stayed depressed the whole day at school. It was so frustrating, so saddening, so pathetic. I'm such a pathetic person!
I barely spoke to my best friends, and they were very unhappy about that. I don't care; I don't want to talk to them. So I buried my nose in a book for 45 before school started. However, in the assembly, one of them was asking me something, and another friend told her, "She doesn't want to talk to you." My best friend looked at me again, and said, "She doesn't talk to anyone." Then the other friend and her best friend said in unison, "No, she talks to me!" It was really funny because both spoke the same thing at the same time. And I got to say 'In your face!' to my best friend.
Then, in games period, the only darn period I thought I could relax, my stupid principal came in and began to take a lesson. He refused to let us go, and even when the head girl tried to get out of class before he entered, he sarcastically told her that she could go if she wanted. Them he bored us to death. The topper of my class fell asleep, and he saw her lying on her desk. He went, "Why is that girl lying down? Don't lie down." Everyone asked her about it later.
And then my History teacher encroached our craft period, but no one wants craft, and that includes me. History over craft anytime!
After lunch, it math class, my teacher finally changed places, but now I'm in the third (hey, I'm a lot taller than those in the back, but my teacher likes shifting sometimes). I am basically only one desk before my previous place. In my school, we arrange the desks in such a way that we have rows with two people beside each other. Hence, we have partners. So my partner is one of the most loquacious girls in the class, and I was her partner back in June, too. And my best friends are in front and to my right :/ I wanted to be far, far away. The teacher actually said, "You can see your friend every time." I glanced at my best friend to the right, and was just setting down my bag when she assigned my partner. I'll call her Sam because that's what her friends call her sometimes. When I heard that, I had a very puzzled expression on my face, and everyone else who saw me began to laugh so hard. Then the teacher asked them why they were laughing, and they explained how I looked. My teacher said, "Good pair," and smiled, while the rest of the class said, "Opposites attract." She talks so much, and I rarely talk -_- Now I'm stuck with her, but I don't really mind it a lot, but my problem is that both my best friends are really close to me! One in front and one to my right! Please change my place again! I want to go somewhere in the back not followed by my friends.
You got me scattered in pieces
Shining like stars and screaming
Lighting me up like Venus
But then you disappear and make me wait
And every second's like torture
Heroin drip, no more so
Finding a way to let go
Baby, baby, no, I can't escape
~ The Heart Wants What It Wants, Selena Gomez
Word of the day
Depression:
Feelings of severe despondency and dejection
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
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