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Our featured book for May 2019 was Not If I See You First by Eric Lindstrom. As always, please be aware that there are spoilers for the novel in this thread. Proceed, if you dare.

This month, our prompt questions were borrowed from These are just suggestion starters for discussion, don't feel pressured to answer them! We'd love to see any observations you made or questions you had while reading this book!

1. As the novel is told from the perspective of a blind narrator, the characters are not introduced with the usual physical descriptions that authors often rely upon. What are some unconventional descriptors that Eric Lindstrom uses?

2. How do people intentionally and unintentionally break Parker's Rules? How does Parker's reliance on her Rules change over the course of the novel?

3. Rule #11 is: "Don't be weird." Why is this Rule important to Parker, and why might it be a challenging one for the people in Parker's life?

4. Parker claims that she "tells it like it is" and practices tough love, but sometimes her opinions come across as abrasive or mean. How do you differentiate between being honest and being kind?

5. What factors contribute to the tension in Parker's relationship with Aunt Celia? What might Celia's perspective be on their situation?

6. Why does Parker wear blindfolds? What do you think the blindfolds symbolize?

7. Once Parker learns the truth about Scott's middle school "prank," she second-guesses her initial reaction to the incident. Do you believe the depth of Parker's anger was justified at the time? Should she have forgiven Scott sooner, or did she make the right decision?

8. Even after Parker has forgiven Scott, he doesn't want to be friends with her. Do you believe his reasoning is justified?

9. What insights did you get from the novel about the life of someone navigating the world as a blind person? What insights did you get about navigating the world as a typical teenager?

10. The title on the book jacket is Not if I See You First, but the Braille says something different: “seeing is not believing.� Now that you've read Parker Grant's story, what does this second message mean to you?

We're looking forward to seeing what you have to say!

Honestly I've been slacking a little lately, which is why even though I read this book before May, it's not until after May that I'm actually getting around to posting anything in the discussions. I am a procrastinator at heart, so forgive me because I don't really remember a whole bunch of the finer details.

What I do remember is that I actually liked this book quite a lot. Here's a little bit about my reading process, though you probably won't be interested: I don't like to read reviews before I read the book. I might skim them, or check out the star ratings on the first page, but in-depth reviews I ignore until after I've completed the book myself. I like to form my own opinions, so I brainstorm a general review (because I like to write my own reviews, insert shameless plug of my own review here) and then I check out what other people had to say before I publish my own thoughts for the world to see. And the basic point of all of this is that a lot of people disliked this book for two particular reasons, and those two particular reasons were actually what I loved best about the novel.

First of all, a lot of people talked about disliking Parker's personality. And I agree that she is, at times, abrasive at best. Her tough love, no-nonsense approach makes her standoffish and rude, and she is plenty selfish in several situations. BUT I loved this about her, because it showed how flawed she was. This book had a major character arc for Parker, as she learns about friendships and forgiveness.

The second reason people were a little iffy about the book was the romance. And I agree that I went in expecting a well-developed romance. And it never really happens. The romance remains solidly in the background as Parker's coming-of-age story takes center stage, which was unexpected but 100% suitable. I also agree that as a love interest, Scott wasn't really a developed character. He occupied the smallest of supporting roles, IMO.

I just have to point out that I really love that Lindstrom brought to life such a flawed, layered protagonist who doesn't fit society's schema of "normal." Parker is disabled, and the world often sees her as "other." People don't know how to handle what they don't know, and some struggle to understand what they haven't been through. I love that books representing people from different backgrounds and situations have become more and more popular as of late, and am pleased that books featuring various disabilities has shown those of us who never struggled in such a way that there is strength in being different and overcoming obstacles that others never had to deal with.

And because I have nothing else to add from memory, I'm going to delve into these questions because I'd have almost nothing to say without these.

1. As the novel is told from the perspective of a blind narrator, the characters are not introduced with the usual physical descriptions that authors often rely upon. What are some unconventional descriptors that Eric Lindstrom uses?
Another shameless plug for myself: I'm an aspiring writer, and I've played around with different writing styles by writing fanfiction (don't even ask for my username or anything. I won't give it to you. Everything is super old and embarrassing now, and I'll forever keep it a vague piece of my personal history that will never, ever be tied back to me.) I've tried my hand at writing in different tenses and in different genres, but the most challenging thing I've ever tried is writing through the perspective of a character with a disability, when I myself don't truly know what it's like to live with that type of impairment. I wrote a short piece about a Deaf character, drawing on what little knowledge I have of ASL and Deaf/Hard of Hearing culture, and it was way hard. I have so much more respect for people who overcome society's views on disabilities, and for those who put those issues into the spotlight.

And with that, I will not-so-seamlessly segue into the fact that people who have all of their senses intact take those for granted, which can be seen in the way we phrase things. We rely so heavily on our senses that we have phrases like "see what I mean?", which doesn't truly ask the other person to relate visually, but the use of the word "see" makes the whole phrase an awkward one to use when speaking to someone who literally can't see. Taking that one step farther, writing fiction often relies heavily on descriptions--sights, sounds, tastes, smells, etc., things that, for a character lacking those senses, can't be used as descriptors.

In Parker's narration, Lindstrom describes characters by the sound of their movements, breathing, and voice. Parker has to be more aware of her kinesthetic sense when the rest of us don't focus on it so carefully--moving your fork from plate to mouth is easy enough when you can see both the plate and the fork, but it becomes harder when that assisting sense is taken away. Parker relays her surroundings by counting steps for distances, so she can always get where she needs to go without assistance. She uses her sense of touch to identify objects. And when all else fails, she directly demands to know what others so easily see, like facial expressions.

3. Rule #11 is: "Don't be weird." Why is this Rule important to Parker, and why might it be a challenging one for the people in Parker's life?
I mentioned this briefly in my personal review of the novel, but when I was in college I shared a history class with someone who was blind. His glib attitude about his blindness--particularly his swift sarcasm around people who got awkward because of it--reminded me a lot of Parker. What she wants most desperately is to be treated like everyone else. She doesn't want people to pity her, or take advantage of her, or think that she's unable to do something because she's different. Her rule about "not being weird" is a direct response to dealing with people who say sorry about using the word "see" in a common phrase, who ask questions Parker sees as less than intelligent or lacking in common sense. She doesn't want people to needlessly call attention to her blindness when it doesn't affect the situation.

7. Once Parker learns the truth about Scott's middle school "prank," she second-guesses her initial reaction to the incident. Do you believe the depth of Parker's anger was justified at the time? Should she have forgiven Scott sooner, or did she make the right decision?
Parker's struggle with Scott's "prank" was a major turning point for her. She felt taken advantage of, which no one wants to feel, and she reacted quite strongly to it. This was the one part of the novel that I sort of struggled with; I felt Parker's reaction was a bit of an overreaction, and she blew the entire thing out of proportion. She denies Scott the chance to explain, relying solely on her assumptions of what went down, which were emotionally charged at best. But here's the thing: I'm looking at this as an outsider with an adult perspective. The truth is, I have let my emotions take control of my reactions, I have reacted badly and in ways I found embarrassing later, once I had time to cool down. Parker was only in middle school, which is already a difficult enough time. Understanding her own issues and any faults she may have had are signs of her growing up, something that she experiences over the course of the novel. Logically, I think holding Scott accountable for so long was a little childish, but at the same time, it perhaps wasn't a ridiculous reaction for someone who is only 12 or 13, in a "romantic" relationship for the first time.

8. Even after Parker has forgiven Scott, he doesn't want to be friends with her. Do you believe his reasoning is justified?
I honestly can't say I blame him. While I understand where Parker's coming from, I also wholly understand Scott. Parker felt justified in her reaction and the choices she made following, but Scott was abandoned without a word from Parker and some of their mutual friends, blamed for something that he didn't even do. It's great that Parker finally realized her flawed logic and apologized for unfriending him, but at the same time, Scott might've been better off without her. These days you can't go without seeing someone talking about "cutting negativity from their life," ironically or not. You can't maintain a relationship, platonic or romantic, with someone who refuses to hear what you have to say or understand where you come from.

I finally read Not If I See You First!

1. As the novel is told from the perspective of a blind narrator, the characters are not introduced with the usual physical descriptions that authors often rely upon. What are some unconventional descriptors that Eric Lindstrom uses?
I really like this question. I guess I never thought about how much authors tend to rely on physical descriptions until this book when they were lacking. Instead of physical descriptions, the characters were described by their breathing or the tone of their voice.

2. How does Parker's reliance on her Rules change over the course of the novel?
The main way Parker's reliance on her Rules changes over the course of the novel is by removing Rule #INFINITY: "There are NO second chances. Violate my trust and I'll never trust you again. Betrayal is unforgivable." As I discussed in question #7, I think it is best that Parker remove this rule, particularly if she is not going to give people a fair chance to explain themselves in the first place. Not only does Parker's reliance on the Rules that apply to other people change, the Rules she uses to govern herself also changes. For instance, Parker stated that her friend Sarah talked her into revoking her no crying rule.

5. What factors contribute to the tension in Parker's relationship with Aunt Celia? What might Celia's perspective be on their situation?
After Parker's father died, Aunt Celia had to pick up her life and move her family to a new town. She may be dealing with her own grief over his death. Aunt Celia also has to adjust to being her niece's legal guardian and learn how to help Parker navigate her daily life. However, Parker is frustrated by Aunt Celia's help, which she perceives as an intrusion, and is blunt about her feelings. Parker is also frustrated that Aunt Celia is slow to adopt the Rules.

7. Once Parker learns the truth about Scott's middle school "prank," she second-guesses her initial reaction to the incident. Do you believe the depth of Parker's anger was justified at the time? Should she have forgiven Scott sooner, or did she make the right decision?
I think Parker overreacted. I wish she would have given Scott a chance to explain what happened instead of shutting him down without waiting to hear his side of the story. When Parker got a little bit more information (i.e., Scott's friends were hiding in the room and he didn't even know they were in there), she changed her mind about the interaction. I hate that Parker was willing to put aside her friendship and romantic relationship with Scott because of the misconception. They wasted years where they could have supported each other as friends or even continued to date, but when Parker finally does forgive Scott he's not even sure he can be friends with her.

9. What insights did you get from the novel about the life of someone navigating the world as a blind person?
I feel like reading this book helped me to better understand how people who are blind or visually impaired navigate life on a daily basis. For example, Parker gave each of her contacts a different ringtone so she can easily identify who is calling her. She was conscious of how many steps it took her to get from place to place to keep herself from getting turned around.

Christine wrote: "9. I feel like reading this book helped me to better understand how people who are blind or visually impaired navigate life on a daily basis. For example, Parker gave each of her contacts a different ringtone so she can easily identify who is calling her. She was conscious of how many steps it took her to get from place to place to keep herself from getting turned around."

I forgot all about the ringtones! I thought that that piece of info, in particular, was interesting because all teens (or at least ones that I know) had different sounds for different callers. When I was a teen and did that, it was just fun to try to pick a song that seemed to convey that person (for example, I used a snippet Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"--Mama, oooooooh--for my mom). But for Parker, it's a way to circumnavigate having to wait for the phone to announce who was calling, or to answer it without having a clue who it was.