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Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Cheyenne:
The dark.
Also, you commented on the same thing twice, LOL."

Damn, the first time the comment didn't show up so I reposted but was too lazy to type the same thing . . . I'll delete one :p

Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Cheyenne:
The dark.
Also, you commented on the same thing twice, LOL."

Ahh, I used to think I was afraid of the dark until I realized my particular fear is of ghosts. I do agree that the dark is scary though. Did something happen when you were younger that caused the fear, or what? Occasionally fears spring from something that happened, and then other times fears are just fears. My ghost thing is because of something that happened a long time ago.

Super tired thing, I know exactly what you mean!! I'm having that issue right now. Is there anything on your mind keeping you up?

No, I've just always been scared of it. There was the Library episode of Doctor Who, but that just amplified it really.

Ahh. So, are you afraid going to sleep at night because of it? Have you tried a nightlight, or soothing music? (If you are frightened when you try to sleep.)

Well, I can never fall asleep with noise and when I fall asleep with lights it encourages nightmares. As for trouble sleeping, it has nothing to do with being afraid of the dark. Even before I was afraid from the dark, I've always taken forever to fall asleep(once I'm asleep, I'm not impossible to wake up, but I'll go back to sleep in a sec). I've got my Abba's genes. As suppose to my Imma and all my siblings, whom have always slept easily.

Entry: 4/8/12 Approx. 01:25. Watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1.

This should be posted in my writing thread, and it will - for points - but as no one reads that and I have a few who read here...

That Would Be Telling / Pirl

What if I told you how it all ended?
What if I told you that we all had our happy-ever-afters?
What if because we parted ways, what if we all ended up in happier places?
If I told you where you'll be twenty years from now � twenty, ten, seventeen, does it really matter how long? � what if you'll look back on that now and think, oh, those were the times? What if I could tell you the tale of every single day, every single moment from now till eternity?
Would it make it any better?
Would you change a thing of any of those moments?
Would it make the now any easier?
Would it stop you from crying over the first loved one who dies? Would it stop you from getting to wherever the hell we're going?
Would it make love easier? Would it make heartache lesser?
Had I told you all of that, before today, would you have changed even a single second?

Entry: 4/8/12 03:10
CONSTANT VIGILANCE.

Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Well, I can never fall asleep with noise and when I fall asleep with lights it encourages nightmares. As for trouble sleeping, it has nothing to do with being afraid of the dark. Even before I was ..."

That sounds difficult. Usually I have trouble falling asleep as well. Have you ever thought about some sort of sleep aid? The one problem I've experienced is that after a while they stop working . . . People keep telling me about Melatonin. Do you have it in Israel, and have you ever used it? If so, does it work?

If we have it in Israel, I wouldn't use it. I don't want to put drugs in my body anymore than's absolutely necessary (I have a knack of getting headaches, sometimes migraines.))

Did you read anything else I wrote?

Entry: 4/8/12 22:18
What the HELL is Hufflepuff?

Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "If we have it in Israel, I wouldn't use it. I don't want to put drugs in my body anymore than's absolutely necessary (I have a knack of getting headaches, sometimes migraines.))

Did you read anyth..."

As far as your parents and siblings? Yes, I saw. I'm not sure if something like that could be hereditary. Could explain it I suppose.

If you were talking about that piece of writing, yes I read it, but haven't been able to form a comprehensible response yet so I just haven't mentioned it.

I was talking about the writing. And OK. :D

And... LOL!!!

Entry: 5/8/12 22:39
Liar.
Yeah, I'm talking to you! Stop looking at me! God, what's wrong with you?
Those big eyes of yours. Without your make up - yes, I've seen you like that. Big secret, isn't it, that your eyes - they're quite small. As for the lips... They aren't nearly as soft as they look. All chipped. Nor is their natural color that rosy pink. Your thin body? Shall I show everyone that photo of you merely two years ago? What about you hair? What will everyone think of your silky curls when they see how they look like without the hours of work you put into it?
Oh, now you're afraid. Are those... tears in your eyes? Why do you care so much?
Wait, is that... wetness, on my face? But you're the one crying! You, in the mirror!

Entry: 6/8/12 21:22
This is from my diary.

20:54
You know what? DAMN IT.
I've been your friend for a YEAR and known you for TWO. And no one EVER thinks to invite me to anything. WHY? What's so wrong with me you can't invite me to the stupid luna park? I CALLED{



}you and wished you a stupid happy birthday, only to find out you're out in the lunapark with "friends". But no one thought to invite ME did they?
Not only that, but it turns out that Imma can't come with me to the beach tomorrow. We set this a WEEK ago, and she cancels!{should've known} Doesn't anyone want to spend time with me? Am I such a loser that I only have friends online? That I have to cry alone in my bedroom because who the hell can I talk to? Who the hell even wants to hear what I've got to say? Even FREAKING online I'm unpopular! All I want is people to think of me when they think "who to invite?"!{

} That's all I ask!
{



} Is it that wrong to want to be counted in the so called "friends"?! Am I that much of an outsider? I thought, just thought this year I made some friends. Maybe I was wrong.
{









} I wish someone would come in now, see me crying and try to comfort me, but I'm realistic. Even if someone's gonna come in, they aren't going to comfort me. Why would they? They're only family!
I can't believe I'm crying.

{


} I hate myself. Is there any other option? I try to fool myself into thinking otherwise, but I'm just lying to myself.
{}

I'm all dried up now. (21:12)
I just wish I was someone else {right now}. I really do.

{}
Besides, I bet it wasn't Shir's fault. Or that there's some reasonable excuse for why I wasn't invited.

{}
I don't know what I'm doing.

Please.
Somebody.

Help me.

Anything in between these: {} wasn't in the diary but should've.
CALLED has a break because that's when and where I started crying.

I hate that over-tired feeling when you can't fall asleep. zzzzzz usually does come but not soon enough.

Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Entry: 6/8/12 21:22
This is from my diary.

20:54
You know what? DAMN IT.
I've been your friend for a YEAR and known you for TWO. And no one EVER thinks to invite me to anything. WHY? What's so wro..."

Wow. Those are such familiar feelings. From my own experience, if people are treating you that way, distance yourself from them. Find a new place to make friends. Hell, even force yourself on shy people or something. I hope it gets better. It took a while for me too.

I count you as an online friend! Yeah, that probably doesn't mean much (what does online friend really mean really), but it helps me sometimes. Just knowing that there are at least a select few people who notice when I'm not around or at least respond...

Yeah, I do notice when you're not around. However, that doesn't help me when it comes to actual life.
The thing is everyone tells me to find new friends. It isn't that simple! These are the people I like, this is my only option. If were to find new friends I would have to change schools!

Entry: 7/8/12 16:04
Everyone's reading the wrong posts and commenting only on one. There are tons of posts! Read the ones you missed!

Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Entry: 5/8/12 22:39
Liar.
Yeah, I'm talking to you! Stop looking at me! God, what's wrong with you?
Those big eyes of yours. Without your make up - yes, I've seen you like that. Big secret, isn't i..."

I don't know if that's merely a moment or how you feel all the time. But I hope you don't hate your own reflection. And it's not bad to put that extra effort into your looks. I used to put zero effort and still feel kinda ugly. When you do something, like with your hair, then you're not just pandering to societies views on beauty. You're making YOURSELF feel good about YOURSELF. Like you care enough about yourself to want to look your best. At least that's how I see it.

Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Yeah, I do notice when you're not around. However, that doesn't help me when it comes to actual life.
The thing is everyone tells me to find new friends. It isn't that simple! These are the people ..."

I know it doesn't help in real life. And believe me when I say I know it's not easy making friends. How about acquaintances? Try this: talk to a cashier at a store. Ask them how they're doing, how they're handling back to school rush, anything that comes to mind. Then do that every time you go there. Yeah the cashier you talked to might not be there, but another one will. And that way you have a lot of acquaintances that know that Hey, that one girl I talked to, she's really nice. I hope I see her again. Because with all the jerks they have to put up, they remember nice people.

Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Yeah, I do notice when you're not around. However, that doesn't help me when it comes to actual life.
The thing is everyone tells me to find new friends. It isn't that simple! These are the people ..."

Would talking to these people about it help?

Also, about message 120, I really try to keep up with all of your posts. It would also be nice for us if you remembered that most of us probably have many other responsibilities, and we can't always read every entry and respond properly to each one. I'm not going to bother with listing all of the things I have to worry about in a day, but I just want you to know that technically I don't even have enough time to stop by here as often as I try to, but I do anyway. So when I come by, I can only respond to one or two posts, and then I have to continue on to check on how things are running in the group. I'm a moderator of roughly five groups, and that's nothing close to the things I have to get done not via the internet. I would appreciate it a bunch if you could appreciate the few responses I am able to get in.

I really enjoy reading your blog, I always do. I enjoy talking to you as a person. I think it's safe to say that if we went to the same school, you would be someone I would hang out with. At least, I concur with Nicola's statement of counting you as an online friend. Just please understand that I don't have the time to respond to everything here. If I did, trust me I WOULD. I would read every bit and respond to everything in the way you want. I just can't manage that right now.

Perhaps in the future, I can respond to one post every time I stop by your blog. That's the most I can do though.

Nicola wrote: "Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Entry: 5/8/12 22:39
Liar.
Yeah, I'm talking to you! Stop looking at me! God, what's wrong with you?
Those big eyes of yours. Without your make up - yes,..."

Sometimes.

Nicola wrote: "Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Yeah, I do notice when you're not around. However, that doesn't help me when it comes to actual life.
The thing is everyone tells me to find new friends..."

That's what I do anyway. I started this about six months ago - everytime I go into a store, or onto a bus, I always say hello, good morning, how're you doing? There are a few bus drivers who always smile automatically when I go on the bus now. But I don't go to the store, so that's not an option.

Cheyenne wrote: "Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Yeah, I do notice when you're not around. However, that doesn't help me when it comes to actual life.
The thing is everyone tells me to find new friends..."

OK, that's good.
Second thing, I have no time as well(I'm finally doing something this summer, and school's starting soon) and as nobody's here on times that are good for me anyway, I end up staying up till three AM at times.
Third thing, you can't take everything I say personally! I was having a HORRIBLE week. People cancelling on me, or me finding out that all my friends went out, and plenty of things have been going wrong. That day wasn't the worst of it.
Forth thing, I really do appreciate you being here! But sometimes I'm just a self centered b*tch, you know?

Well that's good that you have some place to do that. Stores were just an example really.

And was the sometimes that you hate your reflection or that it's sometimes ok to put makeup on? In the first instance, I hope eventually you'll have people to help you convince yourself to like your appearance (that helps), in the second instance I agree. I don't put makeup on all the time, just when I want to feel particularly pretty. Makeup is supposed to enhance the features you already have, not make you look like someone you're not. So, for example, if you love your eyes, you find the colors that make them stand out. Me, I love my blue-ish eyes, so I wear purples, or blues mostly to get them to stand out.

Nicola wrote: "Well that's good that you have some place to do that. Stores were just an example really.

And was the sometimes that you hate your reflection or that it's sometimes ok to put makeup on? In the f..."

I meant hating my appearance.
I wear make up on a daily basis, but only, like you said, to enhance features that already exist. I think my eyes, though they have a beautiful shape, are rather small, so I use eyeliner to make then larger. I add color to my lips, though unless I feel it really looks good with an outfit it usually doesn't stand out that much, and I add concealer because I never get enough sleep (I don't use it on zits, because it's bad for them and besides it isn't usually that bad). Sometimes I wear blush, but not too often, and lip gloss and mascara I almost never wear. And that's practically everything I own in that department.

Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Cheyenne wrote: "Pirl{a חame that sסuחds like spring} wrote: "Yeah, I do notice when you're not around. However, that doesn't help me when it comes to actual life.
The thing is everyone tells me to..."

I hear ya on the bad week thing. Totally understandable. I just wanted to make sure you understood why I'm not able to respond to everything.

I think everyone is self-centered sometimes. I'm very self-centered with some things, so I completely understand. If I took it too personally, or was too offended by your comments, I would've just stopped commenting here. But, what you said didn't upset me badly which is why I gave an explanation.

Pirl, I'll try to see the posts I missed. I don't always comment on everything I read on your blog or others.

What if I told you how it all ended?
What if I told you that we all had our happy-ever-afters?
What if because we parted ways, what if we all ended up in happier places?
If I told you where you'll be twenty years from now � twenty, ten, seventeen, does it really matter how long? � what if you'll look back on that now and think, oh, those were the times? What if I could tell you the tale of every single day, every single moment from now till eternity?
Would it make it any better?
Would you change a thing of any of those moments?
Would it make the now any easier?
Would it stop you from crying over the first loved one who dies? Would it stop you from getting to wherever the hell we're going?
Would it make love easier? Would it make heartache lesser?
Had I told you all of that, before today, would you have changed even a single second?

I don't know how I missed that. Maybe it was since I was online last. So glad I went back to read it! A lot to think about! I don't think I would want to know it all now. It would be too much. Line by Line!

I always try to click when it says how many posts you had since I last checked but I may miss some.

I seem to recall that I may have tried to go to your most recent threads when I was on more recently. My comment about being over tired is not relevant. I thought the topic right about it was about insomnia and being overtired. I could have swore right above it there was such a comment. I'm sorry that I completely missed why you have trouble sleeping. I think you said you have a fear of ghosts unless I mixed that up with someone else. Once in a while I have been afraid like that and also have had scary dreams.

When I was 13, I used to think I was dying a lot and would go to sleep in my sister's room or my mom's room if my dad was working the night shift. If I could just make it to midnight, I felt I would be okay. I don't remember when I stopped having those problems but it was probably some months later.

Agree in using makeup to enhance good features. For the record lol. :) Mrs. Barrett, my 8th grade religion teacher, 9th grade English teacher and 12th grade religion teacher did say that highlighting eyes and hands were very key for women.

@Bar: The sleeping problem wasn't the issue. I've already explained I've always had problems falling asleep.
I am not afraid of ghosts. I have never said that. You are DEFINITEY confused with someone else.

As for the post you missed - I have been thinking over that for very long. I thought it needed to be out there.

I've already discussed makeup.

@Cheyenne: I'm glad to hear that. I was afraid you were very hurt.

Entry: 9/8/12 22:35
And so... she was gone.
The girl was left behind. Curled up in her bed, doing nothing but staring up. What was there that was so interesting? You'd have to ask her. But I don't think she really knew what she was doing.
After all, most people don't enjoy being left behind.
She promised to call. But the little girl new better. She wished she could go with her - the girl didn't care where, anywhere but here.
But she was left behind. And it wasn't up to her. And once she had said goodbye, she had said goodbye for good.
That was just who her mother was.

Well, I'm relieved that you aren't afraid of ghosts. I was mixed up with something I thought I read.

I am grateful that you did post your creative writing in this section because it has made me think more about whether I would want to know it all. Your depth of thought does show in the piece.

I just read the piece above about the girl being left behind. I can really visualize the girl as you describe her as "Curled up in her bed doing nothing but staring up." You capture the emotion of being left behind well.

Thanks:)

Entry: 10/8/12 19:03
I guess I can't eat those yogurts anymore. (Today was the expiration date)

Also, my Abba told me to do the dishes. He didn't tell me that the pot was still hot.
With this burn, I am never washing dishes again.
It's been over three hours! And I still can barely function without ice!

Did you understand the meaning of the title: "That would be telling"?

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I hope your burn is doing better today.

Several posts back, you said you felt like an idiot and I felt compelled to make a sappy statement about it. However, we all have a right to feel like an idiot now and again. I can't just reserve that right for myself.

Well, that must suck. Really I know I'm not an idiot. But sometimes I wish I acted less like one.

Barbara wrote: "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I hope your burn is doing better today."

It relaxed around one AM. My finger was burnt around four PM.

Entry: 12/8/12 01:02

Oops. I guess he knows I'm awake. Why is he awake, anyway?

Also, Taylor Swift'll be on live! But it comes out at Two AM my time. Damn America, why are you so far away?!

Continuation Entry: 12/8/12 02:08
Talking to myself/computer/TV characters from VD. In anycase, not a good sign.

It relaxed around one AM. My finger was burnt around four PM.

Long extended ouch! Glad you finally had relief!

I didn't know you are a Taylor Swift time too. I think she is a good role model unless things have changed since I last followed her and her career. There was a time when she felt like an outcast, but she channeled her energies and wrote her music and kept practicing. When she moved to Nashville, she found that she was around people that accepted her and understood her.

I do like her music and feel she has improved over time, which is the direction one would hope to move in lol.

I'll have to figure out what VA is.

It was SUPPOSED to be VD - Vampire Diaries.
Happens.

Entry: 13/8/12 16:28
At a friend's home. Showing off.

Entry: 13/8/12 22:15

I erased my own entry.