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“You'd tell me if we were getting married, wouldn't you? I mean, you wouldn't just appear on my doorstep one day and say we were due at the church in an hour.”
― Janet Evanovich, Seven Up

“Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch”
― Janet Evanovich, Seven Up

“I hate mornings. They start so early.”
― Janet Evanovich, Plum Spooky

“I always wanted to eat with a Negro,â€� Grandma said.
Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman,â€� Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.”
― Janet Evanovich, Four to Score