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Screw this for now; I'm working on my essay.

"The duchess on the other hand is wearing a gown woven from leaves and flowering buds, her skin a creamy white, eyes a verdant green, her hair a loose and barely tamed mass of locks, a deep brown and gray, like tree bark. It isn’t how she looks all the time."
Why is that italicized sentence there? What does she usually have dark skin, brown eyes, and, I dunno, purple hair or something?

Requiem of Stone subplot, also more in detail on that in my review comments, to be uploaded after I finish reading

Blah, blah, blah "sword-impostor" subplot (more on this in my review because I've already gone over this in the doc I'm writing my review comments on and really, there's much more there than can fit in this tiny little progress update pane)

"I should add..."
=
Let me beat you over the head with more tales of how stupid mortals see not the reality of things but average normal things that their puny minds are capable of accepting.

"How to Write Characters:
Descriptions
All you need to do is come up with a hair color, eye color, skin color, and general hair style. Voila. Instant complete and in-depth character description."

Blah blah blah, Hereditary Ring of Stone subplot. *ba-dum tsss* Get it? It's a ring of stone. For House of Stone. It's all about stones, yeah? *forced laugh*

*face-palm*

I couldn't even force myself to look at the scene. I found I could only skim through it just enough to get the gist but not enough so I was scarred for life by all the contrived "OMG!!!"s going on.

*wince-cringe*
"He’s started thrusting now, and it feels like a battering ram against my prostate, bashing the county gates to my climax. Boom. Boom. Boom."
Total "Boom"s here and peppered through awkward dialogue in next two paragraphs: 10
# Booms in italics of the total booms: 4
Longest Boom streak: 3 booms
shortest boom streak: 2 booms

#ReallyUnsexySexScene
#CringeworthyAnalogy

*forced laugh* Ahaha unfunny lame pun *more awkward fake-laughing*