ŷ������

So, I woke up this morning and started working on………��two new books.

WHO AM I?!?!

The first is a non-fiction book that examines how different people around the world find joy—and how we can all get a little bit more of it in our daily lives. Which is to say: move the f**k over, Bill Bryson! I’m coming for you!

(But, no, really. Wouldn’t it be great if Bill Bryson and Caitlin Moran had a literary baby? �ճ󲹳�’s what I’m going for with this. And I’m having so much fun. You should see my table of contents. It’s honestly kind of ����.)

The second book, however, is a total departure from my usual shenanigans: I started writing…………��a novel. I know! Who am I? A novel?! But, alas, it seems like the best container to explore the theme I’d like to explore with this project: whether your beliefs about happiness can actually hold you back from it. I’ll leave it at that for now, but holy Cheez-Its, I cannot express how important the first three hours of my day is. This is the kind of work I do those first three hours. Blissful, selfish, soul-pumpin�� kind of writing. For years now, I’ve made myself my #1 client, and I can’t recommend this approach more. You don’t have to have a spare three hours, but any time you can consistently dedicate to working on your own passion projects before doing anyone else’s bidding is important. My rule of thumb: create before I consume. No emails, no socials, none of that come before I do this writing. I don’t know how else to create, tbh. Otherwise I’m just distracted and spinning my wheels the whole day!

On another exciting note, I want to tell you how PROUD I am of you. I’ve been in contact with Lisa, who is currently housing 29 evacuees in her home, and she said that the donations have poured in from you guys. And not just that, but really heartfelt notes of encouragement that she’s been reading aloud to all of the brave Ukrainian people that are with her right now.

Last week, I was happy as hell to send her a donation in the amount of $5,985 on behalf of The Middle Finger Project: and thanks thanks to YOU, for purchasing during the flash sale for that purpose. In total, I believe that we’re going to be responsible for approximately $10,000 �ٳ󲹳�’s going to help these families stay warm, stay fed, and stay with a roof over their head. Thank you so much for aiding this important effort!

Let’s see, what else is going on?

AH—THE COFFEE! Our coffee, With Love From Costa Rica, is now on shelves in select stores in Costa Rica, and it’s really tickling the hell out of me. It’s such a random project, but I’m a huge fan of solving your own problems, and entrepreneurship is a great way to do that. Now we have beautiful, artisanal, design-forward gifts to bring home to the people we love! (And so will other tourists.)

In addition, I’ve been working hard on an irreverent travel guide to Costa Rica—clearly all I do is write books these days!—called Don’t Be a Tourist Boob in Costa Rica: The In-Like Slim Guide to Doing Costa Rica Like a Local (And Having Way More Fun Than Everyone Else). I’ve been getting so many requests for this over on my Costa Rica blog; tons of people writing in and saying they would buy if it were ready, which is a great sign! I’ve had a sign-up form to gauge interest for a while, and the response has been encouraging. My intention with this one is to self-publish for a couple of reasons:

You control the pricingYou control the inventoryYou control the promotionsYou can sell it for more than an average bookYou get nearly 100% of the proceeds (after processing fees)You can update information on the flyYou still get the benefit of authority & credibilityIt’s an awesome passive income streamIt’s a great way to build trust with your audience that will lead to more investments with youIt’s fun!You can also publish to Amazon and let one of the world’s biggest search engines work for youAnd you don’t need to mess around with publishing print copies if you don’t want to—digital is fine to get started! Keep it simple.

^That, right there, has been one of the best, most important lessons I continue to learn as a member of the creator economy: keep. it. simple. There’s so much pressure to make everything EXTRA ULTRA EXTRAVAGANT AND AWESOME right out of every gate, that most of the time, it prevents you from even getting started. But, I’ve found it to be incredibly helpful when I force myself to ask: what would be the simple way to do this? And then do it that way. Get started. Begin. Let it be easy. Let it be straightforward. Let it be basic. IT’S OKAY. You can always grow later, add to it, expand. But for now?

Your only job is to create.

So, remove the mental obstacles holding you back, and you’ll be surprised at just how much you’re able to accomplish.

Speaking of keeping it simple, it’s tax time (ugh), and if you’re a creator or small business who is ENTIRELY OVERWHELMED by all things bookkeeping / expenses / write-offs / rules / laws / taxes. May I make a suggestion?

Hire ! (My affiliate link—I use them and I’ve been their partner for years because I love them so much.)

They’ll plug in your Stripe and Paypal and take alllllllll of your transactions and do a historical bookkeeping on ‘em for the year (or years, if you’re seriously behind), and then go ahead and actually do your taxes for ��dz�—without you having so much as a single blister. (You know, on your tongue? From biting it so much?)

The only catch: the cutoff for historical bookkeeping is March 29th. (And it’s for U.S. businesses only.)

Cannot recommend enough. Even better is the subscription plan where they just do this for you all of the time, regularly, so you always see your profits and losses in real time and never have to do anything disgusting like Quickbooks again. ��(I’m pretty sure molecular biology is easier than Quickbooks.)

Hire them!

Alright, that sums up my day / life / recommendations! How’s your day going?

XOXO,

Ash

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In my twenties I hated routine—but �ٳ󲹳�’s because I confused it for stagnancy.

Anything that whiffed of repetition was automatically on my shit list: schedules, affirmations, habits, recurring obligations, things that put a vise on my freedom. I never wanted to live feeling beholden to a calendar, letting it rule my days more than I did.

To me, routines were for the weak: people who weren’t disciplined enough to get it done without force. When I’d get on interviews and they’d ask me about my morning routine, I’d laugh: every day is a new adventure, I’d say!

And, to be fair, it was. My goal in life has always been to out-fun everyone else. (Especially the self-righteous curmudgeons who had taken all of the “right�� steps and were still miserable.) �ճ󲹳�’s what I wanted for my time on earth—radical pleasure—and in my twenties, I definitely think I did a pretty good job of that.

But, when I reached my thirties, something changed: I realized that there was a whole other form of pleasure I'd never recognized. A form I had never known, because I was too busy saying “no�� to routine and all of her fetters.

Turns out?

What I didn’t know then is that routine can be incredibly nourishing…so long as the things you are doing actually are.

THERE’S THE RUB.

It’s a subtle difference, but an important one, and the difference is this:

Routine versus ritual.

Routines are the things you do because you’re supposed to.

Rituals are the things you do because they nourish you.

Today, some of my favorite moments in the day are my daily rituals: the three hours I spend writing every morning, the 30 minutes of exercise I do before I shower, the gin & soda we have on the back deck at sunset, the hour I spend reading before bed each night. They have helped me structure my pleasure in a way that I didn’t have before.

They help me prioritize myself.

I think of this as my Happiness 401(k): tiny increments of “savings�� that I’m budgeting toward a happier, more joyful life.

The habits expert, James Clear, often talks about the compounding effect of the things you do each day. “If you can get 1 percent better each day, you’ll end up with results that are nearly 37 times better after one year.�� And conversely, the opposite is true. (Which is terrifying. ��)

I’ve been hip on this 1% idea ever since my literary agent, Lisa, told me to read James�� book—she’s his literary agent, too, those smartie pants hooligans. And as soon as I did, years ago now, I realized something that I had never quite understood before:

Doing something consistently and habitually does not make you a prisoner to your life: it gives you the freedom to live your life without constantly worrying that you are doing a bad job.

There is something SO FREEING in the act of building rituals that support you, rather than constantly letting your life be consumed by everyone else’s agenda.

The only problem is: where do you start? How do you find the time? How can you step off the hamster wheel? How can you know which rituals to employ? How do you get yourself organized? How do you plan for joy? HOW DO YOU FIND THE TIME? (Did I mention that??? lol.) How can you create a system for yourself? How can you know which things to quit? How can you be sure you’ll actually stick to it? And, how can you get the courage to make a big change to begin with?

The answer: .

It’s a brilliant system that my business partner, Jamie, teaches because she is the QUEEN of learning how to live a life full of pleasure—especially when you’ve historically been a total shit show.

Her ethos?

Be so fiercely committed to the things you care about and the vision of the life you want that you don’t have the time, energy, or need to compare yourself to other people. Honoring commitments to yourself is how you build self-love.

Her system is Atomics Habits for pleasure.

Building your life hour-by-hour in a way that nourishes you instead of drains you.

Using the things that give you joy as the building blocks for your entire existence.

…And—as a wild and wonderful byproduct—being way more fucking successful as a result.

I LOVE JAMIE.

And you will, too. She’s fucking amazing—and so is her work.

Enrollment for closes tonight—so if you need to work on building your own Happiness 401(k)?

Let’s get you budgeting for a MUCH more pleasure-filled 2022 by the weekend.

XOXO,

Ash

P.S. These are affiliate links—I'll receive a comish if you buy! But, legit, I'd be telling you about this even if Jamie didn't hook me up. SHE'S A GENIUS.

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You know what the biggest cause of burn out is?

BEING SMART.

There, I said it! If you are smart, and you are driven, and you have actual ambitions beyond “beat Princess Beefcurtains in the next level of Fortnite�� then you are likely going to suffer from a whole RAGING RIVER of problems that normal people do not have.

One of those problems is overthinking something you said to the neighbor three years ago. And another is feeling like you are TAPPED��.THE HELL��..OUT��.ALL…THE…TIME. You’re baked like an overcooked steak in every department imaginable, you’re overworked and underexcited, you’re stressed and feel super unorganized, you’re busy keeping promises to everyone else but yourself, yet you procrastinate every thing you know you really WANT to do (but can’t seem to find time for), and the last thing you need is some nitwit named Holly calling you up to “pick your brain over coffee.�� YOU AND YOUR LATTE CAN SHOVE OFF, HOLLY.

Yes, it’s b-b-b-b-burrrrrrrrn out—and smart people suffer from it a lot.

Smart people are the ones who are always trying to save the world, start cool businesses, follow their heart, exercise, volunteer, write a book, own a dog, be their own boss, network, grow their email list, BE AN ICONIC THOUGHT LEADER (no pressure), read all the books, answer all the emails, send all the texts, and not eat too many hot dogs.

So, naturally you’re going to be a very sad penguin when you come to the realization that you are not actually Gal Gadot. I mean, a quick look in the mirror probably gives it away (why does she have the BEST FACE?!), but we like to delude ourselves into thinking that we are actually Wonder Woman and we can actually throw around 1,400 pound pianos AND ALSO take on fourteen new projects because, if anybody can do it, we can!

And, you’re not wrong. Not really. You probably can. (Albeit, poorly.)

But, it comes at a cost. And that cost is being happy.

Something I have found to be annoyingly true is that there’s a difference between being successful and being happy. Success is pretty damn formulaic: remove your conscience, take a bunch of steps in the right order, overthink nothing, and watch as you spit out money on the other side.

Like, seriously: even people with 0% personality can be “successful�� if they just shut up and follow the plan. (Or hire people to follow it for them.) I’ve seen it too many times to count.

Success isn’t a function of being some magical unicorn: it’s a function of being so average that you don’t care about being an original.

What we REALLY need help with, however, is not being successful: it’s being happy while you are successful. ���𳦲��ܲ���—am I right here?—��DZ����’t it always feel like you either have to:

Work really fucking hard and suffer every day in the name of successOr, completely fuck off and enjoy your life (but never do anything worthwhile)?

It’s like success/happiness are on two complete opposite sides of the coin.

To get one, you’ve got to sacrifice the other.

I used to feel this way like WHOA. When I was younger, I had this subconscious belief that the harder I worked, the more it meant. I needed to find self-worth through the struggle. If it was easy, and life was enjoyable, and things were good, it meant I wasn’t working hard enough. Conversely, if I was working non-stop, grueling, grueling, grueling away, I dreaded my days but no one could ever call me lazy. (Mostly me, since I was always my own biggest critic.)

The worst part is?

Even though you’re on a constant hamster wheel, you actually end up being less successful. Isn’t that a real kick in the crotch? And the reason isn’t because of all the work you’ve put in. It’s because all of the work was focused in the wrong place.

Here’s a question: How many hours a day do you dedicate to your own happiness?

Think about it. How many? None? Maybe a few here and there, if binge-watching Yellowstone counts? (Guilty.) Or maybe you’re so busy running around doing everyone else’s bidding, that the idea of budgeting time toward your own happiness is ridiculous: a lofty goal for entitled millennial nose swabs who don’t know what it’s like to “have real responsibilities.�� (Every millennial I know is laughing right now, since we work harder than any other clown out there. It’s just not the same type of work as defined by a bunch of old white guys from the 1950s.)

ANYWAY.

Somewhere along the line we kind of just put our brain in a jar and isolated it there, letting it work and work and work for everyone and everything else—except ourselves. It’s basically like a community brain, and anyone else has full access to it! Whaddya need?! Step right up!

So, of course, when it comes to things like carving time into our own day for, haha, “our own happiness,�� the brain is wayyyyy too busy handling all the other requests.

As a result:

You keep promises to everyone but yourself.Your life is stressful and unorganized.You never feel on top of your day.Feel feel stagnant & stuck.You’re struggling to stick with any of the things you know you need to do to make your life improve.You’re on the hamster wheel of busy work and toxic habits.You’re mad at yourself for never doing what you say you are going to do—whether it’s writing a book or sticking to a diet or getting enough exercise or keeping in touch with old friends.You feel disconnected from what you actually want and what you’re actually doing.You secretly feel afraid of not being “good enough”—so you never start or commit. (Because if you commit and then you fail, then you’re REALLY screwed.)You feel frustrated and burned out, and sick of trying so hard with little to show for it.

Gross, I know.

But it’s a real problem.

And it’s because none of us are purposefully budgeting any time into our schedules for our own happiness. And none of us are aligning our work with happiness. And none of us are making decisions based on happiness.

We’re making decisions for success. And like I said earlier, the two are not the same.

The thing �ٳ󲹳�’s made all the difference for me?

Planning for my own happiness.

And, I am not a planner! �ճ󲹳�’s why this was hard!

But, I learned how to budget that shit into my life—with purpose, intention, deliberation.

For example, it’s no accident that I spend the first 3 hours of every day writing. Not writing for clients, writing for me. I first started that habit when I wrote The Middle Finger Project book, and it made such a difference in my day: I felt like I was committed to myself. Like I had my own back. Like I was a person who followed through. Like I trusted myself to do the work and KILL IT.

But it’s about so much more than that. It’s about learning how to show up for yourself, cultivate discipline, generate deep self-trust, and keep your own damn promises to yourself.

And you know who taught me how to do all of this well—with grace, strategy, and intention?

. My VERY good friend, my long-time business partner (remember Brandgasm?!), my co-conspirator in life, and the person responsible for ALL of the fabulous designs you see across , , , and a bunch of other projects I haven’t even talked about. We’ve been blogging together on the internet since before anyone thought it was cool. Here’s us in 2011 in Paris:

AND WE'RE STILL AT IT! Jamie and I work together on Thursdays, and it always amazes me that she never misses a beat. She’s never once forgotten. She’s never once needed to reschedule. Even now with her book RADICALLY CONTENT coming out next month—which I know is going to be a best-seller—I keep saying to her, “What flexibility do you need?! Launching a book is a big deal! Let’s pause things while you launch!�� To which she keeps saying to me: “Nope, I’ve got it alllllll planned out and handled. I’m good!��

She’s seriously a force of calm, collected, and focused. She’s all about intentionally building a joyful life you want to live—hour by hour. And she 100% shows up for the things that matter, because she has deliberately chosen the things that matter.

She’s radically content, indeed.

And, she’s KILLIINGGGG ITTTTTT. Jeez, even yesterday she spoke to employees at Google! She’s being featured in magazines! She’s got a bazillion followers on social. (I think she's up to 140K+ now?) And she does it all with so much ease.

She’s the queen of keeping promises to yourself, doing what lights you up, and doing it ALL with intention so you can be successful and �󲹱�����

—so I just HAD to show you the beautiful system she’s created for helping others do the same.

It’s called .

And it’s her brand-new system that shows you how to simplify, focus, and become radically content in your own life.

It’s alllllll about planning for your own happiness, honoring commitments to yourself, and keeping promises to yourself with ease.

AND IT’S FUCKING FANTASTIC. Her ethos is this:

Be so fiercely committed to the things you care about and the vision of the life you want that you don’t have the time, energy, or need to compare yourself to other people.

And another building block of her philosophy is the idea that honoring commitments to yourself is how you build self-love.

And, I couldn’t agree more.

I love Jamie, and I love her work, so if you’re feeling scattered and stressed and really wish your days were filled with ease, joy, and deliberate, unfuckwithable happiness?

Please go check out !

YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

And I’m not even exaggerating.

XOXO,

Ash

P.S. These are affiliate links—I'll receive a comish if you buy! But, legit, I'd be telling you about this even if Jamie didn't hook me up. SHE'S A GENIUS.

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Things that are hard: opening literally any package of scissors, planks, death, restraining yourself around a person who’s sniffling (my biggest pet peeve), realizing you are too fat to go indoor skydiving (legit just happened to me), and scrubbing the water rings off of your glass cooktop stove.

Things that are harder: Writing your homepage headline when you have zero clarity about your brand promise, your brand positioning, and your value proposition.

Ugh, did you just groan?? Was that a loud and visceral GROAN I heard? I know.

AND�� it’s 10X harder when you have to summarize it all into one succinct little headline �ٳ󲹳�’s supposed to encapsulate ALL OF YOUR GLORY in just a few little words. Am I right?

Figuring out your messaging is the worst, unless you are someone like me who gets off on figuring out people’s messages. But, when you have a framework to walk through it, it can be fun! And so, so exhilarating when things finally click into place & you nail your idea and (finally) find the right words—you suddenly have 1,000,000X more confidence in yourself & your biz, and guess what?

So do other people.

Having powerful, snappy language that resonates can make or break your entire business.

Soooooo, here are the three of the biggest mistakes I see SUPERB people make when trying to write their homepage headline (that difficult bastard!).Not having clarity around their big brand promise. (It’s a BEAR.)
Do you have a big brand promise? Have you figured out your brand positioning and your value proposition? And are you including it in your headline? Unless you happen to be a copywriter, you probably haven’t even thought about this—and 99.9% of the time, THIS IS THE BIGGEST KILLER OF ALL HEADLINES (and hearts). Not knowing what you’re trying to say is the fastest way to rambly, jargon-y, goopy messaging doom. And without a promise, your headline’s always going to fall flat.

It’s the difference between:

Leverage the science of body language. ←”Leverage?�� (Jargon.) To do what? Why do I care? Tuning out

Skyrocket your personal charisma using the science of body language. ←Ohhh, now there’s a sweet promise you’re making me! Yes, I want to skyrocket my personal charisma! Show me how�� (The format used here is simply “what they want�� plus “your solution”—except most people just lead with their solution. See the difference?)

Of course, another body language expert might focus on using body language to be a better speaker, or be a better manager, or to have a more successful dating life. While body language can help with all of that, you shouldn’t promise all of that in your message. You need a distinct promise that separates you from the pack.
Trying hard to convince a person on their INDUSTRY—yoga, keto, tarot, travel, whole living—instead of trying to convince them to try THEIR SERVICE or THEIR PRODUCT.
Let's try to imagine a world where we didn't need to “convince�� anyone that they should try tarot, for example. Let's assume that they are on your website because they're interested in tarot already. Now, the job of your copy needs to be to convince them to choose YOU. As the famous line goes, don't try to sell nuts to dolphins. Relevant. I think a lot of us spend a lot of time trying to sell the industry, instead of their actual solution. But most people on your website are already industry-aware��.now they're trying to decide if they should take the leap with you…or not.
“No shit�� syndrome—AKA stating the obvious.
A lot of first-stab headlines promise things that are already expected. Writing that converts, amazing photos, big transformations. But, of COURSE if I’m hiring a professional copywriter, I expect the copy to convert. If I’m hiring a professional photographer, I expect the photos to be amazing. If I’m hiring a professional coach, I expect a big transformation. Therefore, none of these promises actually do anything to differentiate you from your competitors: because they aren’t promises, they’re expectations. (And it’s exactly what everyone else is saying.)

will walk you through a process for figuring out ALL of this—and so much more.

Your brand promise & your headline is just the beginning: from there, we learn how to write your subheadline, four different types of crossheads, your email newsletter & opt-in, and then how to take your main messaging and weave it through all of your other pages of copy: your sales pages, your about page, your professional bios, and more. ��The end goal: make you REPRESENT something. Make your message feel 100% cohesive. Make you known for something. And make it abundantly clear what you’re better at than anyone else in the world.

Inside the bootcamp you’ll find me, Ash, with my ridiculously loud, fun-loving voice, where you’ll essentially “look over my shoulder�� as we go through the framework step-by-step together on the screen, do some strategic writing exercises, draft your initial copy, learn how to edit your copy, add in a few tricks of the trade, and then examine a TON of before/after examples that’ll give you all the clarity in the world.

It’s the bee’s knees for figuring out your messaging & your copy.

And today’s the last day to join.

See you there!

Ash

P.S. I really was over the weight limit for my height for indoor skydiving, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Must have been all the sitting I did while recording The Magic Message Bootcamp.

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If there were a richter scale of “OH F**K,�� you know which two questions top the charts for creators?

So, what do you do?Can you send over your professional bio? kisssssesssss

LAWDY, LAWD. The two worst questions in the history of working for yourself. (That and “how much money did you make last year?�� which, for the record, only entitled d-bags ask.)

These are the kinds of questions that can make a person do terrible, horrible things—like give up on themselves, shy away from the spotlight, and commit something I like to call “introverbicide,�� a condition when you have no idea what to say so you become an involuntary introvert, committing business suicide simply because you cannot talk about yourself.

I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

It’s that mouthful of jargon-y, rambly goop that comes out of your mouth anytime you try to explain who you are and why anyone should care—and worse if you expressly try to sound “important.�� HAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA the world laughs! (At least, �ٳ󲹳�’s how it feels.)

Worse, you know what else happens?

The longer you go without being able to succinctly & compellingly state your message, the more you feel like an imposter—despite being fully capable, thank you very much.

�ճ󲹳�’s because how you describe your work affects not only how valuable others perceive it to be—but how valuable you perceive it to be.

Not being able to talk about your idea = massive source of imposter syndrome.

It’s one of the topics I tackled in my book, —remember the part about believing in your own brilliance? And the part about trusting that they are delighted to hear from you?

But there’s only so much you can put in a book.

So, this is one of the reasons why I created . It’s an entire online course around (finally!) nailing your message, packaging your work into a big idea, and using it to write your copy like a champion.

And it’s mission critical for:

Rising to superstar status in your spaceDifferentiating yourself from the hundreds of others doing what you doGetting people to instantly say, “hell YES, I want that”Charging premium ratesGetting noticed, seen, heard, talked aboutBeing invited to be on podcasts, get interviewed, write a book, etc.Having your messaging do the heavy lifting of marketing your business FOR youAnd, and, and! Having real, rock-solid confidence in your business.Because if you can’t describe it, you will start to doubt it.

^^^ I cannot stress that more.

Your ability to speak about your ideas in a way that you’re proud of affects how proud you feel. Conversely, if you secretly think that you’re “just another�� life coach, website designer, business strategist, or a dime-a-dozen photographer��

��you will feel shame.

And that shame will reverberate through everything you do, taking you from VISIBLE & HAPPY & CONFIDENT to small & scared & anxious.

If you’re feeling me on this, I promise that figuring out a unique message �ٳ󲹳�’s smokin�� hot is 90% of that mental battle.

Your message is a cohesive BIG IDEA that you use to package your work & differentiate yourself in the marketplace. It’s that BIG IDEA you want to be known for, which elevates you from hundreds or thousands of competitors doing the same work. For example, while Brené Brown is a psychologist, she’s known for The Power of Vulnerability. �ճ󲹳�’s her main message—and it’s what she’s built her empire on. Everything from her copy to her talks to her products is built around this idea. �ճ󲹳�’s what gives her such a massive reputation. Jen Sincero’s YOU ARE A BADASS is a similar concept: the book inside is really just a self-help book that could have been packaged any which way. But it was the packaging of the concept of “BADASS�� that made the book a massive bestseller. �ճ󲹳�’s the message: the backbone of your business. You then use that to build everything, from your copy to your offers to your talks and beyond. It’s sort of like a theme, if you will, �ٳ󲹳�’s worded in such a way that makes people instantly “get�� it, love it, want it. Without a solid, compelling message, you run the risk of disappearing into the crowd and being invisible, particularly in an online landscape that depends on your ability to stand out from the noise.

One simple exercise that can help you with this?

Fill in the blank:

“Come to me if you insist on ____________________________.��

And by that, I mean: COME TO MY GLORIOUS ASS, SPECIFICALLY—NOT MY COMPETITORS’—IF YOU, AS A PERSON OR A BUSINESS, INSIST ON HAVING THIS SECRET ADVANTAGE.

The trick is figuring out: �ɳ󲹳�’s your secret advantage?

A mistake a lot of students make at first is making too general of a statement: “Come to me if you insist on amazing wedding photography.�� Yes, no shit, babycakes: every photographer in the world is promising that. �ճ󲹳�’s not going to help you stand out: �ٳ󲹳�’s the expectation.

You need to go beyond industry expectations & make a specific brand promise. ”Come to me if you insist on the strongest trampolines in the world,�� on the other hand, is making an actual statement. You’re better than your competitors in this one very specific way. �ճ󲹳�’s your promise.

And �ٳ󲹳�’s where we begin.

will walk you through allllllllll of this strategy, even if you’re just starting out, and even if you’re not sure you do anything “special,�� and even if you’re doubting the hell out of yourself right now.

This is not about being the most unique person in the room.

It’s about packaging your business strategically.

There’s a difference.

And the former is not necessary. In fact, it’s impossible. You don’t HAVE to be some kind of unique butterfly who’s come up with some proprietary process and is a straight mad genius never before seen in the history of humans. �ճ󲹳�’s not the work. (Thank vodka.)

The work, rather, is about perception. It’s about how you package the work. It’s about packaging the work into a message that the people you want to reach can HEAR. A message that they value. A message that they want to be a part of.

You can take any business and package it 1,000 different ways. The key is in choosing a package that works.

�ճ󲹳�’s what I teach you how to do in .

And you can enroll for just two more days.

To not feeling like an imposter boob every day of your life,

Ash

P.S. Don't forget: for every sale through Friday, I’m donating $95 to our local contacts on the ground in Ukraine. You can read about that .

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Okay, IMPORTANT NEWS.

We have a long-time Middle Finger Project reader, Lisa, who is currently in western Ukraine, having made the decision to stay and help local families fleeing from the east. See email below:

As soon as I got the email, I remembered that her and I had chatted in August of last year about her enjoying life in western Ukraine.

So, of course, when I got Lisa’s email about her family’s brave decision to stay in western Ukraine to assist hundreds of other families, I immediately responded, asking where we could send funds / help / anything. She continued on telling me the following, including brave stories happening from the front lines:

SO, TEAM.

Here’s what we’re doing:

I’m running a special ‘�� launch, ahead of its regular launch schedule, and for every sale will be donating $95 directly to Lisa’s group & and the Ukrainian families she’s helping to extract, feed, house, and protect through Friday, March 11th, 2022.

The Magic Message Bootcamp is my #1 most requested course, helping you to take a mouthful of jargon-y, rambly goop and (finally!) find a clear message, package your work into a big idea, and use it to create a killer brand with amazing copy that makes people want to lick your brand. (And your checkout pages, ahem.)

I offer this through my Meat & Hair creative writing company, and It. Is. Awesome.

“This was my one best purchase this year.�� —Interpreter & Communications Consultant Julia Poger

“You gave me something I needed more than copywriting: the missing BIGGER picture. My business concept is finally CLEEEEARRRRR!!!!!! And I couldn't have done that without you. I'm clinging on to dear life with anything you do in the future, Ash!�� —Jewelry designer Sarah Riordan

“I just wanted to say simply…with my whole heart…THANK YOU! This was hands-down the best investment I've ever made. I am so stinking in love with my new website copy and I've got you to thank…not only for breathing new life into my writing…but breathing new life into me.����—Life Coach Ash De Filippis

“Hands down the best business class I have ever taken.����—Scrubz Skincare CEO Roberta Perry

So, if��.Your ��15-second pitch�� sounds more like a 10-minute long ramble of doom…You don’t exactly know what your message is…Everything you try to write sounds like a big, meandering, long-winded digression…You have no idea how to differentiate yourself in the marketplace…You don’t have a lot of experience so you feel like an imposter…You worry you aren’t original enough to get noticed ��(Like, how different are you REALLY, you think.)You’re totally overwhelmed by perfection paralysis and it’s preventing you from moving forward…And you’d rather eat giant, hairy cockroaches than read your own bio aloud��

Then, PLEASE enroll in today for a reduced self-study rate—and your purchase will:

Help you (finally!) figure out your unique, sticky, memorable message that makes the whole world clamor to buy from you, feature you, interview you, and follow you. NO MORE CONFUSED RAMBLING. No more waffling blubber. ��No more losing faith in your business because you don’t know how to talk about your business.
PLUS, for every sale, I’ll donate $95 directly to aid our contacts on the ground in western Ukraine, who is currently helping to house, feed, and care for fleeing families in real-time.

Here are a few photos Lisa sent of the children they are currently housing (the first photo is her husband comforting a little girl):

Get a fresh new message this year & fall in love with your idea again��and help real families right now via our on-the-ground network in Ukraine.

Love,

Ash

P.S. If you prefer, you can also donate to Lisa & her humanitarian group directly here: . You will receive a receipt and lots of gratitude.

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The biggest question I get asked about starting a business:

How the hell do I market myself?

Usually this is accompanied by a downtrodden face of doom, and sometimes a teeny, tiny fart. For this, my friend, is the question of the times: the creator economy has made normal people who would normally only be worried about hiding from the neighbors, NEED TO WORRY ABOUT OTHER WEIRD THINGS, TOO. (As if we all needed something else to concern ourselves with other things besides pretending not to be home.)

But, whether you’re selling your knitting, selling your coaching, or selling an idea for a hyped-up hot dog holder, the inevitable remains:

You’ve got to find a way to get seen.

For most people, this is a task �ٳ󲹳�’s right up there with “piercing your ear drum with a cocktail sword,�� and I’ve got to be honest with you: I’m with ya. Some of this crap is incredibly superficial. You go online and suddenly you see 900 Instagram posts of people slinging MLM, with really bad graphic design, desperately trying to convince you to buy $99.99 worth of placenta-scented bath salts. Then, on your right, you’ve got 20-year-old supermodels making TikTok videos showing off their glowing noses & oversized Lululemon hoodies that make you think to yourself, “Oh for fuck’s sake—is this what I’m supposed to be doing?????????�� (No diss to the Lululemon hoodies—they do a great job of covering up a rogue fupa.) And THEN you’ve got the people who just really, really don’t give a flying father: they are going to badger you into buying their stuff, so help them unsubscribe button.

I’m bored with all of this. I’m sure you are, too. Is bored even the word? Are we bored, or just horrible people? I can’t tell anymore. Figuring this out is probably my life’s work. (Isn’t there some story about my soul having a job to do or something? A MISSION on which it must embark? Ash Ambirge: here on earth to come to terms with her cynicism.)

But, I can’t play these strawberry shortcake games: advice like “post 3x per day because #algorithm�� makes me stabby. I disagree with the common way of doing most things, and that includes social media & marketing. (Assuming the goal is to earn actual business revenue.) I’ve been doing this long enough—thirteen long, fun-filled, creatively satisfying, and also sometimes neck-throbbing years—that I know what sells and what ��DZ����’t. For example, I start laughing MANIACALLY every time I do post something on IG for pleasure, and, like, 5% of my followers will ever see it. Seriously, have you ever looked at your insights???? Why is this where everyone’s putting their energy? You have literally no power here, unless you’re paying for access. (And even then.) It’s an illusion that anyone has followers—all they are is the digital carcass of someone who once stumbled upon your profile but probably hasn’t seen a single thing you’ve posted since. It’s an illusion that anyone with followers has meaningful, monetizeable influence. They might have the perception of influence, but this is one place where the numbers often do lie. 112.3 million people might have watched the Superbowl, but if only 5% of them saw the commercials? I promise you we would not have a Superbowl.

So! Now that we’re off to that happy start, marketing simply isn’t what most people think it is—and so a lot of folks are killing themselves doing the wrong things. Most people think “marketing�� means “get me lots of free attention.�� It’s a big umbrella term that we use to mean “any thing �ٳ󲹳�’s going to expose my junk!�� And �ٳ󲹳�’s probably one of the first places where most people accidentally go wrong in this department: they don’t know where to spend their time or energy, because it all feels like this big, giant, confusing car crash of pandemonium. What should I do first? Second? And third? Or not at all?! Or more of???? And how? Am I doing it right? Does my breath smell? What actually moves the needle, and �ɳ󲹳�’s just smoke and mirrors? Wait, why is no one paying any ATTENTION TO ME?!?!?!?!?!

It’s enough to make you pack your bags and move to Iceland and sell salted cod on the side of the road in perpetuity. Which happens to be my favorite word. Perpetuity. Don’t you just feel like a fancy freak when you say it?

Anyway, I think a lot of us are having our chains jerked by a few misguided assumptions, right now, and decades into the future the world is going to look at us and say, “Remember all of those people who were scrambling around like a bunch of stunned birds who just ran into a window?�� The internet’s the window, and we’re all just like, “DUH DUNT DUH DA DUNT DA, SIR.�� Which is a line from my favorite movie: Spaceballs, obviously. (You know which one I’m talking about, right? It’s got the bleeps, the sweeps, and the creeps!)

It's about intensity, applied to the correct pressure points.

I don’t want to waste my time and I don’t want to waste anyone else’s, so marketing and I have a very distinct relationship. I hone in on what works, and then I slam the pedal to the floor.

Got this message yesterday from a reader over on one of my other sites. (I have, like 19 now—ha.)

Which is AWESOME, right?! This is my entire MO: building businesses that make all the clients come to the yard—and be super excited to pay for more! Isn’t that such a beautiful idea? That your marketing could make people so excited, they’re happy to pay you?

Most people experience the opposite: they feel like they’re invisible and they’ve got to beg for even the tiniest of scraps. A few stragglers might get on a call with them, but then they never convert into business and become dead weight—with no income generated.

This isn’t what business should feel like. It should feel like a supportive, nurturing, strong & self-assured sidekick—not like a constant struggle and strain and impossible feat. But the difference all comes back to understanding how to get seen without selling your soul.

For example, I haven’t posted on the Costa Rica socials in weeks. I don’t have to. My income ��DZ����’t come from social media. It’s more of a formality than anything else.

For me, it’s all about intelligent leverage. I try to spend my days building systems, not necessarily followings. Those are nice, too, but only when it’s based on authentic connection & not a bunch of artificial nonsense that keeps you broke and spinning your wheels.

Systems multiply your effort.

Systems multiply your money.

Systems are how you make it in business—the rest is just optics.

Are you feeling me?!

GOOD, Because I’ve got a superb announcement!

If you are feeling me on this, and if you’re just like at all the things, and if you know you need to market yourself in a way that isn’t asinine, but you aren’t sure how, and you want to build a system that works for ��dz���

is here (!!!)—and I’m partnering with this program to bring you a series of real deal business trainings that’ll help you find your “not fucking around�� lever and PULL.

B-School is one of the few programs I trust, and its founder, Marie, does a killer job at teaching you how to grow a modern online business the right way.

Marie runs the core program on the front end, and then I supplement with tons of fun-filled middle finger support on my end! And it is FABULOUS. It’s an absolute must if you need to learn how to market yourself in 2022 without feeling like a bonehead.

Here’s how it works!

happening TODAY, February 24th and tomorrow, Friday, February 25th—all about surprising mistakes even smart people make in biz (like focusing too much on social media). This is a must because there are some killer bonuses being offered during the live seminar today & tomorrow., led by Marie & team.On Monday, March 21st, 2022. you will also get access to a killer selection of my newest courses as a VIP upgrade—for absolutely no additional charge. Compliments of us in partnership with B-School. This includes my exciting new premium course, all about finding your message and nailing your big idea, then putting it all into juicy, buzzy, sticky words. (It’s not available to purchase right now, but this past fall I offered this at $1500.) Plus, you’ll ALSO get VIP access to my creative writing for the internet course. And to top it off? You’ll also get my freelancing course for writers! (The advice is applicable to any industry, and even comes with contract templates + the whole nine.)

We’re live tracking enrollments into this year’s B-School x The Middle Finger Project, so WE WILL SEE YOUR NAME WHEN YOU SIGN UP!

You will start B-School with Marie & her team on Monday, March 7, 2022. It’s all online, so don’t worry about what shoes you’re going to wear. And then, on March 21st, you will automatically receive all of my VIP upgrade courses, too, with compliments. It’s like getting a giant 3 x 1 burrito of business brains & balls, complete with all of the marketing trainings you’ll need in 2022 to make it happen without the suck.

This offer is only available through the purchase of B-School x The Middle Finger Project, which means you must . This is an affiliate relationship which means that The Middle Finger Project will receive a portion of your enrollment fee, allowing us to, in turn, offer our VIP upgraded courses at no cost. (This also applies if you choose a payment option!) It’s a heck of a deal when you add up what you’d actually spend to buy these separately, which would be double the amount + sprinkles on top. Great package, right?

This special offer is only available through March 3rd (�ٳ󲹳�’s in one week), so —especially if you, like me, roll your eyes at half the things you see happening on the internet every day. On one hand, you don’t want to be beholden to the nonsense, but on the other hand, you DO want freedom & money & joy & business brains of steel.

This is your solution. It’s the best on the internet, so I’m happy to tell you to, yes, .

Marie’s team will be welcoming you in (and here’s a if you’ve got questions), and I’ll have access to THE LIST, muahahahahaha, where I can see who all the lucky bastards are who are getting all of my courses, too.

Hope this is helpful for you. Let’s make your dream business a reality this year, without the suck!

To not wanting to pierce your ear drum with a cocktail sword this year (or any year, ever again),

Ash

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There’s terrible advice, and then there’s the type of advice that makes you want to fake your death and ride bareback on a donkey through Cleveland.

Until today, I thought that the Cosmo advice to “apply a little Ben Gay to his privates for an unexpected treat�� was that kind of advice. (Do not try that at home, or in any grocery store parking lots, ever.)

Turns out, though, there is at least ONE ARTICLE doling out even more questionable counsel—and it wasn’t even written by me in 2011.

Rather, this article was written by someone named John Paul, but not the II. (He’s very dead.) John Paul goes by J.P., as one does, and honestly? He’s probably a nice guy who wears cool socks and remembers his friends' kids' birthdays and maybe even likes to add spinach into his smoothies. I don’t know, are people still drinking smoothies? The other day I asked C to grab me a green juice, and he came back with a strawberry-kiwi smoothie, and I was so confused: like, WHAT IS THIS RELIC? WHO IS PERFORMING SUCH QUAINT ACTS?

The Column That Got My Attention

Anyway, I saw in New York Magazine’s THE CUT, which was (a) surprising because I like NY Mag and what is this heresy?!?! and (b) also very distracting, because all I could think was: which editor made this fun-filled fumble? And then I saw the author had a book out with Simon & Schuster (ohhhhhhhhh), and then I said “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH�� out loud, and then I paused to eat some plant-based chicken nuggets (I don’t know), and then I saw, upon further inspection, that the author is holding a white rabbit in their author photo—which totally gave them mega points. Anyone holding a rabbit in their professional headshot is A+++ in my book.

And THEN I discovered that the author's book, to my delight, was titled, so immediately I was like: but wait! He’s cool!!!!! JP IS COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has to be cool with that book title! And progressive, and forward-thinking, and not someone who was, as previously suspected, a middle-aged man with a mediocre lake house with outdated oak cabinets, offering all the little girls extra-long rides on his banana boat.

In fact, I actually started reading his book and following his IG, and yes, I actually LOVE him.

So, what gives? Why such passé advice here?

Here’s what ruffled my under carriage.

“I Want More Adventure and Whimsy in My Life��

A 20-something reader wrote in to the column and said that they were feeling disillusioned with life, that they had checked off all the boxes of traditional success—they had family, they had friends, they had a comfortable salary—and yet, still felt this nagging, irksome feeling that their life was passing them by. That their youth was just sliding on by like a sprightly little Zamboni. (My words.) That they were craving a bigger adventure; that there was this ache inside of them to do something more. They spoke of wanting romance & whimsy, and (probably) a life that didn’t involve riding bareback on any donkeys through Cleveland.

My response to these types of soul conundrums? Well, this entire blog, for one. . And tell those haters you’ll send ‘em a Christmas card, because it is time for you to GO, GO, GO.

Which is why I was perplexed to read the columnist’s response:

“To make a long story short, yes, you’re delusional…you should practice being present, or as the motivational posters would call it, ‘living in the moment.�� We can’t materialize a private jet that will take you to some small, ambiguously European country where a handsome prince is��waiting in a castle to woo you. If such a thing were possible, I wouldn’t be in the advice business. I’d be in the “that�� business.��

DAMN, DUDE. Really??????????? I don’t think this person was asking for a fairy tale: what they really wanted was to not die by a thousand tiny paper cuts.

Columnist continues with the uplifting sermon:

“I suggest planting more substantial flora in your garden. It could be anything that grounds you. It could be journaling, yoga, cooking, drawing, or any new activity that gives you something to look forward to in your day, something that will reward your patience with it.���ճ󲹳�’s something fantasizing ��DZ����’t ���.��

And so I’m reading this, right, and I’m like: so basically you’re telling people who are aching for meaningful change that they should just be grateful and get a Moleskine? Right? Did I read that right?

As someone who , I wanted to say: FLORA THIS, PAL. How ‘bout you come with me to Europe next time, and we’ll stay in a castle and see who’s delusional then? Except, just kidding, because the columnist mentioned that they actually travel frequently, and told the reader, with a touch of condescension, that “it’s not as entirely romantic as it sounds”—right after making a statement that would make any reader feel stupid for asking the question in the first place:

“For one reason or another, it seems I’ve become the resident expert for diagnosing this. Not sure what it is about me that attracts��so many letters��about leaving the country in a fit of passion.��

I’m not sure, either. ��But I can tell you that I was disappointed with the overall message: that dreamers are delusional, and you need to just settle down and draw a hamster.

No One Ever Accomplished Anything By Being Unromantic

So, what are we left with? Well, it’s the same old “be grateful for what you’ve got�� narrative humming through the cultural consciousness like an ambitious little murder hornet, isn’t it? This isn’t about the author—I don’t know this human—but I found this particular advice to be grating, haughty, and outdated at best…clueless, crushing, and dangerous at worst.

Nothing kills a person’s potential more than the gratitude police.

Gratitude, that sneaky little do-gooder dipped in patchouli oil. While there’s a place for gratitude and its many gifts, as all the Hallmark bookmarks mention, the one place where gratitude does not belong?

Is when considering possibility.

Possibility is power. But, many of us are taught not to believe in possibility; that practicality is best.

You’re delusional.
It’s a fantasy.
You’re romanticizing reality.

LET ME AT THESE CHUMPS.

���𳦲��ܲ�����

No one ever accomplished anything worthwhile by being unromantic: romance is what fuels innovation. Romance is what gives you a vision. Romance is what lets you dream about what you want your life to look like. It gives you spark, passion, enthusiasm, effervescence. Romance is being able to see what other people can’t, in a way they may never will. Romance is trusting in an idea bigger than you. Romance is feeling hungry for something you cannot yet name, but that you’re smart enough to listen to. Romance is respect: for yourself, for your yearnings, for the goodness you want from this life. Romance is a compass, and a clue. Whatever you’re feeling romantic about? Is a smoking gun—and she’s hot. Chase, run, sprint, seek her. Because without romance, all you’ve got is aimlessness. A vacant, void inner landscape of festering languish. Sure, you might have a nice house. You might have a good-paying job. You might have a nice family, and nice friends. But, do you have yourself? Do you own your life, or is your entire existence a constant ode to someone else’s agenda? Are you there? Are you real? Is your happiness yours? Or is it just a pretty little hologram, shiny and bright on the outside, but fleetingly vaporous once the lights flick off, once the world fades away, once you are alone again, and all you are left with is the choking pain of nothingness.

Do not listen to anyone who tells you that you’re being unrealistic. THEY ARE WRONG.

Please go out and do the best and brightest thing you can imagine.

Do it with all your fucking heart, and do it well.

DO NOT SHRINK.

Do not die a quiet, absent death.

Do not be dismissed.

Do not be a coward.

Your life is as exciting and adventurous as you make it. Everything else is just logistics. That, and topical pain relief cream gone bad.

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Well, �ٳ󲹳�’s certainly a crowbar to the face, isn’t it?

It’s okay to be done with good things.

I’ve been obsessed with this idea lately: that maybe good situations can keep you just as trapped as bad situations, sometimes. (If you’ve ever had an entire plate of cheese fries in front of you, you get where I’m going.)

How many things are you holding onto just because it would be a shame to give them up? Because you invested the time, because you invested the money, because you can’t complain, because you should be GrAteFuL. You’ve got a perfect little perch on a windowsill, earning good money, with nice things, and a fucking Burberry trenchcoat in your closet. (Like, maybe? Maybe your trenchcoat is from Target but, whatever, YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL.

The weight of good is heavy.

It’s why people don’t leave their hard-won but spirit-damaging careers.
It’s why people don’t leave the secure but loveless marriage.
It's why people don't exit their comfortable but toxic friendships.
It’s why people don’t sell their things and go work from a tiny red cabin in Norway.
And it’s why I’m still eating cheese fries, dammit.

Culturally, we haven’t been taught how to leave good things behind—only bad things are acceptable to leave—and as a result, a few nonsense mental scripts end up running the show of our entire LIVES.

Behold, a fun-filled list of mental horrors!

Script #1: Gratitude, You Selfish Oinker

Anyone would be grateful, how can you complain??? How can you complaaaaainnn? How can you COMPLAAAAAIN?! (She thinks, while complaining.) **This little jerk of a script has kept more people behind the bars of “you’ve got it good�� than almost anything else. We’re so full of guilt, it hurts. To imagine that we could ever possibly give up something that other people would “kill for,�� makes us hang onto entire lifetimes full of disappointing situations parading around as good ones. If you are disappointed, disillusioned, and dissatisfied, it isn’t working. It’s not right for you. It might be perfect for some other schmuck, but you are free from the need to carry it around like some kind of martyr’s coffin. Let that shit go. There’s a difference between being grateful and being gratified. (OLÉ!)

Script #2: “Never Gonna Get This Juicy Booty Again��

This is another reason why leaving good things past their expiration date isn’t routinely done: because there’s this nagging little cockroach in your brain �ٳ󲹳�’s telling you that maybe your success **last time was a fluke. **And what if you can’t replicate your success in another area? And what if this decision is THE ONE that finally reveals you to be the talentless, useless, pathetic little grifter that you secretly are? There’s this weird sense that maybe life comes with a rationed supply of good fortune. Like: Oops, your luck has run out, Barb! It’s all over now! You had a good run, then, but now it’s all downhill from here! Buuuuuutttttt—the truth is actually the opposite from the way most of us think: you have ASSETS now. Things you didn’t have before. Now, you’ve got experience. Practice. Skill. Judgment. Boundaries. And hella tax-write offs. Trust that wisdom > winging it, and if you were successful before? OH, BABY, JUST WAIT.

Script #3: Money Money Money Money Money Money Money Money, YEAH

Ahhhhh, that old hat. The money is always hard to give up, isn’t it? It’s a very real consideration in a very real world full of $15 arugula salads that don’t even come with grilled chicken on top. I mean, how are you supposed to afford $15 piles of veg by selling your Aunt Effie’s cocktail rings on Ebay? I know, right?! Well, here’s the good news. First of all, do you know how much some of those fuckers make selling their Aunt Effie’s cocktail rings on Ebay? Do you know how much some freelancers make? Because, honey, that old story about the starving artist is laughably archaic. In most countries today, freelancers than their salaried counterparts—and in the United States? . So, the next time someone questions your intelligence when it comes to giving up your job to strike it out on your own, you can question theirs. (My first year freelancing in the ancient times of 2011, I earned $103,000—and it’s only gone up from there. And I didn’t even have Instagram!) And so, the second thing I’d like to point out is this: if you’re scared to leave good money behind, I promise you, baby love: if you’re making that much money doing something you hate, imagine how much money you would make doing something you LOVE???

Script #4: “BUT, WHAT WILL WE DO WITH ALL OUR STUFF, BART?��

Logistics? Yeah, they’re a bitch. But, so what? So is slowly shriveling into a mound of powdered feces. Problems like “oh, but what shall we do with the furniture???�� aren’t problems, they’re plans. If you want to downsize your life so you can prioritize your spending in new ways—like going nomad or taking the kids traveling for a once-in-a-lifetime experience—then you absolutely should. The cost of keeping something is almost always greater than the cost of losing it. To keep your sofa, you must lose your freedom. To keep your freedom, however, you must only lose your sofa. This seems like a no-brainer, but logistics trip a lot of people up when they're contemplating doing something wild and wonderful and novel and new. It's the madness **of it all that worries people: What if this is a mistake? What if I'm being rash? What if I'll never be able to afford another sofa again?!?!?! But decisions are rarely a mistake when they feel like oxygen.

Script #5: I’m Old and Tired and Fat & Irrelevant

I know. We’re tired. All of us are tired. And maybe �ٳ󲹳�’s the real fear: that we don’t have the energy we used to; don’t have the chutzpah, the audacity, the energy to so much as email the accountant, let alone start a new personal “revolution.�� It all seems so draining, like asking you to climb the stairs of a Manhattan skyscraper with fourteen human bodies stuffed in a backpack. (Well, okay, so �ٳ󲹳�’s dark, but sometimes it feels like you are literally carrying everyone, and they’re all dead weight, and why can’t anyone else wipe down the counter?! Why are there crumbs here AGAIN??? ) What we ignore, however, is the energy that comes from doing��something��we are��actually ��passionate about: and how, when you find that, fifty hours of work feels like one. Your newsletter now feels like a treat. Engaging on Instagram is exciting! You want to email, and chat, and be seen online. You’re completely re-invigorated. You’re starting fresh with an all-new slate: and what could be more thrilling? Because you stopped being a pawn to your past, and started showing up for your future, instead. And that kind of big dick energy will always be relevant.

It might be scary to let good things go, but are they really good, or just easy?

I would much rather fight for my great loves in this life, than not have any passion left inside of me to fight for at all.

And as the :

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing

This year, let’s find you the right thing.

Let’s make it acceptable to leave good things, when they are not the right thing.

And let’s trust ourselves to know the difference—because you do. You do. And whatever good you’ve got going on now? Is only the beginning.

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Oh, look! I made it to 2022 without committing suicide. That is a pretty terrible thing to say, but if you know me, then you also know I am a pretty terrible person—at least, when it comes to: (a) Dealing with most people; (b) Pot roasts; and (c) Matching my underwear to my bra. (Though bonus points for really wanting to be that person. Do you know how many times I’ve bought matching sets, only to completely and totally rebel against my own underwear? Take that, rules!)

So, HI! How’s your neck?! How’s your brain? Is it stunningly gorgeous, with a marble fireplace flanked by Hague Blue No. 30 paint from Farrow & Ball? Or is your brain currently decorated with faux wood paneling from the 80’s, and a popcorn ceiling with a big, yellow stain?

If it’s the latter—and especially if there’s a boob light peeking out somewhere—I have a writing exercise that might be helpful. (And this is coming from a girl who ��DZ����’t “do�� writing prompts.)

The Least Annoying Writing Exercise Ever for Figuring Out Your Next Move

You know why I know this writing exercise is a good one?

Because I did it and I didn't hurl. I started asking myself this question over the holidays, and found it to be incredibly useful when asked daily, and answered truthfully. You see, I am one of those people who likes to totally burrow away during the winter, without a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g on my agenda, so I can take time to think. You know how hard it is to find time to think? No one’s got time to think! Especially not when every moment of every day feels like stepping up to the podium and letting 10,000 people throw bananas at your head. Isn’t that how life feels sometimes? So many bouncy bananas. (Should that be our band name?)

Because I am my mother’s daughter, I have this fierce anti-social streak that happens every winter…and it’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It’s a forced automatic reset. I don’t want to know about your dog, I don’t want to chat about the weather, I don’t want to have to plaster a fake smile when you are clearly the worst, most galling human being ever.

And you know what happens when I stop talking to people for a couple months?

I can actually hear my own thoughts! There are no more bananas flying at my face—only me, myself, and this slightly runny bucket of cream cheese. (Don’t worry, I’m reviewing that relationship, too.)

And �ٳ󲹳�’s when I start writing. Writing what you think is always the best way to know what you think, especially when you haven't been sure.

SO ANYWAY, this year I wanted to address some of the “ew�� I’ve been feeling about the internet—why is everything so artificial & contrived? why do I suddenly want to get on a plane to the Sahara? —and it’s forced me to re-evaluate how I want to show up. I took a looooonggggg timeeeeeee over the holidays asking myself one question, over and over and over again:

What do I actually want?

And get this: do you know that if you ask yourself that question on paper, it is MUCH harder to lie to yourself?

Go ahead, I dare you. Write down that actual question on an actual piece of paper: “What do I actually want?�� Emphasis on the “I.�� Not what your clients want, or what your advisors want, or what you have been telling yourself you SHOULD want—to keep up, to grow your brand, to earn more, to do whatever.

What do YOU actually want?

Go ahead, write it down. “What do I actually want?�� And then, look at that piece of paper, and you answer it. Then, answer it every day for a while. Because I promise you, what comes out of your hand is going to be shocking.

My answer certainly was (more on that in a minute).

Performing, Performing, Performing, Like a Sad & Sucky Sock Puppet?

Seriously, what are you, me, any of us doing with our lives? Throughout my entire career writing on the internet—a whopping 13 years now—the heart of my work always comes back to this very question. I’ve posed it to the world in a million and one different ways, via my blog, via my books, via podcast interviews, via napkins written in bars. And I have asked it of you, of myself, and of the world for this long because it is the one question that never expires; it is the one question that can call us out, over and over again, because we are ALWAYS going back to �ɳ󲹳�’s comfortable. We’re always going back to what we know. We’re always “sticking to the plan.��

A moron once told me that was a good idea. That moron was me, of course: a decade younger, a decade more foolish. I also had a way better jawline (touché, gravity), and I was under the impression that plans were a sign of happiness: the type of thing you have when you are sure of what you want to be doing.

I mean, for the sake of argument, why else would commitment exist? Commitment is literally you, showing up to life’s basketball court, and being all: yes, I am VERY sure about this thing. Somebody give me a pen! Pass me a ball and a legal document! I want to sign my name on this here dotted line, because that is how sure I am I’m gonna nail this!

What a luxury, right? Can you imagine that mental ease? This is what I always imagined happiness to be: I thought happiness was certainty.

Of course, I was still a moron then. I didn’t know the truth about plans. I didn’t know that most people who stuck to them, despite their obvious failings, never had much of an imagination.

It’s easy to commit when there’s only one groom.

With The Great Resignation fully underway, a lot of people are re-evaluating their plans for life, realizing that perhaps merely having a plan ��DZ����’t mean you have planned well. Most people have been living the equivalent of a maximum-security prison sentence for, what, the past twenty years? Fifteen years? Ten years? Nine-hundred? They feel trapped by their best-laid plans, instead of feeling comforted by them, and it’s akin to being a modern-day sock puppet, running around performing, performing, performing, performing, following a dizzying labyrinth of “next logical steps�� instead of actual heartfelt ones.

�ճ󲹳�’s exhausting. It’s so exhausting to live this way; to have your life dictated by your plans, rather than you being the one doing the dictating.

To What End Are You Doing This Crap?

This is another fan-favorite question of mine. By constantly, to the point of fervid obsession, asking yourself “to what end?�� you force yourself to make better long-term decisions instead of constantly getting distracted by the shiny object in front of you. Does the end justify the means? Are you actually happy putting all of this pressure on yourself, day after day after day, and…for what? Do you get a donkey at the end? Perhaps a golden kazoo? Money is cheap and can be made in any which way: the real question is, are you enjoying the way you spend your days?

I am glad—so very, very glad—to be able to answer “YES�� to that question. (And even here, in public, on quasi-digital paper!) The end, for me, has always been an adventurous life supported by creativity, writing, and a slick pair of high heels.

But, when I asked myself the other question—”What do I really want this year?”—another answer came slinking onto the page.

More writing.

Always more writing.

A bigger, brighter, sassier Middle Finger Project, full of unorthodox ideas for living a happier life. A Middle Finger Project full of even more truth & honesty. A Middle Finger Project that questions the rules and asks us all to think critically about the choices we make and how they affect our wellbeing.

And all of that? Is officially here. Welcome to the new, reinforced, steel-beamed Middle Finger Project! See you in your inbox every Wednesday.

But you know what else crept onto the page for me? The other thing I really wanted from 2022?

Even MORE writing—and in a new and unexpected way.

A new and unexpected way?! What does that even mean?!?!?!?!! Shall I write about corpses? Maybe those tiny little sand fleas that accost you on the beach?

Not yet. (Though I’m sure the day will come.) Rather, what it meant was:

I don’t only want to write about being a courageous contrarian who eats Barbies for breakfast.

I also want to write about the other part of the equation: the second part of what makes for a well-lived life.

I want to write about joy.

Courage and joy—these are the only two things that matter. And yet, so much of our daily lives are full of terrible news & deciding whether or not we need to be on TikTok, that we neglect our own joy in so many ways.

So, in true Ash Ambirge fashion, I’ve decided to do what I often advise you to do when you’ve got a new idea you’re passionate about: give yourself the job.

And, �ٳ󲹳�’s exactly what I’ve gone and done (for better and for worse, so help us all).

Introducing my brand-new column:

Welcome to my new ! I’ll be writing this in addition to The Middle Finger Project each week, and I’ve assigned myself the mission of exploring the world in search of joy: where to find it, and how we can all get a little bit more of it in our daily lives.

It’s travel writing through the lens of joy—full of my usual irreverence & snark, of course.

And this is my new special space where I’ll be writing exclusively about travel, culture, food, experiences, and the ways in which people around the world are finding their own little moments of joy.

FUN, RIGHT? I know. My new year resolution is always to have more fun than I did the year before, and I am here ��for ��it.

And, I hope you will join me over there as well: as soon as you do, you’ll get one of my first articles, on my DELIGHTFULLY TERRIFYING experience of eating sea snails on the Basque coast titled, “Sea Snails in France: Tiny Little Terrorists in Your Mouth.�� I mean, how can you go wrong?!

Regardless, however, I hope that the biggest message remains clear:

The best way to get the job of your dreams? Is to hire yourself.

And then keep hiring yourself. Go, go, go. Let your ideas lead the way. Don’t overthink it. Don’t talk yourself out of every decision. Give your ideas a fighting chance on their own. Without your belaboring; without your input and noisy opinions. Then, let ‘em battle it out for your attention: which ones rise to the top, naturally? Which ones are you delighting in spending your time on? Which ones do you get excited about doing, and which ones do you dread? TAKE NOTE. Then, act accordingly.

Remember, you aren't here to carry out a bunch of mediocre, unremarkable duties. You’re here to have fun and enjoy your life. So, it’s worth considering: what does that actually mean?

IT’S OKAY TO WANT MORE FOR YOURSELF, EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE NICE THINGS.

It’s okay to evolve. To ante up. To try something bigger and crazier and more interesting, simply because you are curious. There’s plenty more good where that came from—and you will always find your way.

Remember, you don’t have to be certain of the plan.

You only have to be certain of yourself.

XO,
Ash

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