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Think of a person you work with regularly �� your boss, a colleague, a direct report. Now bring to mind times you’ve felt a disconnect with that person: you or they tuned out, didn’t listen, weren’t communicating effectively. What was the impact on how well you or they performed? Then bring to mind that same person, or someone else you work with on a regular basis. Think of times you’ve connected well �� you felt empathy, understanding, on the same page. What was the impact on how you both worked? There’s no doubt that a tight human connection makes for the best outcomes. People feel trust, commitment, motivation. They not only perform at their best, but also feel safe enough to take smart risks, share creative insights, and innovate. The science behind such moments can help anyone foster connection better. Take, understanding the circuitry of the social networks of the brain. These insights can make it easier to spot “I-It�� moments, where communication goes off-base, as though people are being treated like machines, versus “I-You�� connection, where mutual empathy runs high. The Harvard Business Review calls such high-rapport connections “The Human Moment.�� To allow the emotional space for such moments we need to ignore our distractions �� texts, phones, emails, trains of thought �� and pay full attention to the person in front of us. When we do that, research at Harvard Medical School shows, our connection can be so powerful it meshes our biology with the other person’s.  I’ll be reviewing the neuroscience of connection, and how it matters for rapport and high connectivity, at a workshop  on the “Chemistry of Connection�� August 10-12 at Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY. Tara Bennett-Goleman will detail emotional patterns that create high connection and those that disconnect.  Aaron Wolf, who mediates conflicts over shared water systems internationally, will show how to foster connection even when animosity runs high. And RJ Sakowski joins up with a horse, revealing principles of connection with direct take-homes for we humans. Come join us, all the details are here.

Neuroscientist Richard Davidson has found six elements that comprise his “Emotional Styles�� framework. In the first part of this article I discussed the first three: Self-Awareness, Resilience, and Social Intuition. Through state-of-the-art methods like functional MRI, or fMRI, and sophisticated analysis of EEG data, Davidson has discovered that specific networks in the brain interact to shape our emotional responses. The extent to which of these brain networks activate contributes to our total emotional style. These brain styles also offer insights into the development of emotional intelligence competencies. The remaining Emotional Styles include Context Sensitivity, Outlook, and Attention. Context Sensitivity On a good day, one where we are humming along productively and work is going smoothly, a surprise visit from a superior will be unlikely to trigger intense anxiety. But if the day is going poorly �� problems piling up as deadlines draw near �� that same visit might well put us even more on edge. What changed was the context, not the event itself: we respond to the same thing in different ways depending on surrounding circumstances. Some people are naturally adept at this context effect, while others are oblivious. The brain area that influences how sensitive we are to context is the hippocampus. The more active the key circuitry in our hippocampus, the more “tuned in,�� or sensitive we will be to shifts in context. In contrast, someone with lower activation in that circuitry won’t notice shifts in context �� that’s the person who tells an off-color joke at a business meeting that’s more appropriate for having a beer with buddies. Business is dynamic, with contexts shifting rapidly several times a day, if not more often. As contexts change, leaders should be able to gauge these shifts and alter their response �� and how appropriate they are being. A challenge today may be the same challenge tomorrow, but if the business needs or team members have shifted, how does that alter your emotional response to it? There may be added urgency, which makes it more stressful, but an effective leader won’t misdirect that stress toward their employees. [Seeking a deeper, more experiential understanding of EI? See the Emotional Intelligence Coaching Certification program and the new facilitated Foundations in Emotional Intelligence online learning paths] Outlook People tend to have either a positive or negative outlook, which Davidson’s research links to circuitry connecting the prefrontal cortex and the nucleus accumbens, a part of the lower brain found in an area called the ventral striatum. Together this brain network makes up a large proportion of the reward circuitry, which motivates us to a large extent. Greater activity from the prefrontal cortex signals across to the ventral striatum, which conjures the sense of satisfaction. The anticipation of reward helps keep us motivated and resilient, inspiring what we experience as a positive outlook: success is possible. Conversely, as activity across the ventral striatum declines, so too does the motivation for reward, as well as the belief that a goal can be achieved, leading to a negative outlook. Blind optimism does a leader little good, while a leader who always assumes the worst will be ineffective at motivating their team. If the message is always: "this isn't going to go well," what reason is there to try? However, managers who are confident in their abilities and believe their team is capable have reason to maintain a Positive Outlook: challenges can be overcome, and goals can be achieved. Attention The ability to selectively focus our attention is something we all struggle with; there are days when distraction comes easily and focus is hard to maintain. But sharp attention enhances performance of any kind Activity in key circuits of the prefrontal cortex underlies the ability to keep our attention on a given task in the face of countless distractions. Davidson’s group measures how this waxes and wanes by monitoring a neuronal impulse called the “P300.�� When moderate, this signal correlates with the ability to filter out what’s irrelevant and to stay focused. The closer the P300 signal gets to either the high or low extreme, the more focus starts to waver as we become distracted. The dimension here, then: focused to scattered. Business, like the rest of life, demands focus. Take, for example, the high-level goal of generating return for shareholders. Staying focused on the activities you need to achieve such strategic goals makes leaders �� and the companies they manage �� productive. Focus also helps leaders manage their time and, of course, their attention. Every email can't be answered as it comes in �� otherwise vital, strategic work would be fractured and incomplete. By focusing on priorities, leaders can keep themselves and their teams effectively pointed in the right direction. I collaborated with Richard J. Davidson in writing Altered Traits. Together we examined how mindfulness and other kinds of meditation amount to mind training: they shape and change connections in the brain, including those that underlie the six elements of emotional style. The research we reviewed shows that this mental fitness method literally changes the way your brain works. The brain circuitry that regulates these six emotional styles can be strengthened to develop a fuller, more productive styles profile. Think about your own leadership style, and what these elements contribute to it. Are there any that you'd like to improve? What would that mean to your team? There are clear connections between these brain-based styles and the competencies of emotional intelligence. Self-Awareness and Positive Outlook are both brain styles and EI competencies. Resilience lies at the heart of the EI competencies Adaptability and Emotional Balance. The relationship competencies so crucial for effective leadership all rely to some extent on Social Intuition and Context Sensitivity. And Focus plays a role essential for the development of further strengths in any EI competence. If you're ready to explore these concepts further, I recommend the following: The Foundational Skills of Emotional Intelligence - a new facilitated virtual course in developing the competencies of EI alongside a cohort of fellow professionals. Emotional Intelligence Coaching Certification - a comprehensive training experience that combines in-person gatherings, virtual learning, and ample coaching for those who seek to coach others in developing EI.

Who hasn't found themselves wishing they could take back a heated email to a coworker, or had spoken up in a meeting? No matter how rational or logical we may think we are, we are emotional, too. Emotions are built in to our reactions to everything, though we can be unaware of the role they play �� at least in the moment. Often, though, we’d benefit from greater awareness of our emotional state and how it drives us. My long-time friend and colleague Richard J. Davidson, a neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin, has done intensive research on emotions. There are six elements in his “Emotional Styles�� framework. Specific networks in the brain each control unique aspects of emotion, and we differ in the degree to which these operate in our brain. Self-Awareness, Resilience, and Social Intuition comprise the first half of these styles. There's much to say about each, so I'll post the second half in a separate article in a few days. Let's start with the first 3. Self-Awareness The insula has connections throughout the brain that allow this node to monitor the rest of the body. Messages from the entire body register here, and our responses begin here. Davidson’s research reveals that people who are highly Self-Aware show greater activity in the insula, and so are more in-tune with the physical reactions that accompany an emotional response. They know what they are feeling, and so can articulate their emotional state: "I feel stressed," "That makes me feel better," and so on. Lessened insula activity correlates with lower self-awareness �� a state in which people, for instance, deny feeling a certain way despite physical evidence to the contrary, such as an elevated heart rate and sweating in a tense situation. Emotions are signals to us about what’s going on in the moment. The more in-tune with their emotions leaders are, the more they can react appropriately as new challenges emerge. They can articulate their feelings to their teams, which creates a shared sense of emotional clarity. This aspect of self-awareness helps leaders stay on-point in a dynamic environment. Uncertainty about what the boss feels feeds a vague sense of anxiety which weighs down the effectiveness of any team. Resilience Have you noticed how some people remain indomitable in the face of setback after setback, while others seem to wither at even mild criticism? The main circuitry here runs between the prefrontal cortex and amygdala. People who Davidson’s research calls “slow to recover�� �� who struggle to bounce back from adversity �� have less neural activity between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala than those who are “fast to recover.�� The brain’s stress recovery time defines this dimension: faster recovery means more resilience. Those who recover faster showed greater activity in the circuitry of the prefrontal cortex that inhibits the amygdala's arousal of the fight or flight response. The fast recovery group, compared to those with slow recovery, Davidson’s research found, had 63 times more activation in the relevant prefrontal circuits.  This resilience is a leadership essential. Stress, surprises, and challenges arise for leaders on a daily basis, if not several times a day. Plus, it would be impossible to function in a leadership role if every difficulty or setback was taken as defeat. A resilient manager works through challenges while learning the lessons they have to offer. Such leaders instill this fortitude in their teams, motivating them to overcome obstacles and keep things on track. Social Intuition We've all been in the situation where someone seems out-of-sync with the group’s overall mood: boisterous when everyone else is somber, or somber when people are making jokes. The relevant dimension is social intuition, which runs along a spectrum from puzzled to socially aware. The underlying brain circuitry here depends on a neural network running between the amygdala and an area called the fusiform gyrus. Low levels of activity in the fusiform gyrus, along with high levels of activity in the amygdala, indicate puzzlement. The opposite �� high activity in the fusiform gyrus with low levels in the amygdala �� make a socially intuitive brain: someone who can "read the room" and adapt to the social cues. Without good-enough social intuition, leaders are clueless and out-of-sync. One symptom might be disjointed teams that struggle to be productive; another: a team avoiding their boss. Successful, socially intuitive executives interact with their peers and subordinates with attunement, responding to the dynamic needs and moods of the group. Leaders lacking in social intuition can come across as harsh or ineffective, because they aren't engaging with their team members. All too often they just boss people around, rather than truly leading, and that curtails motivation and lowers productivity. Very few people, if any, are perfect balance in the elements of emotional style. Davidson offers ways to assess your own emotional style in his book The Emotional Life of Your Brain. This assessment can give you a rough profile of your strengths and limitations on each of these styles. Indeed, simply evaluating your own emotional style is an exercise in self-awareness. Keep a lookout for the second part of this article, in which I’ll discuss the remaining Emotional Styles: Context Sensitivity, Outlook, and Attention. And here are some more resources worth exploring: The Foundational Skills of Emotional Intelligence - a new facilitated virtual course in developing the competencies of EI alongside a cohort of fellow professionals. Emotional Intelligence Coaching Certification - a comprehensive training experience that combines in-person gatherings, virtual learning, and ample coaching for those who seek to coach others in developing EI.

A rip tide caught up two teenage boys on boogie boards, and was sweeping them out to sea. Their family, horrified, swam out to rescue them �� and were themselves trapped by that rip tide. All eight were on their way to watery doom. But when people on the beach realized what was going on, they instantly formed a human chain reaching out into the ocean, and rescued them all. And once those rip tide victims were safe, everyone in that chain just went back to what they had been doing before. That spontaneous act of shared compassion happened almost a year ago at the public beach in Panama City, Florida. Such a welling up of coordinated altruism among a random scattering of strangers speaks to a capacity latent in all of us, just waiting for the right circumstance: the magic of connection. Every outstanding leader, every high-performing team, engages in that magic, with emotional intelligence as the driver. Crucial to such harmonization of effort: the empathy and relationship management competencies. In our private lives such connection can be in relationships of all kinds from love and parenting to friendship, communities and far beyond. I’ll be part of an exploration of those heart-to-heart links in Chemistry of Connection, a workshop this August at Omega Institute near Rhinebeck, New York. In the fourth season of this collaboration I’ll join my wife Tara Bennett-Goleman, whose book Mind Whispering in part inspired this program. She shows how emotional patterns, often learned early in life, can either foster connectedness or separate us - and how we can learn to recognize these modes of connection and enhance them, in what she calls an “inner secure base.”�� As developmental psychologists tell us, in a secure base we feel confident, safe, seen, able to take smart risks, and open to others. And we need a secure base throughout life. Connecting to colleagues, direct reports, coaching clients �� or anyone �� from this secure base feeling fosters relationships that work. The best leaders, team members, and client managers do this, and get the best results. Mindful discernment and empathic attunement, as Tara describes, help us track signs of disconnection, where distorted perceptions lead to misunderstandings. Awareness, compassion and repatterning disconnected emotional habits foster a secure base, individually and collectively. As RJ Sadowski shows with his work in “horsemindship,�� a shared secure base can operate across species. Horses, too, want to ‘join up�� in connection with their human friends, though their willingness often goes unrecognized. But just a few fundamentals help us spot these cues and forge a human-equine connection �� one with direct horse whispering principles for people, with direct implications for relationships at work. One principle here: don’t put your goal before the relationship. In a previous round of this workshop a highly successful senior sales executive put it, “I use predatory tactics to make a sale �� and then I feel awful afterward.�� The most high-performing sales people and client managers, research has found, value continued relationships more than making a particular sale. One of the most challenging tasks of leadership is conflict resolution - and secure base connection offers an antidote to conflict, and can become a basis for resolving disagreements. Aaron Wolf, a hydrologist at the Oregon State University, has long mediated disputes among hostile nations and groups who nonetheless must find a way to cooperate to manage a shared river or water system. Finding commonalities in our spiritual or emotional lives, he shows, begins to forge bridges across such divides. In any relationship—from inner, to interpersonal, to global—if we engage from what disconnects us, we’re far less likely to work through our differences. A secure base begins inside us, and can radiate outward to our families, colleagues, and well beyond to build interconnection at every level. If you’re interested, please join me August 10-12 at Omega Institute, near Rhinebeck, New York for the Chemistry of Connection workshop.

Darnell worked as a Clinical Director at a large hospital. He was also a recent father of twins with his wife, Emma. During a difficult period of turnover at the hospital, Darnell lost his temper and began shouting at a nurse in front of a patient and her family. Later that week, when their twins wouldn’t fall asleep, he had a similar outburst at home. The root of relationship problems in our work and life are often the same. In this case, brought on by mounting stress and a lack of self-awareness. Emotional intelligence isn't just for the workplace. The brain doesn’t distinguish between our personal and professional lives. Of course we have learned repertoires of how to behave in different situations: there are jokes you’d tell your besties at a bar that you would never tell in a meeting with top brass at work. But overall, our weaknesses tend to remain the same at home and at work, emerging in similar ways despite different contexts. Therefore, when we develop emotional intelligence competencies, the benefits permeate all aspects of our lives. Emotional self-awareness is a critical first step in improving EI and initiating positive behavioral change. This will help you recognize patterns in how you react to stressful situations, or how you handle unexpected challenges. With self-awareness, you might say to yourself, “I’m about to make a scene with my anger by blowing up. But I sense discomfort or fear in the person I’m speaking to. Perhaps I should take a breath and reassess the situation.�� This awareness is a catalyst for beginning to balance your emotions more regularly, for preventing outbursts, and ultimately for being more effective and compassionate in your communication. Think of emotional intelligence in a holistic way. Just as a self-assessment alone won’t give you an accurate EI profile, only accounting for your competencies in the workplace won’t give you a full picture of your emotional intelligence. Conventional executive coaching isn’t always as transformative as we might hope when it only focuses on performance metrics. Coaching that addresses the whole person, including our personal and professional goals, problems at home and at work, and our values and passions, is far more likely to yield productive insights and lasting change. Personal and professional development of emotional intelligence are one and the same. While some competencies (such as achievement orientation or organizational awareness) may be more exclusive to the professional realm, the following four aspects of EI are omnipresent in our lives at home, at work, and everywhere else:   ·     Self-Awareness ·     Self-Management ·     Social Awareness ·     Relationship Management By understanding emotional intelligence in terms of our experiences as people �� spouses, parents, friends �� not just professionals, we can more readily recognize patterns in our behavior and take steps for improvement that permeates all of our relationships.  If you are interested in coaching others for EI, I encourage you to apply for my Emotional Intelligence Coaching Certification. And if coaching isn’t for you, but you still want to upgrade your emotional intelligence, this fall I will be launching an online program for learning the fundamentals of EI. In the meantime, you can learn more about the EI competencies with the Building Blocks of Emotional Intelligence, a collection of twelve primers that can be read as a series or individually. 

“Oh that the gods the gift would gi’e us,�� wrote the Scottish poet Robert Burns, “To see ourselves as others see us.�� That’s particularly the case with Emotional Intelligence. We so often have blindspots when it comes to how we manage ourselves and our relationships. And so we won’t get an accurate EI profile by simply rating ourselves, because any blindspots you might have will skew your perceptions. The best reading �� a key impact �� of EI is not just in how you manage yourself or interact with others, but in how others perceive you. This is what your EI profile assesses. By combining your own perspective with anonymous feedback from the people you work closely with, a 360º  assessment offers you a more comprehensive and objective understanding of your profile. Unlike IQ, which can be expressed in a single number, your EI profile reflects your varied strengths and room to grow across a range of competencies Even if you have an accurate EI profile, as well as a desire for self-improvement, it can be difficult to take steps for lasting change. That takes time and effort. For this reason, it is highly beneficial to have someone invested in your growth to offer guidance and support. A coach can give you valuable real-time feedback, enabling you to course-correct as problems arise. Everyone benefits from having strengths in Emotional Intelligence. Let’s start with coaches, those folks we turn to when we want to develop ourselves in work and life. A recent study published in the Journal of Experiential Psychotherapy found that of 1,138 coaches and their clients from 88 countries, 98% of coaches agreed that having strong Emotional Intelligence themselves was essential to effectively assist their clients. And 90% of coaching clients agreed that it is important for clients to develop EI to work through their challenges. Why? Take trust. The best coaches establish a foundation of trust with their coachees. Then there’s rapport and engagement �� coaches know these are essential to cultivate quality conversations that promote effort and growth. These conversations should be authentic and individualized, which requires empathy, another Emotional Intelligence competence. Cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all, coaching �� say that encourages the memorization of complex acronyms, or learning through predetermined, jargon-filled language, is much less likely to resonate with people. These indicate coaches who lack empathy �� and likely also lack the self-awareness that would alert them to this deficit in the coaching relationship. Emotional Intelligence provides a simple, yet highly-personalized profile of your strengths and limits, which in turn creates a framework for coaching for developing lasting behavioral change.    If you are interested in coaching others for EI, I encourage you to apply for my Emotional Intelligence Coaching Certification. And if coaching isn’t for you, but you still want to upgrade your Emotional Intelligence, this fall I will be launching an online program for learning the fundamentals of EI. And if you want to be coached for EI, that, too, will be an option. Stay tuned.

I'd like to begin with a story I've adapted from a real situation. Imagine a Leader Who is Struggling Oren was successful in sales, and ended up heading a regional sales team in the investment industry. But while he had done so well as a salesperson, he was flopping as a team leader. His team consistently fell short of their sales targets, and there was tension. Oren’s Emotional Intelligence diagnosis: deadly weakness in managing conflict and disagreements �� he avoided any and all tough discussions and contentious conversations. Along with this avoidance he had a blindspot for this very problem. He also lacked self-awareness, which meant he not only did not see how this aversion to conflict held him back, but also was perplexed by his own failure, blind to the cause. He did some reading about Emotional Intelligence, and went to a seminar on the topic, both of which helped his intellectual understanding of self-awareness and managing disagreements. But he failed to connect this understanding to how he operated with his team �� and the same problems continued. Coaching Helps Create Self-and-Social Awareness Then Oren’s company suggested he start working with a coach. For six months Oren and his coach focused on helping him improve. They started with a 360-degree assessment, which made it all too clear that Oren lacked self-awareness, and was poor at managing conflict. The coach had Oren keep a journal of key moments in his day, especially when he had to handle disagreements. He and his coach role-played how he might intervene to resolve conflicts in ways that were mutually beneficial. His coach watched him in action in “real life,�� and gave him further feedback. Slowly Oren became less anxious and avoidant in the face of conflict and more adept at helping his team find win-win resolutions. And the act of monitoring his actions so he could put them in his journal boosted his self-awareness. When Oren did another 360-degree, the feedback from folks he worked with day in and day out confirmed that he had boosted both his self-awareness and his conflict management skills. An indirect benefit: morale, motivation, and sales all went up. An Integrated Approach to Developing EI There are a multitude of Emotional Intelligence programs these days; the field has grown into a mini-industry. The big question: What’s the best way to improve on an EI competence? I’m unenthusiastic about information-only programs (and even the speeches I give on EI) as a way to cultivate these competencies. Those programs �� and my talks �� may be motivational and upgrade your mindset. That’s a start. But once you want to improve you need some help. I’m quite dubious about cookie-cutter EI development programs that treat everyone the same. We all have a unique personal profile in the EI competencies, stronger in some and limited in others. So cookie-cutter programs will be off-target for what would actually help any given person. In the HR world, these programs are called “spray and pray�� �� you spray people with a weekend about EI, and pray some of it sticks. It doesn’t. The best approach, I’ve found, tailors help to a specific person’s needs. We all have our own set of goals, of motives, and of what moves us �� what we are passionate about and love doing. So harnessing this energy, and aligning it with your sense of purpose, gives EI improvement the optimal boost. For all that, working with a coach will have the most impact. There are several reasons coaching helps install lasting improvements in EI competencies (and a thank-you to Michele Nevarez, the seasoned coach who leads my own Emotional Intelligence programs, for these points): 1. We don't know what we don't know. A coach helps us see what is not readily apparent to us, and can also help us learn practices to become more self-aware, like noticing triggers and emotions in our day-to-day interactions.  2. A coach can remind us to continue to apply and experiment with new mental models and ways of acting that are outside of our habitual patterns. We can expand our repertoire.  3. A coach can help us spot when our mindset and actions are not aligned with our aspirations �� and how our thinking and beliefs can get in the way of executing well toward our goals. 4. You can have the best development plan in the world that you understand with great mental clarity, but if our beliefs or habits derail the tactics and plans we have, then we remain stuck. A coach can show you how to “unstick�� habits that don’t work. 5. On high-pressure days when you fall back on the old way of acting �� what you’re trying to change �� a coach can be sure you don’t give up. Instead you can use a failure to better prepare mentally for doing the right thing the next time around.  6. A coach can help us take the competencies we need to be more successful from the realm of good ideas into practical applications targeted to fit our goals and aspirations. For such success, we need more qualified coaches. That’s why I’m happy to announce my own EI programs, to launch this fall: an online EI learning for understanding the basics; online learning with coaching, for EI competence improvement; and �� the capstone �� a Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence Coaching Certification (registration for the coaches now open). I welcome anyone who feels they might benefit.  

I hear it time and again: “She’s got a high EQ,�� or “He doesn’t have any EQ.�� And every time I hear this, I wince. Unlike IQ, there is no single score that sums up a person’s emotional intelligence.  (And I don’t use the term ‘EQ�� much either �� I prefer ‘EI��). Remember there are four aspects of EI: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Self-awareness and social awareness refer to what we know about ourselves and others; self-management and relationship management are what we do with that information. We can all be stronger in one or more of these four, and less strong in the others. We don’t have an EI score; we have an EI profile. Another common mistake people make about EI: that there are five parts to my model. After seeing research that showed motivation �� the now outdated fifth part �� was handled by self-management, I scrapped motivation.  Folks who have only read my early Harvard Business Review article, or my original book, Emotional Intelligence, still make that error. That four-part model of EI breaks down even further. Within each of those four elements are nested competencies that largely depend on the particular overall EI ability. So, for example, within self-management you find competencies like a positive outlook and adaptability; within relationship management are competencies like influence and coaching. Here are the twelve competencies my research partners �� and decades of study �� have found identify people who are in outstanding performers in the workplace:  The most accurate EI profile has peaks and valleys, showing the extent to which you demonstrate strengths (or not) in a given competence.  The analog: a detailed blood test, where you can be out-of-ideal-range in some aspects, like bad cholesterol, and in a good range for others, like white blood cell count. How can you know your particular EI profile? For starters, don’t go only by your own sense of how you do in each competence.  We all have blindspots when it comes to our strengths and limitations.  Research shows that getting evaluation of your EI from people who work with you, know you well, and whose opinions you trust, will give you a far more accurate EI profile than would your own rating. That’s why Richard Boyatzis and I, with partners at Korn Ferry Haygroup, developed the Emotional and Social Competence Inventory, a 360-degree assessment that gives you a detailed look at your strengths and limitations. Next question: How do I get better at the EI competencies? Over the years I’ve seen the limits of cookie-cutter EI development programs that give the same recipe to everyone. But cookie-cutter programs will miss part or much of what any of us actually needs. We are all unique in our profiles, not to mention our motivations, goals, and passions.  The best EI improvement plans harness the energy you feel for your meaning and purpose to strengthening the competencies that will help you fulfill that deeper aim. For more on the competencies above, see the full collection of primers exploring each of the 12 Emotional and Social Intelligence Leadership Competencies. I authored this collection with Richard Boyatzis, neuroscientist Richard J. Davidson, and 12 other exceptional researchers, leaders, coaches, and experts on each of the topics.

Shannon worked at a tech startup, where her team was faced with constant tough deadlines and complicated demands. Over time, the stress from her workload made her increasingly anxious, and her worrying made it difficult to complete her work and get along with her team. Eventually, she asked to be transferred to another division, even though it meant taking a pay cut and losing eligibility for a promotion. Take a moment to imagine how Shannon's story might have played out differently. Had Shannon seen her stress was a problem she could manage better, and found ways to find more emotional balance, she may have a different outcome. Perhaps she could have streamlined her workload and delegated tasks or addressed some procedural hold-ups with other teams to alleviate pressure. In this scenario, Shannon may have stayed on the team and even gotten that promotion. The simple act of recognizing her emotional reactions would have created the space she needed to do some creative problem-solving �� and that would have led to improved performance for herself and her team. Self-Awareness is the First Step Self-Awareness is the ability to recognize and understand our emotional reactions. I see this as the foundation of my model of Emotional and Social Intelligence because it underlies many of the other competencies. Being aware of your emotional state is a necessary first step to developing skills related to self-control, for instance. Self-Awareness is also necessary for exercising empathy, because we can only understand the emotional tendencies and triggers of others if we understand our own. Self-Awareness is indispensable in leadership, allowing leaders to harness their own competencies for the greatest positive impact on others. Practical Applications of Self-Awareness Self-Awareness leads to practical payoffs when operating in combination with other Emotional Intelligence competencies. In day-to-day interactions, this can be as simple as recognizing that you're feeling distraught about a personal relationship, and reminding yourself not to project these feelings onto colleagues at work. Those who have developed Self-Awareness also tend to be better at communication because it helps them attune to their own feelings and articulate them in a way that resonates with, and motivates, other people. Understanding our emotional drivers and limitations allows us to choose fulfilling career paths that fit our capabilities and values. Similarly, when we're at home and with our families, being in tune with how we feel helps us strengthen our bonds with the people we love. How to Develop Self-Awareness Like other Emotional Intelligence competencies, Self-Awareness can be improved with regular practice. One of the most effective methods is mindfulness meditation, which actually reshapes the brain circuitry involved in emotion recognition and regulation. In research explored more thoroughly in my book, Altered Traits, I review strong evidence to show that mindfulness: Lessens amygdala reactivity (the brain’s trigger for fight/flight/freeze) to emotional triggers Increases calmness under stress Improves concentration and lessens mind wandering Cultivates  greater awareness of mind wandering Other techniques that can help develop Self-Awareness include interoception, monitoring our bodies for physical sensations related to different emotional states, and then journaling, which can help us understand ourselves better through emotional record-keeping. For example, let’s say you have a particularly heated interaction with a coworker; interoception allows noticing that your throat feels tight, your stomach uneasy, or your head and ears hot. These are the physiological results of your emotional state, and pausing to notice them is a way of being self-aware. Finally, since each of us will respond in our own unique way to the various methods for personal and professional growth, I recommend that you explore one or more of the following: Attend a personal wellness retreat that includes meditation Create a daily or weekly habit of a “personal check-in�� where you assess how you are feeling and why those feelings might be coming up Assess your overall level of stress, and create a list of potential ways to reduce that in order to feel more emotional balance. Then, follow through on some of the items on your list  For more on the topic of Self-Awareness, I invite you to explore my primer on Emotional Self-Awareness, or my new book, Altered Traits, Science Reveals how Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body.

Massive wildfires have recently raged largely out of control in California, one growing so fast it has become among the largest in recorded history there. As a former Californian, they’ve touched people I know: my sister and her husband huddled for days waiting for an order to evacuate that, finally, did not come; my best friend from high school had prepared for this nightmare so well that a wild fire hopscotched over his house but destroyed his neighbors�� houses. These huge fires are all the more complex because their “fuel�� �� bushes, trees, houses �� changes as they go, as does the humidity, which either helps or hurts the effort to contain them. And all of this occurs in the wildest of terrain. Then there are the human factors: firefighters get exhausted, have to quickly coordinate with others from units they’ve never seen, and have to make split-second decisions that can save or put lives at risk. Emotions run at an all-time high as homes, livelihoods and even people are devoured by the flames. Timely, then, that new research shows a strong link between firefighter leaders and Emotional Intelligence. When a wildfire rages so fiercely that firefighters cannot stop it, a special commander gets sent to coordinate the efforts of the numerous fire and police departments brought in from surrounding towns and cities to contain it. Those at the fire’s frontlines come from various layers of federal, state, county and local firefighters, law enforcement �� not to mention politicians �� each of whom might have priorities that are in conflict with the others. “Incident Management Teams,�� (or IMTs) as they are called, create an instant command post to meld these disparate units into a single, smoothly functioning team. Given the chaos and unpredictability of a wildfire, this emergency task can easily fail, and some leaders of IMTs do better than others. Success hinges on the effectiveness of the Incident Commander, the leader brought in to manage what can be 50 or more people in the chain of command for the hundreds to thousands of firefighters on the ground. Incident Commanders are typically well-seasoned, with more than 25 years�� experience fighting such fires. While they are at a peak of technical knowledge and skills, that alone will not be enough to manage, motivate, and coordinate so many people �� especially given the inevitable tensions and conflicts of judgment in the face of an inferno. To see what makes the difference between success and failure, my colleague Richard Boyatzis at Case Western’s management school, with associates at the Rocky Mountain Research Station in Missoula Montana, analyzed 60 critical incidents from the frontlines. Recommended Resource: Building Blocks of Emotional Intelligence: 12 Leadership Competency Primers. According to their article in the Journal of Applied Behavioral Science, effectiveness in leading this emergency was associated with these emotional and social competencies: ·     Emotional self-control, which allows staying calm and clear under stress; ·     Adaptability, being flexible and able to meet demands as they shift; ·     Empathy, sensing how others think and feel; ·     Coaching, helping those you lead learn; ·     Inspirational leadership, motivating others with a vision of a greater, common good. Apart from these five competencies that distinguished the outstanding commanders, another set were found to be threshold markers, abilities all the commanders needed just to do their job: ·     Achievement Orientation, working toward a specific goal and using feedback to change course as needed; ·     Organizational Awareness, understanding where in a network or organization to exert influence on key decision-makers; ·     Influence, knowing how to persuade a particular person; ·     Conflict management, helping parties come to an agreement; ·     Teamwork, leading a diverse group harmoniously to reach a common goal. It’s instructive that there is not a single, magical Emotional and Social Competence that holds the key to outstanding leadership under such great pressure and uncertainty �� it’s a set of interacting and mutually supporting abilities. That’s how these competencies operate �� in tandem, each offering its unique strength in leadership. And small wonder FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Association, has asked me to talk to their leadership about Emotional Intelligence under intense pressure, and how to help their leaders develop these competencies. Handling an emergency takes Emotional Intelligence. I have recently released a set of competency primers that explore each of the 12 Emotional and Social Intelligence competencies uniquely identified as building blocks for developing leadership capacity. Find the set here. This was written in collaboration with fellow researchers, leaders, educators, and coaches who share a wide range of expertise in each of these competencies.