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And, another school shooting. And more uproar about what to do. Ban guns? Ban types of guns? Do more to address mental illness? Provide more rigorous background checks?

Blame parents? Blame kids? Blame schools? Blame politicians? Blame media? Blame the violence in games and movies?

As we collectively point fingers in all directions, like fleshy pick-up-sticks, in an attempt to feel better...feel like we are doing SOMETHING when we feel so helpless and shocked and scared for the future of our kids, I cringe at the tone of the conversations.

I recoil from the vitriol that sputters and sparks from Twitter and Facebook as each person voices with absolute certainty what "should" be done to stop this ugly social tsunami. While accepting their freedom of speech, I shake my head at the lack of courtesy, lack of tact, lack of recognition that it is this very anger and self-righteousness that has frayed the fabric of our connection to one another. It is this unbridled and bitter expression of opinion, without regard for differences, ignoring the possibility for meeting in the middle, that has choked our ability to compromise for the greater good.

The issue is complicated and will likely require multiple responses to solve it, but it begins with civility, and the ability to speak respectfully and coherently, in order to address the dichotomy of thought and beliefs. If we, as adults, can't do better than this, how can we be so shocked when our young people do the same? Some speak with their mouths, others with their fingers on keyboards or smart phones, and some with weapons. The anger exists on a continuum, but it is all the same anger.

When the initial devastation eases gradually into a familiar numb ache, I look for ways to bring the opposite into the world. And I try to keep in mind that young people are watching me, us, every day. What do we want them to see?