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Once upon a time I wrote because I found it relaxing. I enjoyed being able to escape into another world of my own making. It brought me great joy. I could write up to 14 hours a day, lost in a haze. I dreamed and daydreamed about my characters. I got inspired in the middle of the night, and didn’t mind typing notes into my phone so that I wouldn’t lose those thoughts.

Then one day everything changed. I decided to publish my 4th novel I’d written. After writing for 6 months & editing for 6 months; shelving for even longer and periodically doing full rewrites� and then more months of beta testing, proofreading, and final revisions, I had a story I was happy with.

The first few weeks after publishing were tough. How do I get people to read and write reviews? How do I promote it? I figured those things out, got my professional reviews back—which were all positive, had a successful blog tour, and then the book started selling. And then selling more and more each week. A dream come true, right?

That part, yes. But there’s one thing I never took into account. People can be hateful. I mean seriously. It’s shocking actually. More on that later.

I admit it. I tempted fate. Not intentionally, but I did. When I hit 100 reviews on Amazon, I posted a picture on facebook (which thanks to twitter integration also got tweeted) that included the ratings distribution (which at the time had no 1 or 2 star reviews). I commented that the chart might be deceiving, because I knew there were people out there who didn’t like my book (thanks to goodreads, the existence of which is meant to banish any modicum of pride in an author). I mean, I don’t like every book I read. I don’t expect everyone to like mine.

Apparently that was like sending out an open invitation to bash, nitpick, insult, berate� Hmmm.

So after writing for eight solid hours yesterday on my upcoming novella with great success, I saw a flood of hate. It’s like you have the very best job�. one that makes you happy, relieves stress, is a great outlet� But then you go into your performance review and get panned. Not so fun anymore. So, frankly I was kind of done with it all. I quit in dramatic fashion to my family. My twelve year old daughter cried (she’s a little obsessed with daynight & my older daughters lectured me for letting the haters get to me.) So, I decided to sleep on it. Woke up. Still felt like quitting. Went back to bed. And well, now I’m neutral :).

I finally decided (even before receiving some awesome supportive email from a great friend) that I’m adding a new commandment for me and for my sanity: Thou shalt not read reviews of thy own book.

Honestly, I’m a little sad about it. Some of the critical reviews I got early on were such a great help. I was able to look at the common threads and make great and important changes before the book got out there widely based on their feedback. I’ll talk about what I plan to do to still get the same effect, without the stress of being exposed to the hate.

The Review system

OK, so I spent 12 years working on the software industry with great success. I was all about getting great reviews, getting promoted quickly, and moving up the corporate ladder. Reviews were done on a 5 point scale (like the books). 5s almost never happened. 3.5 was about average. If you were getting 2s/2.5s/3s, you were probably on your way out (actually, the company rarely fired anyone� they just sent them to bog down some other part of the company). I usually got a 4 or 4.5 on my reviews, plus a couple 5s. I’d go in� meet with my singuarl boss. I’d be told what I was doing well, and get a list of things I could do better. Very reasonable process. I took to heart the things I needed to do better, and actively worked to fix those things. I’d go back into my next review with a sense of accomplishment.

Well, now I feel like I have thousands of bosses. But they’re all giving completely different feedback! Conflicting feedback even! That’s tough to process. If I follow one boss’s list, I’m going to infuriate another one. The epitome of a “can’t win� scenario.

Bipolar nature of reviews

Sometimes I wonder? Are they all reading the same book? Surely a book that garnered 4 positive professional reviews couldn’t be hated could it?

Well, yes, apparently it can. (And I know I’m not alone� everyone author sees this to some extent).

As I said above, I got some critical reviews early on that were a *huge* help. There were common, consistent threads, and I completely agreed with the feedback. I’m really grateful, because those reviews helped improve my book. I know it.

But here’s a variety of examples� some are easier to process and address than others. I’m going to paraphrase:

- The way your world, Thera, is introduced reads like a textbook or brochure. This is a valid criticism. Granted, it’s only a few pages worth (I think all readers, me included have become a little ADHD/impatient while reading)� but if the plot is fast-paced, fast-paced, fast-paced, and then comes to a bunch of telling that slows everything down� completely valid. Hard to address a few months after publishing, but valid. I think I’m going to have my editor help me to fix this one.

- A common one: The Blake flashbacks destroyed the book’s pacing. Equally as common: I *loved* the Blake parts. He felt like the most real character to me. Completely opposite feedback.

- There are pacing issues (examples are contradictory, since each person likes different aspects).

- The book is pushing sex, drugs, and bad decision making. Hmmmm. Interesting opinion. Read my post on the Controversy of Dystopias. By nature, a dystopia takes something in society (in this case a moral issue) and pushes it to its extreme, to see how people react and to shed light on the ridiculousness of it. Sorry folks, but it is a cautionary tale about all those things, not encouraging them. But bash away, because I won’t be reading it :).

- The Cleaving/sex stuff made me really uncomfortable so I hated the book. It is supposed to make you feel uncomfortable. That’s the point of a dystopia, right? Did anyone get immense pleasure watching kids kill other kids in The Hunger Games? Probably not (if you did, then might I suggest a one-way ticket to the Capitol lol?)

- I want more action. I want less action. I want more romance. I want less romance. The characters were well developed and flawed, making them real. The characters were cliche. The plot was completely fresh and exciting. I saw everything coming a mile away. I think you get the point. That’s the kind of bipolar feedback that’s tough to process.

Perils of Modern Communication

I communicate electronically all the time. I text, facebook, twitter, email, post� I’m always plugged in, and prefer to communicate that way a lot of the time (particularly since it can be done when I have time). I’m always firing off things quickly, since I have a lot to respond to. Back when I was working in the software industry, we were all know for sending “flame� mails. We’d be curt & not very nice when giving directives, often forgetting that there is a real person with real feelings receiving those things.

After hurting people’s feelings more than a few times, I became more cautious about this. After publishing, I even went through and scrubbed my goodreads reviews and ratings� because I realized that even if I don’t like a book, slamming someone’s hard work isn’t a constructive thing. But occasionally, I still screw up. I misinterpreted an email from a colleague this week, and jumped all over them (and had to spend a lot of time apologizing). I’d felt deceived by someone who sold me an advertisement, and jumped all over them (and again, spent time apologizing). I get it. It happens. We all make mistakes.

But, I’d just like to encourage all of us, including me, to remember that every communication does have another person on the other side. Sure, maybe you absolutely despised my book or someone else’s book. But making it personal through insults, bashing the writing, or whatever� not really cool. Constructive, specific criticism is awesome (this section reads like a textbook). Hating (I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hated this book and the writing. What was the author thinking? They should be ashamed that they are promoting X, Y, and Z. etc, etc.) is really just that� hating.

What I can control

So, I’m not one to go around reciting the serenity prayer or whatever. But, I’ve got to say that I think the idea of “working on what you can control� and “ignoring the stuff you can’t� has merit. I can’t control reviews. I can’t control people bashing or hating on me. What can I control are the following:

- I can do my very best job writing.

- I can make sure all future writing efforts have professional content and copy editing/proofreading. Will this keep me from getting negative reviews? Absolutely not. But, I’ll feel like I have done my very best effort. I may even have daynight go through the professional editing process and re-release. It seems drastic given that most people are enjoying it, and it has a lot of momentum going. But, if I ever feel like to cross a threshold from good success to great success that I need to do this, I will.

- I can send out ARCs to a wide variety of people & address common threads. On the bipolar views, I can guesstimate where the majority lies, or go with my gut, knowing there will be some people who disagree with the balance I choose.

- I can stop reading reviews that will hamper my love of writing. Because, here’s the thing� I don’t have to be writing. There’s all kinds of things I could be doing with my time. I’ve been very active helping out in the community. I’ve got five kids who need my love and attention. So, if writing stops being enjoyable and fun� it won’t be worth it to me anymore. If I wanted a lucrative job, I could return to the software industry. For me, it’s about doing what I love. And up until recently, I really loved it. To recapture that love, I’m cutting off the diseased limb.

- I can love and appreciate the fans who do support me and my work. I can reward them with “extras�, “teasers�, “giveaways�, and my genuine thanks.

To summarize a (long-winded) post� I’m going to try my very darndest to not read any more reviews. Or maybe I’ll occasionally glance at the positive reviews on Amazon (because positivity does have a good impact). But, my goodreads tab is closed. The haters can bash and I’ll be happily oblivious. When occasion warrants, I’ll have a friend or my daughters summarize the common threads for me. And, I’m going to be heads down finishing my novella and book 2, and hopefully happily doing so :).