Family History is more than a Family Tree
At some point in my young adulthood it dawned on me that there was a person, Emilie, hovering within the woman I called Mom. I became curious about Emile’s history, B.D. (Before Daughter). In our initial conversations, Mom spoke in general terms about her family’s emigration from Germany to the United States in the 1920s, a story that lay dormant in my writer’s brain until many years later, when it inspired a novel, Chasing My Sister’s Shadow.
I began the research for my book by asking Mom to describe her upbringing in detail, using as many anecdotes as she could recall. I gave her a set of questions* as guidelines and suggested she respond in whatever manner was most comfortable for her. She chose to talk into an old-fashioned tape recorder and over the course of a few months, filled four tapes that I treasure to this day. I treasure them as a writer, of course, but more importantly, as a daughter.
I heard the smile in Mom’s voice (strange to hear a smile, but I swear I did) as she described simple pleasures: her own mother, Lena, heating bricks in the oven to wrap in towels so her two daughters would have warmth when they crawled under the covers; the pansies on the kitchen window sill that were like “faces turned toward the sun.� And this was what made the tapes both heartwarming and heartrending: Mom’s voice. A voice that became thick with puzzled dismay at her sister’s persistent anger, heavy with anguish (more than 60 years later!) at the death of a loved one, and tough with determination as she made a life for herself after enduring unspeakable-yet-spoken tragedies. Through these tapes, I came to understand and appreciate my mother in a way that would not have been possible otherwise.
And so I’m championing a cause—if you have parents who are willing and able to share their personal history, don’t delay! Come up with questions to guide them in the areas that interest you. They can jot down notes, chat with you on the phone, or talk into a recording device. Needless to say, I’m partial to the last option, since it allows you to listen to the narration over and over, because, trust me, you’ll cherish every word, and even more, the emotion that transcends the words to reveal the person.
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*Sample questions: (1) What were your parents like? Describe them physically and personally. Help me get to know them. What did your father do for a living? What were your mother’s household responsibilities? (2) What was family life like? How did you celebrate holidays and birthdays? What traditions were important? How did your parents treat you? What kind of discipline did they use?
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