درباره کتاب: کار بزرگی که نویسنده در این کتاب انجام داده، بررسی بسیار عمیق تحقیقات علم روانشناسی مدرن و همچنین ایده ها و آموزه های اساتید و پیشوایان بدرباره کتاب: کار بزرگی که نویسنده در این کتاب انجام داده، بررسی بسیار عمیق تحقیقات علم روانشناسی مدرن و همچنین ایده ها و آموزه های اساتید و پیشوایان باستانی و مذهبی بزرگاز بودا و کنفوسیوس گرفته تا محمد برای پاسخ به این سوالات: دلایل و شرایط رشد و شکوفایی انسان موانع موجود بر سر راه خوشحالی در نهایت اینکه چه طور تحت هر شرایطی، می شه راه رو برای کامیابی و داشتن یک زندگی هدفمند توام با رضایت و شادی باز کرد
ساختار کتاب نقطه قوت این کتاب بدون شک ریسرچ بسیار عظیم و جامعی هست که نویسنده انجام داده و همچنین پیدا کردن یک فصل مشترک بین خرد باستانی وعلم روانشناسی. کتاب با شرح مختصری از کارکرد ذهن شروع می شه. پیش زمینه هایی که برای درک بهتر یافته های روانشناختی لازم هست. این پیش زمینه شامل دو حقیقت زیر می شه: این که مغز انسام شامل قسمت های مجزایی هست که کارکردهای متفاوت و حتی متداخل باهم دارن و از تمثیل یک سوارکار بر روی یک فیل استفاده می کنه که در اینجا سوارکار بخش منطقی و آگاه مغز و اون فیل، بخش احساسی و سرکش ذهن هست که سوارکار صرفا با استفاده از زور بازو نمی تونه اون رو کنترل کنه.
دومین ایده، حقیقتی هست که بزرگانی مثل شکسپیر و بودا به روش های متفاوت بیان کردند: There is nothing good or bad, only thinking makes it so.
بخش دوم کتاب دو ایده بزرگ دیگه از بعد اجتماعی بررسی می کنه. یکی تقابل یا مقابله به مثل و دیگری دو رویی و به خواننده یاد می ده چه طور با شناختشون ازشون بهره ببریم و در عین حال از گزندهایی که بالقوه به همراه دارن در امان باشیم.
از اینجا به بعد کتاب شروع می کنه به پاسخ دادن به این سوال که: خوشحالی از کجا نشئت می گیره و برای پاسخ دادن به این سوال، فرضیه هایی که تا کنون برای رسیدن به خوشحالی ارائه شدن رو بررسی می کنه. فرضیه هایی چون: 1. خوشحالی از رسیدن به چیزهایی که می خواهیم حاصل می شه در مورد این فرضیه نشون می ده که تحقیقات ثابت می کنن این دسته از خوشحالی ها عمر بسیار کوتاهی دارن. اما یک فرضیه قوی تر این هست که : 2. خوشحالی از درون آدمی سرچشمه می یره و با مجبور کردن دنیا به تن دادن خواسته های ما حاصل نمی شه این فرضیه مبغانی زیادی داره از بوداییان گرفته تا فیلسوف های رواقی. در این خصوص نویسنده جمع بندی بسیار جالبی رو ارائه می کنه که بخش دوم این فرضیه که عوامل بیرونی تاثیری در خوشحالی ندارند رو رد می کنه و نشون می ده که چه طور عواملی مثل ارتباطات اجتماعی می تونه باعث قلیان خوشحالی و رضایت بشه.
در بخش بعدی، کتاب به سراغ شرایطی می ره که باعث رشد و کمال انسان می شه و این جمله از نیچه که می گه: "چیزی که تو رو نکشه، قوی ترت می کنه" رو نقطه شروع این بررسی قرار می ده و دو جنبه متفاوت اتفاقات ناگوار در زندگی رو بررسی می کنه: Post traumatic disorder Post traumatic Growth
در ادامه، نویسنده بعد زندگی انسان از جنبه های فضیلت، و اخلاق نقد می کنه و نشون می ده چرا توصیه بزرگان باستان در خصوص پرورش فضیلت ها می تونه هم زمان باعث رشد و خوشحالی فرد بشه.
نهایتا در بخش آخر نویسنده به این سوال حیاتی پاسخ می ده که چرا یه عده در زندگیشون موفق می شن معنا و مفهومی برای خودشون پیدا کنن و یک عمر رو با دست آوردها و خوشبختی سپری کنن در حالی که اغلب چنین روی خوشی از زندگی رو نمی بینند.
:بررسی و محتوا این کتاب از نظر محتوا واقعا غنی هست و چشم من رو روی حقیقت بسیاری از مسائل باز كرد. اینکه ژن، چقدر می تونه تمایلات انسان رو مثل خط روی سنگ هک کرده باشه و رفتارهای مار و تعیین کنه اینکه چرا ثروت مازاد بر تامین نیازهای اولیه هیچ خوشحالی نمی تونه به زندگی اضافه کنه و جهل به این موضوع بدتر باعث افزایش مداوم استرس بشه چرا بچه ها دوستان خانوادگی را با عنوانین عمو یا خاله صدا می کنن چرا تکامل طبیعت، تمایل برای شایعه کردن و غیبت کردن در انسان شکل داده این که چرا رازداری از نظر روانی کار سختی برای آدم هست چرا مردم از رسوایی دیگران یک حس درونی خوب پیدا می کنن و خبر های این رسوایی ها محور برنامه های سرگرم کننده هستند چه طور تفکر سفید یا سیاه (صفر و یکی) در خصوص آدم ها باعث کشتارهای و جنایات عظیمی در دنیا شده چرا احساس عشق به وجود میاد و چرا آدم عاشق نمی تونه درست تصمیم بگیره و در نهایت چرا این عشق سوزان بعد از وصال از بین می ره و نقطه ای سر خط می شه برای آغاز واقع بینی و اغلب مشکلات. چه طور پیدایش حس انزجار هم زمان موجب پیدایش مراسم و آیین های مذهبی شده و نفس این موضوع مثل یک شمشیر دو لبه باعث تعامل (درون گروهی) و تقابل و نهایتا دگر ستیزی شده
گزیده های شگفت انگیز و بیدار کننده کتاب
0. نیم کره چپ مغز که زبان رو مدیریت می کنه مفسری هست که کارش داستان سر هم کردن هست. مثلا اگر عبارت "راه برو" (با تکنیکی خاص) به نیم کره راست (که زبان رو نمی فهمه) نشون داده بشه، شخص بلند می شه و راه می ره و خودش متوجه نیست. جالب اینکه وقتی ازش پرسیده بشه چرا بلند شدی راه بری، نیم کره چپ یه داستان سر هم می کنه: مثلا می خوام برم یه لیوان چایی بریزم.
1. برای گرفتن تصیمات هوشمندانه و درست، احساسات نقشه بسیار مهمی رو ایفا می کنن. بر خلاف تصور عموم نداشتن احساس نه تنها منجر به تصمیمات منطقی نمی شه، بلکه فرد رو دچار فلج تصمیم گیری می کنه.
2. به طول کلی ما یک مغز احساسی داریم که اون رو تشبیه به فیل می کنند و یک بخش منطقی که خیر و صلاح امور رو می خواد برای شخص و تشبیهش می کنن به سوار کاری بر روی فیل. حالا اگر فیل به طور مثال دلش غذای شیرین و چرب بخواد، سوارکار صرفا با اتکا به قوه اراده نمی تونه مسیر فیل رو عوض کنه و راهش اینه که با گول زدن یا منحرف کردن فیل (فکر کردن به عواقب اون غذا یا حتی یک چیز مشمئز کننده) اون رو از دنبال کردن خواستش منصرف کرد.
3. ژنتیک و محیط، باعث می شه نسبت به مسائل مختلف از مذهب گرفته تا گرایش های مختلف سیاسی و یا یک نقاشی، احساس خاصی از قبل براشون تعریف شده. مثلا یک نقاشی رو می بینیم و خوشمون میاد، اما وقتی از ما پرسیده می شه چرا؟ نیم کره چپ شروع می کنه به دلیل سر هم کردن. به همین خاطر نمی شه در خصوص مسائل اخلاقی و ... با افراد منطقی صحبت کرد. چرا که اساسا اون موضعی که دارند رو در مرحله اول با منطق و استددلال انتخاب نکردن.
4. Nothing is miserable unless you think it so; and on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it. (Buddha)
5. مغز ما طوری طراحی شده که به طور کلی واکنش ما نسبت به مسائل منفی پنج برابر قوی تر از مسائل مثبت هست. مثلا در بحث ازدواج، برای جبران یک اشتباه مخرب، حداقل پنج اقدام مثبت و پر رنگ لازم هست.
6. وقتی که به خاطر یک اتفاقا می ترسیم یا احساس بدی پیدا می کنیم، این احساسات مثل یک فیلتر جلو دید ما قرار می گیرن و از اون نقطه به بعد همه چیز رو بد و منفی تفسیر می کنیم. So when Shakespeare's Hamlet later offers his own paraphrase of Marcus Aurelius�" There is nothing either good or had but thinking makes it so." he is right, but he might have added that his negative emotions are 'making his thinking make everything bad' :)
7. تحقیقات نشون می ده که تا 80 درصد خوشحال بودن افراد، توسط ژن و فعالیت مغزیشون تعیین شده و قابل اندازه گیری هست. افراد مثبت فعالیت مغزشون در نیم کره چپ بیشتر هست و هنگام تولد با اندازه گیری این فعالیت ها می شه گفت که این کودک آیا در آینده فردی خوش بین و خوشحال خواهد بود یا خیر. به این وضعیت روانی می گویند: Affective Style (Affect refers to the felt or experienced part of emotion) اما خبر خوب این هست که این افکتیو استایل رو می شه باروش های زیر تغییر داد: I. Meditation II. Cognitive Therapy III. Prozac
8. we often use reasoning not to find the truth but to invent arguments to support our deep and intuitive beliefs (residing in the elephant)
9. برای درمان افسردگی به کمک روش دوم یعنی درمان شناختی شرایط زیر باید محقق شوند: ابتدا افراد باید خود آگاهیی خود را بالا ببرند و افکاری که به ذهنشان می رسند را شناسایی کنند آن ها را یادداشت کنند برای انحرافات و احساسات نامی انتخاب کنند و سپس راه های بهتر و سازنده تری برای فکر کردن در خصوص آن موضوع پیدا کنند
10. چیزی که برای خود نمی پسندی برای دیگران هم مپسند. کنفوسیوس (یادمه کتاب دینی پنجم دبستان این رو نقل قول از حضرت علی کرده بود)
11. شایعه، یک مکانیسم دفاعی و حفظ بقا هست که توسط تکامل در انسان ایجاد شده و تضمین کننده این هست که هر فردی به اصول عدالت پایبند بمونه. اگر شخصی تقلب کرد یا با خودخواهی سهم دیگران را از آن خود می کرد، غیبت کردن در خصوص وی راهی بود برای رسوایی و باز داشتن او.
Dunbar suggests that language evolved as a replacement for physical grooming. Language allows small groups of people to bond quickly and to learn from each other about the bonds of others. Dunbar notes that people do in fact use language primarily to talk about other people, to find out who is doing what to whom, who is coupling with whom, who is fighting with whom. And Dunbar points out that in our ultrasocial species, success is largely a matter of playing the social game well. It's not what you know, it's who you know. In short, Dunbar proposes that language evolved because it enabled gossip.
12. We are motivated to pass on infor- mation to our friends; we even sometimes say, " I can't keep it in, I have to tell somebody." And when you do pass on a piece of juicy gossip, what hap- pens? Your friend's reciprocity reflex kicks in and she feels a slight pressure to return the favor. If she knows something about the person or event in question, she is likely to speak up: " O h really? Well, I heard that he . . ." Gossip elicits gossip, and it enables us to keep track of everyone's reputa- tion without having to witness their good and bad deeds personally. Gossip creates a non-zero-sum game because it costs us nothing to give each other information, yet we both benefit by receiving information.
13. Gossip is a policeman and a teacher. Without it, there would be chaos and ignorance.
14. Scandal is great entertainment because it allows people to feel contempt, a moral emotion that gives feelings of moral superiority while asking nothing in return.
15. In real life, you don't react to what someone did; you react only to what you think she did, and the gap between action and perception is bridged by the art of impression management. If life itself is but what you deem it, then why not focus your efforts on persuading others to believe that you are a virtuous and trustworthy cooperator? Thus Niccolo Machiavelli, whose name has become synonymous with the cunning and amoral use of power, wrote five hundred years ago that " the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
16. در خصوص فکر کردن، انسان ابتدا موضع می گیره و بعد به دنبال دلایلی برای توجیه اون موضع می گرده و به محض پیدا کردن ابتدایی ترین دلایل، فکر کردن را متوقف می کنند.
17. آدم ها در تخمین میزان فضیلت های خودشون به شدت اغراق می کنند، اما در خصوص قضاوت کردن در خصوص فضایل اخلاقی دیگران و پیش بینی عملکردشون در خصوص یک مورد اخلاقی یا خیریه، نسبتا دقیق عمل می کنند. We judge others by their behavior, but we think we have special information about ourselves� we know what we are " really like" inside, so we can easily find ways to explain away our selfish acts and cling to the illusion that we are better than others.
18. هنگام مقایسه کردن خودمون با بقیه در خصوص موضوعی که قوانینش و معیارهاش مبهم باشند، این ابهام به ما اجازه می ده مقایسه رو به نحوی که به نفع خودمون هست انجام بدیم و در نیتجه دنبال شواهدی بگردیم که ثابت کنه ما بهتر همکاری و نقش ایفا می کنیم. پس وقتی که فکر می کنیم عدالت در حقمون رعایت نمی شه (مثلا در انجام کارهای خونه) باید با دقت و عمق بیشتری نگاه کنیم. چرا که معیار سنجش ما اون بخش از کارهایی هست که خودمون بهش علاقه داریم و همین باعث می شه متوجه سهمی که بقیه در حوزه های دیگه ایفا می کنند رو نا دیده بگیریم.
19. Most people have an inflated view of themselves. Be realistic!" they refuse, muttering to themselves, " Well, other people may be biased, but I really am above average on leadership." This phenomenon is called "naive realism" : Each of us thinks we see the world directly, as it really is. We further believe that the facts as we see them are there for all to see, therefore others should agree with us. If they don't agree, it follows either that they have not yet been exposed to the relevant facts or else that they are blinded by their interests and ideologies.
20. یکی از جالب ترین نکات کتاب موضوع زیر هست: The myth of pure evil: we have a deep need to understand violence and cruelty through what is called " the myth of pure evil." Of this myth's many parts, the most important are that evildoers are pure in their evil motives (they have no motives for their actions beyond sadism and greed); victims are pure in their victimhood (they did nothing to bring about their victimization); and evil comes from outside and is associated with a group or force that attacks our group. Furthermore, anyone who questions the application of the myth, who dares muddy the waters of moral certainty, is in league with evil. The myth of pure evil is the ultimate self-serving bias, the ultimate form of naive realism. And it is the ultimate cause of most long-running cycles of violence because both sides use it to lock themselves into a Manichaean struggle. ---- The Pursuit of Happiness:
1. Pleasure comes more from making progress toward goals than from achieving them. Shakespeare captured it perfectly: " Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing."
2. The Adaptation Principle: Whatever happens, you're likely to adapt to it, but you don't realize up front that you will. We are bad at " affective forecasting," that is, predicting how we'll feel in the future. We grossly overestimate the intensity and the duration of our emotional reactions. Within a year, lottery winners and paraplegics have both (on average) returned most of the way to their baseline levels of happiness.
3. Hedonic treadmill In every permanent situation, where there is no expectation of change, the mind of every man, in a longer or shorter time, returns to its natural and usual state of tranquility. In prosperity, after a certain time, it falls back to that state; in adversity, after a certain time, it rises up to it.
4. A good marriage is one of the life-factors most strongly and consistently associated with happiness. Part of this apparent benefit comes from " reverse correlation" : Happiness causes marriage. Happy people marry sooner and stay married longer than people with a lower happiness setpoint, both because they are more appealing as dating partners and because they are easier to live with as spouses. But much of the apparent benefit is a real and lasting benefit of dependable companionship, which is a basic need.
Happiness formula:
H = S + C + V where: S = Set point (our biological state of happiness) C = Conditions V = Voluntary actions
There are only few external Circumstances that can lead to a higher level of happiness which are as follows:
1. Noise: Noisy, especially noise that is variable or intermittent, interferece with concentration and ancreases stress. It's worth striving to remove sources of noise in your life (especially if you leave near a noise-polluted area like in proximity of traffic light.
2. Commuting: Even after years of commuting, those whose commutes are traffic-filled still arrive at work with higher levels of stress hormones. So striving to improve your commutes is rewarded by removing the related anxieties involved.
3. Lack of control: One of the active ingredients of noise and traffic is that you can't control them. Having an increased sense of having control over what you do, significantly improves your well being.
4. Shame: Body-related deficiencies (what the person deems as so) like small breasts in case of women makes them self-aware of this fact while providing them with constant anxiety. Being free from such daily burdens may lead to a lasting increase in self-confidence and well-being as patients who underwent cosmetic surgeries repeatedly reported.
5. Relationships: The condition that is usually said to trump all others in importance is the strength and number of a person's relationships. One never adapts to interpersonal conflict; it damages every day, even days when you don't see the other person but ruminate about the conflict nonetheless.
Now the important question, what is the best V in the happiness formula? It is the actions you act upon that taps into your signature strengths, I refer you to my review on "Authentic happiness" the book from which this section was written.
What kind of monetary action makes us happy? There are two types of expenditures: conspicuous and inconspicuous, the former involves purchasing goods and materials, while the latter involves buying experiences like going on a vacation or to a theater with friends. It's been reported and proven that inconspicuous purchases make people more happy and that the happiness derived, stays much longer while adds a new shade the person's life :)
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There exist a zone of accelerated learning, in which you learn super fast, and retain a lot more. Prodigies like Mozart, Davinci, etc., were only luckThere exist a zone of accelerated learning, in which you learn super fast, and retain a lot more. Prodigies like Mozart, Davinci, etc., were only lucky enough to know how to enter that zone deliberately. In other words, they had cracked the talent code. In this review, I will share with you this life-altering secret.
What you will learn in this book: -What really is talent, and how it is grown? -How you can drastically speed up acquiring a talent using deep practice -How you can create the motivation that pushes you forward. -A new mindset that literally changes you into believing if it is humanly possible, it is within your reach as well. By far, this is one of the most impactful books I have ever read and it makes an amazing companion to the book: "Mindset".
For me, before this book, I believed that innate talent has always been a major element of success and extraordinary achievement. From that decisive and brilliant leader who makes accurate snap judgments to those kids who solve the Rubik under 10 seconds, I always used to think, gosh, they’re so lucky to be so talented. But I was wrong, terribly wrong.
This is quite limiting and prevents you from even trying.
Luckily for me, I stumbled on this amazing book which literally debunks lots of dangerous and self-limiting myths about talent and achievement.
What really is talent? What we refer to as talent, as scientists have discovered, involves a neural insulator called myelin and is now considered to be the holy grail of cultivating skills.
From the simplest skill, such as flipping a coin, or riding a bike, to complex ones such as programming, proving a mathematical formula, playing the piano, etc., each human skill involves chains of nerve fibers and neural circuits that carry tiny electrical impulses.
Simply put, each skill involves traveling of signals through specific circuits of neurons.
Myelin critical role is to wrap around those nerve fibers and circuits. Think of it in the way rubber is wrapped around a copper wire.
The more myelin is wrapped around those fibers, the faster and stronger those tiny signal travel through the circuits. Hence, you become faster and better at the task.
In addition, this myelination and insulation of fibers make you more accurate by preventing the electrical signals from leaking out.
But how are these myelins created? If more myelination means becoming faster, better and more accurate, you would definitely want to know how it is created, and how we can influence it. Let’s see how it is created in the first place. Imagine you want to try to swing a bat or play a note. If you do it correctly, your brain responds by wrapping myelin around the involving circuits (the circuits that successfully led to your desired outcome).
Each time you repeat the task successfully another thin layer of myelin is added to the involving circuits, making you even faster and better.
Although everyone can grow myelin, however, there are certain rules about practicing, that makes its growth much faster (you can learn about the techniques ). And those prodigies that you see (from Michelangelo to Michael Jordan) are following those specific rules while they practice.
In fact, success or mediocrity depends most on the way you practice, not the brain already at your disposition.
Next, I will cast the light on these rules, and share with you the means of learning super fast. ...more
دوستان عزیز این کتاب بی نظیر رو که الهام بخش آدمهای بسیار بزرگی مثل آنتونی رابینز، جیم ران و ... هست رو حتما نگاهی بهش داشته باشید. بعد از خوندن تنها دوستان عزیز این کتاب بی نظیر رو که الهام بخش آدمهای بسیار بزرگی مثل آنتونی رابینز، جیم ران و ... هست رو حتما نگاهی بهش داشته باشید. بعد از خوندن تنها یک صفحه متوجه عمق و زیبایی مطالبش می شید. This wonderful book is one the most exquisite, delicate, books I've ever read. Statements being uttered in the book carry a heavy deal of wisdom while gently they touch your soul. Here are some of them:
-The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state. -Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are. -Not what he wished and prays for does a man get, but what he justly earns. His wishes and prayers are only gratified and answered when they harmonize with his thoughts and actions. -A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape hist circumstances. -When a man makes his thoughts pure, he no longer desires impure food. -Clean thoughts make clean habits. -The so-called saint who does not wash his body is not a saint. -Until thought is linked with purpose there is no intelligent accomplishment. -One man is an oppressor because many are slaves, let us despise the slaves... -You will become as small as your controlling desire, as great as your dominant aspiration....more
Lots of wisdom and thought provoking ideas with practical applications in different domains of life from personal affairs, family, social interactionsLots of wisdom and thought provoking ideas with practical applications in different domains of life from personal affairs, family, social interactions to leadership.
This book is definitely ranks among top 5 self-improvement books. ...more
This book provides you time-proven strategies to increase your productivity and effectiveness. The compound effect refers to little small but lasting This book provides you time-proven strategies to increase your productivity and effectiveness. The compound effect refers to little small but lasting productive changes that yield enormous results in the long run.
It makes a perfect combination if read after the One Thing book written by Gary Keller.
I acquired a couple of techniques from the book the profoundly affected my productivity. In addition, in final chapters, it gives a perfect mindset which strengthens the compound effect of your deeds by n-fold.
I highly recommend this book to those productivity and success seeking ones. ...more
Flow is the state in which you are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the concentration is so intense that there is no atteFlow is the state in which you are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the concentration is so intense that there is no attention left to think about anything else, or to worry about any problem.
I consider myself an obsessive maniac when it comes to productivity. On the pursuit of ways and tools to optimize it, I stumbled on this marvelous book , and autotelic personality.
This concept of flow, or to put it more precisely, this framework, ended up being something far more than just a productivity tool. It bestowed me with a framework for both a productive and happy life. A framework that if you tap into, robs you of all the anxiety and boredom and fills the void with pleasure, joy, and growth.
When it comes to flow, the ultimate goal is to cultivate a personality which makes you capable of entering the flow whenever you desire. Such a person is called autotelic.
Autotelic people can enjoy situations that ordinary persons would find unbearable.
Autotelic people can manage to be happy even if lost in a desolate island or confined to a prison cell. They transform their agonizing conditions into a manageable and even pleasurable struggle and unlike other people, they do not succumb to the ordeals.
An autotelic person can turn a boring party into a vibrant one, a plateaued sex-life into a passionate one, a dull career into an engaging one, and a dreadful situation into a tranquil one.
Broadly speaking, as an autotelic person, you can invoke the flow as an antidote to any circumstances that might be plagued by boredom or anxiety.
To cultivate an autotelic personality, you have to first, know what flow is, and what are the comprising elements.
What is Flow? Flow is the state in which you are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the concentration is so intense that there is no attention left to think about anything else, or to worry about any problem.
While you’re in the flow, self-consciousness disappears and you lose the sense of time, you are unaware of any stress or anxiety, and the experience itself fills you with delight.
In addition, flow-activities are intrinsically rewarding, the more you practice them, the more you seek to replicate similar experiences.
Flow, a productive antidote to anxiety and boredom I have experienced all sorts of uncomfortable emotions for a prolonged duration of time, and anxiety has been the most torturous one.
There can be many reasons behind anxiety. But, all those reasons share the same root; that is, the human’s ability to think about the future. This projection into the future, psychologists suggest, makes the mind chaotic. To alleviate anxiety, then, is to establishing order in consciousness.
The Elements of Flow An activity has to have three elements to provide a room for the flow. These elements are:
1. A Vivid Goal or Challenge � If you want to enter the flow through an activity, it has to have a specific and vivid goal. If you are trying to play the Piano, you know that the goal is to master a specific note. Or when you are practicing shooting, you know the ultimate success is to hit the bulls� eye. But having just a goal doesn’t guarantee you to reach the flow which takes us to the second element.
2. Feedback and Measuring � For the goal you chose, you have to specify a way to measure your progress towards that goal. Having this feedback is essential to create the flow. In the case of shooting, gaining feedback is as simple as looking at the score panel. In the case of playing the Piano, you are constantly noticing how close you are getting to figuring out the note.
3. Matching the Challenge with Skills� If the challenge of reaching the goal you have chosen is far beyond your current skills, it will cause you anxiety. For instance, if as an amateur, you choose to play a complex Piano note, instead of entering the flow, you will be repelled by anxiety and frustration. If, on the other hand, the challenge of achieving the goal is far below your skills, it will cause you boredom. As a way of illustration, if you choose to play football with kids, the lack of challenge would soon drift you into boredom.
“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times� The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.�
**spoiler alert** This book beautifully illustrates how a revolution degrades and gradually takes space from its primary goals till none of them are l**spoiler alert** This book beautifully illustrates how a revolution degrades and gradually takes space from its primary goals till none of them are left as they once were by symbolizing a group of animals as characters of a society. I literally enjoyed it....more
A book of wisdom, a compilation of tactics, hordes of to-avoid mistakes, rich set of brilliant tested ideas for thriving.
Although many of the rules mA book of wisdom, a compilation of tactics, hordes of to-avoid mistakes, rich set of brilliant tested ideas for thriving.
Although many of the rules might seem devilish, they'd better be considered as lessons to be aware of in perilous social life.
This book is unspeakably well written. Everyone can definitely benefit having it read for its lessons are ones that have been tested and utilized throughout the history by bold figures.
I really enjoyed this book and learned an intense amount of knowledge. ...more
For practical insights refer to: Have ever noticed those geeks, geniuses, and world-class achievers while thinking to For practical insights refer to: Have ever noticed those geeks, geniuses, and world-class achievers while thinking to yourself, gosh, if only I had such talents, or if only I had such high IQ? Disappointing, I know, I have been there. Perhaps, such way of thinking and having such beliefs about IQ and talent is the biggest hurdle in the way of great success and achievement.
Thinking that we are born with a pre-determined IQ and talent, is called fixed-mindset according to Carol Dweck, a professor at Stanford University. The bad news is that people with fixed-mindset live a mediocre life and barely achieve anything extraordinary. The good news, however, is that you can readily change your fixed-mindset and adopt a growth-mindset which is the default mode thinking of world-class achievers.
In this book review, I will provide a summary of the key points in the book “Mindset: The psychology of success�. In addition, I will provide you with practical insights on how you can apply the concepts in the book and alter this self-limiting belief. So, let’s learn how to think like pros.
The two mindsets and how they determine your future Dweck, as a young researcher, has always been obsessed with understanding how people cope with failure. So, at schools, she brings children into a room and gives them a series of puzzles to solve. Puzzles start from fairly easy and continue to get harder and harder. As the students grunt, perspire and toil, she watches their strategies. This is where she gets shocked by the two starkly different approaches children adopted when facing difficult challenges.
Confronted with harder puzzles, one ten-year-old pulls up his chair, rubs his hands together, smacks his lips, and cries out, “I love a challenge! Another, seating away on the puzzles, looks up with a pleased expression and says with authority, “You know, I was hoping this would be informative!� As Dweck puts it:
What’s wrong with them? I wondered. I always thought you coped with failure or you didn’t cope with failure. I never thought anyone loved failure. Were these alien children or were they on to something?
These children turned out to be thinking with a growth-mindset. A person with a growth mindset believes that human qualities, such as intellectual skills, can be cultivated through effort. Having this belief, not only they do not get discouraged by failure, they don’t even think they are failing. Rather, they think that they are learning, and consequently, they get smarter!
The superpower of people with growth-mindset is that they have the confidence and courage to start and accomplish anything; and they do accomplish because, in the face of many inevitable failures, they are not discouraged. They do not say to themselves I am a failure, rather, they say I failed. Hence, they persevere, and they will triumph at the task.
People with a fixed-mindset, on the other hand, think that human qualities are carved in stone. You are smart or you are not, and failure means you are not. The sad story for people with fixed-mindset is that the try to avoid failure at all costs, so they can stay (feel) smart. Struggles, mistakes, perseverance are just not part of their philosophy.
Why do people differ The question that arises here, is why some people are endowed with a growth-mindset, while the others are doomed with the fixed-mindset. The answer is in their childhood upbringing and it is really simple.
Imagine you are given a puzzle and you solve it. Now your parent sees your accomplishment. This is where the seeds to glory or mediocrity get implanted. If your parent praised you in the lines of:
Look, what a smart boy/girl � You are so intelligent, excellent �
Sorry to tell, but you are doomed if you have heard similar praises during your childhood. Such complements may come from your parents, teachers, caretakers, the source doesn’t really matter. But wait for a second, aren't such praises suppose to uplift your spirit and raise your confidence?
Well, let's see what happens behind the curtain (in your subconscious mind) when you are complimented on a trait, over which you have not direct control (in this case, IQ and intelligence).
Imagine you have solved a puzzle and received a juicy complement hinting on you high IQ or intelligence. Now, you are given a harder puzzle, you strive to solve it, but, you notice it is taking much more time. This is where the self-limiting seeds start to grow. In your subconscious you will start a self-dialog along these lines: hmm, wasn’t I a smart boy/girl, why am I not able to solve this puzzle then??? Hmm, maybe this is just how smart I am. My intelligence is limited to those tasks only � From then on, you will be very conservative of the activities you will get yourself into for the sake of preserving your self-esteem. Too bad! Don’t freak out though if you are in this category, I will share with you how you can easily change this self-limiting mindset as we proceed.
Now, let’s see how children are endowed with the growth mindset.
Imagine, again, the very same scenario, you solve a problem and now it is time for some praises � Your parent, instructor, while marveling at your accomplishments, says:
Hmm, good job, this might have been an easy puzzle, let’s do something more challenging� or Hmm, good job, you seem to have worked so hard, let’s move on to a harder puzzle.
Take note that in the second scenario, there is no emphasis on an innate trait, rather, the praise is on something which is you have control over, that is, your efforts and how hard you work.
Now let’s examine your self-dialog as you face the new harder challenge. When you try to solve the puzzle and it takes time more than the usual, if you could play your subconscious mind’s voice a little louder, you would hear:
Hmm, I have not yet solved it, I have not tried enough, I must work harder on it, it is exciting. You see the difference?
How do I know if I have fixed-mindset or growth-mindset The cornerstone of change is to first acknowledge that a shortcoming exist. So, to uncover if you have the fixed or growth-mindset, read the sentences below:
Our intelligence is something very basic about you that you can’t change very much. You can learn new things, but you can’t really change how intelligent you are. No matter how much intelligence you have, you can always change it quite a bit. You can always substantially change how intelligent you are. If you agree more with the sentences 1, and 2, you are mostly behaving and operating with a fixed-mindset, and if you identify yourself with sentences 3, and 4, you operating with a growth-mindset.
When asked people, ranging from children to young adults: When Do You Feel Smart: When you are flawless or when you are learning? Here are how differently people with a fixed-mindset replied:
It’s when I don’t make any mistakes. When I finish something fast and it’s perfect. When Something is easy for me but other people can’t do it.
And this is how people with growth-mindset replied:
When it’s really hard, and I try really hard, and I can do something I couldn’t do before. When I work on something for a long time and I start to figure it out. See the difference? Which set of answers resonates most with you? There was a saying in 1960 which read: “Becoming is better than being�. The fixed-mindset robs people from the luxury of becoming. They have to already be.
Mindset in relationships Mindsets manifest themselves in every domain, whether you are a leader, teacher, parent, or a husband/wife. I chose relationship since I guess there are lots of myths around this topic (we all once craved to find our one true soulmate I guess), and also you must beware that even people with growth-mindset, might approach a domain like relationships with fixed-mindset.
People with fixed-mindset think that if their relationship is the right one, and if they are compatible with one another, well, this means most things will fall into its place. In the face of problems, they tremble and threads of doubts and fears start to sneak in.
People with fixed-mindset say if this is the right relationship and if we are compatible, there must be no need for hustle and hard work to get it to work. Remember the delusions sparked by the fixed-mindset? “If you have the ability, then you shouldn’t work hard for it�.
Aaron Beck, noted marriage authority, says that one of the most destructive beliefs for a relationship is “If we need to work at it, there’s something seriously wrong with our relationship.� Says John Gottman, a foremost relationship researcher:
Every marriage demands an effort to keep it on the right track; there is a constant tension . . . between the forces that hold you together and those that can tear you apart.
As with personal achievement, this belief—that success should not need effort—robs people of the very thing they need to make their relationship thrive. It’s probably why so many relationships go stale—because people believe that being in love means never having to do anything taxing.
How do I go from fixed-mindset to growth-mindset In this section, I share with you how you can adopt a growth mindset. Congrats, we have already taken the first step by shedding the light on these two modes of thinking. Regardless of these further steps, the sheer awareness of these two mindsets takes you a long way, but, it may not be enough.
One way which is a profoundly effective way to instill the growth-mindset is studying the lives of great performers, and world-known figures like Michael Jordan, Mozart, Michelangelo, etc. Why, you might ask. The reason is that when you study the lives of such achievers, you will notice a common theme in their life story and that it, “hard work�, and not talent or IQ. While people marveled at the Pietà masterpiece, this is how the wizard, Michelangelo responded:
If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all...
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