ŷ������

When Strength Comes Back Fast �Ĕ�ĊAnd What That Taught Me About Equanimity, Grief, and Healing

A few months ago, I ���dzܱ����’t open a jar of pickles.

Not because I didn’t want to. Not because I wasn’t trying.

Because I ���dzܱ����’t.

After two hand surgeries �Ĕ�Ċright hand in October 2024, left hand in December �Ĕ�Ċmy grip strength was gone. My physical therapist, , pulled out a hand dynamometer (that “squeeze thingy�� that measures grip strength), and the results were humbling:

14 pounds of pressure from my left hand38 from my right

For context, the average for someone my age is around 85 pounds.

That number felt miles away.

But I kept at it �Ĕ�Ċsqueezing putty, doing finger stretches, showing up. Nothing extreme. Just a bit of consistent, daily effort.

A few weeks later, Todd had me test again.

My left hand had jumped to 64 pounds. My right to 74.

I was stunned.

How could that kind of rebound even be possible? I hadn’t been hitting the gym or building new muscle. I hadn’t even been doing that much.

But Todd wasn’t surprised.
He nodded and said, matter-of-factly:

“This isn’t from muscle growth. There hasn’t been enough time for that. ����’s muscle memory. Your nervous system just remembered how to connect again.��

When I heard those words, it landed like lightning.
Because this was exactly what was happening with my equanimity.

Muscle Memory and Mental Health: The Surprising Parallel

I wrote in my newest book, Come As You Are: Five Years Later, that my equanimity muscle had atrophied.

Not “might have.��

Had.

After more than two decades of dedicated vipassanā practice �Ĕ�ĊI’ve been sitting since 1996 �Ĕ�ĊI’d come to rely on equanimity like oxygen. It grounded me through the shock and heartbreak of Brian’s death in 2019. It was the inner strength I leaned on when everything else collapsed.

But in the years that followed, I drifted from the cushion. My practice faded. Life moved forward.

And when I fell in love again �Ĕ�Ċsomething beautiful, unexpected, and deeply real �Ĕ�ĊI was blindsided. Falling in love again four years after losing the love of my life unleashed what therapists often call anticipatory grief �Ĕ�Ċbut this wasn’t hypothetical or imagined. It was grief grounded in reality. I knew what loss felt like. I’d lived it.

The fear of losing again struck with a ferocity I didn’t expect.

And I found myself caught off guard.

And my equanimity was nowhere to be found.

Vipassanā, Grief, and the Speed of Spiritual Reconnection

Eventually, I returned to the mat. Not with the same rigorous consistency I had five years ago �Ĕ�Ċif I’m honest, I’m not practicing daily.

And yet�� the results stunned me.

My equanimity came back fast.

I ���dzܱ����’t believe how little I had practiced and how much calm, balance, and perspective came rushing back in return.

It was as if the mental pathways �Ĕ�Ċforged over years of discipline and silence and sitting �Ĕ�Ċhad never fully disappeared. They were just waiting for me to tap them again.

Todd’s comment about muscle memory echoed in my mind:

“The strength was there. The connection just needed to come back online.��

Physical Recovery and Emotional Healing: An Unexpected Bridge

This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed striking parallels between my physical recovery and emotional well-being.

In Come As You Are: Three Years Later, I wrote about the disconnect between how people respond to visible injuries versus invisible grief.

“Over the last two years, I’ve had both knees replaced. People ask about my knees all the time. They acknowledge the limitation and move on.

But when it came to my grief �Ĕ�Ċwhen people did ask �Ĕ�Ċit wasn’t acknowledgment. It was advice. Platitudes. A deluge of discomfort dressed up as support.

And now?

No one asks anymore.

Not about the grief. Just the knees.��

What I didn’t realize when I wrote that passage was just how deep the metaphor runs.

Because healing �Ĕ�Ċwhether it’s your hands, your knees, or your heart �Ĕ�Ċdoesn’t always mean starting from scratch. It means reconnecting. It means trusting that the strength, the memory, the capacity is still there, waiting.

Equanimity After Loss: What I Learned from Falling in Love Again

Rebuilding equanimity after loss �Ĕ�Ċespecially after falling in love again �Ĕ�Ċisn’t just about being calm or composed.

����’s about being willing to stay in contact with everything.

Even the terror.
Even the grief.
Even the tenderness of knowing that what you love can be taken from you �Ĕ�Ċagain.

And still choosing to open.

Still choosing to stay.

And here’s what surprised me most:
The more I sat, the more I remembered what it felt like to let go �Ĕ�Ċnot of love, but of control.

Equanimity isn’t apathy. ����’s not detachment.

����’s trust in the unfolding.

����’s the ability to be with what is �Ĕ�Ċwithout needing to flinch, fix, or flee.

The Truth About Healing: You’re Not Starting Over

If you’re reading this and you’re in the thick of grief �Ĕ�Ċor just trying to find your footing again after a setback �Ĕ�ĊI want to offer you this:

You’re probably not starting over.
You’re reconnecting.
And your nervous system remembers.
Your heart remembers.
Your practice remembers.

You just have to begin again.

Even gently.

Even imperfectly.

The signal is still there. It just needs time �Ĕ�Ċand space �Ĕ�Ċto come back online.

Want to Go Deeper? Read the Books That Brought Me Back

If any of this resonates, you might find comfort, insight, and even a little companionship in the Come As You Are������������:

Come As You Are: Meditation & Grief
My raw, unfiltered experience of grief in the early days after Brian’s death, grounded in vipassanā, ānāpāna, and mettā-bhāvanā. Come As You Are: Three Years Later
Reflections on what changed (and what didn’t), how grief echoes through time, and the aching difference between how people support physical healing vs. emotional pain. Come As You Are: Five Years Later
A deeper exploration of falling in love again, the terror of anticipatory grief, and how I relearned equanimity �Ĕ�Ċnot as a theory, but as a lived, trembling return.

These books weren’t written to teach from the mountaintop. They were written from the floor.

And if you’re somewhere on the floor right now �Ĕ�Ċmaybe reaching for your own version of that pickle jar �Ĕ�ĊI hope you’ll find something in them that reminds you:

You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
You’re just reconnecting.

[image error]

Grief Doesn’t End �Ĕ�ĊAnd That’s Not a Problem

Why I wrote , and why I keep writing about  .

The road to grief and love never ends (photo by G. Scott Graham)

A few weeks ago, I was a guest on a podcast. I shared some very personal, sometimes messy details about my life �Ĕ�Ċmy inner world, my struggles, the grief I’ve carried, and what it’s been like to fall in love again after losing my husband.

Afterward, a friend reached out. She told me how much she admired the vulnerability it must have taken to speak so openly. I appreciated it. But I also felt a strange urge to push back.

Because what I said on that podcast, and what I’ve written in my newest book, , doesn’t feel like bravery to me.

It feels like honesty.

Yes, this book is raw. I talk about grief. About dating again. About falling in love �Ĕ�Ċand how terrifying that was. I talk about the fear of losing again. I talk about feeling broken, and finding new kinds of wholeness that didn’t require me to be “healed.��

It wasn’t easy to write, but it felt important. Not because I think I’m special. Not because I have some grand wisdom the world needs to hear. Quite the opposite, actually.

I wrote it because I think this is normal. This is what it’s like to grieve someone you loved with your whole heart. This is what it’s like to love again when you know what love can cost. This is what it’s like to try �Ĕ�Ċimperfectly �Ĕ�Ċto stay open.

And yes �Ĕ�Ċgrief comes back. Not as a failure, but as part of love’s ongoing echo.

“This is the story of grief returning through love.
����’s about the way joy and grief live side by side �Ĕ�Ċhow they don’t cancel each other out, how they’re part of the same terrain.��
 �Ĕ���Come As You Are: Five Years Later

Our culture often treats grief like a problem to solve. Like something that you’re supposed to get over. Something that has a timeline. Something that is supposed to be medicated. But that is not the truth.

I used to see it that way. Not anymore.

“Falling in love again didn’t erase my grief for Brian.
It just rearranged it.
Integrated it into something bigger, more complex, and more alive.��
 �Ĕ���Come As You Are: Five Years Later

I wrote this book because I want people to know that whatever they’re feeling �Ĕ�Ċthe pain, the longing, the confusion, the joy that catches them off guard �Ĕ�Ċit’s all part of the story. ����’s not evidence that something’s wrong with you. ����’s just the weather. Not the weather forecast.

“Grief didn’t mean I had failed.
It meant I had loved.��
 �Ĕ���Come As You Are: Five Years Later

I hope you’ll read the book. Not to be entertained. Not to be impressed. I hope you read it because something in you wants to feel less alone.

And if you’re grieving �Ĕ�Ċwhether it’s been five months or five years or five decades �Ĕ�ĊI hope it helps you find a little peace.

Because you’re not broken.
You’re just alive.
And being alive means loving.

And loving means loss.
������������پ�����.

But it’s still worth it.
������������پ�����.

[image error]

Equanimity: Present Moment Echoes and the Art of Desire

Equanimity has always come easier to me when sitting with pain than when sitting with pleasure. Maybe it’s because I lean more toward stoicism �Ĕ�Ċbecause I can grit my teeth and endure rather than surrender. But I don’t think it’s just that. I think I’ve built a genuine ability to be with suffering, to meet it without flinching, to let it move through me without resistance.

I learned this in vipassanā. The adhiṭṭhāna sittings �Ĕ�Ċone-hour sittings, three times a day, starting on Day Four of a Vipassanā course as taught by S.N. Goenka �Ĕ�Ċwhere for that entire hour you don’t move, don’t shift, don’t even open your eyes. Just sit.

The first few minutes are fine. My breath is steady, my posture is strong. Then the aches begin.

A dull, creeping burn in my knees. A slow tightening in my hips. The sharp pull of my lower back screaming for relief. My body whispers at first: ��Shift your weight. Stretch your legs. Just move a little, no one will notice.��

Then it demands:
“You can’t sit here for an hour. You’re ruining your knees. This is insane.��

The minutes crawl by.

Surely, an hour must have passed already. The teacher must have fallen asleep �Ĕ�Ċthat’s the only explanation. There’s no way we’re still in the middle of this sitting. I fight the urge, but eventually, I can’t help myself. I sneak a glance at my watch.

Thirty-five minutes.

I want to laugh. Or scream. This is never going to end.

The pain builds. The frustration builds. Every second stretches longer than it should, time itself taunting me, refusing to move faster.

And then, suddenly �Ĕ�Ċlike a mirage on the horizon �Ĕ�Ċthe familiar sound of the last five minutes begins. The soft hum of chanting, the teacher’s voice giving closing instructions.

And just like that, I know I can do this.

Nothing changed �Ĕ�Ċmy legs still ache, my back still throbs �Ĕ�Ċbut my resistance dissolves. The moment I stop fighting, a deep wave of equanimity flows through me, spreading like warmth through my veins. The pain is still there, but I no longer need it to go away.

And this is the lesson I carry with me: everything passes. Pain, longing, discomfort �Ĕ�Ċthey all rise and fall. ����’s the resistance that makes the pain unbearable.

So you sit and strive to be equanimous through it all. Embracing the truth of our existence.

I learned this is what it means to be fully alive.

Loss and Grief

The skill of equanimity, forged during those adhiṭṭhāna sittings, has carried me through much suffering, especially grief �Ĕ�Ċthe loss of my sister, my brother, my mother, my father, my husband. Each loss, a lesson in sitting with suffering instead of resisting it.

Because of vipassanā, I am not afraid to meet death head-on.

Too many people treat death like an inconvenience, something to be outsourced �Ĕ�Ċjust like they do with aging parents, just like they do with their own children. They send kids to boarding school. They put parents in nursing homes. They turn away from life’s hard truths because they lack the strength to face them.

I refuse to be that kind of person.

My Mother’s Death

My mother lived with me until the day she died. She was on hospice, but she was home. And Brian �Ĕ�Ċmy husband �Ĕ�Ċwas steadfast: We are not putting your mom in a home. There was no debate, no hesitation. He believed, as I did, that she deserved to be with family, to be cared for with dignity �Ĕ�Ċnot discarded like an old piece of furniture.

As her death neared, I built her casket in the garage. Measuring the wood, sawing, sanding, fitting the pieces together. It felt surreal �Ĕ�Ċconstructing the box that would hold my own mother. But it also felt right. This is what we do. We don’t turn away. We take care of our own.

She died in the room I now sleep in.

I remember lifting the casket, feeling the weight of her one last time as we carried her to my pickup truck. I remember gripping the wheel, knowing what was coming next. Watching as the box I built to hold her �Ĕ�Ċto hold the woman who raised me �Ĕ�Ċwas taken from me and into the crematory.

There was no running from it.

I met it fully, without turning away.

Brian’s Death

When Brian died, I faced death the same way.

I will never forget the moment I was allowed onto the scene of the accident �Ĕ�Ċthe automobile fire that took his life.

His body was burned beyond recognition. The kind of sight that sears itself into your mind forever, leaving scars even deeper than the loss itself.

The tears came in a rush, but I didn’t pull away.

I walked forward, knelt down, and placed my hands on what remained of his shoulder.

I told him I loved him.

One last time, in his presence.

Even now, I still have nightmares from that moment. But if given the choice, I would do it all over again.

Too many people turn into cowards when life hands them something raw and real. They hide from it. They choose ignorance over courage.

I refuse to.

I will meet life fully, even when it rips me apart.

I know this is what it means to be fully alive.

The Challenge of Equanimity in Love

Today, I face a different challenge: desire.

Peter, my boyfriend, and I have had the most breathtaking, blissful, almost cinematic moments together since meeting some 6 months or so ago. Every second imprinted on my skin, my cells, my memory. I hear a song from a concert we went to, and I’m there.

It was The Disco Biscuits at Infinity Music Hall in Hartford, CT.

I can still feel it �Ĕ�Ċthe sensual charge in the air, thick, electric, alive. The music wasn’t just sound; it was something deeper, something that coursed through us like a pulse, a force we surrendered to. The band played without pause, an unbroken stream of rhythm and melody, pulling us under, wrapping us in its grip.

Peter stood in front of me, his back to my chest, our bodies moving together, perfectly in sync. My arms held him close, locking us into the moment, his breath rising and falling against me, his heartbeat drumming in time with mine. The rhythmic beat pulsed through the space, through his body, into mine, binding us in something wordless and undeniable.

We danced like this, pressed so close it was impossible to tell where I ended and he began. Every movement was instinctual, primal, like answering a call buried deep in our bones. The whole room moved as one, caught in the same fevered rhythm. It blurred the line between dance and something more, something deeper �Ĕ�Ċpassion, connection, surrender.

Lasers sliced through the darkness, illuminating faces lost in the same bliss, the same ecstasy of motion. Nothing existed beyond this �Ĕ�Ċno past, no future, only the raw, organic energy of human existence �Ĕ�Ċpassion, connection, and life itself. We were consumed by it, by each other. It was better than any concert I had ever been to in my entire life, and it wasn’t about the music, the performance, or the energy of the crowd. It was because I was with Peter, completely in sync, lost in the rhythm, caught in something so intense it felt like reaching the edge of a moment that never had to end.

And I’m not just remembering it �Ĕ�ĊI’m experiencing it again.

When I hear that song and I am there am I living in the past or living in the present?

Or maybe, this is what it means to be fully alive.

The Love Letter: Desire as a Present-Moment Experience

It had been nearly a month since Peter and I had any contact. We have taken time so he could work on his personal development. A month of space, of quiet, of letting him work through his own storms without me as a distraction or failsafe.

During our time apart I have started writing him. Handwritten letters.

Last Thursday, like every Thursday, I sat down to write him such a letter.

Only this time, I let every ounce of longing, every flicker of memory, every pulse of desire spill onto the page.

This wasn’t just any letter. This was a letter to mark our month apart. A love letter, a hungry letter, a letter dripping with the heat of passionate moments we had shared.

I wrote about how my body remembers him.

How my fingertips remember tracing the shape of him.
How my lips remember the way he tastes.
How my skin, even now, carries the ghost of his touch.

I wrote about the specific ways I miss him �Ĕ�Ċnot just I miss you in some generic, sentimental way, but I miss you here. I miss you like this. I miss the weight of you against me, the way your breath felt against my neck, the way our bodies moved together like we were built to fit.

I poured everything into that letter.

And then, I sealed it and sent it into the world.

Not knowing if he would ever read it.
Not knowing when or if I’d ever hear back.
Not expecting a response.

But I do imagine him reading it.

I imagine his eyes widening as he takes in my words.
I imagine him feeling it �Ĕ�Ċthe depth, the fire, the rawness of it all.
I imagine the letter reaching into him, shaking him, blowing him away.

I don’t need a reply to know that it lands.

The Echo of Desire

I wake up in the middle of the next night.

Heart pounding.
Body aching.
My mind filled with images of Peter, of us, of every moment we had shared.

The letter had done something to me. Writing it was a present-moment act, but it left a ripple, an aftershock, an echo that continued to �Ĕ�Ċno, continues to �Ĕ�Ċmove through me long after the ink has dried.

Desire. Most people see desire as a source of suffering �Ĕ�Ċsomething to resist, suppress, or extinguish. And I understand why. When we lose what we crave, when something we long for inevitably slips away, it hurts. The logic seems simple: the stronger the attachment, the deeper the desire, the sharper the pain when it’s gone.

Desire, when clung to, can be suffering �Ĕ�Ċyes. But desire, when met with equanimity, when embraced as a real, living, breathing moment �Ĕ�Ċis that planting seeds for suffering?

I don’t think so.

This is what it means to be fully alive.

Embracing Desire

Warm water runs over my hands, soap bubbles clinging to my fingers as I scrub a plate. I watch the suds swirl and slip away down the drain. The scent of lavender dish soap lingers in the air. The rhythmic clatter of dishes fills the quiet kitchen.

I am here.

And yet, I am with him.

Thoughts of Peter move through me like an undertow, subtle yet undeniable.

One moment, I’m at the sink. The next, I’m back at the concert �Ĕ�Ċhis frame pressed against mine, the music through him to my body. I can feel my lips on the back of his neck, the way we moved as one.

He’s not here. There’s no music. And yet, I feel it.

Some might say I’m lost in the past. That I’m not present.

But they’d be wrong.

Because this moment includes the echo.

Desire Without Suffering

I’ve been taught that suffering comes from clinging, from chasing, from resisting impermanence. But does desire itself lead to suffering?

I don’t think so.

Desire is not the enemy. Clinging is.

So when I wake in the night, body thrumming, mind spinning with thoughts of him, I won’t fight it. I won’t scold myself for feeling it.

I will let it move through me.

This is what it means to be fully alive.

Letting Go Without Resistance

I will allow the ache of longing to sit in my chest, let the warmth of Peter drift through me �Ĕ�Ċwithout reaching, without trying to keep it.

I will feel it fully, and then, like soap bubbles disappearing down the drain, I will let it pass.

This is equanimity.

Not denial. Not numbness. Just observing. And feeling.

Feeling everything �Ĕ�Ċcompletely, honestly �Ĕ�Ċwithout getting lost in it.

I can desire without clinging.
I can love without losing myself.
I can revel in it without being consumed by it.

Desire doesn’t have to be a problem.

Desire can just be desire.

Echoes and Being Fully Here

When I wrote Peter that letter �Ĕ�Ċa love letter so raw I could feel the words in my bones �Ĕ�ĊI poured myself into it.

And now, nights later, I still wake up from dreams of him, aching, skin humming.

But is that suffering?

No. That’s just an echo.

We understand this with the body: after a long hike, muscles burn the next day. That’s not reliving the hike �Ĕ�Ċit’s the body processing what it’s been through.

Why should it be any different for the heart?

After a concert, music lingers in your nerves.
After deep laughter, joy reverberates.

These are echoes of experience, still alive in the present.

If I resist them, I create suffering.
If I allow them, I am simply living them.

This is presence �Ĕ�Ċnot shutting out echoes of past moments, but letting them move through me without becoming them.

What Do You Think?

Can we experience longing and love, fully and intensely, without suffering?

I think we can.

I think we must.

Because isn’t this what it means to be fully alive?

Forge your path with these Buddhist books from G. Scott Graham:[image error]

Success Without Structure: Some of Us Aren’t Built for RoutinesBlowing up your alarm clock is the first step in joining the Routine Resistance!Resist the Routine!

For years, I believed in the power of routine. Not just believed �Ĕ�ĊI worshiped it. I saw routine as the secret weapon of the successful, the master key to unlocking productivity, the one thing separating those who achieve their dreams from those who don’t.

And why wouldn’t I?

Everywhere we look, we’re bombarded with stories of high achievers who swear by their morning routines, evening routines, and sacred habits that supposedly make them superhuman.

You know the drill:

Wake up at 4 AM.Meditate for 20 minutes.Journal your deepest thoughts.Write for an hour.Go to the gym.Cold shower.Protein shake.Be an unstoppable, ultra-optimized machine before the rest of the world even rolls out of bed.

We’re told that this is how greatness happens. AND, if you can just stick to the routine, success is inevitable.

And I believed it.

So I tried. Over and over again, I tried.

And I failed.

No matter how many times I started, no matter how badly I wanted to be one of those hyper-disciplined, perfectly structured people�� I could never sustain a routine for long.

And every time I failed, I told myself the same story:

“I’m just not disciplined enough.��
“I don’t want it badly enough.��
“I’m lazy.��
“I’ll never achieve my full potential.��

Sound familiar?

But here’s the truth �Ĕ�Ċthe thing no one tells you when they’re selling you the routine myth:

Some of us aren’t built for routines.

And forcing yourself into one won’t unlock your potential. It’ll just burn you out.

The 21-Day Habit Lie (and the Gurus Who Love It)

Let’s talk about the 21-day habit rule �Ĕ�Ċthat golden number that self-help gurus, internet “coaches,�� and so-called experts repeat like scripture.

I am sure that you have heard it before:

“It takes 21 days to build a habit!��

They say it with such confidence, as if it’s some scientifically proven law of human behavior, rather than just another convenient marketing slogan designed to sell you their next productivity course.

Here’s the real story:

The ��21-day rule�� is most commonly attributed to Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon who popularized the idea in his 1960 book, Psycho-Cybernetics.

Maltz noticed that his patients took around 21 days to psychologically adjust to their new appearance after surgery.

And from that, he casually extrapolated: Well, if it takes 21 days for people to get used to a new nose, then surely that’s how long it takes to form any habit, right?

And just like that �Ĕ�Ċwithout real scientific backing �Ĕ�Ċthe ��21-day habit�� myth was born.

Since then, self-help gurus have clung to it like gospel, repeating it endlessly in books, seminars, and motivational speeches. And when their clients inevitably fail to transform their lives in three weeks?

They don’t blame the faulty advice.

They blame you.

“You’re just not disciplined enough.��
“You don’t want it badly enough.��
“You’re lazy.��
“You’ll never achieve your full potential.��

����’s a convenient way to shift the blame �Ĕ�Ċbecause if the system works and you’re struggling, then clearly you must be the problem.

Well, here’s the real science:

A study published in the  �Ĕ�Ċnot 21. And even that varies widely depending on the person and the habit itself.

So, no, just forcing yourself to do something for three weeks does not magically turn it into a lifelong habit.

If that were true, I would still be:

Running every day (tried it, didn’t last though I did manage to rack up one marathon, twenty-six half marathons and more 5Ks than I can count).Eating vegetarian-only (I did it for 35 years, and stopped).Playing the piano regularly (I was a music major for two years in college and practice was central to my life, now my piano performs as a dust collector).

Clearly, repetition alone doesn’t guarantee lasting change.

And yet, for years, I kept trying to force routines into my life, believing they would magically transform me into the best version of myself.

The INTJ Illusion

For most of my life, people told me I was an INTJ.

And it �������������Բ���.

I am decisive. A shoot first, aim later kind of person. I break things down into logical steps. I seem structured and strategic.

And because of that, I convinced myself I was an INTJ �Ĕ�Ċthe “Mastermind�� type, known for discipline, planning, and long-term goal execution.

And you know what INTJs love? Routines.

So, naturally, I believed that was the key to my success.

If I could just stick to the plan, I’d finally reach my full potential.

But something never felt quite right.

No matter how hard I tried to lock myself into a structured system, I would always drift. I’d get bored. I’d lose interest.

And every time that happened, I felt like I was failing at being the person I was supposed to be.

Until one day, I stumbled upon an old MBTI assessment I had taken in college. And guess what?

I wasn’t an INTJ.

I was an INTP.

And suddenly, everything �������������Բ���.

INTJ vs. INTP: Why Routine Never Worked for Me

INTJs thrive on structure, planning, and efficiency. They love setting up systems, executing them flawlessly, and refining them over time.

INTPs? Not so much.

Here’s how we differ:

INTJs work methodically every day toward their goals.INTPs work in bursts of obsessive energy, then move on to the next fascinating thing.INTJs create detailed plans and follow them to the letter.INTPs rebel against rigid plans and prefer flexibility.INTJs find security in daily habits.INTPs feel trapped �������ٳ��.

I had been forcing myself into the wrong box for years.

����’s not that I lacked discipline. ����’s not that I was lazy.

����’s that I was never meant to live my life by a rigid routine.

The Stephen King Myth

I think of myself as a writer. I wrote this.

Wannabe authors and self-proclaimed life coaches love to repeat the so-called Stephen King rule: “Write every day, even when you don’t feel like it.�� (I have no idea if he actually said that, but people love to act like it’s gospel and supposedly Stephen King writes for one hour everyday whether he wants to or not and that’s it. That’s how he writes a book.)

For years, I thought I berated myself because I ���dzܱ����’t do that.

You see, I believed it.

So I tried. Over and over again, I tried.

And I failed.

No matter how many times I started, no matter how badly I wanted to be “a real writer like Stephen King���� I could never sustain that routine for long. And when I did, the writing that I produced was pathetic. Pathetic.

Here’s the truth: I don’t write every day. Some days, the words don’t come, and I let them be. Here’s the truth: sometimes, weeks pass, and I don’t write at all �Ĕ�Ċno guilt, no shame, just space. And here’s the truth: when the fire finally sparks, I write for ten hours straight, consumed, obsessed, chasing the story until there’s nothing left of me but the words on the page.

And the most profound truth�� despite not following the so-called “golden rule�� of writing �Ĕ�ĊI’ve published 26 books (so far).

Clearly, I’m doing something right.

Join the Routine Resistance

Let me say it loud and clear:

Routine doesn’t work for everyone.

If you’re constantly struggling to stick to a routine �Ĕ�Ċif you feel more focused on maintaining the habit than actually doing the thing �Ĕ�Ċmaybe you’re not meant for routines.

Maybe you’re like me.

Maybe you thrive in bursts of passion and intensity rather than in slow, steady drips.

And if that’s the case, it’s time to stop trying to force yourself into someone else’s mold.

Resist the routine.

Join the Routine Resistance.

Because life doesn’t magically open up when you follow some perfect, external system.

It opens up when you follow the way you’re naturally built to work.

What do you think? Are you part of the resistance?

[image error]

Success Without Structure: Some of Us Aren’t Built for RoutinesBlowing up your alarm clock is the first step in joining the Routine Resistance!Resist the Routine!

For years, I believed in the power of routine. Not just believed �Ĕ�ĊI worshiped it. I saw routine as the secret weapon of the successful, the master key to unlocking productivity, the one thing separating those who achieve their dreams from those who don’t.

And why wouldn’t I?

Everywhere we look, we’re bombarded with stories of high achievers who swear by their morning routines, evening routines, and sacred habits that supposedly make them superhuman.

You know the drill:

Wake up at 4 AM.Meditate for 20 minutes.Journal your deepest thoughts.Write for an hour.Go to the gym.Cold shower.Protein shake.Be an unstoppable, ultra-optimized machine before the rest of the world even rolls out of bed.

We’re told that this is how greatness happens. AND, if you can just stick to the routine, success is inevitable.

And I believed it.

So I tried. Over and over again, I tried.

And I failed.

No matter how many times I started, no matter how badly I wanted to be one of those hyper-disciplined, perfectly structured people�� I could never sustain a routine for long.

And every time I failed, I told myself the same story:

“I’m just not disciplined enough.��
“I don’t want it badly enough.��
“I’m lazy.��
“I’ll never achieve my full potential.��

Sound familiar?

But here’s the truth �Ĕ�Ċthe thing no one tells you when they’re selling you the routine myth:

Some of us aren’t built for routines.

And forcing yourself into one won’t unlock your potential. It’ll just burn you out.

The 21-Day Habit Lie (and the Gurus Who Love It)

Let’s talk about the 21-day habit rule �Ĕ�Ċthat golden number that self-help gurus, internet “coaches,�� and so-called experts repeat like scripture.

I am sure that you have heard it before:

“It takes 21 days to build a habit!��

They say it with such confidence, as if it’s some scientifically proven law of human behavior, rather than just another convenient marketing slogan designed to sell you their next productivity course.

Here’s the real story:

The ��21-day rule�� is most commonly attributed to Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon who popularized the idea in his 1960 book, Psycho-Cybernetics.

Maltz noticed that his patients took around 21 days to psychologically adjust to their new appearance after surgery.

And from that, he casually extrapolated: Well, if it takes 21 days for people to get used to a new nose, then surely that’s how long it takes to form any habit, right?

And just like that �Ĕ�Ċwithout real scientific backing �Ĕ�Ċthe ��21-day habit�� myth was born.

Since then, self-help gurus have clung to it like gospel, repeating it endlessly in books, seminars, and motivational speeches. And when their clients inevitably fail to transform their lives in three weeks?

They don’t blame the faulty advice.

They blame you.

“You’re just not disciplined enough.��
“You don’t want it badly enough.��
“You’re lazy.��
“You’ll never achieve your full potential.��

����’s a convenient way to shift the blame �Ĕ�Ċbecause if the system works and you’re struggling, then clearly you must be the problem.

Well, here’s the real science:

A study published in the  �Ĕ�Ċnot 21. And even that varies widely depending on the person and the habit itself.

So, no, just forcing yourself to do something for three weeks does not magically turn it into a lifelong habit.

If that were true, I would still be:

Running every day (tried it, didn’t last though I did manage to rack up one marathon, twenty-six half marathons and more 5Ks than I can count).Eating vegetarian-only (I did it for 35 years, and stopped).Playing the piano regularly (I was a music major for two years in college and practice was central to my life, now my piano performs as a dust collector).

Clearly, repetition alone doesn’t guarantee lasting change.

And yet, for years, I kept trying to force routines into my life, believing they would magically transform me into the best version of myself.

The INTJ Illusion

For most of my life, people told me I was an INTJ.

And it �������������Բ���.

I am decisive. A shoot first, aim later kind of person. I break things down into logical steps. I seem structured and strategic.

And because of that, I convinced myself I was an INTJ �Ĕ�Ċthe “Mastermind�� type, known for discipline, planning, and long-term goal execution.

And you know what INTJs love? Routines.

So, naturally, I believed that was the key to my success.

If I could just stick to the plan, I’d finally reach my full potential.

But something never felt quite right.

No matter how hard I tried to lock myself into a structured system, I would always drift. I’d get bored. I’d lose interest.

And every time that happened, I felt like I was failing at being the person I was supposed to be.

Until one day, I stumbled upon an old MBTI assessment I had taken in college. And guess what?

I wasn’t an INTJ.

I was an INTP.

And suddenly, everything �������������Բ���.

INTJ vs. INTP: Why Routine Never Worked for Me

INTJs thrive on structure, planning, and efficiency. They love setting up systems, executing them flawlessly, and refining them over time.

INTPs? Not so much.

Here’s how we differ:

INTJs work methodically every day toward their goals.INTPs work in bursts of obsessive energy, then move on to the next fascinating thing.INTJs create detailed plans and follow them to the letter.INTPs rebel against rigid plans and prefer flexibility.INTJs find security in daily habits.INTPs feel trapped �������ٳ��.

I had been forcing myself into the wrong box for years.

����’s not that I lacked discipline. ����’s not that I was lazy.

����’s that I was never meant to live my life by a rigid routine.

The Stephen King Myth

I think of myself as a writer. I wrote this.

Wannabe authors and self-proclaimed life coaches love to repeat the so-called Stephen King rule: “Write every day, even when you don’t feel like it.�� (I have no idea if he actually said that, but people love to act like it’s gospel and supposedly Stephen King writes for one hour everyday whether he wants to or not and that’s it. That’s how he writes a book.)

For years, I thought I berated myself because I ���dzܱ����’t do that.

You see, I believed it.

So I tried. Over and over again, I tried.

And I failed.

No matter how many times I started, no matter how badly I wanted to be “a real writer like Stephen King���� I could never sustain that routine for long. And when I did, the writing that I produced was pathetic. Pathetic.

Here’s the truth: I don’t write every day. Some days, the words don’t come, and I let them be. Here’s the truth: sometimes, weeks pass, and I don’t write at all �Ĕ�Ċno guilt, no shame, just space. And here’s the truth: when the fire finally sparks, I write for ten hours straight, consumed, obsessed, chasing the story until there’s nothing left of me but the words on the page.

And the most profound truth�� despite not following the so-called “golden rule�� of writing �Ĕ�ĊI’ve published 26 books (so far).

Clearly, I’m doing something right.

Join the Routine Resistance

Let me say it loud and clear:

Routine doesn’t work for everyone.

If you’re constantly struggling to stick to a routine �Ĕ�Ċif you feel more focused on maintaining the habit than actually doing the thing �Ĕ�Ċmaybe you’re not meant for routines.

Maybe you’re like me.

Maybe you thrive in bursts of passion and intensity rather than in slow, steady drips.

And if that’s the case, it’s time to stop trying to force yourself into someone else’s mold.

Resist the routine.

Join the Routine Resistance.

Because life doesn’t magically open up when you follow some perfect, external system.

It opens up when you follow the way you’re naturally built to work.

What do you think? Are you part of the resistance?

[image error]

Practicing the Eight Precepts: Living with PurposeThe Buddha taught the Eight PreceptsThe Eight Precepts as a Guide to Ethical Living

In a world filled with constant distractions, endless choices, and moral gray areas, finding a framework for ethical living can feel overwhelming. For those who have encountered Vipassana meditation, the Eight Precepts serve as a foundational guide �Ĕ�Ċnot just as rules of restraint but as aspirational principles for living a life of clarity, intention, and kindness.

G. Scott Graham’s challenges the traditional view of these precepts as mere prohibitions. Instead, he presents them as an opportunity to shift from a mindset of limitation to one of aspiration. Rather than seeing them as a restrictive moral code, we can embrace them as a pathway toward cultivating wisdom, peace, and personal growth.

Beyond Restraint: A New Perspective on the Eight Precepts

The Eight Precepts are traditionally framed as prohibitions: refraining from killing, stealing, sexual activity, false speech, intoxicants, eating at improper times, engaging in entertainment, and sleeping in luxurious beds. But what if we flipped the script? Instead of asking, What must I avoid?, we could ask, How can I actively embody kindness, generosity, integrity, and mindfulness in my daily life?

This shift in perspective turns ethical practice into something empowering. It allows us to reframe each precept as an opportunity to cultivate qualities that lead to true happiness:

Compassion over non-harming �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just avoiding harm, how can we actively nurture and protect life?Generosity over non-stealing �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just not taking, how can we freely give and share?Integrity over restraint �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just avoiding misconduct, how can we cultivate relationships built on honesty and respect?Truthfulness over deception �Ĕ�ĊInstead of merely avoiding lies, how can we speak in ways that uplift and heal?Clarity over intoxication �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just abstaining from substances, how can we embrace mindfulness and awareness?Balance over indulgence �Ĕ�ĊInstead of merely limiting food and entertainment, how can we nourish our bodies and minds with intention?Simplicity over excess �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just avoiding luxury, how can we create a life that values meaning over materialism?Practical Integration: Bringing the Eight Precepts into Everyday Life

A key takeaway from is that ethical living isn’t about rigid adherence to rules �Ĕ�Ċit’s about thoughtful, intentional choices. Graham encourages reflection through journal prompts and life design exercises, urging readers to personalize their practice.

For example, instead of simply avoiding false speech, we can take active steps to cultivate truthfulness in our daily conversations. This might mean:

Practicing mindful communication, ensuring our words align with kindness and honesty.Speaking only when necessary, resisting the urge to gossip or engage in harmful chatter.Acknowledging when we don’t have all the answers, rather than misleading others.

Similarly, instead of seeing the precept of avoiding intoxicants as just a rule against alcohol or drugs, we might ask: What influences cloud my mind? This could extend to social media consumption, sensationalized news, or unhealthy habits that dull our awareness.

Designing a Life Aligned with the Eight Precepts

One of the book’s most powerful insights is the idea of life design �Ĕ�Ċthe practice of creating an environment that naturally supports ethical living. Rather than relying on sheer willpower, we can make small, meaningful changes that align our daily habits with our deeper values.

For instance:

Keeping a gratitude journal to cultivate contentment instead of material desire.Surrounding ourselves with people who inspire kindness, integrity, and mindfulness.Structuring our physical space in ways that encourage simplicity and peace.

By making ethical living effortless rather than restrictive, we create a life that naturally supports clarity, peace, and fulfillment.

The Eight Precepts: A Path, Not a Rulebook

The Eight Precepts aren’t about moral perfection �Ĕ�Ċthey’re about continuous growth. Whether you’re a dedicated practitioner or simply seeking a more mindful and ethical way to live, Graham’s approach offers a refreshing perspective. Ethical living isn’t about deprivation �Ĕ�Ċit’s about cultivating a life that is rich in meaning, connection, and joy.

So the question isn’t How can I follow these rules? but How can I use these principles to live my best life?

Are you ready to redefine the Eight Precepts for yourself? Start small. Choose one precept and explore how it might shift your perspective. Write about it. Reflect on it. See where it leads you.

Because ultimately, living ethically isn’t just about avoiding harm �Ĕ�Ċit’s about creating a life of purpose, wisdom, and compassion.

What Are the Eight Precepts?

For those unfamiliar with them, the Eight Precepts are ethical guidelines followed by many Buddhist practitioners, particularly on meditation retreats or special observance days. They are:

Pānātipātā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from killing any living being.Adinnādānā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from taking what is not given.Abrahmacariyā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from all sexual activity.Musāvādā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from false speech.Surāmeraya majjapamādaṭṭhānā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from intoxicating drinks and drugs that lead to heedlessness.Vikāla bhojanā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from eating at improper times (typically after noon).Nacca gīta vādita visukadassanā mālā gandha vilepana dhārana mandana vibhūsanaṭṭhānā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from entertainment, music, dancing, and beautification (such as jewelry and perfumes).Uccāsayana mahāsayana veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from using high or luxurious beds.

These precepts serve as a framework for cultivating mindfulness, ethical conduct, and a deeper connection to a life of purpose and inner peace.

Part of the ������������:

[image error]

Practicing the Eight Precepts: Living with PurposeThe Buddha taught the Eight PreceptsThe Eight Precepts as a Guide to Ethical Living

In a world filled with constant distractions, endless choices, and moral gray areas, finding a framework for ethical living can feel overwhelming. For those who have encountered Vipassana meditation, the Eight Precepts serve as a foundational guide �Ĕ�Ċnot just as rules of restraint but as aspirational principles for living a life of clarity, intention, and kindness.

G. Scott Graham’s challenges the traditional view of these precepts as mere prohibitions. Instead, he presents them as an opportunity to shift from a mindset of limitation to one of aspiration. Rather than seeing them as a restrictive moral code, we can embrace them as a pathway toward cultivating wisdom, peace, and personal growth.

Beyond Restraint: A New Perspective on the Eight Precepts

The Eight Precepts are traditionally framed as prohibitions: refraining from killing, stealing, sexual activity, false speech, intoxicants, eating at improper times, engaging in entertainment, and sleeping in luxurious beds. But what if we flipped the script? Instead of asking, What must I avoid?, we could ask, How can I actively embody kindness, generosity, integrity, and mindfulness in my daily life?

This shift in perspective turns ethical practice into something empowering. It allows us to reframe each precept as an opportunity to cultivate qualities that lead to true happiness:

Compassion over non-harming �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just avoiding harm, how can we actively nurture and protect life?Generosity over non-stealing �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just not taking, how can we freely give and share?Integrity over restraint �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just avoiding misconduct, how can we cultivate relationships built on honesty and respect?Truthfulness over deception �Ĕ�ĊInstead of merely avoiding lies, how can we speak in ways that uplift and heal?Clarity over intoxication �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just abstaining from substances, how can we embrace mindfulness and awareness?Balance over indulgence �Ĕ�ĊInstead of merely limiting food and entertainment, how can we nourish our bodies and minds with intention?Simplicity over excess �Ĕ�ĊInstead of just avoiding luxury, how can we create a life that values meaning over materialism?Practical Integration: Bringing the Eight Precepts into Everyday Life

A key takeaway from is that ethical living isn’t about rigid adherence to rules �Ĕ�Ċit’s about thoughtful, intentional choices. Graham encourages reflection through journal prompts and life design exercises, urging readers to personalize their practice.

For example, instead of simply avoiding false speech, we can take active steps to cultivate truthfulness in our daily conversations. This might mean:

Practicing mindful communication, ensuring our words align with kindness and honesty.Speaking only when necessary, resisting the urge to gossip or engage in harmful chatter.Acknowledging when we don’t have all the answers, rather than misleading others.

Similarly, instead of seeing the precept of avoiding intoxicants as just a rule against alcohol or drugs, we might ask: What influences cloud my mind? This could extend to social media consumption, sensationalized news, or unhealthy habits that dull our awareness.

Designing a Life Aligned with the Eight Precepts

One of the book’s most powerful insights is the idea of life design �Ĕ�Ċthe practice of creating an environment that naturally supports ethical living. Rather than relying on sheer willpower, we can make small, meaningful changes that align our daily habits with our deeper values.

For instance:

Keeping a gratitude journal to cultivate contentment instead of material desire.Surrounding ourselves with people who inspire kindness, integrity, and mindfulness.Structuring our physical space in ways that encourage simplicity and peace.

By making ethical living effortless rather than restrictive, we create a life that naturally supports clarity, peace, and fulfillment.

The Eight Precepts: A Path, Not a Rulebook

The Eight Precepts aren’t about moral perfection �Ĕ�Ċthey’re about continuous growth. Whether you’re a dedicated practitioner or simply seeking a more mindful and ethical way to live, Graham’s approach offers a refreshing perspective. Ethical living isn’t about deprivation �Ĕ�Ċit’s about cultivating a life that is rich in meaning, connection, and joy.

So the question isn’t How can I follow these rules? but How can I use these principles to live my best life?

Are you ready to redefine the Eight Precepts for yourself? Start small. Choose one precept and explore how it might shift your perspective. Write about it. Reflect on it. See where it leads you.

Because ultimately, living ethically isn’t just about avoiding harm �Ĕ�Ċit’s about creating a life of purpose, wisdom, and compassion.

What Are the Eight Precepts?

For those unfamiliar with them, the Eight Precepts are ethical guidelines followed by many Buddhist practitioners, particularly on meditation retreats or special observance days. They are:

Pānātipātā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from killing any living being.Adinnādānā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from taking what is not given.Abrahmacariyā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from all sexual activity.Musāvādā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from false speech.Surāmeraya majjapamādaṭṭhānā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from intoxicating drinks and drugs that lead to heedlessness.Vikāla bhojanā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from eating at improper times (typically after noon).Nacca gīta vādita visukadassanā mālā gandha vilepana dhārana mandana vibhūsanaṭṭhānā veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from entertainment, music, dancing, and beautification (such as jewelry and perfumes).Uccāsayana mahāsayana veramaṇi sikkhāpada�� samādiyāmi �Ĕ�ĊI undertake the precept to abstain from using high or luxurious beds.

These precepts serve as a framework for cultivating mindfulness, ethical conduct, and a deeper connection to a life of purpose and inner peace.

Part of the ������������:

[image error]

Mangala Sutta: Blueprint for Modern Happiness

Imagine waking each morning feeling genuinely fulfilled, your mind clear and your heart deeply at peace. Now, ask yourself honestly: Does this describe your typical day?

If not, you’re certainly not alone. Most of us spend our days chasing happiness, rarely pausing to consider what truly cultivates lasting joy.

This is precisely why the Mangala Sutta, the “Discourse on Blessings,�� holds profound relevance today. This ancient Buddhist teaching reveals 38 blessings �Ĕ�Ċconditions that lead directly to genuine happiness and well-being. You might ask: how can such ancient wisdom, delivered in a vastly different time, still guide us meaningfully today?

The brilliance of the Mangala Sutta rests in its extraordinary practicality. Rather than abstract philosophy, it offers concrete guidelines for living a deeply fulfilled life. Simple yet transformative advice �Ĕ�Ċsuch as associating with wise companions, respecting elders, and cultivating humility �Ĕ�Ċmelds seamlessly with deeper practices like mindfulness, equanimity, and compassion.

Imagine each morning beginning your day with intentions rooted firmly in these timeless principles. Visualize how your interactions could shift if consistently guided by compassion, respect, and awareness. Consider how embracing gratitude intentionally could enhance your relationships, amplify your productivity, and fortify your emotional resilience.

One of the Mangala Sutta’s remarkable strengths is its universal resonance. Its teachings speak directly to our shared human experience, effortlessly crossing cultural, social, and historical divides. Ethical living and kindness are not merely noble ideals, but everyday actions capable of transforming lives and communities.

Yet deeper still, the Mangala Sutta embodies the profound Buddhist concept of karma, illuminating that our happiness is never mere chance but is consciously shaped through our thoughts, speech, and actions.

Reflect for a moment: Are you purposefully creating conditions for your happiness, or are you simply hoping it will somehow find you?

In our age of endless distractions, anxieties, and uncertainties, the Mangala Sutta provides clarity and serenity. Its timeless wisdom invites us to align our lives intentionally, understanding happiness not as an accident, but as the direct outcome of our mindful choices.

Ask yourself now: What if a proven blueprint for lasting joy and profound peace has always existed? How might your life transform if you truly embraced even a few of these blessings?

For some, the Mangala Sutta is a tradition; for others, it’s an inspiration.

For a select few, it is a living blueprint �Ĕ�Ċactively guiding them toward genuine happiness, deeper purpose, and enduring peace.

Only some will courageously walk this path.

They seek to live the Mangala Sutta.

Will you be among them?

Get the book, :

Mangala Sutta (The Discourse on Blessings)

Thus have I heard.
On one occasion the Blessed One was dwelling at Anathapindika’s monastery in Jeta’s Grove, near Savatthi. Then, in the middle of the night, a radiant deva approached the Blessed One, illuminating the entire grove with his brilliance. He paid homage to the Blessed One and, standing to one side, recited this verse:

“Many gods and humans, desiring well-being,
Have pondered over what truly brings blessings.
Please tell us, O Blessed One,
What is the highest blessing?��

The Blessed One replied:

Not associating with fools, associating with the wise, honoring those worthy of honor �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Residing in a suitable place, having done meritorious deeds in the past, directing oneself rightly �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Vast learning, skillful practice, well-disciplined speech �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Supporting one’s parents, caring for one’s spouse and children, engaging in a peaceful occupation �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Generosity, righteous conduct, helping relatives, and blameless actions �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Abstaining from unwholesome deeds, refraining from intoxicants, diligence in virtue �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Respect, humility, contentment, gratitude, and timely hearing of the Dhamma �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Patience, willingness to accept criticism, meeting monks, timely discussions on the Dhamma �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Austerity, chastity, seeing the Noble Truths, and realizing Nibbāna �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.A mind unshaken by worldly conditions, sorrowless, stainless, and secure �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Those who fulfill these blessings, unvanquished, in all ways move toward happiness �Ĕ�Ċthis is their highest blessing.

Upon hearing these words, the radiant deva rejoiced and, after paying homage to the Blessed One, disappeared.

(Khuddakapatha 5, Sutta Nipata 2.4)

[image error]

Mangala Sutta: Blueprint for Modern Happiness

Imagine waking each morning feeling genuinely fulfilled, your mind clear and your heart deeply at peace. Now, ask yourself honestly: Does this describe your typical day?

If not, you’re certainly not alone. Most of us spend our days chasing happiness, rarely pausing to consider what truly cultivates lasting joy.

This is precisely why the Mangala Sutta, the “Discourse on Blessings,�� holds profound relevance today. This ancient Buddhist teaching reveals 38 blessings �Ĕ�Ċconditions that lead directly to genuine happiness and well-being. You might ask: how can such ancient wisdom, delivered in a vastly different time, still guide us meaningfully today?

The brilliance of the Mangala Sutta rests in its extraordinary practicality. Rather than abstract philosophy, it offers concrete guidelines for living a deeply fulfilled life. Simple yet transformative advice �Ĕ�Ċsuch as associating with wise companions, respecting elders, and cultivating humility �Ĕ�Ċmelds seamlessly with deeper practices like mindfulness, equanimity, and compassion.

Imagine each morning beginning your day with intentions rooted firmly in these timeless principles. Visualize how your interactions could shift if consistently guided by compassion, respect, and awareness. Consider how embracing gratitude intentionally could enhance your relationships, amplify your productivity, and fortify your emotional resilience.

One of the Mangala Sutta’s remarkable strengths is its universal resonance. Its teachings speak directly to our shared human experience, effortlessly crossing cultural, social, and historical divides. Ethical living and kindness are not merely noble ideals, but everyday actions capable of transforming lives and communities.

Yet deeper still, the Mangala Sutta embodies the profound Buddhist concept of karma, illuminating that our happiness is never mere chance but is consciously shaped through our thoughts, speech, and actions.

Reflect for a moment: Are you purposefully creating conditions for your happiness, or are you simply hoping it will somehow find you?

In our age of endless distractions, anxieties, and uncertainties, the Mangala Sutta provides clarity and serenity. Its timeless wisdom invites us to align our lives intentionally, understanding happiness not as an accident, but as the direct outcome of our mindful choices.

Ask yourself now: What if a proven blueprint for lasting joy and profound peace has always existed? How might your life transform if you truly embraced even a few of these blessings?

For some, the Mangala Sutta is a tradition; for others, it’s an inspiration.

For a select few, it is a living blueprint �Ĕ�Ċactively guiding them toward genuine happiness, deeper purpose, and enduring peace.

Only some will courageously walk this path.

They seek to live the Mangala Sutta.

Will you be among them?

Get the book, :

Mangala Sutta (The Discourse on Blessings)

Thus have I heard.
On one occasion the Blessed One was dwelling at Anathapindika’s monastery in Jeta’s Grove, near Savatthi. Then, in the middle of the night, a radiant deva approached the Blessed One, illuminating the entire grove with his brilliance. He paid homage to the Blessed One and, standing to one side, recited this verse:

“Many gods and humans, desiring well-being,
Have pondered over what truly brings blessings.
Please tell us, O Blessed One,
What is the highest blessing?��

The Blessed One replied:

Not associating with fools, associating with the wise, honoring those worthy of honor �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Residing in a suitable place, having done meritorious deeds in the past, directing oneself rightly �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Vast learning, skillful practice, well-disciplined speech �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Supporting one’s parents, caring for one’s spouse and children, engaging in a peaceful occupation �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Generosity, righteous conduct, helping relatives, and blameless actions �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Abstaining from unwholesome deeds, refraining from intoxicants, diligence in virtue �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Respect, humility, contentment, gratitude, and timely hearing of the Dhamma �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Patience, willingness to accept criticism, meeting monks, timely discussions on the Dhamma �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Austerity, chastity, seeing the Noble Truths, and realizing Nibbāna �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.A mind unshaken by worldly conditions, sorrowless, stainless, and secure �Ĕ�Ċthis is the highest blessing.Those who fulfill these blessings, unvanquished, in all ways move toward happiness �Ĕ�Ċthis is their highest blessing.

Upon hearing these words, the radiant deva rejoiced and, after paying homage to the Blessed One, disappeared.

(Khuddakapatha 5, Sutta Nipata 2.4)

[image error]

A Commitment that Requires a Guarantee is not a CommitmentThe road ahead has no guarantees

����’s February 15, 4 o’clock in the morning. The world outside is dark and cold here in Vermont, and I am awake, thinking about commitment.

Fitting, I suppose, that these thoughts come the day after Valentine’s Day �Ĕ�Ċa day draped in hearts. Hearts on cards, hearts in windows, hearts wrapped in ribbons and chocolate boxes. But if love had a truer emblem, it wouldn’t be a heart. It would be a knot.

A knot, when tied with care, is strong, enduring, unbreakable. And commitment �Ĕ�Ċtrue commitment between two people �Ĕ�Ċis exactly that. It is not a fleeting emotion or a momentary passion. It is the invisible thread that binds two souls, two promises, two lives into something that holds fast.

Yesterday, I found myself making a declaration to the man I love: a commitment that requires a guarantee is not a commitment at all.

Think about it.
If we only take a class when we’re certain we’ll pass, that’s not commitment.
If we only train when we’re sure we’ll win the race, that’s not commitment.
If we only start a business when success is guaranteed, that’s not commitment.

Those are transactions �Ĕ�Ċarrangements made with safety nets and escape clauses.

But real commitment exists for its own sake. It stands independent of rewards, of certainties, of comfortable assurances. The people we admire most �Ĕ�Ċthe ones who inspire us �Ĕ�Ċcommit without conditions. They don’t wait to see if success is guaranteed. They don’t hedge their bets. They simply say, I am all in.

For 31 years, I was in a relationship that embodied this truth. My late husband, Brian Stephens, and I lived by those words: I am all in.

Not “I am all in as long as it’s easy.��
Not “I am all in unless something better comes along.��
Not “I am all in, but only if I get exactly what I expect.��

Just �Ĕ���I am all in.

Because that’s what true commitment is. It takes vulnerability to make such a promise. It takes courage to live without guarantees. It requires trust �Ĕ�Ċnot in certainty, but in the strength of the commitment itself.

Because, in the end, commitment isn’t about what it gets us. ����’s about who we become because of it.

Jim Rohn once said:
“The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get.��

Commitment transforms us. It shapes our character, our resilience, our depth.

So �Ĕ�Ċwho do we become when we fully commit?

A person of integrity, whose word is a bond, unshaken by circumstance.
A person of action, who doesn’t just dream but builds, creates, and follows through.
A person who persists, not because success is guaranteed, but because giving up is not an option.
A person who becomes stronger, not because the path is easy, but because they refuse to walk away.

In 1984, I had the most powerful experience of my life: an Outward Bound course in the Florida Everglades. The experience not only shaped my career but became a lighthouse in my life, a guiding force.

Outward Bound’s motto is:
“To Serve, to Strive, and Not to Yield.��

Taken from Tennyson’s Ulysses, these words hold profound meaning:
To serve is to give, to sacrifice, to stand for something greater than oneself.
To strive is to push forward, to pursue a goal with relentless determination.
To not yield is to persist, to endure, to triumph �Ĕ�Ċnot because it’s easy, but because it’s �ɴǰ��ٳ�������.

This was the mindset I brought to my relationship with Brian.

Ours was not a love held together by passion. It wasn’t our interest of Star Trek or our commitment to animal rescue that made it last. It was the unwavering, quiet vow ����ٷɱ������ܲ�:

To stand beside each other. Always.

Brian had my back �Ĕ�Ċnot because he had to, not because I asked, but because that’s who he was. No conditions. No hesitations. No exceptions.

And I had his.
That is who I was.
That is who I am.

In a world that shifts and falters, where so much is fleeting and uncertain, that certainty �Ĕ�Ċthat someone has your back �Ĕ�Ċis everything. It is the weight that anchors you in life’s storms. It is the force that carries you forward.

Commitment is what made our love enduring.
Commitment is what made our love powerful.

Yet today, commitment often feels like a relic, replaced by convenience and comfort.

Too often, people choose what is effortless over what is enduring.
Too often, they mistake temporary happiness for something unbreakable.

But commitment is not effortless. It is not soft, nor simple, nor easy.
It is the choice to stay when leaving would be simpler.
To hold on when the world says let go.
To stand �Ĕ�Ċnot just in the light of love, but in the shadows of sorrow, in the depths of struggle, in the quiet spaces where words are no longer needed.

To be truly committed �Ĕ�Ċto a person, a purpose, a life shared �Ĕ�Ċis to weave something unshakable.
Not because it’s easy. But because �����������ٳٱ����.

And in a world that trades depth for distraction, that kind of devotion is more precious than ever.

So here’s my invitation to you:
Stand apart.
Build.
Create.
Lead.
Inspire.

Commitment is not about being perfect. It is about showing up. It is about staying true. It is about pushing forward when most would quit.

If you want to change your life, your business, your relationships �Ĕ�Ċstart here.
Commit fully. No half-measures. No hesitation.
Just full, unwavering dedication.

Because in the end, commitment isn’t just what you do �Ĕ���
����’s who you become.

And that transformation?
That is the ultimate reward.

That is the guarantee: you will become someone extraordinary.

[image error]