the path to the top
Ever since life in the Garden, we’ve wanted equality with God. We’ve craved top-of-ladder status. And while we’ve been busy climbing to the top, Jesus has been asking, “Whose feet will you wash today?�
“Your new backpack looks good on you,� I said as Erin hoisted a pack over her shoulder. “It’s almost as big as you.�
“It fits all my ski gear, thank you very much!� Erin swept by me and headed to our departure gate from the airport security area.
We were flying to Colorado for an extended, holiday weekend. A few friends were meeting us there to hit the slopes and celebrate Erin’s birthday. She was thrilled. While I always look forward to weekends on the mountain, birthdays are a big deal to Erin. So much so that in her world, everyone celebrates their “special day.� That’s the day of the month on which you were born, which means you get a mini-celebration 12 times a year.
Erin marched ahead of me as we navigated the chaos of traveling during a long holiday weekend. A different kind of commotion descended on the terminal as meandering families replaced the business travelers� precise power walk. I realized I was only contributing to the disorder when I glanced up from my phone and stopped just shy of a moving walkway. I sidestepped a stroller and looked around.
“Nate, are you working right now?� Erin frowned as I looked down at my phone again.
“Nate?� She repeated.
“What?� I questioned, innocently.
“You almost took out that lady with the stroller. And I was asking if you’re hungry, but you never answered.�
“Are you working right now?� She repeated.
“No. Well, kind of,� I replied. “I’m just texting. I guess we’re getting pretty serious about this acquisition.�
Another, larger company was interested in buying the startup I’d joined as co-founder just a handful of years ago. Although we were a relatively young company, we’d developed a service that was the perfect complement to our suitor’s software. Talks of buying us had escalated quickly in the last two months.
I looked back to my last text from Brian, my co-founder. Can you fly to D.C. on Monday? Might need you there to talk about the sales process.
“Well that’s exciting, right?� Erin inquired.
“Yeah, it is. They’re pretty well known,� I said casually.
I thought about texting back for another distracted moment. I recognized I was flying out to a birthday celebration, not just a ski trip. But at the same time, birthdays come around every year. How often does an entrepreneur sell a company? This could be a once-in-a-lifetime thing!
Definitely, let me know when I need to buy a ticket, I texted back.
A critical factor to whether the acquisition moved forward was if our future parent company believed we could sell our service to their customers. I was leading our sales operation at the time, which made me fairly central to the discussion.
Naturally, the thought of me, a young twenty-something, helping to sell a startup company went straight to my head. I could see the headlines in Entrepreneur magazine. The interviews, the full-page features in my future. Boy wonder does it again.
Of course, it was possible that schedules would come together such that no trip to D.C. happened that week. I was also well aware this was a special weekend for Erin, so I decided to stuff my phone into my pocket and keep quiet. If Brian texted the meeting was on, I was certain I’d go in a heartbeat (a major personal and career milestone was at stake, how could I not?), but I’d cross that bridge when I came to it.
The next morning, I woke up with a nagging thought which said I wasn’t playing my cards right. If I got the green light to fly to D.C., and I never mentioned the possibility to Erin, she’d likely feel I had hidden something from her. That, I figured, would be much worse than me actually leaving early, or me sharing plans she didn’t like but didn’t ultimately pan out.
I broached the topic while we pulled on our ski gear, hoping the news would mix into the stir of boots, gloves, and snow pants. “Hey, just a head’s up. I might have to fly out a little early,� I said as gently as I could muster.
“Excuse me?� Erin snapped up from buckling her boots. “You might have to fly out? What does that mean?�
I explained that while I wasn’t sure of the meeting schedule, I may have to join Brian in D.C. on Tuesday morning. If I was needed there, I’d have to fly out on Monday. I expected her to understand, and even feel excited for me (again, how often does one sell a company?).
“Why can’t you just say no? My birthday’s on Monday,� Erin pointed out, incredulously.
“Yeah, but we can celebrate another day,� I reasoned. In my mind, birthdays were a mile marker you could simply pick up and move around. I was failing, miserably, to see it from Erin’s point of view.
“No, Nate,� Erin said firmly. “That’s not the same. How long have you known you might need to travel?
“Since Friday. But I didn’t want you to get upset so I didn’t mention it. Like this!� I said it as if she’d just proven my point.
“Why wouldn’t I get upset? You know what birthdays mean to me. So if you leave, I’m leaving. I’ll spend my day back home.�
In the moment, my ego prevented me from truly hearing what Erin was saying. If birthdays were important to her, and she was important to me, then her birthday should have been important to me too.
She was making a wholly reasonable request � that I’d put her interests above my own for one day of the year � but I was deaf to it. All I heard was my imaginary phone ringing with journalists requesting interviews from the hottest entrepreneur around.
Erin turned away and pulled her goggles on. They started to fog with the steam of hot tears sliding down her cheeks, and I could hear her sniffle as we shuffled toward the door. In less than two minutes, I’d gone from a caring boyfriend planning a memorable birthday, to a conceited beau prioritizing his business.
That’s the issue with climbing the proverbial ladder. In the short-term, you feel you’re getting ahead. Everyone seems to be looking up at you. The reality, however, is they’re not looking up at you. You’re looking down on them. As we try to lift ourselves up we only push others down, and nobody likes to feel belittled.
Whether it’s your birthday or just a regular weekday, nobody responds to the people who quash their hopes and needs. So ultimately, those who try to get ahead will find they’re all alone, with nobody to give them a hand up when they need it most.
At first, I just wanted Erin’s tears to stop. I wasn’t a monster, so I couldn’t keep climbing my ladder if she was weeping down below. And truthfully, I didn’t want to feel incompetent. What kind of self-respecting, loving person is okay with making their significant other cry? In other words, I was still concerned with myself, never seeing Erin as my priority.
It took me some time, but as we sat in the lodge eating our lunch, my thick head finally grasped what was at stake. I’d come to a critical turning point; whether I stayed or left would be a signpost for Erin, signaling which direction I wanted our relationship to head. Would I place Erin above my own ambition? Or would I get ahead at all costs?
I slid down the bench of our lunch table and whispered, “Erin, look, I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Well I was thinking, but only about me. I won’t leave even if the meeting happens.�
“You mean that?� Erin tested me.
“Yeah, I really do. And I think you’re going to like what I have planned for your birthday.�
Ultimately, the meeting did happen and Brian ended up handling the conversation in D.C. for me. I never got my seat at the acquisition table, let alone news interviews, but I came out on top. Erin and I snowshoed to the peak of a Colorado mountain and now, she knows she comes first in my life.
In Jesus� era, the Jews hoped and prayed for a liberator. The “Messiah,� the anointed one, was supposed to deliver them from Roman rule. Visions of sweeping military defeat and a hero’s cape flowing in the wind filled children’s dreams at night. But when Jesus appeared on the scene, he didn’t fit the vision. He didn’t seem like a liberator. He seemed lame, and far too tame.
Instead of stomping on the Romans with military strength, Jesus strolled in, “humble, and mounted on a donkey� (Matthew 21:5). Instead of elevating himself over Caesar as a domineering king, he described himself as “gentle and lowly in heart.� (Matthew 11:29). He never assumed the Roman throne and he was born in a manger (the modern, urban equivalent of being born in a bus shelter or alleyway).
This wasn’t because Jesus was powerless. In fact, it’s precisely because he possessed supernatural strength that he was able to embody true humility.
Jesus was the only person throughout history who could have had his way at any moment. With a spoken word or flick of the wrist, Jesus could have indulged his desires � his fully human desires. Even when Satan came to him after 40 days and nights of fasting and said, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread,� (Matthew 4:3) Jesus never used his power to alleviate his own suffering or address his own needs.
Instead, Jesus knew he’d been sent to serve, and to lift up humanity through brutal sacrifice. He told his disciples exactly this, too. “[T]he Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve,and to give his life as a ransom for many.� (Matthew 20:28)
Jesus served in countless ways that seemed strange and totally counter-cultural. For one example, I run a lot, so my feet can get pretty sweaty. I’ve lost toenails and I’ve grown warts. Despite all this, my feet are lovely and sanitary compared to the downright-disgusting feet of our ancient relatives. Cuticle scissors and antifungal hadn’t been invented, and people walked scores of miles in dirt, dust and open-toed sandals. Nevertheless, Jesus assumed one of the nastiest jobs a servant could be assigned � washing feet: (John 13:1-17)
When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place.“Do you understand what I have done for you?”he asked them.“You call me ‘Teacher’and ‘Lord,’and rightly so, for that is what I am.Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master,nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
This sequence of events is just incredible. Consider it for a moment. The all-powerful creator, who owes us nothing, sends his son to earth. Jesus doesn’t only walk the earth as part of the divine Godhead. He shares in the worst of our humanity. Extreme hunger, filthy servitude, and crushing sorrow mark his life. In all this, he does more than preach at us. He cleans our feet, then suffers for us. He assumes the lowest, most humiliating form of death possible.
And wouldn’t you know it? As he lowered himself, he raised up humanity. He bore the punishment we deserved, freeing us. To revisit Paul’s writing on the topic, paradoxically, he says Jesus� humiliating death actually made him greatest of all. While reinforcing Jesus, “…made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness,� Paul continues to say:
And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death � even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:6-9)
In his final act, Jesus finds himself on top after lifting others up.
It’s a definitive example that cuts against our oldest, deepest desires to get ahead. Ever since life in the Garden, we’ve wanted equality with God. We’ve craved top-of-ladder and cover-of-magazine status. And yet, while we’ve been busy climbing to the top, Jesus has really been asking, “Whose feet will you wash today?�
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