Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

All as "nature intended", brought to the collective mind the innocence of Adam and Eve and how they conceived the future of the human race, by having two sons¡­ It was Billy Two Shoes who casually remarked, "Does anyone see a problem there?"

Three naked men dancing around,
like mechanical dancers who'd been overwound.

In the Everwending prose story, Boyd's gone all poetic¡­

as addicted to a rhyme as to chocolate is a diabetic

Prose is poetry and poetry prose,
In this strange story anything goes.

In which case methinks it is time to move the story to blank verse
and invent some wonderful characters to interact and nurse.

Blank verse? It could get worse.
It'd be adverse if it were the inverse.

And worser still, pondered Alice,
drinking from the chalice with the palace

And she grew and she grew until she was so tall her head stuck out of the rabbit hole.

"Hello pater" said alice to Mr. Carroll who while walking by hesitated then replied, "Hello Daughter, don't be late for tea." and walked on.

Alice thought that might be problematical and remembered one of the 10 Commandments in Exodus 20 ¡°Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."

So now her head was sticking out of a rabbit hole and she was going to Hell for eternal torture and damnation because she could not honor her father's request to not be late for tea.

Alice looked alarmed as the dog raised it's hind leg.

Particularly at the legend inscribed on its flank¡­ Drink Me, it said.

Suddenly Alice shrunk until she was very small and back in Wonderville where she saw four Welsh rabbits at tea party in progress. Being very hungry and even more thirsty she eyed the teapot with the tag that said, "Drink me."

Having had sizable trouble with containers labelled "Drink Me" she drank Saratoga Vichy instead. And to sate her hunger she had welsh rabbit which had a glorious cheese sauce with a drop of Worcestershire sauce on toast tips. It was most excellent but she figured her hosts the Welsh rabbits and never been near Worcestershire County which she know well from attending games at the Worcestershire County Cricket Club. Why it was just recently she had seen Worcestershire slump to a comprehensive seven wicket defeat against the Sussex Sharks in their final Yorkshire Bank 40 match of the season at New Road. And nary a rabbit she saw.

Alice was about to convey her doubts about the authenticity of the Worcestershire Sauce when she noted the rabbits have all scampered away leaving her alone before dessert was served. But a polka dot rabbit appeared and served dessert. She looked down at her plate and saw a bottle of fluid marked drink me and a fairy cake tagged eat me.

Alice had far too many sizable changes to her size when she drank so she decided to eat the cupcake instead.

"Delicious" said Alice though she though it odd to make fairy cakes with mushrooms. Still with butter it tasted so good as she stood in the phantabulous kaleidoscope that grew all around her. Swirling with color as shapes formed mystic patterns she was sure the show projected from inside her. Then the shapes became whirls of dripping colors so fantastic they could only be signs of things chiliastic.

The Mad Hatter loomed large and luminously from the deliquescing color loom and declared in the declamatory manner of tea-party hatters that he had no time for chiliasm or for amillennialism. "I've no time for the metaphysics of kaleidoscopic phantasms!"

(He was a prettttty opinionated hatter, even for a mad one)

"Personally, I myself believe here's nothing wrong with a decent bit of monophystisim in my opinion," he added tautologically.

"Well, I never!" Alice said. "Oh look, these's a gorgeous little Welsh rabbit¡ª" And in a trice, she was gone.

Pater Lewis wondered where his once, in a trice, three times a lady Alice his daughter had disappeared to as she missed tea. After a while he stopped expecting her to return but every time he shaved he thought he saw Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Suddenly Roland, The two Pitts Brad and Dark, Dirt Bogarde, Al, Billy Two Shoes, Jake, Adam and Eve their two sons and their grandchildren (does anyone see a problem with this surnameless family?) and Pater Carroll froze as if one cue they sensed the presence of the Three Teen Tenors who after frollicking at the beach came flirtatiously walking down the center aisle on up to the stage and began to sing MAMMA accompanied sporadically by a midget and before the song was over a heterosexual couple which were conjured out of thin air to sing a fraction of one verse. If only Annette Funicello and Franky Avalon were alive to hear this and throw a party at the beach.

Roland, The two Pitts Brad and Dark, Dirt Bogarde, Al, Billy Two Shoes, Jake, Adam and Eve their two sons and their grandchildren (does anyone see a problem with this?) and Lewis Carroll burst into applause (while Bogarde applied rouge and lipstick in hopes of looking young enough to date one) then everyone including the Teen Tenors cried even more thinking of their mammas¡ªexcept Dark Pitt whose mother was a wicked, wicked woman.

Dark Pitt's Wicked, Wicked Mother

Dark Pitt (mostly a pigment of Clive Cussler's imagination) had a lot of wickedness to live up to (not so easy when compared to the sheer sticky goodness of the Teen Tenors and their saintly mambas, so utterly, sublimely, ineluctably perfect it made their audience weep), but¡ªas I was saying¡ªDirk tried to outdo his mamma for sheer terribleness, but it didn't work. At heart, Dark's dark heart was no Pitt or Pendulum of awfulness. Besides he didn't really want to end up like his mamma¡­



¡­in the jaws of Satan.

When they were all cried out about their mammas Roland, The two Pitts Brad and Dark, Al, Billy Two Shoes, and Jake decided to go out for Chinese. After dinner Billy opened his fortune cookie which read "you guys all have the wrong fortune cookie" so they spent hours trying to match the fortunes to the right person. In the end Billy got the one that just said "Made in China" which he traded for the one that said, "you guys all have the wrong fortune cookie".

And they all cried out in unison (okay, Billy Two Shoes preferred a touch of descant): "These cookies just go to prove that Life is very circular." "La vida es muy circular." "La vie est tr¨¨s circulaire." "La vita ¨¨ molto circolare." "§¨§Ú§Ù§ß§î §à§é§Ö§ß§î §Ü§â§å§Ô§à§Ó§Ñ§ñ." (Vive La Put¨ªn) "Lub neej yog heev ncig." "ÉúÃüÊǺ܈A."

When they were all cried out about their mammas Roland, The two Pitts Brad and Dark, Al, Billy Two Shoes, and Jake decided to go out for Chinese. After dinner Billy opened his fortune cookie which read "you guys all have the wrong fortune cookie" so they spent hours trying to match the fortunes to the right person. In the end Billy got the one that just said "Made in China" which he traded for the one that said, "you guys all have the wrong fortune cookie".

Wait, weren't we in this circle before?

When they were all cried out about their mammas Roland, The two Pitts Brad and Dark, Al, Billy Two Shoes, Jake, and Wilfred Bakewell decided to go out for Chinese. After dinner Billy opened his fortune cookie which read "you guys all have the wrong¡­"

Wilfred? Who the ef is Wilfred?

But Wilf, it turned out, had broken the fortune cookie perpetual circle of life and freed them all for new adventures. Well done, Wilfred!

Wilfred Bakewell used to work with Davey Eastern, the Tesco king, from the Once Upon a Time Machine Story so he switched Everwending stories to be with Davey.

Billy two shoes looked around and found himself alone with Jake who was gazing longingly into Billy's eyes.

Billy's astonishingly azure irises sucked Jake in, deep into the dark wells of his pupils (Billy, to supplement his income so he could afford all those two-shoes, did private tuition). Before he knew it, Jake swirled and whirled in the inner recesses of Billy's mind and learned to real meaning of Life and Everything¡ªit was a Buy One Get One Free Tesco offer on blueberries (Just One of Your Five A Day), which made a single blueberry 0.03? compared to Wallmart's 0.12?.

Roland, The two Pitts Brad and Dark, Al, and Wilfred went for a better deal on fortune cookies.

Jake now knowing the real meaning of life joined a cult of religious fanatics dedicated to worshiping Tesco's daily specials. Billy with his pockets bare went out in search of more pupils so he could gain enough income from tutoring to afford a to open a modeling agency and when he did Billy promptly fell in love with a blueberry stud muffin who modeled aprons. Just aprons. Commando in aprons. He was a special limited edition model.

But he really cooked and man was he hot. Billy tried to butter him up to get in his good graces and in other places.

But the Stud Muffin was too busy cooking to take notice of Billy. Getting bored, Billy put up a sign: "Blueberry Muffins $3.95" and soon had enough cash to buy his baking baby hottie cranberries. But his Stud Muffin was still too busy baking to pay attention to Billy so Billy put up a sign "Cranberry Muffins $4.49" and soon had enough money to buy his stud muffin hottie a bag of corn meal. Billy proceeded to make a sign Corn Muffins 99?. At this point Davey Eastern who had somehow managed to make a new time machine appeared from whenever and whisked the stud muffin away to Tesco's central HQ test kitchens and soon Stud Muffin was concocting culinary delights for the bakery departments of the stores. But he was so grateful to Davey that he married him and they lived happily ever after. This did not sit well with Billy Two Shoes so he...

went to the shirt shop and had this shirt made up.

After wearing it all day Billy had worn out two shoes in his travels but he didn't get any stud muffins who wanted his cupcake.

He did however get hundreds of orders for shirts just like his so he made enough money off the sale of shirts to buy a health club. Billy had a great time bellying up to the juice bar and having fruit flavor protein shakes with the athletic types who worked out at his his club. He got into a routine of drinking enough protein with the muscliest muscleman in the place every night that he had plenty of protein in him to share with whichever body builder struck his fancy for a overnight of intimate exercises.

Billy did jumping jacks so he could provide the body builder with a protein shake from his manly spigot.

Billy put in lots of new equipment in his club including stationery bicycles complete with an attached writing desk and pens. Stamps were available at the front desk. Ring twice and the postman appears. He also put in a waiting room for wait lifters to pass the time. His new treadmills milled corn into corn meal which he used to make polenta to serve in his health food snack room.

Having written several snail-males on Billy's stationery bicycle, the dwarf French artist dashed off (after a quick snack of toasted polenta with maple leaf syrup) on his next commission. As he passed Billy at his front desk, Billy shouted out cheerfully, "No time to lose, Lautrec!"

Toulouse was in love but the object of his affection drank as much as he did so it didn't work out because absinthe makes the heart grow fodder.

"Paris used to have a heart," cried Toulon (name changed by greasy deed pole), "but now it has only a liver," which ¨C he realised ¨C was largely down to the quantities of absence being knocked back in the bars, bistros, and bordellos.

Back at the health club Billy put up a sign that said 4 out of 5 doctors recommend health.

And someone scribbled rudely over it, "But the other one's having a lot more fun."

The fifth physician was on the driving range practicing his golf swing when a little bird perched on his should and tweeted some advice about his stance which made all the difference in the world and he was very happy at the distance and accuracy. He was so very grateful he decided he must reward the bird so he set on on the driving range too find a worm to feed the bird a treat when he got bonked on the head with a golf ball. When he became conscious again he looked around and was surprised to see he was at his funeral. He wasn't surprised that he was dead. He was surprised he was a ghost.

He hadn't learned anything in med school about death so he decided to go to ghost school and learn how to haunt. He wondered if haunting had specialties. He wanted to be a specialist because he figured the pay was better with more time off to play golf. Death had not changed his priorities.

Speaking of ghosts, my great,great grandfather was a well known photographer who dreamed of being the most popular picture taker ever!
How to accomplish this?
Be the first to take a shot of a REAL live ghost.
Lions and tigers oh my!
For years he searched for a willing ghost and came across one who would pose.
So he gathered his gear,flash tray and hooded camera and set up the sure to be world famous photo.
Carefully loading the flash tray and film he took the picture of the cooperative spirit.
There was a flash and then the ghost disappeared.
Ooooh spooky.
On development he was greatly disappointed that the photo had not turned out well.
It seemed he had not placed enough flash powder in tray to clearly highlight the spirit.
Shortly after that he coined the phrase
"The spirit was willing but the flash was weak".

The audience hissed and booed and threw tomatoes and my poor great, great grandpa left vaudeville and never performed on stage again. He became so despondent he jumped in the river and drowned. On moonless nights when the mist rises from the water his ghost has been seen taking photos of the other spirits and especially with the package deal of family photos he's one of the best in the business though his jokes are still ghostly ghastly.

The other 4 out of 5 doctors were playing a round of golf when Ghastly the Joking Ghost decided to play a trick on them by moving their balls.

Which is something I really hate, that is people who move my balls.
Sometimes I take them out to practice juggling but only in the privacy of my home.
One of my circus friends asked to borrow my balls and I declined. The last time I lent them out one came back with club marks and grass stains and the other was left out and damaged by a sudden snow fall.

Ghastly Ghost decided to haunt City Hall. Finally now he could beat City Hall for all the screw ups they caused. The Mayor was not in his office so Ghastly decided to...

¡­raise his arms and wave his hands with a ghastly ghostly Whhoooooooo. The results were satisfying: three representatives fainted on the spot; two others promised to rebate all the citizens' taxes immediately; and a cleaning lady ran out into the street screaming.

Ghastly the Ghost was like a white anglo-saxon protestant child on Christmas because today is Halloween! He grabbed his bag to collect the goodies and began to go door to door saying in his ghastly voice "Trick or Treat!"

I think I picked up that cleaning lady one night.
Used to be some girls were a two at ten and then after nineteen alcoholic drinks (are there any other kind)
They magically became a ten at two.
This unfortunately is a brief yet concise explanation of who I am.

OMG a flaming heterosexual~! >laughing<

Remember the movie Stripes?
Flaming, not flaming

Remember Stripes? Hey pops that was filmed 32 years ago, a decade before I was born.

I didn't know why these breeders have to be so flamboyant and flaunt their perversion in the face of good honest gay folks. They write about getting drunk in bars and having random sex. It's going to be the ruin of society! The next thing you know they will want civil rights and be able to marry! Hah, wouldn't that be a joke. I bet half of them would get divorced and the kids would be from broken homes. What is this world coming to?

Come on Ghastly the Ghost. I don't want these degenerates scaring you. I'll walk you by some of your old haunts.